David James
@DJNSussex
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All I want is everything, and all at once! Learn how to make Cocktails with me!
East Sussex, England
Joined November 2013
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I watched that Matt Rife comedy special on Netflix and I can definitively tell you he is popular for one reason and one reason only:
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Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you… the property market:👏👏👏👏👏
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The train hate crimed me…. 🥺
And in Pride Month too!! SHAME! 😞
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I had a low point at work. I asked a crowded room if anyone had any treasury tags. No one in the room had ever even heard of a treasury tag.
Turns out I was ten years older than the next oldest person… they don’t know what treasury tags are!?! They just don’t know!
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When he’s done I also have uses for his 6ft son
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I am LIVING for The Queen tottering around doing exactly what she wants! State opening of Parliament? Nah! The horses!? Opening a line named after ME?! YES!
The Queen uses an oyster card as she makes surprise appearance to see new Elizabeth line at Paddington Station.
📱More on the royal visit and more on the Crossrail project here:
📸 PA Media
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Basically all I’m doing today is going through the motions until I can watch
#TheTraitorsUK
… I have so many meetings where I’m just going to be glassy eyed as I think about who is going out tonight.
Someone invited me out for a drink tonight?!?! ARE THEY INSANE?! No.
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I’ve had to unfollow some really key twitter friends because I’ve found their tweets to be disgusting.
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Wore a slutty blouse to the gym to lure in the boys.
So far three boys have left. One was crying.
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Not only is today my 34th birthday (late 20s), it’s also the tenth anniversary of my marriage.
Ten years, I would literally have got less for murder!
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I have waited a year. And I promised myself I’d sit and watch it with a perfect gin martini.
God I love this show!
#TheCrown
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@goldisacks
It’s amazing because this is a post modern hate crime. He looked beyond the crime and found it in its rawest form…
I’m moved. Beautiful. Interpretative. Brave… full of truth…
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I really feel like I’m having a reset today. It’s 15 days to my birthday. F*ck it! Imma lose a stone.
Context: I’ve woken up in a windowless hotel in soho and I’ve got to start living a bit! I’ll be old soon.
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This is how low I’ve gone when it comes to ‘hotels’ in Marylebone… I am so hot I may die. I’ve looked under the bed. No one has cleaned there in a while… how is this my life?!?!?!
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Basement: flooded
Don’t be alarmed, but we have a very tall muscular man in the studio! 😀
Standing at 7-foot-2, Olivier Richters is the world’s tallest bodybuilder! 💪
@adilray
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@kategarraway
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@CharlotteHawkns
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@realjoeswash
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#GMB
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I didn’t even know this was a thing- but now I know I’m not a proper grown up and I won’t be until I, too have an after eights gold tray!!! I SHAN’T REST!!
My grandparents After Eight gold tray. The greatest Christmas tradition of all
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Also- can we discuss why the UK diving team is just a twink circus?
Some of us are old and fat! Pls! Don’t torture us like this! 😖
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I’m in London and once again I’m shocked and amazed by how stunningly beautiful everyone is… meanwhile I’m here like:
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I for one am intensely sad about my alcohol induced love handles...
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Thrilled to announce Richard and I have booked a Cruise. Yes, come the 21 October we shall be boarding the Queen Victoria in Southampton ahead of 14 days off around the Mediterranean.
I do hope there isn’t too much Press at the port.
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Check out our newly redecorated office! Home working never looked so stylish! 🥰🤓
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Me: “I’m so annoyed with politics at the moment I’m almost tempted to go in to politics.”
Richard: “everyone on the Internet has your nudes. Everyone. You’d be on page 6 of The Sun by the end of your first week.”
Me: 😳
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I feel all of Twitter needs to keep this at the very forefront of their minds! If it’s a horrible sad story- just keep it to yourself yeah?
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We’re safely in our little Cornish cottage! It’s wee- but cute!
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@NoContextBrits
Birmingham - we just must stop pretending it’s a city! It’s a suburb to nowhere with nothing better to offer than a boarded up John Lewis and a quick rail service out of it.
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@PaoloIskandar64
@greghove
Oh Paolo darling… you’ve just become peak internet…
We know… we know… And what a damning reflection of the property market.
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PLEASE! Remember to only use the gay kitchenware during pride month… out of respect.
Thank you.
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Forget that thing about twitter being too thirsty! I’ve found a mirror in
@its_a_a_ron86
‘s house which makes me look like a frickin snac! I want this mirror of lies for my own home!
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Have spent all of my commute home raging about how awful my life is…
Husband picks me up. He has sorted the tyres on the cars. Made a lasagne and a blackberry crumble. And bought and arranged fresh flowers…
… this is somewhat undermining my cause!
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Guys- I’ve really messed up.
This Jan 17 to Jan 18 to Nov 18...
It turns out your can’t drink 6 pints, half a bottle of wine and half a litre of gin a day without consequences!! I look like a frickin’ pork pie!
I WANT MY TWINKY BODY BACK...😖
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So the last one got 32 likes... let’s try a little experiment...
*V wet at Polzeth beach! Family walks are so fun!! 😬
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Just caught my gym husband flirting... with a woman!
That scutty temptress!!!!
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This whole lockdown is 100% easier with a garden. Imagine how I’d resent my London studio now if I’d bought one.
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Why are some so keen to ‘get back to normal?’
You all remember ‘normal’ don’t you? It was awful! Exhausting and awful!
That version of normal is not something I ever want to go back to. I’m so happy not being constantly tired. Let’s create a better version of normal shall we?
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Christmas tree is up! A week earlier than usual, but I was being pressured.
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This would be even better if it was DOG free, CHILD free.
There is no need to take your scummy mongrel out for lunch with you… or your dog.
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I just took my wallet out my bag and a condom and sachet of lube fell to the floor in the middle of Costa.
I. Could. Die. Bastard things! 😖
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I was told to share this because I look ‘stylish.’ You may all say nice things now? 😳
...pls😪
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I’m just now unfollowing everyone who says we should release lockdown quicker.
I don’t have time. I’m tired.
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BIG NEWS! R and I have bought a bar in GRAN CANARIA!
It’s closing from 1st April to the end of May of a refit (and frankly a once over with a wetwipe), and then we open for the Summer Season!
R and I are divided about the wall art. I’d like something more floral. He loves it.
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I shan’t make it to midnight. So Happy New Year one and all!
My New Year’s Resolution is to resist the surgeon’s knife for one more year!
Xxx
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Got a new haircut and I thought I looked very nice- but when R saw me he jumped slightly and said “CHRIST. He went a bit mad didn’t he!? Must not want to see you back for a while….”
… so I’ve gone upstairs to sit quietly in the media room and think about ending it all!
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This Commuter Lyfe is exhausting! Am I now too old for a sugar daddy to buy me a lil flat 20 minutes walk from the Palace of Westminster?
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I’m sorry. But a lot of you have very ugly dogs.
Please stop posting pictures of them.
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Had a BBQ yesterday- which I know is meant to be all about the guests - but.... DID YOU SEE HOW GORGEOUS IT LOOKED!? 😳
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It’s R and my 10 year anniversary next year... when we married (civil partnership as it was then) we snuck away to Brighton with two friends. It was wonderful.
But now.... I’m wondering about a 10 year anniversary party... I’ve already mentally spent £10k.... 😳
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@matt_downunder
If he were ugly you’d not have made it through a single episode. Guarantee it!
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RIGHT! There is nothing more I can possibly do until tomorrow. Just take out the gammon and sit down with a piece of Christmas cake and a brandy!
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I’m on a train out of Kings Cross heading to some god forsaken corner of the Home Counties so I can attend a family gathering…
However … the twink migration home for Christmas is truly breathtaking. You’ve never seen anything so beautiful in all of nature…
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Richard: “honestly David, you’ve put on a lot of weight!!”
Me, trying on a shirt from last year: ....😳😖
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Watched ‘Call Me By Your Name,’ again last night, and I want to know where the HELL Armie Hammer was when I was a horny 17 year old!?
*digs out a photo of me at 17.... oh, oh I see why Armie Hammer wasn’t interested.... 😳😂
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Accidentally locked R out the house last night. Took him ages to wake us up to let him in after midnight mass. Have Horrific hangover. Was sick before breakfast & discovered I’d left the gammon in the Aga for 12 hours
Gammon is OFF the menu & I’ve gone back to bed with bubbly!
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If you’re keen to know what sex with me is like- please watch this instructional video.
Kind regards
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Last day in Gran Can! Have had a lovely holiday. Now if my plane goes down on the way home, it will have been the perfect break.
Oooh- also. I met a fellow twitter gay who was out here on an incognito filth trip! I have been sworn to secrecy so his identity remains hidden! 😉
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Please behold our mighty parsnip harvest! Just in time for Christmas! 🥰
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RIGHT! This is my 'before' shot. By MARCH 31 I will get in shape! I will have abs! I will improve my chest. I will improve my shoulders!
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My midlife crisis almost began!
I spent all afternoon convincing myself I need a massive chest plate tattoo.
Then I YouTubed videos of men getting chest tattoos. Mostly burley massive lads in tears from the pain.. begging for it to end...
Midlife crisis is now over! 😳🤓
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Well now i want to die
@DJNSussex
Hi David, that is our Reusable Bubble Bar called Candy Cane and is meant to use in the bath to give you a lovely bubbly experience. If you want more information about this product then you are more than welcome to give us a DM - Alice
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Apparently I don’t mention my lovely husband enough! There are poor boys sliding into my DMs looking for love... soz kids.. this is R.
Snatched me out of primary school and I’ve never looked back!
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Took a nice picture of R at Las Canteras Beach on our last day!
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Did my duty. Got gays from work to Pride. Ordered T-shirt’s and booked places and all that nonsense! Tried the whole street party thing (not for me). So now I’m taking this ugly mug home to drown my sorrows in beer...
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R’s 54th birthday. It may not be grand! But we can do our best!
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My new Home Screen has changed my life… I feel about 60% happier every day. When I’m bored in a meeting I pretend to check the time but actually I just want to see this lil face beaming out at me! 🥰🥹
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Last night’s Christingle Mingle had me all dressed up! I bought this tux when I was 18! Does it still fit me? No! But that’s what cummerbunds are for!
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Lovely BBQ yesterday with various gays. They travelled all the way from London! If you can believe it!
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36… could I be any more depressed at that vast figure!?
Death looms.
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Nothing odder than getting ready for a zoom interview and having to put on a suit and tie to sit in your own home!
Wish me luck!
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@LeeButterley
TO LOOSELY BIND DOCUMENTS TO SEND TO MY BOSS WHO HAD TO WORK AT HOME! LOSELY BIND!
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I forgot to bring a spare pair of pants to the gym.... the results are.... upsetting
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