Japhetha Waitina
@Currie_Powder
Followers
13,268
Following
1,666
Media
7,257
Statuses
122,033
Jamathoga High class of '72, Farmer, all round Twitter Expert, and Husband to many
Republic of Rongai
Joined February 2010
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النصر
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الاهلي
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Rogan
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Valencia
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Southport
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River
• 188851 Tweets
#DANA
• 104328 Tweets
Ellipse
• 83335 Tweets
ESCUTE RESPIRA RELAXA
• 70643 Tweets
PARABENS ZE LOVE
• 65700 Tweets
Wikipedia
• 63775 Tweets
SÃO PAULO TOMORROW
• 59801 Tweets
رونالدو
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Teri Garr
• 49502 Tweets
كاس الملك
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Adrián
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#GHLímite8
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Maica
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Conmebol
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Mac mini
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Young Frankenstein
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Concord
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AMANDA E BEEP SAUDE
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#KamalaDefendsDemocracy
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夫婦別姓勧告
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Nikki Haley
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Flacco
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内政干渉
• 14401 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
"The man who watches the woman without declaring his intentions, ends up fetching water at her wedding."
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"We have estimated the cost of reconstructing the destroyed houses in Embakasi at approximately 700 million"
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Dear
@Safaricom_Care
kindly note that I've booked to stay at a very expensive hotel this Easter and have informed them that I will pay for the hotel via MPESA at the end of my stay. I'm banking on you to ensure my simcard is inactive as from 15th. Please come through for me 🤝
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Why does Nabii 001 always take photos like he is holding in a life threatening fart?
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3 groups of people in Nairobi who worship the devil
- Those who live in Mlolongo but make it to westlands in 20min or less
- those who keep seeing the leopard at Nairobi National Park (how now?)
- KQ pilots who leave 1824 at 5am fresh and ready for their 7am London flight
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Riggy G a.k.a Rigathi Gachagua being sworn in as Kenya DP
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If you have a luhya girlfriend / wife, and have been wondering how to wow them in the most romantic fashion, then watch this video very carefully.
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But tabia zingine is acceptable. Imagine umepanda ndege ushaa keti hadi ushaa anza kusoma magasin ya duty free and sheepishly smiling to the blonde next to you then some French fellow walks up the aisle and says "skuze mwa misiu meiugina you need to disembark zis instans"
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When I grow up, I want to be like
@ntsa_kenya
where I create a website that so many desperate people rely on, but make the website so difficult to use using un-realistic interfaces so the population has to keep bribing people inside NTSA to do things the website itself should do
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Nairobi wale walikuwanga wanaendesha Mark X wali grow up wakanunua Mazda Cx5 na Cx7.
Siku hizi hakuna makosa kubwa kama ku overtake mtu akona Mazda. Anawasha headlights saa saba ya mchana ni kama haoni, na alikuwa anaenda Roysambu lakini sasa mko Kenol na bado anajaribu kukupita
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Wow how interesting! We had anticipated Kilgoris to top it but we definitely did not see this coming.
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Happy 10yrs Birthday to the pothole at Kempinski
Someone is gonna die yet nobody is doing shit about that huge pothole after "The Kempinski"....
http://t.co/0ZAw3xYvxF
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You think you know Microsoft Excel until you meet a person that knows Microsoft Excel
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When you need to go stunt at B Club at 2am but the cows need thaara at 9am
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Driving into JKIA this morning, the cop at the main checkpoint made a body gesture to indicate he was about to ask for chai ya asubuhi.
So I beat him to it and asked first.
He did not know whether to cry, laugh or arrest me.
Anyway I'm now at Java with the 200 bob he gave me
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They will convene at Serena for 28 days, with sitting allowances, per diems and coffee breaks longer than the SGR thencome back with a report that looks like it was written by a kindergarten student.
"We fOuNd tHe sOlUtIoN iS tO pUt cEmENt tO fIx THe lEaKaGeS At tHe aIrPoRt"
Transport CS Kipchumba Murkomen forms an expert committee to probe the state of JKIA, Wilson and Moi airports; team to issue report in 28 days
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This tweet seems to have angered some professionals that work for the national airline, and have indicated that I should apologize for saying they leave 1824 at 5am, for they have indicated that the correct location is XS Millionaires
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"My stupid friends came over. They surprised me,, aty happy valentines"
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So you get a job interview for Friday at 3pm, and try to figure out how you will go for it without taking a day off or alerting your boss. And ALHAMDULILLAH on Friday your boss leaves for lunch saying he is not returning so you go for the interview and find him there also waiting
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Once in 2016 I got very drunk. In my drunken stupor, I ended up having a 5hr conversation with a sack of maize. I promise you, that conversation was more productive than this one I am having with you right now
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I miss drinking at Nairobi West. It is the only place where you can go for a beer and at the end of 2hrs you have bought a new leather jacket, a prime piece of land in Kiambu, have had a haircut at the bar and can still have the best dry fry in Nairobi
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Luckilly, the Twitter braille technology has come to play to assist you in ensuring that important information regarding your current status is sent out
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The Duke of Kabeteshire turns 99 years old today!! And still sipping a Heineken like a boss. Yet still, most of you in your 20's and 30s are trying to "detox"!
Happy Birthday Charles Njonjo!
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Btw I have nothing against the guy, in fact I had a sense of respect for him, but agreeing to get baited by me, ata yeye jo 😂
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@Safaricom_Care
Pls this is not what I'm expecting. You guys said you will deactivate simcards on 15th. I cannot afford to pay the hotel so I was counting on blaming you for my inability to pay. PLEASE STICK TO THE PLAN AND DEACTIVATE MY SIM CARD AS PLANNED!! 😡😡
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I once delayed paying my zuku by 2 hours. In those 2 hours, they called me more times than a kikuyu landlord whose rent is pending.
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I don't care how much of a UDA supporter you were. You can't be sitting back and be proud of having voted this guy in. It is impossible.
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If insults were added to the Olympics, i think this one would have taken gold silver bronze and even the cutlery at the Olympic village.
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Riggy G can check into the office at 2am if he wants, but there are official government working hours. Forcing his staff to be in the office at 5am is immoral.
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"BOYCOTT BIDCO!"
"YES BABA!"
"BOYCOTT SAFARICOM!"
"YES BABA!"
"BOYCOTT WAITHERA AND SHIKO AND WASHEKE AND NJERI"
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Kuna jamaa pale Air Force anakipata siku hizi
President
@WilliamsRuto
arrives in
#Tanzania
for the 23rd Ordinary Summit of the
#EAC
Heads of State that convenes tomorrow in Arusha.
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Sweet merciful heavens insecticide costs Ksh 800!! It is easier and cheaper to come to an amicable understanding with the mosquitoes and convince the damn insects to leave your house!
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After a long night of fighting crime as part of the neighbourhood watch. The world needs more husbands like this. Aim high young kings 🙌🙌
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Only in Kenya where you have 2 government parastatals, one for over-seeing construction of buildings, and the other for demolition of the buildings once construction work is complete.
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@iWateba
But that's the thing Mr. Wateba. I do have a miserable life. And everytime it gets worse, I log onto twitter and see your tweets and realise there is hope for me
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Some of these kikuyu businessmen need to be restrained!!
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Residents of the city in the sun took leave from work to go queue and vote for this man. Clearly, you cannot make this up *laughs in kidero*
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@iWateba
Inakaa live transmission imerudi.
Are we back?
Mic check one two.
Are we recording?
Reporting live from Iran. Confirm receiving live transmission?
Ndio naingia night shift AND I HAVE TIME. SEMA NG'WE.
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Na wewe hapo mtu wako leo amekupangia maua ni kama wewe ni nyuki
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Anita Nderu is like one of those girls that accompany you when you take your girlfriend to meet your mother but in the end you end up marrying Anita instead.
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So if I get it correct, pressure zile zinasumbua 33 - 45 yr old men sa hi ni;
- buy & modify an off-road vehicle and join geco tribe / mara nomads
- start a mubaba group ya BBQs na kuzi post IG kila Saturday
- Kuenda F1 Abu Dhabi
- Kuenda Europe kutangatanga
Hizi presha jo
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@ntvkenya
Sasa si wakipewa bunduki, watapiga risasi watu wote weusi pale Alchemist ama namna gani?
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Kisungu ilifika na meli, ikapandishwa turera, ikasimama USIU, ikamwaga mzigo yote huko, by the time ikafika JKUAT ilikuwa ni vumbi tupu
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What bouncers really need to push for is for them to be allowed to use their brains especially when manning and controlling security at night clubs.
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I have never come across a place where people have money like on Twitter and Instagram. Kule nyi huenda lunch, sijui holiday, you guys are one of a kind. Until I meet you in person. Your money disappears
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Images they never show you from the Muranga TT held yesterday. If you try and post these pics on the "Legends of Underground Street Races" FB group they will be promptly deleted and you will be removed from the group 😂😂. Japan reigned terror at the villages indeed.
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I just found a 1000 bob note in my pocket that I was not even aware about. Can someone give me the contacts of Sarova White Sands, I need to book 1 week plus airport pick up. I will also be giving a press briefing shortly and will not be taking any questions.
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Ama mlikuwa mnafikiria hao watu walikuwa wanapiga kelele kwanini wakiambiwa waongeze speed wakienda Guangju? Aisee walikuwa wanafika Shaina hivi na hangie ya kulala, yet ma bibi na ma clande zao wamewatuma shopping.
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Chania Boys high school from Thika used to be national football champions for many years. They used to have players that had been in form 4 for like 11 years. Uko hapo unacheza na mtu wa miaka 32 hadi alikiwa wanamuita ithe wa Njeri but ati ako form 4. Such lies.
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I tend to spend a lot of time on Youtube watching documentaries. Other than Vice and DW Documentary, which other channels keep you glued to Youtube?
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To protect your marriage....you either bathe with your Wife or with your Phone
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In 1957, a British Senior Police Captain by the name Captain Obvious was meant to travel to Kenya and assist in writing training manuals for the Kenyan Undercover Police. Unfortunately, he could not travel for personal reasons. The repercussions are seen over 60 years later.
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Which is strange because I remember attending your birthday party in 2012 and you were turning 31...but anyway hakuna shida, miaka ni yako..
@kasmall
I won't be 35 yet in 2022 so I have to wait for the other one. I'll probably have had gotten over it.
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Ian Mbugua is seated somewhere thinking like "all those fucken years and I could have been the winner"
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One of these places makes the best beef, mbuzi and chicken choma. RT for Motorsports. Like for Roadhouse
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Reminds me of how you can call your babe ati pumpkin and it is romantic but ukimuita malenge ati ni matusi. Language does things to words.
Mwanaharakati wahaki za mashoga na wasenge Edwin Chiloba, ambaye kifo chake kilisemekena kilitokana na ukosefu wa hewa safi alizikwa leo kijijini mwao huko Sergoit, Keiyo kaskazini kaunti ya Elgeyo Marakwet.
#Darubini
#TheGreatKBC
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Then maybe you shouldn't own the car you own. Car costs are tertiary. Think of three most expensive thing your car can suddenly require of you tomorrow afternoon. If you cannot immediately pay for it, then you shouldn't own the car you own.
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OCS wa Muthaiga after being told Kevin Kangethe escaped by boarding a matatu that is probably owned by a traffic policeman
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RT if you have been blocked by Uncle Ezekiel Mutua. Like if you have not been blocked.
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For approximately 1.5m KES, you can own this amazing stress remover. It removes stress from your head and into your wallet
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I heard he once sent a club owner to hospital with high blood pressure because the whole night he kept hearing glasses breaking every 30 seconds
"NGAI KIMANI ICIO NI GIRATHI INGIE CIAUNIKA? WOOIII..."
And real DJing happens on Homeboyz radio...what’s your point 😒
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The Top 40 under 40 list that is made in Kenya is just a list of people who have connections with the people who make the list. It does not really show people who have achieved milesones. I am specifically talking about the one involving men.
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Mumefanya Wateba a twicide. You should all be ashamed of yourselves
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"By the end of September, my government will implement measures to ensure all cows in the country produce vanilla yoghurt"
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Lil homie about to sacrifice his afternoon nap for greatness
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"Mama Kimani, wageni wame ongezeka."
Mama Kimani: "Say no more"
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When I grow up I want to be the guy downing 4 Heinekens at 7.45am at Java ya Jomo.
I don't care where he is travelling to, but that is the person I aim to be.
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The only reason why I'm still on Facebook is because I follow a page called Domino's Pizza Ethiopia: Unofficial.
Probably the funniest shit on that medium. Showcasing their beef with Papa John's Ethiopia
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Mistakes happen. And
@iWateba
should have accepted he made a mistake and taken it in stride. But alijipiga kifua and it took him 24hrs to delete the tweets after amewekwa BBQ na TL mzima.
Here is a thread of someone that made a wrong tweet but took it in stride and it went well
Btw
@Delta
I’m no mechanic, but this plane is 100% gonna fall out of the sky at one point.
This was upon takeoff of my ATL->FLL flight yesterday, DL1582. Would def get this checked out and fixed.
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You have probably been waiting your whole life to use the word tantamount, after it got you a 38/40 in your STD 6 English composition. I hope it brings you the joy you have for so long sought.
@Currie_Powder
Reporting KQ pilots like this sounds like deliberately undermining our national carrier and sending fear of flying in it to every flyer. This is tantamount to economic sabotage.
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The battle against kuwekewa mchele has gotten to newer heights
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@iWateba
I'm so scared what are you going to do? Expect unconditional love from me?
I do well with both threats and warnings. What I can give you is a guarantee that you are clearly not good at managing a crisis, and you are the problem not me. So take time to grow up. It helps.
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@iWateba
You owe no one an apology, just those you invited to your wedding.
Also no one would need to know your 3rd name. 2 are enough to identify the person that got robbed at penis-point.
You can stop this nonsense now, but here u are, you are clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed
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Queue is almost a km long and goes all the way till behind Nyayo house. Only at 6.15am. Estimated time of passport renewal; 2.15pm
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There will be millions of pictures taken during the modern
#WRCSafariRally
but none will ever beat this one taken of Juha Kankunnen navigated by Juha Piironen, taken by Mcklein Photography during the last day of the 1993 Safari Rally
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BOYCOTT ALL SAFARICOM SERVICES!!!!!!!!
except this one, pls this line remains open aki dhenks our supporters.
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Thazzit. The female folk have found a weapon to use against us. When your phone is off and she suspects you are with gacungwa, she makes a missing persons report and alerts your mum. That will definitely get you out of hiding.
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Tuliingia twitter na wewe 2012 na back then bado ulikuwa twedi nine. Mtu huwekanga aje pause kwa national ID?
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DJ Mo, on behalf of many South B residents who are either busy trying to sleep or busy trying to spice up their unconjugated lives, the noise from your motor cycle is interrupting the smooth entry of things. Please go make motor cycle noise elsewhere.
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I waited very many years so as to grow up and understand this joke, but still, nothing!
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@iWateba
I'm not here to gather advice from U on how to properly utilise my time nor how to make better my life. You deserve that more than I do clearly. Stress ya kulala in the dog house pelekea watu wenu. And grow up. You'd think having a wife and kids would make you mature. Disgusting
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Since this TL is full of experts, I would like to seek your usual free expertise in regards to an issue that someone I know is facing. Thread.
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The cowboys of Murang'a will never bother giving weed to a cow again
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Kenyans deserve what you get. Don't act like Uhuru and his cronies voted themselves in. You insulted one another on Facebook and Twitter saying mtu wetu. Well mtu wenu is busy watching people loot the country. So shut the fuck up and persevere! I'm tired of your whining.
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Wale mnamjua beyond this TL ebu check on him tafazalini mumwambie arudi. Nimetubu makosa pia
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