Crissie
@CrissieC
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Mom. Pickle connoisseur… Certified meat-eater…I have a potty mouth...Leafs fan.I like my coffee black because it’s a lot like me…bitter, dark and hot (flashes)
Toronto, Canada
Joined February 2009
My husband came into the bedroom this morning, woke me up and said “ Woman, I didn’t marry you so I’d have to make my own breakfast.” I rolled over and replied “ I didn’t marry you so I’d have to give myself my own orgasms, yet here we are.” fucker.
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Today my 13 said ‘ I know you think I’ve been taking a lot of food & snack to school, but the truth is I’m not eating it, there are two boys in my class that I give it to. I know they’re hungry & I don’t mind giving it to them. I know I will have dinner. I’m not sure for them.
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My mom was told she was cancer free in November… Today, she got a phone call that her cancer markers have tripled in her blood work since last month…she goes in tomorrow for CT and more labs and all I’m asking from you Twitterverse is that you pray that it is not back. Please.
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It’s ass day… so let’s see ‘ em… and ladies… I don’t mean pictures of your husbands. 🤪
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You know what day it is… I feel like we need a train of all the chest and pecs… add your photos and keep it clean… ya perverts
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The toddler has started to understand more of my BAD language. So my swear words have become a bit more PG. Fudgesicles! Oh Sugar! Sweet Nibblets! Holy Guacamole! . Basically, swearing now makes me hungry.
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Guys, my husband has been watering A PLASTIC PLANT I put in his home office since March….
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Im not a skinny little thing. I have rolls, I’m tall, I like to eat, and laugh and make friends. I will not apologize for me.
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I’m not your cup of tea? Who the fuck drinks tea? *takes shot of tequila*
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My husband just said: Men have periods too, we just don’t bleed. I just looked him dead in the eyes, unsmiling and whispered “you wanna bleed?! Say that again. ’.
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You, but no face
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To the fucktards who DM me or comment on my TL that ‘ a pretty mom like you should not be so sexual it’s unattractive on a woman’ you can lick my ass crack. Block block block.
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My husband this morning: it’s really ridiculous how sick and exhausted you’ve been the last little while, maybe it’s time I traded you in for a younger model. Me: oh please? I know some gentleman who wouldn’t mind your hand me down wife 🖕🏼👊🏻 #BoxingDayJoys.
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Maybe I should stop the topless sunbathing… I think it’s affecting my peppers
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It’s Friday… and well… it’s Frisky… and if Twitter is gonna go Tits Up it might as well go Tits Out too. 🤪 Share a Selfie 🤳 Have some fun!
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My toddler keeps farting in the bath and scaring herself and I can not stop laughing… I’m a horrible mom. 😂 😝 😆.
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There is a REASON I don’t have “married” in my bio. The number one being the number of MEN DMing me on how DISRESPECTFUL a wife I am for tweeting the way I tweet. It seems once married I’m owned by someone and can’t have a personality thoughts that are my own. Fuck that shit. 🖕🏼.
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If you play your cards right, I’ll cook pizza for you in only my apron… And then you can eat… Twice.
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Men my age or older. If she’s not old enough to remember blowing into an original Nintendo cartridge, she’s too young to be blowing you….
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Listen, I’m 44 years old I don’t need no 20 something sliding into my DM… you are CHILDREN… I own period panties order than you… I don’t need to be dating anyone who will reactivate my breast milk… *go away*.
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I hate mirror selfies, but… fuck it… this is me in all my fatness. 🤷🏻♀️
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I was taught that to keep a man you need to keep his belly full and his balls empty… what say you?.
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Him: Five Guys?.Me: I only have 3 holes, what am I gonna do with 5 guys ?.Him: BURGERS….Me: ohhh .Yeah, I could eat….
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I got dumped in college for being the kinda girl a guy marries…not the kind he fucks around with in college… and let me just say… Yes, I’m the kinda girl you want to take home to mom, but I’m also the kind that will blow you on the drive there… Good girls can be naught too.
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I’m making ribs and corn on the cob for dinner… what other sides should I have?.
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Let us start a thirst trap thread… because I want to ogle some of y’all…
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You want the unfiltered face? Well here she is, no filters, no makeup besides a lil mascara…
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It’s Friday! So let’s say CHEESE! and post a selfie of those smiling faces! xo
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I’m 43 years old and I still stay ‘Righty tighty, lefty loosey’.
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The no makeup, no filter, no fucks given selfie?! Why not?! Let me see yours mofos.
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It’s a Turkey Thirsty Thursday… which do you prefer? Breast or Thighs?
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You wanna know what happens when you mix muscle relaxers and rum?… Butt stuff.
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I feel as though porn has made the ‘jizz all over her’ crap too much of a thing…My face doesn’t need to look like I got surprised by a bottle of Elmer Glue….
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Men will legit stick their whole face in your ass but get scared to talk to you about catching feelings… . y’all need therapy.
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I am not a lot of things, I’m not skinny, or beautiful or intelligent …. But I’m kind, and funny and authentic… I’m just… me, and that’s all I need to be, that is enough.
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Every time I watch Star Wars and someone says “may the force be with you“ the catholic in me wants to reply “and also with you“.
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Another shameless selfie? Why the fuck not? LET ME SEE YOUR FACES… Especially you… I love you… my weirdos…
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Hey ladies: No matter what he says, that guy friend of your is always. ALWAYS. wondering what you look like naked. .
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I really don’t wanna today… it’s rainy and cold and I feel like poop…
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On this first TT of 2023 we asked that you all share some pectorals/clavicle or cleavage…
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I need coffee, a shower and an orgasm… I don’t care in what order… just… make it so….
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It’s Wednesday… this is my bum… there may be others like it, but this one’s mine…
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Every day might not be wonderful, but there’s something wonderful in every day… Happy Wednesday everybody.
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It’s Friday, I’m still in my PJ. Let’s see those lazy day faces. Be they funny, fearless or frisky. xx
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The female orgasm is NOT a myth. The man who can make it happen is.
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People say I don’t look 43… Well this is 43…with no filters or makeup and no fucks
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Some asshats keep commenting on my photos that I’m fat, gross, unattractive, a bad wife and mom… To those assholes… 🖕🏼. If you have an issue with me, how I look or how I act unfollow, you dick faced ass badgers… 🦡.
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