mike
@ColdSportsTakes
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It's possible that I'm the real asshole here. Blogger emeritus at All About the Jersey. The sports, they're bad.
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Joined November 2011
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Pinned Tweet
*steps up to mic*
*clears throat*
*straightens tie*
"Fuck the Rangers"
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lmao dude's operating system legit crashes and needs to reboot before he can say words again
Roy Moore campaign spokesman says Muslims shouldn't be in US Congress because they have to swear on the Bible.
@jaketapper
lets him know that's not the case
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@steinkobbe
I love the last one so much. Lol yeah man I prefer my wipers that operate as expected and allow me to see in the rain, even if I have to move my finger 3 inches to turn them on.
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I can feel the "hockey images that precede unfortunate events" account snapping the screenshot of this one deep in my bones.
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@JordanUhl
People are really sleeping on the guy who thinks thousands of kids are being killed with baseball bats each year
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Lol the Devils are 6-2-1 behind this goaltending, league is FUCKED
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Rangers fans trying to dunk on the most fun Devils season in a decade where we eliminated their rapidly calcifying roster in 70% of this roster's first playoff experience of note.
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Bottom line: Team should have listened when Nico tried to shiv Ruff in the 2022 exits.
When asked if he would like to see the coaching staff return next season, Nico Hischier said, "I'm not going to comment on that." He also said, "the coaching staff has lots of experience, they worked w/ us every day to give us that experience they have."
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@Lubchansky
Meticulously avoiding the much-harder-to-clean aluminum storefront frames while I angrily vandalize the local political office
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Very funny that Parise broke up the band of a Cup Final team he was the captain of to go win exactly one (1) more playoff series than the organization he helped collapse over the following 11 seasons.
On this day in 2012, Zach Parise left the
#NJDevils
& signed a 13-year, $98M free agent contract with the Minnesota Wild.
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Novo literally pulling up the roster and calling every agent one by one, man is bringing back true journalism
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Lindy just dropped the most fireable week in history. If Fitz can't see the writing on the wall, he honestly should go, too. A GOALIE DOESN'T FIX WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT JUST WAS.
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No-selling pivotal goals in the Cup Final is so bad, man. I think I'd even take Buccigross barfing some "holy schneike it's a silky mitt cheddar blast" talk on top of it over McDonagh's bowl of cold porridge level of excitement.
Sean McDonagh announcing the first goal in game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals vs Doc Emrick announcing the first goal in game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals.
Wow.
#NHLTwitter
#NHL
#StanleyCup
#SCF
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John Marino for Ty Smith is going to end up as an all-timer hilarious trade, man
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Anyway, farewell to Kevin Bahl. I'll always remember the very specific 2-month period of your Devils career in spring 2023 when you remembered you are a giant and acted as such.
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Fun stat that doesn't sound real: the Devils have the same number of regulation wins as the Leafs.
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Henrique is going to get the literal opposite of the Parise treatment when he returns. Dude's gonna be beloved forever in NJ
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Hey everyone! If you want to ask Jarmo for a favor, now's the time! He's doped up or dying or something!
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This appears to be a sincere tweet and I am fucking cackling
The degenerate left claimed President Trump had health issues after drinking water with 2 hands.
Today he drank with one and tossed the glass to the side! 🤣
GREATEST. PRESIDENT. EVER.
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Rangers fans when dumbass NHL GMs have bailed them out of their last 500 shitty contracts and a player blocks them from dumping shitty contract number 501
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When the Devils fire the coach 10 weeks after it has a chance of saving the season
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The Devils were pretty much unanimously considered a contender to win the east coming into this season and we are through game 58 with a -12 goal differential and a below .500 regulation record. They have made no substantive moves whatsoever.
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Jesper Bratt continuing his 5-year streak of being the only Devil not allowed to have an off night. Impressive that he can get benched on the heels of like 40 straight games of being the best player on the ice, but you gotta hand it to him.
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@steinkobbe
I could swear my Dad's old Buick Park Avenue he had in the 1990s had an auto wiper feature that worked totally fine
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There would be a permanent exhibit at the Hockey Hall of Fame named "The Toronto Tragedy" for a game in which the Leafs got 3 goals called back
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The Devils badly need Brady Tkachuk. Why, you ask? Because a team with a gritty star like him would never be a disappointing shitheap that misses the playoffs. [touches earpiece, has last six years of Ottawa Senators hockey explained to me] Ah, I see. Well. Nevertheless,
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Lol the Devils got fined $3M by the NHL in *2010* for trying to sign a contract that was too long and, uh, hurt the feelings of the CBA despite not actually violating it
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Timo rocks, get that man signed. Absolutely brings a critical dimension, was great to see Fitz go for it and get his man.
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FUCK we're never gonna get Dano trying to pronounce Mukhamadullin on a nightly basis
Devils traded Mukhamadullin and Okhotyuk the happiest man of all of this is Ken Daneyko
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Alright, this might seriously end up one of the funniest tweets of all time. What a gift
maybe we just need to accept that l*** h&ghes just isn't good
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I'm awestruck by the refusal to give Luke Hughes a shot given how he looked in the final two games of the season. What the fuck did they even bother signing him for?
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@InternetHippo
They're just going to say there's secret affirmative action now (like they already do for Berkley, where AA is already not legal)
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Me at 6:00pm: the Devils are the shittiest team that has ever existed
Me at 7:00pm: this team is going places, baby
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Wanting the Caps to beat the Rangers has a major flaw: the Caps suck ass
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Speaking of takes that have aged like a glass of whole milk on the hood of a car during a hot summer day
Nico Hischier, who recrntmy signed a seven-year extension for $50.75M, has no goals, two assists and a minus-4 rating in seven games for NJ. Wonder if
#Devils
are wondering if they jumped the gun a bit? Hischier will be a very good player, but it seemed early for an extension.
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Given that I swim in a sea of long-jaded Devils fans, it's jarring to check in on NYR circles and see them all talking about how soft-as-baby-shit their team is when the narrative was that they were grizzled vets imparting a lesson on the soft inexperienced Devils like 50 hrs ago
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If Keefe gets them to finally throw Rogalski overboard I'll start building the statue.
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Fun Fact: Erik Haula, a man who shoots the puck like he will go to jail if he scores a goal, has more primary points at 5v5 this season than Pavel Zacha
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Keefe: "Heh. Yeah, heard from a lot of guys about how coaching in Toronto is tough because everyone there is kind of psychotic and the job there is warped by people's inability to act normal."
The City of Toronto: [Immediately gets to work proving the comment extremely correct]
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One thing is clear in the reactions to last night's loss above all else: the Devils have done deep, deep psychological damage to this fanbase in the past decade.
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The Devils are causing closed-door meetings, I feel ALIVE
#CBJ
dressing room remaining closed quite a while after the final buzzer, suggesting a meeting is being held.
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Zacha could put up 100 points next season and I would still be positively glowing about his continued absence from my day-to-day sports fan life
Pavel Zacha had a career year in his first regular season with the Bruins, which made some tweets from Devils fans age terribly.
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Just realized the Devils are now 2 seasons away from the end of the Kovalchuk recapture penalty. They've had that shit on their books for 10 seasons, man.
Anyway, put Gary Bettman in jail.
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This rocks, twist that knife, baby
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I agree that Carolina should intentionally make their defense worse
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It rocks that the emerging primary use for AI so far is "dipshits ask the computer to make something up that they can get mad at"
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It's the wildest shit that Scott Stevens remains the all-time single-season assist leader for the Devils. Dude was an offensive dynamo and then said "I guess I'll just switch to being a shutdown nightmare soul-destroyer now," and then did.
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Telling the Rangers fans to get the fuck out of here while they marched to the exits was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life
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The Devils benching Bratt for "inconsistency" then putting up the worst offensive performance in any game across the league this season is [chef's kiss].
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The Hammond trade is low lowkey becoming one of the funniest trades ever executed
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[Three weeks from now] "Nico Hischier underwent a successful double hip replacement and had six vertebrae fused together. He will be out 18-24 months"
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This rocks. This season rocks. Can't believe they legalized hockey being fun in New Jersey again
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@nycsouthpaw
Fringe conspiracy theories plucked from the deepest reaches of the most watched show in primetime cable news
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The Devils have 92 points with 17 games to play and Devils Twitter is tearing itself to shreds, love this place lol
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Fitz really lacks the kind of ruthlessness a GM needs. I don't even care if it's lip service, Travis Green should not be getting an interview for the HC job. He took over a mediocre team, got much better goaltending, and got vastly worse results over the final 25% of the season.
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The Devils playing 10 good minutes a night and expecting it to work out feels like maybe a coaching issue.
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The Devils can clearly skate with the Bruins, but they need to be much sharper with their passing to beat a team with the structure and instincts of BOS. Devils were way too predictable with where they were going with the puck and were constantly forcing passes with no lane.
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Severson has earned the reputation but very very funny that he's the one getting buried after a game where the Devils gave up 5 goals and he was on for zero of them
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It was a clear no-brainer at the time, but still credit where it's due, Bastian was a great waiver pickup.
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No, YOU just searched the times the Devils mascot posted the coffee emoji over the past several years and compared it to the Devils transaction log on CapFriendly to see if any patterns emerged. I didn't do that, I'm normal.
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Starting to think Fitz's "Alex Holtz fucking sucks and I hate him" press conference from this past season may have negatively impacted his trade value in the end.
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@tomscocca
"We keep intentionally cracking the door open for bigots, and they, somehow, keep on rushing directly through it! No way to figure out how this is happening!!!"
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Gotta hand it to Travis Green, benching Simon Nemec somehow fixed Luke Hughes. 5D chess for the unreal hockey mind
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Severson having a largely very good statistical profile but with "Botched Retrievals per 60" being an off-the-charts catastrophe feels like the first time statistics have really captured the Severson aura
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@pattymo
[galaxy brain] "uh if justifiable homicide exists then how come I can't scream the n-word at my Denny's waitress if my eggs are overcooked?"
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Man, two two-goal comebacks on the two teams immediately behind and ahead of them in the standings is some big, big shit
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Breaking: We have mutually parted ways with Alain Nasreddine, whom we love and respect.
Also Breaking: We have stuffed Mark Recchi into a trash can and rolled him into the Passaic River. He will not be returning.
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Lol half of the top nine injured and you're playing bullshit mind games
Timo Meier, who is on the
#NJDevils
bench, has played just two shifts in this second period.
Hischier was out there on several occasions with Palat and Bratt on his wings.
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Random siblings getting camp invites and/or AHL contracts is a Devils tale as old as time. Real ones remember when there were like nine Zajacs running around in the org.
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The Oilers are a great case study in salvaging a talented team's season after early disappointing play and injuries. Too bad nobody in NJ had the idea to fire the coach before things got out of hand or bring in some versatile veteran depth like Adam Henrique. Oh well!
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New best argument for Markstrom: Maybe he is old and set in his ways enough that it will take Rogalski a while to ruin him
The
#NJDevils
confirm that Jeremy Colliton has joined their coaching staff.
A team spokesperson confirmed that there will be no additional changes made to the staff.
Rogalski, McGill, Brylin and Taylor remain.
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Pavel Zacha may not be scoring right now but at least he's not doing anything else useful either.
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Damon was the last guy standing who played for the Lamoriello Devils. If Wood and Blackwood move on, there will be nobody left drafted by Lou/Conte, either. Last fumes of the Lou era burning off.
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For those keeping score at home, on Saturday Zetterlund had 91.7% xGF on-ice at 5v5 with the Devils out-attempting DET 14-3, plus he had a primary assist
No changes from yesterdays practice for
#NJDevils
at morning skate today.
Here’s your lines today ahead of facing Anaheim.
Bastian goes back in, Zetterlund comes out. Blackwood starts.
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@Popehat
Love to become a millionaire by simply paying no taxes and having no expenses for two decades
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Every win with Blackwood in net should count as 2 wins
Devils gonna win by 3 even though Mackenzie Blackwood gave up 3 goals on 1.2 xGs
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Reverse Retro take: They should have committed to the bit and made a version of the Scouts logo that replaced the guy on the horse with the Jersey Devil
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@pattymo
@elonmusk
@Neuro_Skeptic
@ziegler34
Nice try, interacting with your kids on Christmas is just another symptom of the Woke Mind Virus
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Tampa blowing a 2-goal lead smh. They just lack the experience and fortitude for high-stakes hockey
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Me to HHOF voters
His assist on the Cup winner in 2000 is one of the most incredible plays ever made in a moment with those stakes. A glance over his shoulder followed by a no-look, backhanded dart to Arnott for the winner.
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@david_j_roth
Hopefully, he successfully conveyed the company-approved reasoning of "Well, he's also very racist so it shouldn't really count"
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Sure, the Devils have only won 3 games in their last 17, but you have to wait for the team to be completely dead and buried with zero hope of achieving anything on the season before making any changes, that's the rule.
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Rangers had the puck for about 15 seconds total at 5v5 and got 3 PPs out of it. About one penalty drawn for every five seconds one of their guys managed to corral a puck.
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Taylor Hall should have his number retired for being able to haul this broken down shitheap franchise to the playoffs once in the midst of this decade.
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1. Trade McLoad and some scraps to Vegas for Gusev
2. Sign Gusev to 2 x $4.25M deal
3. Sign Gardiner for 7x7
4. Trade Wood for some futures
5. Donate Mueller to goodwill
6. ???
7. Profit
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@RadioFreeTom
Centrists in her party like Spanberger literally immediately opened fire on the left after the election, come on
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Leafs gonna get a higher pick out of Kasperi Kapanen than the Devils got out of Taylor Hall, enjoy Arbys
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@InternetHippo
I love that this county has stretched "election season" to cover like 60-70% of our entire lives at this point. Very healthy.
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