Chris Swart
@BwanaChris
Followers
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A wealth of experience in data analysis, GPS tracking, risk assessment, fraud detection, I bring a unique perspective to Twitter in account forensic diagnosis.
Eureka Farm, Chawama
Joined April 2009
@MacFarlaneNews Oh, well isn’t this just adorable. Here we have a January 6 defendant attempting to paint herself as a freedom fighter, drawing some baffling equivalence between the American judicial system and the Russian gulags. Yes, @JaliseMiddleton, because we all know trying to hang your.
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My ex : "Explain yourself".Me : "Yourself" is used reflexively as the direct or indirect object of a verb or as the object of a preposition.
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@RonFilipkowski @patriottakes Ah yes, the "special mattress" defense—because nothing screams "I'm too delicate for jail" like a memory foam mattress request. Apparently, when you incite insurrection or breach voting systems, the real punishment isn’t prison time—it’s being deprived of your cloud-like slumber.
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@KamalaHQ Yeah, congrats, Donnie. You just told the entire auto industry their job is so easy, a toddler could do it. Real smooth move. What’s next? Gonna tell firefighters, “Hey, a garden hose is easy. I could do that with Barron’s squirt gun”?. Man's never held a wrench in his life, but.
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@KamalaHQ When a disgraced former president openly talks about using the military against Americans who don’t support him, it’s not just delusional—it’s dangerous. This is the kind of rhetoric that undermines democracy at its core. He’s normalizing the idea that disagreement equals.
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@kylegriffin1 @NotHoodlum @MSNBC In Manhattan, a narrative unfolds, at once compelling and Kafkaesque in its absurdity. Here stands Todd Blanche, Trump's legal envoy, his request hanging in the air like a delicate chandelier in a tempest: to unveil the DA's trinity of initial witnesses. Yet, the DA's rebuttal is.
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@CoffinItUp @Kaylan_TX_ Fuck this guy. Imagine being so clueless, you thought inviting @ThisIsKyleR to a metal festival would increase ticket sales. That's like adding mayonnaise to a hot sauce competition—out of place and utterly repulsive. Did they really think a guy who cries harder than a kid who.
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@TheRickWilson @NotHoodlum The grim reality of the MAGA faction's enthusiastic embrace of Vladimir Putin isn't just troubling—it's a damning indictment of their priorities and allegiances. The scenario you've described, with Putin's eventual downfall leading to the emergence of a new Mitrokhin Archive,.
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@lawofruby The DA's office finally sharpens its prosecutorial blade with the precise aim of carving out the legal underpinnings of their case against Trump. The nebulous mists that have long shrouded the alleged crimes are now parting, revealing the skeletal structure of New York Election.
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@meiselasb @NotHoodlum Donald Trump's recent oration at the Faith and Freedom conference was veritably sickening in sophistry and delusion. The notion of a 'fight league' for UFC fighters to battle migrants isn't merely ludicrous—it's a macabre display of inhumanity that should chill any reasonable.
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@RonFilipkowski @patriottakes @LaraLeaTrump, the shining paragon of meritocracy, has once again graced us with her impeccable insight. For those unfamiliar with her glittering resume, she ascended to her illustrious position not through family connections, but purely on the sheer force of her unparalleled.
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@JoJoFromJerz Uncanny parallels between Trump’s America and the apartheid-era South Africa orchestrated by Verwoerd and Botha. The symphony of ignorance and the orchestration of mass delusion is a tale as old as tyranny itself. Dozy Donald Trump, the drunken rodeo clown of a political circus,.
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@RpsAgainstTrump Speaker Mike Johnson’s recent call to “turn the rhetoric down” and “maintain our free society” stands in stark contrast to his actions around January 6th. - Election Certification Objection: Johnson voted to overturn the 2020 election results, supporting baseless claims of voter.
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If you cook too much at a braai, be kind and give the leftovers to a vagrant.
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@KamalaHQ In deflection and denial, the weird.Dullard Trump managed to outdo even his own previous displays of rhetorical absurdity. When confronted with a question detailing his long history of racially charged comments and actions, Trump responded with the characteristic indignation of a.
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@JoJoFromJerz You really captures the essence of this disgrace unfolding on the digital stage! This vignette you’ve painted is deliciously rich in schadenfreude and dripping with sarcasm. It’s worthy of a late-night sketch comedy routine, exposing the farcical yet somewhat pitiful nature of a.
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Wednesday, the day that can't decide if it wants to be a productive workday or the weekend's sidekick. It's like the awkward middle child of the week.
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@Acyn This dude’s brain is like one of those Magic 8 Balls, but instead of answers, you just get random-ass gibberish. "Should Google be broken up?" And his mind's over here doing the cha-cha, babbling about voter fraud like it's his one-man bedtime story. It's like watching a kid try.
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You can't buy happiness, but you can buy Woolies pre-marinated ribs for your Saturday braai and that's pretty close. They always smell like victory.
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@MeidasTouch @patriottakes Dullard Trump’s at it again, this time peddling $100,000 watches that smell more like back-alley money laundering than high-end fashion. The only thing more ridiculous than the price tag is the idea that these tacky trinkets serve any purpose beyond moving shady cash in broad.
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The ANC and ESKOM's management is so confused; they think load shedding is a weight loss program for power plants.
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@AccountableGOP Dullard Trump’s version of reality—where one day migrants don’t even know what apps are, and the next day, they’re somehow running a cartel operation straight from a smartphone like it’s the latest season of Narcos. The man can’t even keep his own nonsense straight for 24 hours.
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@CalltoActivism The courtroom, a bastion of law and order, isn't your average sports stadium where binoculars might be necessary to catch the action in the back row. One would assume @IngrahamAngle knows this, yet her decision to use them not only flouts the decorum expected in such settings but.
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@meiselasb The spectacle of Donald Trump's June 9th speech in Las Vegas provides a vivid illustration of hypocrisy and absurdity. His unfiltered remarks and erratic behaviour starkly contrast with the gravity of his impending parole hearing, where his usual bluster and bravado will likely.
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@HeartlandSignal Just when you thought @JDVance had reached the pinnacle of campaign self-sabotage, he goes and outdoes himself in a way that can only be described as impressively catastrophic. Yes, folks, in a move that’s less “strategic genius” and more “how to alienate half the country in one.
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@lawofruby David Pecker in this circus emerges not as a ringmaster but as a covert puppeteer, his strings tangled in legal loopholes and ethical grey zones. Here stands a man who, armed with the Machiavellian manual for media moguls, engineered financial agreements with the finesse of a.
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When it comes to braai, there are two types of ohns - ohns who braai with gas, and ohns who have self-respect.
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@JoJoFromJerz @JDVance just torched what was left of his dignity with this one. "Rape is inconvenient"? Inconvenient?. No, J.D., missing your flight is inconvenient. Having your coffee spill on your suit is inconvenient. Rape is a violent, life-shattering trauma, but here you are, reducing it.
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The women I'd like to date are much like wasabi. Beautiful, innocent looking, attractive, deceptively smooth, unexpectedly intense, invigorating and exciting. But pack a punch that leaves you in tears and questioning your life choices.
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@7Veritas4 They want the jurors to think long and hard about the consequences of a guilty verdict. They want the jurors to consider the potential backlash from a group of people who have repeatedly shown they are willing to resort to violence to achieve their ends. This strategy is classic.
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@lawofruby Trump's strategy has always been the same: use them, burn them, and toss them aside. It’s like the man’s a walking demolition team for loyalty. From January 6 rioters to his top legal stooges, they all play their roles, get indicted or sued into oblivion, and Trump? He keeps on.
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@lawofruby David Pecker, erstwhile architect of hush money manoeuvres, emerges not as a financial renegade driven by unresolved debts, but as a figure halted by the sobering counsel of legal prudence. His narrative, once thought to be fueled by personal umbrage over unreimbursed outlays,.
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@RonFilipkowski @NotHoodlum Here we are—teetering on the edge of reason, where the twilight of sanity dances with the grotesque spectacle of a reality show gone tragically awry. In this grand farce, the @GOP presents to us not a statesman, not even a competent charlatan, but a carnival barker—a man who, in.
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@KamalaHQ There aren’t enough curse words in the world for this one. The fact that he can hear about a woman who died due to cruel, inhumane laws and his immediate response is to pivot to ratings? Forget burnt to a crisp — this man’s empathy was cremated years ago. He’s out here treating.
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@RpsAgainstTrump In the inane labyrinthine of Congress, Matt Gaetz's alleged conduct emerges as an egregious affront to public trust. Reports that he facilitated transactions via Venmo for illicit activities involving minors starkly highlight his moral bankruptcy. These sordid allegations,.
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Calling out your ex's name during sex is a nice way of showing your new girlfriend that you won't forget her either after you leave her.
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@HackedOffHugh The Labour Party receiving support from The Sun is like finding out your vegan friend just bought stock in a bacon company. “A changed Labour Party,” indeed. More like “Labour, now with 50% more irony.”. You can almost hear the gears grinding in Keir Starmer’s head as he makes.
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@RpsAgainstTrump @JDVance, ladies and gentlemen—the man who thinks solving daycare costs means handing your kids over to Grandpa and Grandma. Because who needs actual policy solutions when you’ve got the ‘family volunteer program’ lined up, right? Maybe there's also an aunt who’s looking for a.
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@MikeSington Getting kicked off a Delta flight for being an obnoxious, loudmouthed idiot is peak ‘Murica—except, instead of the stars and stripes, you’re wearing a shirt that’s basically a neon sign flashing “I’m an attention-starved moron.” Hope he enjoys his one-way ticket back to reality,.
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@lawofruby The grotesque theatre of Trump politics and media, a nauseating waltz between Donald Trump and his mercenary compatriot at the National Enquirer, was laid bare, revealing a diabolical symphony of deception that could make Machiavelli himself blush. The gall of these men, to not.
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@ArtCandee @MrJonCryer "The Hurricane of Lies". By now, the world had grown weary of the endless torrent of lies. But Donald Trump, true to form, persisted, even in the face of undeniable facts. This time, it was Hurricane Helene—a natural disaster that had devastated lives and communities. And yet,.
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@Acyn Ah yes, because clearly, nothing says "leader of the free world" like rambling about the size of a dead golfer's dick. This is the level of discourse you get when you've been mainlining fast food and Fox News for decades. It's like watching a guy who still thinks calling someone.
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@RonFilipkowski @MrJonCryer Oh, she really thought she could charm the judge with a bit of "conspiracy chic"? That’s rich. Instead of pleading guilty, she pleads “gullible” and expects sympathy. Nine years feels like a warmup. Honestly, Trump’s fantasy Congo prison would be a mercy at this point — she'd.
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@guelphgirlchris Honestly, claiming you can outrun O.J. Simpson when your most famous run was dodging the draft is like saying you won a cooking show for boiling water. Bone spurs so bad you can't serve your country, but miraculously healed up when it’s time to sprint down memory lane with a.
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@MacFarlaneNews Let’s cut through Swampy @JDVance’s absurd defenses and lay this out in plain terms: he openly admitted to creating a story to manipulate the media into paying attention. Yes, you read that right—he’s making things up to get airtime, and then justifying it as a tactic to force.
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@RpsAgainstTrump In an audacious foray into the tumultuous arena of political discourse, Bob Costas emerges, not merely as a commentator of athletic endeavours but as a veritable oracle of civic judgment. His pronouncements upon Donald Trump and the fervent acolytes of his cause resonate with the.
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@atrupar @Jose_Pagliery @tedcruz's befuddlement is a spectacle to behold. When confronted with the distinction between a president's ceremonial role and their actual command authority, he blithely responds with a query that betrays his staggering ignorance. The difference, dear senator, lies in the.
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@Acyn @NotHoodlum Representative Swalwell’s incisive reminder slices through @Jim_Jordan carefully cultivated façade of righteousness. Indeed, his 754 days of subpoena defiance stand as a monument to his consummate duplicity. Before he ascends that high horse of his with its precariously balanced.
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@KamalaHQ @NotHoodlum Dullard Trump’s meandering word salad on childcare reform is less a policy discussion and more akin to watching a drunken rodeo clown trying to wrangle an irate Brahman bull. He’s flailing around in the dirt, desperately trying to string together half-formed thoughts while the.
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@jodikantor The age-old defense of "the neighbors made me do it." How quaint. Here we have Mrs. Alito, the self-appointed heroine of suburban melodrama, hoisting an upside-down flag like a suburban Don Quixote tilting at windmills. Because, clearly, it’s the neighbours who drove her to this.
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@KamalaHQ @JDVance just torched what was left of his dignity with this one. "Rape is inconvenient"? Inconvenient?. No, J.D., missing your flight is inconvenient. Having your coffee spill on your suit is inconvenient. Rape is a violent, life-shattering trauma, but here you are, reducing it.
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@JoJoFromJerz A fifty-year-old embodying the spirit of a rebellious teenager, clutching a rifle like she's defending the last pack of Marlboros at a 7-Eleven. You'd think turning fifty might come with a smidge of dignity, but here she is, channeling the poise of a backyard Rambo. Shooting at a.
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@KamalaHQ Trump's "Legion of Doom" just hit a new low, even by their own standards of moral bankruptcy. Enter @LauraLoomer, a woman so entrenched in racist vitriol and conspiracy-laden madness, that one might wonder if she stumbled out of a dark satire instead of a political entourage.
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@Mollyploofkins It’s beyond disturbing when you see a kid dragged into their parents’ twisted, tinfoil-hat-wearing delusions. This poor child’s parents must be so deep in the QAnon rabbit hole, they’ve started decorating their house with conspiracy theories and collecting their own urine in.
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@sahilkapur The Dullard Trump doctrine of governance—where vague ambitions, boundless promises, and total incoherence masquerade as policy. To witness this spectacle of non-answers is to glimpse the mind of a man who not only skipped the lectures but also confidently walked into the exam.
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A survey I did showed women with big boobs are smarter than women with small boobs. Its probably not accurate as I wasn't listening much.
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@KamalaHQ In any functioning government, blatant nepotism like this would get leaders thrown out—or worse. Yet Trump stands there, completely clueless, proudly boasting about hiring his kids like he's running some low-rent family business, not an actual nation. Meanwhile, in countries that.
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@lawofruby Todd Blanche has taken on the role of the lead tenor, belting out high notes of delay and deferral with the fervour of a man whose script is being rewritten by a chorus of unimpressed judges. Picture it: a courtroom transformed into an avant-garde stage, where the gavel doubles.
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@MeidasTouch @patriottakes Taylor wouldn't need to put up two bonds to pay half a billion dollars. She earns her money.
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My ex asked me what would make her new shoes look more sexy. "Give them to your sister," was apparently a relationship breaking answer.
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@lawofruby Keith Davidson, the former attorney to personalities luminous in scandal like Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal. Davidson, once a prime confidante to Dylan Howard of American Media, now steps into the spotlight not just as a witness but as a testament to the reach and influence.
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@RightWingWatch @AlinaHabba, your delusion is next-level. You’re out here preaching “respect” like Trump isn’t the human dumpster fire of insults and slurs. Did you take a long sip of bleach before this interview? Respectful? This is the same guy who mocked a disabled reporter on live TV, told.
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@RonFilipkowski In the witching hour, when most souls seek respite, the former Commander-in-Tweet eschews the comfort of oblivion for the glaring screen’s cold embrace. There he sits, a solitary figure, thumbing his woes into the void, a lamentation for a jester's misfire and a leader's stumble.
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@lawofruby Donald Trump seems to have misread his invitation, turning up to this staid party with the finesse of a disco-dancing rodeo clown. Merely two days into what one might call the ‘trial of the century’ (a term we lavish on almost any courtroom drama with a whiff of scandal these.
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@Acyn Luttig's dropping truth bombs like a wisdom DJ at a democracy rave. His words are the constitution’s mixtape—laying down tracks about accountability and rule of law that even Founding Fathers would nod their wigs to. If you can’t call out a power move gone awry without slicing.
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@RpsAgainstTrump Ah yes, nothing says "I care about the people" like a whiny, bloated man-child complaining about how hard it is to show up in a disaster zone. The hurricane survivors must have felt so comforted to know that he could be lounging on a beach, sipping Diet Cokes while they're left.
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@kyledcheney The Downfall of Dullard . So, here’s the thing: In this blistering document, the government’s attorneys meticulously dismantle the crumbling foundation of Trump’s “presidential immunity” defense like a cheap Atlantic City casino. The premise is simple, yet devastating: immunity.
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@KamalaHQ Ah, so Johnson finally cracked, huh? It took the mention of Arnold Palmer’s long-gone genitalia to make him realize maybe, just maybe, this was the wrong hill to die on. Imagine the sheer absurdity of this moment: the “biggest presidential campaign of all time,” and Trump’s out.
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@MeghanMcCain Yeah, Meghan, we get it—you’ve got the family diary and you're ready to flip to the "Dad's Greatest Insults" chapter at any moment. But let’s be real: what people actually remember about John McCain isn’t some petty, behind-closed-doors gossip. It’s the fact that when the chips.
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@patriottakes Why are these two given airspace? One must marvel at the depths to which public discourse has plummeted to accommodate the likes of @RealAlexJones and @IvanRaiklin. Here we have a pair of charlatans, frothing at the mouth with the fervour of medieval witch-hunters, concocting.
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"Hear ye, hear ye, I shall not address thee directly, but through vague and cowardly subtweets, for the whole of X to decipher!"
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@OccupyDemocrats In my finest @iamjohnoliver voice for this show. Alright,strap in because Senator Richard Blumenthal is pushing for major reforms to the Supreme Court, and it's about damn time! Apparently, Justices Alito and Thomas have been treating their positions like a season of 'Supreme.
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I saw a van that was covered in dirt & someone had written "I wish my wife was as dirty as this van". I wrote "she is-when you're at work!".
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@MaryLTrump George Conway calls it a "highly significant" mistake. I call it choosing the express lane in the supermarket when you've got a cart full of "I'm about to regret this" items. As Donald took his show on the road to CNBC, anchored in Manhattan, he's essentially sent E. Jean.
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@itsJeffTiedrich @NotHoodlum Elon Musk—the visionary with a blueprint for the future, just don’t ask him to actually draw one. Donald Trump—the business mogul whose most successful venture is bankruptcy. And Kristi Noem—the kind-hearted governor, just not if you're a puppy. What a trio! If they were a band,.
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@lawofruby In my finest @iamjohnoliver voice: Ladies and gentlemen, today we take you on a wild journey through a courtroom drama that has more twists and turns than a rollercoaster ride. Buckle up, folks!. In this courtroom, Judge Merchan manages a symphony of 96 prospective jurors, like a.
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@RpsAgainstTrump Oh, look at this. A Trump rally in the Bronx, and I can count the locals on one hand with fingers left over. This is like holding a vegan festival at a Texas barbecue joint. What do you notice? The distinct absence of anyone who'd actually know how to navigate the Bronx without a.
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@RonFilipkowski Oh, here we go again. Trump, the eternal victim of reality, already prepping his "rigged" excuse before a single word is even uttered. It’s like watching a boxer throw in the towel before the bell even rings, claiming the judges are biased, the crowd’s too loud, and the ring is.
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@lawofruby The Trumpian saga further unfolds with a plot twist so bold, it could only have been penned by the maestro of legal escapades himself. In a move that defies the very fabric of courtroom decorum, Trump's legion of legal eagles has dispatched a 37-page broadside, a recusal motion.
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Girl at the bar : "Define your relationship status.". Me: "Your relationship status" is the condition or fact of being related or connected to someone else, often on social media.
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@RpsAgainstTrump Absurdity.Asininity.Fatuity.Folly.Imbecility.Inanity.Ludicrousness.Nincompoopery.Preposterousness.Ridiculousness.Senselessness.Stupidity.Witlessness.Boorishness.Cloddishness.Oafishnesh.Ineptitude.Injudiciousness.Doltishness.Dullard . The image of a woman proudly wearing a T-shirt.
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@lawofruby That little word "fine" — a crimson banner waving wildly in the courtroom breeze. It's the single syllable that's loaded with enough subtext to keep a team of psychoanalysts busy for months. The prospective juror might as well have shot a flare into the sky with the word.
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@theliamnissan Trump out here setting records for the most pathetic, toddler-level tantrums ever thrown by a former president. The guy whines more than a broken vacuum cleaner. Imagine being so fragile that you think Obama simply speaking is "election interference.". Trump’s skin is thinner.
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@lawofruby @Jim_Jordan, the man who turned a blind eye to predators on his watch, now wants to play the hero by subpoenaing a digital strategy firm over a connection so flimsy it barely holds together under the lightest scrutiny. This is the same Jim Jordan who couldn’t be bothered to stand.
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@KamalaHQ The “I didn’t fall into the trap that wasn’t even there in the first place” defense—a rhetorical masterpiece only someone with Dullard Trump’s unmatched air accordion hubris could deliver. Here we have the verbal equivalent of a man tripping over his own shoelaces, then swearing.
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@KamalaHQ This is Trump attempting to discuss science the way a toddler explains how they "flew to the moon" on a swingset. "Hydrogen," Donnie? The only thing you know that "blows up" is your waistline every time you chug another Diet Coke and Big Mac. You don’t have the faintest clue what.
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@kylegriffin1 Dullard Trump’s latest loss in court reeks of desperation as his legal team’s attempt to delay his federal election interference case until after the 2024 election has been unceremoniously booted by Judge Tanya Chutkan. Trump’s primary aim now, beyond any vague semblance of.
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@RonFilipkowski @patriottakes @mtgreenee aka @RepMTG is out here once again, flapping her lips on @RealAlexJones dumpster fire of a show, pushing the same @dominionvoting conspiracy nonsense that’s been slapped down harder than her dignity. Seriously, how many lawsuits does this woman need before she realizes.
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@travisakers @NotHoodlum @JDVance @JDVance’s grasp on facts is as fragile as the eggs he’s holding—and just as easily cracked. Here we have Vance, standing in a grocery aisle like a bad infomercial, confidently holding up a 24-pack of eggs while whining about the price of a dozen. Let that sink in: he’s.
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@ddale8 Well, slap my granny and call me Earl, this fella done messed with the holy grail of the Midwest, didn’t he? John Deere ain’t just a company, it’s a religion out here. You don’t just waltz in, pull a yarn outta your backside, and expect us to believe you strong-armed the green.
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@RonFilipkowski The irony is thicker than the plot of a telenovela here. George Santos, a man whose personal narrative has more twists than a corkscrew, is crying "fraud"? That's like the Big Bad Wolf suing Little Red Riding Hood for impersonating a grandmother. Filing a lawsuit against Jimmy.
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@RonFilipkowski You know, there's something deliciously ironic about a man who teaches Sunday school and sits on the Ethics Committee, yet can't manage to keep his own house in order. It's like watching a chef who can't boil water or a lifeguard who's afraid of swimming. Now, let's not be too.
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@KamalaHQ Oh man, this is peak "drunken uncle at Thanksgiving" energy. He’s up there like a confused karaoke contestant who lost his place in the song, just holding the mic like it’s a life raft. You can practically see the audience slowly inching toward the exits, trying not to make eye.
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@BidenHQ @TomCottonAR aka Tommy Two-Face a political non-entity masquerading as a statesman, has once again demonstrated his profound talent for evasion and intellectual vacuity. When confronted with the straightforward task of condemning threats against jurors, Two-Face opted instead to.
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