NYT Bestselling author of Stoned (2016) & The Truth About Lies (2021). Nothing Lasts Forever - on SHO/Netflix (2023). Infamous grower of poisonous plants.
2021 WAS AN EXCELLENT YEAR 🧵
I don’t know what everyone’s complaining about. 2021 was a really good year.
First the coup failed. It could’ve succeeded. It almost did. Democracy could’ve crumbled. America could have ended. But it FAILED - on live TV & we all got to watch.
1/
My dad (Neil) is in the hospital with sever Covid. We took him in 3 days ago, but he took a turn for the worse last night & stopped breathing on his own.
If you can spare a prayer or a moment to send good thoughts for him - he has a big family that just can’t live without him.❤️
And not only did they lose, most of them were so stupid or arrogant that they brought their cell phones & the FBI spent the last year tracking them down.
And impatient though we may be for big busts, those arrests have led the FBI to whole networks of white supremacists,
3/
They did the fucking job. They counted the votes and they certified the election. They ensured that 224 legacy of rule by the people and peaceful transition of power remained unbroken. They upheld democracy.
Except for this asshole:
PA's richest person Jeff Yass is buying Truth Social for $3 Billion so Trump can pay off the $450 Million judgment in return for Trump doing a 180 on his Tiktok and China stance to preserve Yass's $30 Billion-with-a-B stake in Tiktok. We call this "oligarchy" when it's elsewhere
And who came with him?
Hey look! It’s
#MVP
Kamala Harris, his Vice President, the first woman, the first black woman, first SW Asian, to hold the office.
So that’s kind of a joyous big deal.
Thanks 2021.
And for all the trash-talking & pot-stirring the msm likes to do,
11/
And then two weeks later, a mere 20 days into 2021, ✨Joseph R Biden✨ was sworn in as president!!!
That was no mean feat considering a couple earlier it looked like it might be the end of democracy and the western world order.
NOT TOO SHABBY 2021.
10/
deranged militias and nests and networks of domestic terrorists.
I know we all want the catharsis of Trump in handcuffs, but let’s not miss the forest for the trees.
Every capital insurrectionist who took their cell or posted on Instagram who’s subsequently been hauled in
4/
And back to 1/6: Congress (which is hardly known for bravery) surprised us all! They acted like actual heroes in an actual action movie.
They stayed in the building until late in the night, while rioters broke through doors, chased them from room to room & tried to KILL them.
8/
The 1st thing they did was blow off their big inauguration party & go straight to work.
It looked like a stunt, but it turned out that was just how they rolled.
First Biden signed dozens & dozens of Executive Orders basically overturning all of trumps INSANE Executive Orders. 13/
SusanCollins left in a big huff.🤬(stay mad bitch.)
But he didn’t really need their votes, he just invited them to lunch to be nice.
It was hilarious.
Did you get a vaccine?
I got a vaccine. It was free. I also have cheaper insurance than I did a year ago. I also got a booster.17
has also led the FBI to friends who weren’t there; but who are now under surveillance, because they perhaps buy illegal firearms, or burn➕, go to Oathkeeper meetings & make terrorists threats, friends who buy paramilitary gear & join subreddits abt overthrowing the government.5/
All the people who went to the capitol & brought their cell phones with them & have since been arrested, had a lot of shitty friends.
And their shitty friends had a lot of dangerous friends. And a lot of would-be domestic terrorists are on a lot of tight watchlists right now. 6/
I just know it was a huge relief when President Biden said: no, I’m an actual grown-up. DO-OVER: we’re scrapping trumps insane executive orders.
That happened in 2021 by the way.
So GTFOH with that 2021 was terrible bs.
Then there was the American Rescue Act. 15/
The Republicans didn’t want to pass the ARA. Biden invited a few over to the White House for lunch to talk. They brought a list of demanded concessions. He kinda laughed at them & said ‘yeah, you know I’m not gonna do any of that. I just invited you for lunch.’ Baller.
16/
they both seem to be very good at their jobs, separately & together.
He’s very obviously going to run again in 2024, but in addition to that, she’s clearly being groomed for the big chair after him.
And all of that is wonderful news.
so that brings us up to what January 20?
12/
That’s the next thing on the agenda: voter rights. BOTH BILLS. Wasn’t that what you all said you wanted?
Oh, and starting tomorrow you might wanna turn on your TVs to find out what Congress has been doing for the last year re.the 1/6 Commission. It’s going to be lit.
24/
Unemployment’s down to 4%, wages are up, numbers haven’t been this hot since 1962🔥
The economy is booming so hard supply chains broke & then were magically fixed in time for Christmas, as though Santa Clause is a cabinet member.
Infrastructure Week finally happened! 22/
Remember those?
The ones that said things like Mexico has to pay for a wall we’re not building, or Muslims aren’t allowed in the country, or it’s OK to poison public water by dumping McFlurrys in it. Or maybe it was industrial slurry…I don’t remember, 2016-20s kind of a blur./14
Come to think of it, I got free money for like, no reason except times were fuckin tough. Crazy!
My families business got a PPP loan, admittedly it was a small one, a lot smaller than Tom Brady’s. No one bought a boat. But it was very helpful at the time. 18/
And it looks like it’s gonna be Infrastructure Decade: Jobs for everyone and a shiny new carbon neutral future. Yay!
Human infrastructure’s coming. BBB will pass. Take that to the bank. It didn’t die, it’s just been tabled for voting rights, which was the smart thing to do. 23/
monoclonal antibodies, & now the DoDs working on a master Vax that eradicates all future variants.
The only real problems are anti-vaxers & cynical GOP prolonging the pandemic for political gain.
So let’s set C19 aside & talk about all the good things that happened in 2021. 20/
The Reservation here got a lot of funding and PPE. All of Santa Fe side cases of Covid plummet. in fact, most of the country did.
By summer anybody who wanted a vax could get a vax.
The admin was begging people to take them. They’ve rolled out half a dozen + therapeutics, 19/
Over the summer we all got to see what would be like if the pandemic ended! IT WAS GREAT! we all still remember how to do life 🤩
Yeah, it only lasted six weeks, then 🦠 came roaring back. It’s nobody’s fault the virus mutated to delta.
We will get through this. It will end. 21
You can tell she’s fighting her stylist.😂
They’re trying to do I’m wildly hot, but casual/approachable while she’s demanding to look like a Disney👸🏻/beauty queen & they split the difference in the worst possible way w/ prom makeup, Miss America hair & white Barbie shoes.
Well, I’m glad I’ve made you all laugh. But I have no SoundCloud or podcast to promote.
Please -if you don’t already know what it is- Google
#Project2025
, and be afraid, be very afraid.
And remember to vote.
@AerinChevyFord
Dear Intern,
In Art School my boyfriend and I lost an entire car. We parked in somewhere near Lincoln Park. Or Wicker Park, or maybe Belmont... And then just never found it again. We lost a car. A whole car.
There were no substances involved.
Sometimes people just fuck up. 🤷🏻♀️
Wow. Just (six months into) when I thought I was as grossed out with my fellow Americans as I could possibly be… You people are defending the Ayatollah.
Hey kid, lemme explain to you how this works in a democracy.
If you don’t like what your university is spending your money on, you vote w your dollars by no longer paying them. Drop out. Transfer. You don’t throw a tantrum in the quad & then make demands.
What if Musk is tanking Tesla on purpose? To cover the fact that, financially speaking, Teslas a scam. Like a mobster burning down his own empty warehouse to hide that it’s empty because he’s has already stolen everything from it.
@gregolear
?
@geesweetyeeks
When I was her age, my teacher asked what my dad did and I said he was a sultan.
Because I wore very expensive clothes & didn’t look like her, her mind was blown.
Didn’t occur to her that I was a 4years old, couldn’t say CONSULTANT & didn’t know what either one was.
We need to have a conversation about the fact that white people, white culture, uniquely despises old people.
This is some weird Viking shit; like, you should have died in battle, but you didn’t, so gtf out on the ice.
It’s really weird.
Hey, does anybody remember that time George Clooney (who somehow managed to sell a 3rd rate brand new tequila company for $1Bil to foreign investors) threw a party in Lake Como, something sketchy happened & afterward he gave a suitcase w $1mil in cash in it to each guest?
I do.
Hey, remember during the 2016 election when everybody said she couldn’t be president because she was dying of old age and pneumonia? Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you.
#Kavanaugh
owed hundreds of thousands of dollars in credit card debt last year. Then, ✨poof✨someone paid it all off for him.
He won’t say who (“a friend...”)
He won’t say why
He won’t say what the $ was for
#WhoOwnsKavanaugh
@HottyCouture
When my first book was a NYT bestseller, my team actually pitched a show to the history channel. They said to me very clearly: We love it, but not you. You are not what our viewers want to see. They don’t like being told things by women. Def not a young or beautiful woman.
Will Smith went to a work function, assaulted a coworker, shouted obscenities & refused to leave.
He absolutely should face serious consequences.
But on the subject of societal disrespect/disregard for black women: where was this energy when Adrien Brody assaulted Halle Berry?
You guys understand the problem with burning man isn’t mud… It’s quick lime.
The playas made of super alkaline dust that actually gives you chemical burns if you touch it, and when it becomes saturated with water, it turns into quicklime.
They’re up to their knees in quicklime.
@PublishersWkly
Children love kind patient adults, especially the ones that read them books. Every time I hear this dudes voice, I feel warm and fuzzy. 💕
Sure. I can explain it.
This is pretty basic $ laundering. They invent a valuation& go public. The majority of the 💵 that will be funneled to Trump et al won’t be from random hickshit buyers (they’re just cover) it’ll be from bil foreign nationals, who’ve been instructed to buy.
Yep.
I need someone to explain to me how a company that is shrinking in daily users, lost $26 million dollars in one quarter — and only produced $1 million in revenue — is going public at an estimated value of over $4 billion.
Amazing how much destruction we're facing in this country because Mark Zuckerberg had trouble with girls and Tucker Carlson once got fired at MSNBC. The U.S. Constitution can withstand almost anything except poorly socialized boys with status issues.
@Corbin_Trotter
I think most people did.
I absolutely did. But having a difficult year personally, and 2021 being a garbage year objectively are two different things.
Like, 2020 was an objectively heinous year for the world, yet (I’m embarrassed to say) I personally had a sorta nice year.
And when you see American’s For Sale, it’s the NRA. And when you see Prosperity Gospel, it’s the GOP. And when you see Morons for Crypto, it’s Elon Musk. And when you see Perverts for Fascism, it’s Peter Thiel. But if you see BJ’s for 20 bucks, that’s Lauren Boebert.
When you see “Americans for Prosperity” know it’s the Koch Bros. When you see “American Federation for Children” know it’s Betsy DeVos.
These aren’t grassroots organizations. They are billionaire backed funding to privatize and consolidate wealth.
Sure. I can explain it.
This is pretty basic $ laundering. They invent a valuation& go public. The majority of the 💵 that will be funneled to Trump et al won’t be from random hickshit buyers (they’re just cover) it’ll be from bil foreign nationals, who’ve been instructed to buy.
Just me, or does this seem like a rule entirely designed to stop crowd sourcing the identities of individuals engaged in commission of crimes?
Or even just those creeps who don’t like being caught on video being horrible racist or having airplane meltdowns or anti-mask fits.
@BlackKnight10k
Well I think that was a forgone conclusion once she got outed at the trial as a reliable Trump propagandist along with Maggie Haberman.
✨Why do you believe what you believe?
You’ve been lied to. Probably a lot. Maybe you knew, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you found out later. The thing is, when we realize we’ve been deceived, we’re always stunned.
1/2
So Mehdi Hassan is out & Ronna Romney McDaniel never made it through the door. Apparently MSNBC and NBC are susceptible to intense public pressure. I wonder what would happen if we all collectively pressured them to stop trying to entertain us and just tell us the fucking news 🤔
@BriannaWu
OK, you could do that.
But after two months of not just insulting, but genuinely frightening, frothing antisemitism and violent hate from the far left, what percentage of liberal Jews do you think would hear that psa and believe it was sincerely the progressive position?
Lincoln insisted on building the Capitol dome during the Civil War -for us- so that we would know that there was a future, that American democracy would endure.
And there it is.
Still pretty resplendent. 1/
This press conference is breaking through some of my defense mechanisms lol like I genuinely don’t like thinking about how sad it is watching people decline in the twilight of their lives and uh this, well, this is making me sad.