Liam,
@ActualLiam
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Horseshoe Theologian. Non-Prophet. Invisible College Dropout
Joined September 2011
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GOD [inventing Dracula]:
ANGEL: Wh-what are you doing that for?
GOD: Shut up this is going to rock
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Getting ads for realistic replica handguns, marketed as "fidget toys for ADHD"
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They took away the Captain Morgan logo's swagger. Look at how they massacred my boy
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Yeah Barney can be pretty juvenile. ABC, 123, stuff like that. But the writers also snuck in some higher numbers, for the adults to enjoy
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I noticed that that "apple visualization chart" was missing an option
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reading about 1880s gang activity and stumbled onto the meanest-looking device I've ever seen
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people love to say shit like, "Dracula will never rise from his grave again!" when they're in the first twenty minutes of a movie called Dracula Has Risen From His Grave
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babies cry on airplanes because their only context for airplanes is when you feed them a spoonful of applesauce.
Babies think that everyone on board is about to be eaten by a gigantic baby and they can't understand why you're being so Calm about it
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The Spanish word for "caveman" is "Cavernícolas," like it's a name. Like a guy named Cavern Nicholas
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women only put up with Homer Simpson's problematic behaviour because he's so fucking hot
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@catchaspark_
"i met this guy in bed and at first i was scared but now we're married, which basically means we're best friends,"
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@ok_but_still
Please be careful with curses dude. Obviously this one is justified but in the future please don't just throw them around
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Secret area for a treasure chest containing one large key
One of my least-liked design elements of suburban design is this inaccessible landing I see in foyers.
Any creative solutions for "staging" it out there?
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damn, how come nobody told me these Persona games kick so much ass??
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@trypectopah
@naturalhooch
The ideal date under capitalism is you venmo her $80 and you never meet.
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*during a brief conversation it becomes increasingly clear that i believe Yoda to be a real man, living and working in the entertainment industry*
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Twitter isn't a forum for civilized debate. It's a place to say you want to fuck James Gandolfini and then Comcast sells that information to Russia
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I'm here at the vertebrate slip n' slide, getting silly with the other tetrapods
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They call her Anya Taylor Joy because it's a Joy to see her Anya silver screen and you can Taylor I said that
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I'm a bitch I'm a lover
I'm a fish, made of rubber
I'm a sinner, I'm an ass-
I'm Bigmouth Billy Bass
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When people say "The Powers That Be" they mean Austin Powers 1-3, excluding entries in the series that do not yet exist
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I find it hard to believe that you're "smoking on that shit that made Dunston check in"
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@moodlessss
@Tasnyx
Might seem bad but it expanded his mind & allowed him to invent the iron man suit
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Can someone who speaks Gaelic please teach me to say, "They tried to drown us but didn't know our grandmothers were seals,"
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My local Philosopher's Union is on strike. I'd ask why but I'm not a fucking scab
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@meanunclejack
yeah it was apparently not very good at being any one of the three things it was trying to be. I can relate
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ASMR: I'm eating peanut butter and reading wikipedia articles about guys who thought they were wizards (2 hours)
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i don't have a family doctor but my favourite doc at the clinic is a cool old man with big ass eyebrows and he says the human stomach has as many neurons, as concentrated, as a cat's brain
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How does Waluigi feel, living with the knowledge that he was created to be another man's evil twin?
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@BurgerKinOffic1
@jrc1921
@leslieleeiii
MY kids shouldn't have to clean up after themselves, even as teenagers, even as they become young adults, they'll never even brush their own TEETH
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if they had kept the original technicolor psychedelia Jack Kirby look to the Eternals, the movie would have been the biggest hit in the world and Kumail would need counselling to address trauma from lifting his huge bag of money
Kumail Nanjiani began counselling to address trauma from Marvel's Eternals backlash.
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My buddy was telling me that, in the 1920s, they found so many Egyptian mummies that they used to "run trains on them." 👀
Took me a minute to realize he meant they used them as fuel
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check out Archangel Michael's quadruple sword. Makes Darth Maul look like a fucking idiot
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if American Psycho were made today it might be a little something, like this
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If his favourite Goofus & Gallant character is Goofus, that's a red flag
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found out the original illustrator is on here and doesn't have many followers-- We should change that
@DonMaitz
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"Film Bros" all love movies like American Psycho, The Matrix, Fight Club, The Birdcage, But I'm A Cheerleader, Tangerine, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Moonlight, Mulholland Drive, To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar
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A trick that druids used to like to pull was, one of them would turn one of their friends into a deer. They'd all laugh and chase their buddy around and get drunk and shoot off fireworks. But like a third of the time they'd drink too much and forget to turn them back into a human
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I love when Boomers or Gen X give career advice and it's like "A great way to move above one's station is becoming a cupbearer to the king,"
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The most successful people I know
1. Just remembered there's a third property brother
2. Just remembered there's a fourth property brother
3. Just remembered there's a fifth property brother
4. Just remembered there's a sixth property brother
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Actually Neil, there is no universal "morning," it is in fact just an illusion caused by our turning planet (a type of big rock)
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In the '90s "gay" meant "bad" so people would say like "Sorry to hear about your dad's cancer. That's really gay" but now it means good so ppl say like "Heard your dad's in remission! He's a bad bitch and i am Here For It."
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TV could look like this again
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@lceCreamSocial
@3five9
Lily Career and Lily Backlash are ending their breakdown. Good for them
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@HannaBarberaCap
Throwing in a Game of Thrones character with Bugs Bunny and Batman, is such a funny choice
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Grimes and Musk? What's next, Sludgey and Stinky? Get the hell out of my office
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whenever someone in a movie says, "Coffee? Or maybe something a little stronger...?" They always mean booze.
But there's a split second there when I assume they mean a stronger stimulant, and I'm expecting them to pull out some amphetamines or cocaine
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