Minister of Foolishness 🇯🇲 🇬🇧🇺🇸
@yawdmontweet
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Following
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Statuses
29,658
follow me I have Ntn to do 💯
Jamaica
Joined January 2020
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Pinned Tweet
Me: “Sorry I was late I broke down on the way to work”
Boss: “Is the car fine now?”
Me: “Car?”
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Females with security jobs be like:
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Two birds when they see one stone coming towards them:
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Perry??
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Me fighting my hallucinations after not eating for 3 weeks saving for Kartel concert:
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“U always at work u must have money”
Me:
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Mom: “Who sold the house?”
Me at Kartel concert:
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Her: “Would you love me if I wasn’t born?”
Me after my 10hr shift:
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Me fighting my hallucinations because I haven’t eaten in 3 weeks saving for Burna Boy concert:
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Me and that one fly when open mi box food:
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Me walking to Jamaica from Florida now so I can be there by December for a Kartel Stage Show:
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When mi carry feelings instead of mi gun dem
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This is the tweet. No context just the picture.
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“A keep a birthday party for my 3 year old”
Jamaicans 🇯🇲:
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All if yuh chain this up. Padlock it and put this under the rock of Gibraltar. The protractor a guh missing.
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Da bowl ya mek fi cornmeal porridge
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“Food gives you energy”
Me after eating:
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Teen Titans: "How did our arch nemesis find our secret lair?"
The secret lair :
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The rest of the world: “Sleep paralysis”
Jamaica: “Duppy Wul yuh dung”
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Show him how ?? In a braille??
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How to survive in Jamaica:
Step 1: Leave
Step 2: Return only for vacation and “god forbid” funerals
Step 3: Block your cousin wa love beg money and credit
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If you weren’t there then where were you?
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Jamaicans when them si her a Dunn’s River a swim:
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"Where you learn to suck tits like that"
Me:
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If you aren’t familiar with this Jamaican form of storytelling yuh too young:
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There is no Karma wicked people prosper all di while
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U just Mek sure a gyal dem
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“Gentlemen Shall We?”
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Me: *walks outside* *sees Berrylium
truck*
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Andrew Holness: *breathes*
Jamaicans 🇯🇲:
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Dom Torretto VS Jamaican Taxi Driver
Who wins?
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Me: *enjoying curry chicken”
The ginger hiding beneath the gravy waiting for me to mistake it for chicken:
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Jamaica have some a di worse parents because they all breed young and then project their insecurities on the next generation
Opinion about Parenting that would get you like this? Let’s have them!
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Saying wash up e two plate and a 46 plate and 25 pot and cover
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When you check yuh bank account after paying all your bills for the month:
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Di second patty always taste worse than the first one. Betta fi eat patty n coco bread than 2 patty
What’s an unpopular food opinion you have that might end you up like this?
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By di time da weapon ya form against me tpc mi prosper longtime
The Manchester Police siezed a black homemade revolver along with eleven .38 rounds of ammunition in Mike Town, Mandeville on Thursday.
(📷: File)
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A Amazon gimme diss unuh Gwaan talk 😂
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“Yuh son swear pan yuh life seh him nah give him girl bun suh yuh haffi guh dung today today today glass castik”
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Jamaicans really aguh throw stone in a World War III 💀
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"Wyd"
Me: Not a ting
*Incoming FaceTime call*
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Den school really used to call 7:55 a mawnin time? And mi used to guh?
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Asked my uncle why he drink so much. He said he drink to forget. To forget what I ask him seh him nuh memba 🤦🏽♂️
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Her: “Man a dawg mi glad u Nuh stay like dem”
Me: “Fi real Mon”
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When mi rich I nuh waah hear “don’t let money control you” cause when poverty did a control mi yuh never did a seh dat
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Taxi Driver: “Tell mi if mi wrong”
Me in the front seat:
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West Indians when we hear our neighbors shouting:
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My mother asking my father what punishment to give me and my younger brother after we broke the vase playing:
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*flight leaves at 4pm*
Jamaicans at 3:37 am:
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Stop Smoke: Pop Smoke:
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2 days into the relationship and u need 5000 areadii? A wa dat entry fee?
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Cause unuh a beat it wid white Airforce outside
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This dude killed my aunt back in the day and attempted to do the same to my mom and grandmother 🤦🏽♂️ back in the day and Jamaica justice system gave him a slap on the risk and lived to migrate and do the same thing to another family. Please retweet 🥲
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Ever read a message 5 times and still Nuh know wa fi reply?
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@Dieudonnem55
Can yall just play the game without this social outcry damn this generation is just ugh 🤦🏽♂️
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All of a sudden she ugly and she did nice before this. Mi nah seh wa she duh right but unuh outcry too selective on this app and it only is for ppl unuh like 🥱
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“These Math jokes reminded of a time when we weren’t divided. You were my plus 1 to every event. Now we’re like algebra your the x and I can’t find y we broke up. Tell your mom hi for me”
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Jamaican chappa Jamaican chappa
house before house afta
chappin: chappin:
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*Kfc opens At 10:00am*
Jamaicans@ 10:00:59 am:
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The chicken leg before mi put it in a oil:
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When yuh ex obeah u fi crash but mummy prayer stronger:
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Just fi hear “NO” but wid a British accent 😂
#breakingnews
#VYBZKARTEL
murder conviction appeal case will be heard before UK Privy Council on Feb 14 & 15th according to his attorney
@IsatBuchanan
#hot97
#fox5ny
#foxsoul
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Me thinking about 5 gran wa mi waste last week and how it would a benefit mi now:
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Dawg a fight fi him life ya Suh enuh 😂😂
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Kingston ppl wen dem si da tweet ya:
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Wi need to investigate this Ute ya
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Pitney can skate pan toll??
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10 man a share one spliff but yuh nuh drink offa man mouth. Two man cyaan siddung inna bus front but two man can siddung pan bike. Yuh can tek off a girl dirty underwear when having sex but cyaan tek a clean one affa the line.
Weh Jamaican man get dem logics from 😂🤦🏽♂️
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Hope u find a big piece a ginger in a u curry chicken
I sincerely hope tomorrow everyone wakes up and crocs are made illegal. Is it all ppl can wear?
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College and corona ina competition fi who a guh kill mi fuss 🤦🏽♂️
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Di piece a zinc on the roof watching you buy a Bimma instead of renovating the house:
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When I see the friend in person whose phone is always on DND:
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Interviewer: “Why did you apply to this job?”
Me:
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Where have I seen this 👀
People be like..😱But she never goes out! How did she get pregnant ?🤔
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