christopher moltisanti
@worldchvmpion
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me: *hits spider web down with broom*
spider: wow
me: *puts up fake spider web decorations for Halloween*
spider: WOW
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happy Father’s Day to the man who tucked me in and sang me to sleep every night at 10 pm
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since it’s October let’s bring back this classic 😂
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It’s the best month ever
Happy October! 🎃😉
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the moon is so pretty we don't deserve her at all
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happy Father’s Day to the man who tucked me in and sang me to sleep every night at 10 pm
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Lil Wayne: you had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart...
9 year old me:
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me getting socks as a Christmas present as a child: 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
me getting socks as a Christmas present now: 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
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I NEVER RELATED TO ANYTHING MORE IN MY LIFE
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working in retail is wild...
people just be telling you things about they personal life and you just be standing there like
"damn that's sucks... $20.00 is ur total"
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i hope all the girls with strict parents
have a good summer
keep lying about where ur going it's ok
LMFAOOOOOOOOOO
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My fairy god mother after dealing with me for five minutes
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me when i look in the mirror after my 1000 degree shower
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here’s a baby pumpkin in his new house
if this appears on ur timeline something great is gonna happen to you ✨
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bringing back this iconic video to cure negativity on ur TL
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hey umm......
do u wanna hold hands while we go shopping at Target together?
👁 👁
👃🏻
👄
👉🏻👈🏻
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do you overthink every situation???
🥺 🥺 🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺
🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺
🥺 🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺
🥺 🥺 🥺
🥺 🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺
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the prettiest girls are
1. nice to other girls
2. sensitive
3. can eat a whole pizza by themselves
4. sleep for 20 hours straight
5. shower in 90 degree temperature
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when girls say they are “running errands” they actually at TJ Maxx or Target sniffing candles for 40 mins
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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When the water bottle pops in the middle of the night
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*girls in the bathroom at the bar*
omg you’re gorgeous, here use my makeup, screw your ex you’re so much better than him, add me on snap, ily5ever
*Girls outside of the bathroom*
if you bump into me one more time I’m going to fight u
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*me getting food while drunk*
"ur total will be $50.00"
me:
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If you dated anyone with a “J” at the beginning of they name
ur probably traumatized
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
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happy mother's day to the girls who are the mom in the group
when they go out with they friends
u appreciated boo LMFAOOOOOOOO.
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I NEVER RELATED TO ANYTHING MORE IN MY LIFE
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“stop crying it’s just a movie”
the movie:
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"been chasing people in their dreams so long i forgot to chase my own"
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February 14 is when you find out all the boys who reply “😍🤤” to your Snapchat stories have girlfriends.
🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴
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me when my friends can't drive & be breaking too hard 😭
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me & my friends meeting up to talk about how we aren’t the issue
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me looking at the mf that honked at my mom
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me and my bestfriend waking up in the same bed knowing we done messed up the night before.
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MY COUSINS AT THANKSGIVING TRYNA
TELL ME THEY ABOUT TO GO SMOKE.
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happy Father’s Day to the man who tucked me in and sang me to sleep every night at 10 pm
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fuck sex
can you come over to watch Disney plus and have a sing along to every movie?
we still fuckin’ but let’s sing first.
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me being loyal to someone even without a relationship: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
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“wE uSeD tO tAlK”
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
calm down i was bored.
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“wHy yOu AcT LiKe yOu dOnT cArE aBoUt nOtHiNg??”
bitch because i'm traumatized
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me risking my job, career and future for an extra 10 minute’s sleep every morning:
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"uR fAcE iS tuRning ReD"
BITCH I KNOW
I CAN FEEL IT
SHUT UP
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if a girl got strict parents and she still
find ways to hang out with you
BE GRATEFUL she risking it all LMFAOOOOOOOOOO
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sex flashbacks be having you off staring at a random ass wall for like 10 mins LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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October is almost over & i haven’t done any spooky SHIT
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my 2 fashion tastes arguing over what i should wear out
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me and the homies in 7 years clownin around sayin who got the ugliest baby
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me adding "are you dumb???" when i'm arguing with someone
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"i CAnT bELiEvE Ur WOrKiNg oN ChRiStMas evE"
well, Debra....
YOU are the reason im working today.
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"what have you been up to during the quarantine???"
me:
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mood is either “uh ha ha” or “WHAT IT DO BAYBEEE” no in between
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me overreacting to a minor thing so my boo can baby me
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yeah sex is cool but has someone ever held ur hand
and did that thumb thing?
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me trying to remember somebody's name after they told me what it was 3 seconds ago.
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me thinking about all the things I have to do but still taking a nap anyways
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this dog literally has heart eyes
if this appears on ur timeline something great is gonna happen to you
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since it's April 1st i'm bringing this back to the TL.
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Me sending my friends encouraging messages even though my life is a hot mess too.
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NAP DATES>>>>>>
cause i be tired
but i wanna be in ur presence.
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having a small circle cool until
ur only 2 friends are busy
LMFAOOOOOOOO.
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LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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This summer invite me to:
Pool parties
BBQs
Kickbacks
Lake trips
Beach trips
Camping trips
i'm probably gonna be working but ask anyways LMFAOOOO.
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y'all cancel plans to just lay around and do nothing???
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
bitch me too.
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my future kids are gonna ask for help with math LMFAOOOOOOOOOO bitch idk either.
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LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WAIT TILL THE END.
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yeah sex is cool but have you ever called a dog from another room and you hear his paws hitting the floor as he runs towards you?
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me spending $50 on someone else vs. me spending $50 on myself
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ex’s be like “I gave you the world”
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
stfu bitch you gave me depression & anxiety.
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all these brooms made me think of the way you swept me off my feet
hope all is well u don't have to reply.
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me: ok i can’t spend money anymore.
iced coffee: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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