beachwhale.๐ต๐ธ๐ธ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฉ๐ญ๐น๐ช๐น
@witchbail
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the great barrier reef is the largest structure any living creatures have ever built | ocean-themed musician/chaos-themed human| โ๏ธ: beaccchwhalemusic @gmail .com
cape town, south africa
Joined September 2019
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ICYMI: the mailing list for my newsletter is live! When the day is over I will stop using this profile in a personal capacity and use it exclusively to promote my music.
Morning, comrades. An announcement of sorts. It's a bit long I know but please read, especially if we're mutuals.
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Hey guys idk if you knew this but children are full people
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"oh yeah. very excited for the shot. I heard Angela say they're only doing it to put chips in us. mmmm. chips."
Imagine an episode of The Office where they all have to get vaccinated
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@guineavinny
@DonTicallion
it's the boldness of openly replying "hi there. we exploit poor street vendors by buying their labour and giving them a sliver of the profits"
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@Ntsikier
@Rathipa_Rampedi
Do you know how scary men get when they're rejected? There's soooo many news articles about women being killed and injured. They fear for their life!
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Finally, a gender that fits me. Anonymity. My pronouns are who?/huh?
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@Savi1507
@iluvdiIfs
It doesn't have basis in reality tho. The wolf behaviourist who coined it realised he was wrong less than 2 years later and kept telling people it was bullshit but nobody would listen. Astrology is an ancient science practiced in multiple cultures independently from each other
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Teenage Dream is the greatest pop record of the 21st century
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Is this pansexuality
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It's been half a decade and I still sometimes just sit there in an absolute tizzy that they're actually canon girlfriends. THEY'RE GIRLFRIENDS
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South Africa: *gets funding of any kind*
Politicians:
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Thabo looks like the homophobic dog meme ๐ญ
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spongebob visiting sandy's dome home
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i know we're all distraught, but it could be worse. at least it's not nick cannon's baby
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Dude said "you merely adopted the superflu, I was born in it, molded by it.โ
ITALY: 101-year old man who was born during the Spanish Flu pandemic has recovered from a coronavirus infection
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Models are only allowed to have one quirky feature. Being black is already a quirky feature in the modelling world. Evidence: Tyra WIDENED a white girl's gap a few cycles after this
Why was this allowed to air wtf Tyra banks is going to straight hell
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Nathaniel did die from gang violence if we're finally willing to call SAPS what they realy are
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I have nothing to promote except kindness to children. So. Be nice to children.
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@momoSumoeri
@FilmUpdates
grown women were sexually harassing him and openly thirsting for him while he was a teen... the adult twilight fans were definitely the scarier ones
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@BenitoBlanco_
@jusjohnson86
@Mrrjoe
@LeoInLaurent
advertising yourself isnt justification what fucking brand of crack are you on you piece of anal wart
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"Well of course Oscar isn't scared of getting the jab, he's used to getting poked by things"
Imagine an episode of The Office where they all have to get vaccinated
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it's solved hilarious to me that Antivaxxers are always like "but these are tried and tested" like you think vaccine trials from the 19th century were more rigorous than modern trials??? ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
Vaccines that changed your life: 1796 smallpox. 1885 rabies. 1890 tetanus. 1896 typhoid fever. 1906 TB. 1923 diphtheria. 1926 whooping cough. 1932 yellow fever. 1937 flu. 1952 polio. 1963 measles. 1967 mumps. 1969 rubella. 1974 chickenpox.
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I'd say capitalism but the Church has to edge it for sheer longevity and adaptability.
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@MohaboloNtate
@Ntsikier
@Rathipa_Rampedi
Explain to me like I'm 5 what is so funny about the rampant femicide and gender based violence in this country
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Mercury in retro shades
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@TheSonOfRam
@nns_nadia
@sophielouisecc
It's so fucking funny thinking that pointing out people leave their homeland bc it got sucked dry to live in the place that sucked it dry does anything more than prove their point ๐ญ
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Everyone getting real brave saying shit like "How u get robbed by folks who eats crumpets with tea" like the British aren't literally the greatest conglomerate of thieves in history
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happy bisexual day my bisexual bisexuals
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I have would like to remind you all of those bright red apples that are somehow both disgustingly mushy in texture yet also inhunmanely dry
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she made teenage dream. she deserved it. that album still sounds like magic. what i find hilarious is how she undid what that album did for her *so fast*
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@iamurbanaira
@sammiestarks
@Mrbankstips
400 dollars is insane for a shirt even in America. Anything is cheap to a billionaire but that wasnt the point of the original tweet now was it you braindead child?
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If coloured people ACTUALLY wanted to complain about ways we're unfairly discriminated against we actually could bc there are REAL examples like having by far the highest rate of arrest of any ethnic group in SA but unfortunately we are just obsessed w undermining black people
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This is terrance howard
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rumi just out the shot crying for her toy back
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You should tell me if you have a crush on me. I really wanna know. Not to reciprocate. I just enjoy attention.
If you have a crush on me, I strongly advise that you let it go. ๐งก
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"the world" kaaaanti is net wit mense
The world is now fully divided into good vs evil. On which side are you?
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"a horrifying clown? Do you have the foggiest of how little that narrows things down in this school?"
โItโ prequel series โWelcome to Derryโ has been ordered at HBOย Max.
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@Pegunrestrained
@raevynvasyrak
@ArmericanG
@lavern_spicer
@elonmusk
as a south african I feel especially educated to tell you we do not regard white people as african descendants. that's an american thing americans do for white people, sorry.
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Ah yes I'm addicted to fucking Uber. I can't get enough of just fkn. *clenches fist* Calling ubers bro. I compulsively call an uber as soon as i open my eyes in the morning. I have 2 phones so I can call another uber while I'm still in the first one. I am under crushing uber debt
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"Congratulations, out of everyone, you were colonised the best"
South Africans are the best English speakers in Africa, and the sixth best in the world according to the Education First English Proficiency Index.
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@ShoeDaydreams
@TheAVClub
wrong and there is no slump. I'm no Disney shill but when the worst movies they've put out in the last decade by miles were Brave and The Good Dinosaur and definite classics like Soul, Inside Out, Coco and Toy Story 4 were made in the last decade, what is the slump?
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Black Americans never miss a chance to prove they are American first and therefore have no concept of a history detached from American exceptionalism. Moenie my bors warm maakie
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@lazzyhokage
@Strangetramp
@sansaloyalist
@babyy_suee
@aIucarda
Oh no you're right bc there's no way to be sure the judges of the Oscars actually watched the films they judge, so it's less credible than a film festival
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@Pegunrestrained
@raevynvasyrak
@ArmericanG
@lavern_spicer
@elonmusk
that is quite literally not true
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Eminem definitely took J&J bc you only get one shot.
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@xxxmg4
@thejackweller
oh wow, rich people being bad at their job and not caring, what a revelation. you are so cool and funny for simping for them.
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I can't believe that congresswoman said there's a shortage of new babies in the country that has Nick Cannon.
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me finally starting to move on from the end of Adventure Time and nearing the acceptance part of the grieving process then finding out about Distant Lands
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Dragonball Z was such a cultural phenomenon to south african kids in the 2000s. Everyone still used to play outside back then (shocking now, I know) but when it hit 4:30 the streets were IMMEDIATELY empty. for just a half hour everywhere was a ghost town.
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I thought they were talking about the relationship between a masala steak and that music festival. god I'm so high
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@itsmohima
@theadultmatilda
@falastineee48
@bellahadid
I mean she literally got personally threatened by the Israeli government's official social media live on the tl... what would you do when known murderers tell you you're a threat?
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jesus, finding out judas is gonna betray him: lmao confront him in private so he stops maybe? nah imma throw an elaborate dinner party specifically to air him out to the homies
what would jesus do? the answer is always the most dramatic thing you can think of
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What part of speech is that first word
I want to eradicate the word โpronounsโ from the English language.
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@martins_alaba
@DanielRegha
@mrwtffacts
addicts need help. shunning them just lets the cycle of addiction continue. that man isnt even advocating for jackie just giving his son the money but that he should help him grow as his parent.
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if my child's rapist read a poem for the child out loud in court i would crack, hey. id get his charges dropped. hunt him down and kidnap him. torture him for weeks. sensory deprivation, flaying chunks of his skin daily, rubbing tabasco sauce on his exposed flesh.
#DrosRape
Ninow has written a poem for the victim that he will now recite to the court (
@AlexMitchley
)
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Who called it violently coughing from a joint hit and not blunt force trauma.
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misread this and my brain went
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such a long winded ass way to say "i'm straight but i want to capitalise off of gay culture as much as possible. money money. moneymoneymoney."
Harry Styles to
@BHG
on not labelling his sexuality:
โThe whole point of where we should be heading, which is toward accepting everybody & being more open, is that it doesn't matter, & it's about not having to label everything, not having to clarify what boxes you're checking.โ
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You're thinking too small. We need a crossover movie. Why hasn't Vin Diesel driven a car off a cliff and just as it was about to hit the side of the mountain, transformed into a robot running on the mountainside like a trackstar yet??
id rather have 11 transformer movies than 11 fast and furious movies
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@Craighilt
Idk if you remember this but there is this stage we all go through called childhood.
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a hawaiian is more likely to get attacked by ezra miller than by sharks now. absolutely bonkers.
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@Grizz901Nation
@KiaSpeaks
@sir_richmond20
stats dont lie. black people get incarcerated for marijuana x4 as much as white people and arrested for it 7x as much despite both smoking it at nearly identical rates. theres absolutely a racial component.
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@BenMFreeman
Yes an anti apartheid activist from a family of multi generational anti apartheid activists doesn't know apartheid when they see it. This makes sense to me.
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This is why you should always run your phone completely into the ground before you consider replacing it. The yearly upgrades are so deeply unnecessary and fueled by nothing but empty consumerism especially with how incremental the improvements on models have gotten.
i feel like people need to prepare for the eventual reality of boycotting apple & these other big tech companies if we wanna actually help congo, cause as long as thereโs enough demand to release a new iphone or laptop every year, the atrocities happening there will not end
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How do we make a class action lawsuit against those banks ouens? Let's organise.
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@PocktGobln
@theehellpriest
And even if she did, her being all cranky would only serve to endear her to her family even more, not push them away
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I think afrikaans is really fascinating, from like a linguistics nerd perspective. like it's so philologically unique. what other creole language can be said to have been co-opted by the colonisers themselves, displacing their mother tongue?
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@Strangetramp
@sansaloyalist
@babyy_suee
@aIucarda
The Oscars are just a self important film festival tbh
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I'm convinced yous think educators are babysitters and only value them for keeping your children away from your house for a few hours and not the whole shaping minds thing.
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@tyler_keeble
@UPROXX
Hey asshole maybe stop acting like animations are lesser than simply because they're animations. Toy Story 2 is one of the greatest movies of the last 40 years by just about every metric
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constantly thinking about this tweet
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let all trans people trans how they wanna trans.
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This is what Beyoncรฉ stands for now and it can never be undone. Anyone who went to see the Renaissance movie is complicit
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why is jesus being depicted as gay disrespectful to christianity? let's unpack that. i know why, but i want to hear you say it
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My brother just pronounced "Adele" like Anele and nothing will ever be the same again
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pandas really evolved a pseudo-thumb to hold bamboo better instead of just hunting for meat like every other carnivore bc that would mean not lying around all day. that is olympic gold medal laziness.
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This video
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@jakkals90210
@UCT_news
@UCT_VC
the serbs werent colonialists. a serbian jewish immigrant named bob kahn invented the internet. better luck next time
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Idk I really liked shark tale
I can't think of a single gangster movie that I've actually enjoyed
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@eventhorizon180
@cravemedia_
Yeah let's laugh at the man who's literally recovering from Crohn's
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"Your mom did all of her basic responsibilities for bringing human life in the world that if she didn't do would literally be human rights violations, how dare you expect her to also be nice to you???"
Your mom raised you , paid school fees and fed you but now youโre on Twitter saying she can be toxic? ๐ณ deep๐๐
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They need to get you help
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Thabo Mbeki's HIV/Aids policies were so awful that somehow Jacob Zuma, the man who claimed to wash off the Aids with lifebuoy soap in an actual courtroom, managed to drastically improve things for the HIV positive.
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White South Africans being internationally hated but acting like they kak ice cream in South Africa is so funny to me
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Apartheid spatial planning. We have to get up earlier to get to work on time.
South Africa comes in at
#1
in the world of โEarly Risersโ.
But why? ๐ซ
I could def do with a few more hours.
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Spotify Wrapped dropping the day after Spotify deleted the comedy genre from the library because there's a class action lawsuit thanks to Spotify withholding royalties is some truly foul shit
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Capitalism wants you to be lonely. It wants you to hate yourself. It wants you to be envious of people. It wants you to break yourself and others down. All the misery in this world is on purpose. It's by design.
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straight friend groups: *blonde girl* *chad* *the funny one* *kyle* *brunette girl*
gay friend groups: *overworked scientist* *a kid who wears bearskin* *a shape-shifter* *a pride flag with eyes* *actual grass* *a vampire* *the sassiest computer ever*
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My sister kept saying she wants a khoisan from the bakery??? and I'm obviously going like girl what the hell do you mean???
...she meant croissant...
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her other side is south african, she never stood a chance.
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