wilbop
@wilboooo
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268
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this tweet is written in a special frequency that only stupid babies can read
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Three Sentence Horror: A ghoul is after you and won't relent. (the title 'Three Sentence Horror' counts as a sentence)
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Don't have $4.80 for a bus ride? Save a millionaire's life, then when they say that they'll give you a reward and tell you to name your price, ask for $4.80
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You wake up in a jail cell with ten strangers. there's a lever in the cell, and every time you pull it, a huge fist metal fist comes out of a wall and punches you. The Prison's Dilemma
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i find a shrink ray with a single charge left and use it to shoot an ant
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Me: how about… dog matrix
Friend A: what’s that?
Me: dog version of the matrix
Friend B: oh my god, that’s him. that’s the REAL wilboo!!
(Takes out a huge gun and shoots my clone)
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Things mustard-heads say: I’m just going to the shop quickly to pick up some essentials (walks back in with three HUGE jars of mustard)
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You know what reverse pressure does to diamonds? It turns them into c*al
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In an unfamiliar city I saw a house that had a painting of me on the door. I assumed it must be my home, but how wrong I was.
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me: im not gonna do a elvis impression tonight
me after one beer: ohh hoh
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Researchers have discovered twenty more of Aesop’s stupid fables, each one shitter than the last
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One day a man found a book containing a story that enthralled him. It was captivating, but every page he turned caused him great pain. The pain grew worse and worse with every page. Eventually, he had to sell the book.
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(after choking down a cold brick of lard straight from the fridge) mMm I’m so satiated
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Resting my eyes by looking at the sun. Counter-intuitive, and ineffective.
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You haven’t heard of a ponko knife? It’s a famous type of knife round here
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If any of your kids start dreaming/talking about ‘Dr. Goat’ you are in serious trouble
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In memory of the revered great ape Grandfather Wisdom, died from eating his own poo
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Man in India famous for balancing an orb on top of his head for fifty years, but then he stopped when he realised it was the wrong orb.
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Being pregnant is when you go all fat, and then ten months later... surprise!
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The Flea and the Bucket, Tired Peter, Three Ungrateful Hens... all useless
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-Knight of the Broken Gladius-
Found In: Red-tipped Ruins
Special Attack: Stone Sunder
Biggest Fear: That everyone is secretly as lonely as him
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The Magnet Master inspects his magnets with a most studious expression…
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Excited to be back at the Nepalese restaurant near work. Like a familiar dream.
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Hi, you don’t know me, but I’d really love for you to eat all of my bambino cones. I really need you to eat all of my bambino cones!
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‘Enjoy a little slice of life!’ - me, at the new Nepalese place near work
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firstly, don't call me dirtbrain. secondly, it's MR. dirtbrain to you.
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greetings, fellow thirty-year old gamers (entire crowd starts booing loudly, screaming, throwing stuff at me. completely disproportionately vicious response, just everyone carrying on, telling me im scum, climbing up on stage to kill me, i run away and hide but they find me...)
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just bought a whole bunch of peacocks for my garden, ‘half price’... and what’s even better, they’re all babes!
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ahh, time to kick back, turn into a cloud of gas that feels no pain and has no memory of its prior existence
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