randomcontrol
@wasteofaface
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Storyteller with a passion for stories
Los Angeles, CA
Joined February 2011
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Last Seen Profiles
scariest thing that ever happened to me was when I went to a bookstore on acid without knowing that Bill Clinton was speaking there
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In tennis “love” is something you “don’t want”. Twisted little sport...
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just told an interviewer i’m “obsessed with steamlining processes”
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fake falling asleep in the uber so the driver has to carry me to bed
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at my bat mitzvah right before i started crying cuz my mom called me "handsome"
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people with three-legged dogs love to be like notice anything different about my dog?
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BICOASTAL PEOPLE IN SINGLE COAST-PRESENTING LIVING SITUATIONS ARE STILL BICOASTAL
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My dad thinks trout “become salmon” when they get to the ocean
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When conversation's not flowing i just start confessing to shit
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Now that the world’s opening back up, can we finally admit that technology has changed society? Computers, phones, etc.
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She turns 100 like once a week
Betty White turns 100 on Jan. 17 and is inviting fans to celebrate with her in a special movie event called "Betty White: 100 Years Young — A Birthday Celebration."
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being a video hoe in ur thirties
i haven’t seen anyone mention how one of the ppl stripping in the guess mv is the waitress from the 360 mv 😭
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Separating the art from artist also means supporting ur dope untalented friends
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it’s so sad and crazy how americans don't eat this for breakfast every day. whereas in the uk we do ❤️🇬🇧
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My brother said my haircut makes me look like I’m from a “non-Paris part of France” and now I’m depressed
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LIKE if u have an uncle david. RT if u have something else
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accidentally called a friend’s old number and shared a lovely moment w its new owner
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SEX!
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Now that i have ur attention
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Climate change..
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I have an amazing sense for when someone’s about to become a doula
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When a squirrel is eating an acorn i’m like ok.. a little on the nose but sure
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how is skateboarding going to the be in the olympics if you cant smoke weed
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Imagine if Woodstock happened today. iPads everywhere 🙄
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Walking into a tattoo parlor and asking for whatever’s most popular
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I’m dead i signed up to be a parade ambassador and they sent me 1 single pair of brown leggings
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if someone made my food without love i would kill myself
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if I found out my friend was going by their middle name i would kill myself
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Ok here is the new meme guy. His catchphrase is “Shaddup!” I think there’s a lot to work with here. Good luck.
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her doodling “ice spice squarepants” in her journal
Ice Spice reveals the only animated character she’s ever had a crush on is SpongeBob.
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I miss when i wanted to learn ableton. Most male attention i have ever received
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i have a tweet that would go viral 100k likes no problem but it’s not really my vibe - who wants it ?
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U show up at ur Airbnb and it’s the White House. That is plot of my movie “So I think I just Airbnb’ed the White House?”
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