Israel is Committing Genocide!
@usedtobejimmy
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田中さん
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攻殻機動隊
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ネルフェス
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ショック
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Pinned Tweet
Don't close your laptop, Ruto might show up to launch your browser.
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In 1278 he could have rallied his bannermen and burnt down London for this. Embrace tradition.
Prince Harry reveals he was physically attacked and knocked to the floor by his brother Prince William during a confrontation in 2019.
The confrontation escalated because William called Meghan Markle “difficult, rude, and abrasive.”
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Nimeuliza "What are we?" nikaambiwa "Afande please, we are leaderless"
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Mkipanda boat ya kuingia tao alafu mpate floods zimefika Ngara mwisho.
Nairobi County to purchase motor boats in preparation for El Nino
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There's a Kenyan on TikTok who was talking about the racism she faces in Germany and how when she comes back to Kenya kazi itakua kuzunguka disco zote za Nairobi akichapa wajerumani mangoto. So if you see that happen, support the sister.
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This is why our ancestors only ate chapati at Christmas. They knew that unlimited access to such a powerful resource will only divide society.
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Damn I thought it was Peter Munya
Donald Glover attends The 2024 Met Gala Celebrating "Sleeping Beauties: Reawakening Fashion" at The Metropolitan Museum of Art on May 06, 2024 in New York City
#MetGala
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Why does that one fly pretending to be stuck in the house get so loud? Si ukae chini tuwatch movie basi.
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Samidoh definitely enjoys the drama. Mimi nishai piganiwa na makanga wa Rongai hapo Naivas ya Railways, it was great to feel so wanted.
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LMAO Sakaja definitely has nightmares of Hanifa chasing him through Pipeline but he can't run because his legs are stuck in mud and garbage.
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At least when the quail market crashed tulibaki na stock tukakula nayo ugali. Crypto inaacha watu na password tu.
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Maybe all the liquor in Kenya is fake because we don't have a president who goes around at night doing quality control sips hapa na pale 😭😭
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"Sasa juu hautakua unapima acres si unipimie gram?"
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Criminal caught on camera robbing a Kenyan athlete.
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Ukikula chips kwa hii matatu dere anaingia police station.
Hii matatu inakaa ikifika 5km from town inageuka unaambiwa "mwisho ni hapa. Tembea and unfat"
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Comment on a video of Felista Mugo destroying her opponent in MMA 😂😭😭😭
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Hard water ya borehole haishiki foam.
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This is a great opportunity for tourism and culture. If Kenyan drivers could just agree to use the upper road, the lower canal can be used for boat rides and sight seeing; turning Nairobi into the Venice of Africa.
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On my way home after getting dumped I ran into and joined a university of Nairobi protest so I could shout and cry out loud while blaming it on the teargas.
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Kama Rachel hajaona vision, hakuna haja ya kuogopa kitu.
US EMBASSY issues terror alert, says terrorists may target high traffic areas frequented by foreigners and tourists in Nairobi and elsewhere in Kenya.
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Clearing a table at Alchemist for Black customers.
my new favorite genre is y’all having elephants fucked up.
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Kwao
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He called him an idiot. "Intensely Dedicated Individual Overseeing Transformation"
ODM activist Nuru Okanga, charged in court for insulting President William Ruto, granted Sh10,000 bail; case to be mentioned on December 13.
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All those confiscated butt plugs but you still have open holes in the roof?
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10million on a conflict resolution seminar in Canada then coming back to hire goons to disrupt peaceful protests.
In FY 2023/2024, Nairobi Governor & MCAs spent Ksh 658.83M on Foreign Travel
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Thought someone had leaked Uhuru's farewell speech.
“I still drive my Ferrari and some of you can’t afford to eat.” That is the last message the founder of a cryptocurrency wrote to Kenyans in a Telegram group after defrauding them of KSh. 1 billion.
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17000 is not a lot of people. Si ni wabunge, magovernor na watoto wa Khalwale tu.
Wealthy Kenyans have bought 17,000 pieces of Samsung foldable smartphones, defying the harsh economic times where spending is thought to have reduced drastically.
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Call it Ajab terminal because the amount of unga walking through will be astonishing. LOL
Heads of state, commercially important passengers and prominent individuals coming to Kenya with chartered flights will have a dedicated terminal at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport.
JKIA says is part of the Government’s immediate plans for the facility, designed to cater to
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Nchi imeambia jambazi "Niachie tu simcard basi" 😭
Auditor-General Nancy Gathungu has said that perhaps a campaign should be started to encourage people stealing money in Kenya to invest the same in the country.
#starkenyanews
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Wapi thufu? Unataka anyongwe ubaki na shamba 😂😂
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Not gonna lie though, anybody trying to talk to me at 4am will be having their ass ate at 4:01 am. Mimi pia sina adabu.
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Unaorder kuku na pilau unaletewa na kichapo.
Glovo rider charged with assaulting client
The rider allegedly hit a client with his mobile phone for taking too long to receive the food delivered
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Sending the boss a "please call me" at 9pm to try and trap him.
Employers to pay a fine of Ksh500K for calling employees after working hours in new proposed Bill
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Super Gonorrhea is hard to detect because when it puts on its glasses, it becomes Clap Kent.
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The one girl who offered to cook pork for the homies while they play FIFA and walked out with the whole pot remains undefeated. Perfect crime
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LMAO mnasema hivi ni Vihush.
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Kumbe kunyima afande ile hongo ameitisha ni robbery.
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Shawry for Tusks <<<< Shosh d'Ivoire.
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Credible reports say that with his final breath, Njonjo muttered, "I went to Alliance..."
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Miniso
Wanauza hiyo gari ya yellow ya Africa Climate Summit wapi?
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Can't wait for the
#TwaharaMara
campaign
CS Mutua: We will construct toilets within national parks to boost tourism
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Starting an OF series called Anus Toto, starring myself as Eddie ButtEater.
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By December tutakua tukituma fare na ecitizen.
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LMAO imagine being in a speeding matatu with no safety belt and your biggest worry is why this conductor is called John Njoki.
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I remember when I'd go to clinic and they had these posters on the walls. So that's where the ball landed 😭
New York State declares a disaster due to polio outbreak. It’s feared that thousands are infected in the state.
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Donald Kipkorir does frequent random quality checks. If found to be sub-par unahamishwa from Karen.
Ok but why does Karen have all the actual good restaurants and Westland’s just has interior design with flavorless food? I’m bothered
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Chicken inn hasara tupu. Unakula 200 grams lakini unahara na kupoteza kilo nne.
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This is wonderful. Any day any time kama Yesu. Mkiskia kuhit the streets mnatoklezea with the homies.
Hamkusema ukiamka unataka kuenda streets unaenda tu😭😭
CBD RIGHT NOW?
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Alafu wacheze na ball za juala ndio kila match ipunguze takataka Nairobi. Lazima iWork.
Governor Sakaja unveils the 'Sakaja Super Cup' football tournament
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Bro, homicide is not the killing of homies.
Homicide versus Femicide!! How many men and women in Kenya are victims of murder annually?
From 2014 to 2021, three to five times more men than women have been victims of murders.
Year Male Female
2021 2,090 706
2020
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Remember this man was seen on TV trying to beat Chebukati with a rungu at Bomas with the hope of sparking a violent rejection of results by his party's supporters.
If we are not careful we will drive our country into anarchy! This is lari in Kiambu County , Kijabe Sub County and the youth have decided to block the road because of issues with Kenya Power
@KenyaPower
@IG_NPS
@citizentvkenya
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Silent treatment.
What exactly does NHIF cover if you’re not a civil servant?
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Quiz master on first date but ukiulizwa "what are we?" after 6 months unasema hupendi maswali mob 😂😂
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Saa hii ata token zimebaki unit mbili naskia ni kama hako kakitu kanalia “Ndii! Ndii! Ndii!”
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I need someone to make the background pipeline??? Please make sakaja look like he’s walking in pipeline
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Devil Worshippers itabidi mchangamke, hakuna serikali bila opposition
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Mnasema "chipli chipli"
Mkigongana meno after kumunju mnafaa kufanya nini?😭 it's urgent
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Okay, Matoke Antoinette.
Museveni asks Uganda to forget about costly bread, eat ‘Mwogo’
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LMFAO a mosque simply providing support and shelter now suddenly "our kids are being brainwashed into Islam". Why don't you focus on making your Christian institutions more in tune with current needs instead of trying to kick up ye old religious hatred. Those days are almost over
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Hii matatu inakaa ikifika 5km from town inageuka unaambiwa "mwisho ni hapa. Tembea and unfat"
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Watching DNAs school fees complaints and my head singing "si tuna shida zetu tuskize zako kwa nini?" 😭
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Can't blame the guy. Ata mimi mumama wa 55 siwezi kataa twende. Unapewa experienced loving alafu unapikiwa mukimo asubuhi.
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Starting my own father figure services gig. For a small price I'll show up in the middle of the night drunk demanding hot ugali and tell your child "hii ujinga ulitoa kwa mama yako"
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Watasema juu hamkuli kwa vibanda anymore they'll start taxing your packed lunch kazini. Jamaa wa KRA anageuza githeri yako na vidole aone kama umeficha kuku huko chini 😭
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"Eh, now you're drinking water drilled by a muzungu you don't even see the racism. Eh."
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Telling my daughter "I can't share my juice because it has konyagi."
Wale wasee wa ‘I can’t share my juice because it has medicine’…life imewafikisha wapi? 🤭
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Fuck X FM. I won tickets to an event and a cash prize on Fareed's show alafu wakanighost LMAO. Hio ndio siku nikahamia Waumini Radio and never looked back.
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I can never read the word bombshell without going "ah bambika bambika na hii ngoma noma" in my head.
"I have participated in many election petitions but this one is a bombshell" - Orengo says he's confident Raila will win in court.
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Die.
What should one do in their 20s to avoid regrets in their 30s and 40s?
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Fact. Hiring people who are already using cocaine boosts productivity.
Hiring manager says she only hires USIU graduates. A couple of yrs ago, it used to be Strathmore and UON graduates who were preferred.
Entrepreneurs, why do you prefer hiring USIU graduates, and what do the other universities have to do to catch up with employers' requirements?
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Unakaa kwa nyumba saa hii na labda Jalang'o ako huko nje ananunulia kila mtu mutura ya 30 na chapati.
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This genre of Twitter interaction is the best 😂
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Damn. Kwani alikua ametumwa duka Nineveh akakataa?
Hippo SWALLOWS a toddler in Uganda WHOLE then spits him back out ALIVE
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Kenya will export 1000 "dawa ya mende, kunguni" hawkers to fight this battle on French public transport.
Bedbugs have taken over Paris and have infested places like the subway, movie theaters, and the airport. Paris’ deputy mayor warns:
“no one is safe.”
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As cooking oil prices rise, Mr Googz suspends frying wack MCs kaa mayai kwa karai.
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Men stay quiet during sex because we're fighting the urge to ask you to list the factors that led to the downfall of Constantinople.
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Uah!
Naamka kumekucha
Napita Mama Ngina naskia
"Silipi shillingi"
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Sorry for your loss. I had no idea you and the expressway barriers were related.
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Ukiona watu wa Kenya Power kwa ground wamevaa overalls za Odibets, ujue hii stima kurudi ni bahati.
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Nairobi unaeza enda "money party" unapata guest list ni kina Steve Mbogo na Dan Ojowa 😭. You are the money.
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That's why Kikuyu men of yore used to write their P.O Box on the side of their shevroret pickup. Waithera ukinitaka andika barua.
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Seen a cop pretending to be a journalist before arresting a protester. Now I'm sure this is an infiltrator coming back for a refreshment before going back to spy on the crowd.
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Meanwhile "computer misuse" is exactly what an entire team at State House engages in daily to spread misinformation and attack critics. Public funds are paying for crimes.
IN PICTURES: Francis Gaitho before Milimani Senior Principal Magistrate Robinson Ondieki where he has denied two counts of computer misuse; released on a cash bail of Sh30000.
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LMAO meanwhile our kids are at 4am assembly being told "sleep is the side piece of failure."
Students in China are encouraged to rest and nap during school
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Don Kipkorir when they don't let him in to view his queen's remains.
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Which was what? Killing so many people before the virus got to them?
President Kenyatta commends police for role in Coronavirus containment.
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Individuals being influenced by foreign powers should not be allowed to ruin this country.
#RutoMustGo
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Tech bro is too broad of a term. At least narrow it down. Ni mtu wa crypto ama ni fundi wa laptop?
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You'll be hearing from Wanyama & Wanyama Advocates 😭😭
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Proud to be among the 10% who know it's through the clitoris.
Funny how 90% of men think women urinate via the vagina😂😂😂😂
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I can't blame these kids publicly thirsting on sakaja when I too find myself looking at Mama Rachel like I'm ready to accept christ in my heart.
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An honest man who refused to be part of the paid good squad. Vijana tunaweza.
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