Trans Widows’ Voices.
@transwidows
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Amplifying the voices of women who have split, or want to split from transitioning male partners. No man can be a Mother. Lesbian allies.
Joined October 2018
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Pinned Tweet
YouTube premiere of
#TransWidows
film is on Friday 30th Aug.
#BehindTheLookingGlass
The long awaited documentary that was three years in the making, is having a worldwide premiere on the 30th of August, 7pm GMT. Please help me amplify the news,
Behind The Looking Glass is a feature-length film about the lives of women whose partners have/want to medically
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Thank you for all your messages about the new CPS guidance. Feeling very shaken that being a trans widow seems to have effectively been criminalised. At a loss as to what to advise women other than leave immediately and leave quietly and take your children with you
#transwidows
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So the man who hates primarily me, but also women in general so much that he wrote this article on his website, and then copied it onto his new website, is now the CEO of a women’s charity.
We are excited to share with you all that we welcome Steph (
@PompeySteph
) to the team as our new CEO. Supporting to move forward with our missions as a charity - we are all grateful to have Steph on board. Watch this space for more updates soon 💛
#Endometriosis
#Adenomyosis
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Imagine taking this sign with you to counter protest Lesbian Strength and somehow being able to convince yourself that you’re on the right side of history? Picture via
@JocastaMoney
#LesbianStrength2022
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Heterosexual men are not expected to change sexuality when they transition, they still fancy women so they supposedly become “lesbians”.By this rule, the expectation that
#transwidows
do change our sexuality, and also become “lesbians” to suit them, is 1 of many double standards
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This is the fate of the women who stay, to be a supporting character even in your own obituary
#transwidows
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Trans widows know all about disgust, we feel it when our husbands start growing their nails, and shaving their bodies, and wearing secret frilly knickers to work. We try to overcome the disgust at first to keep our families together, but it’s always there.
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The shift from “born in the wrong body” to “born with a paraphilia” should be highlighted and denounced by everybody involved in this movement.
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Trans widows and both men and women whose spouses come out as gay, are held to a completely different standard than anybody else whose relationship breaks down.
We’re the only people who are supposed to celebrate our ex’s new life and selflessly wish them well.
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I’ve been contacted by a trans widow today who would like to go to a local feminist event, but can’t go. Why? Because her ex is going to be on the platform talking about inclusion of women like him
#transwidows
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Sheila Jeffreys described what trans widows exes do to us as “psychological violence”. That’s exactly how it feels again when women call our exes “she” on here and we’re told that certain of them have women’s full support as “allies”.
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RT if you currently can’t bring yourself vote
@UKLabour
but would do so tomorrow, if they dropped Self ID.
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“For many women — especially women who live with abusive men who use female pronouns — it is neither kind nor polite for others to go along with these men’s demands.”
By
@glosswitch
for
@TheCriticMag
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This account isn’t getting much interaction at the moment (could just be because we’re being boring!), to see whether it’s been deboosted please can you like this tweet if you can see it?
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Hi
@NorfolkLgbt
. Trans widows have the right to exit a marriage via the Spousal Exit Clause before a Gender Recognition Certificate is granted, but you say that exercising this right is abuse. Care to explain?
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Sorry everyone, I will be ceasing all activities to support other women forthwith as some bloke’s Mum doesn’t like us. Ah well, I’ve had a good run. Off to the garden centre or something now instead for me.
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I keep seeing a narrative on trans twitter that if you leave your husband when he decides he is trans then it means you never really loved him.
The concept of woman as support human runs so deep it’s frightening.
#transwidows
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We’d be grateful if supporters would email the Guardian to thank them for covering
#transwidows
because they’ll no doubt be getting no end of stick from our exes and their allies.
features
@theguardian
.com
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As trans widow how are you supposed to protect your baby from its father wanting to “breast feed” now the NHS say it’s OK?
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When you say “I don’t care what they do behind closed doors”, you are forgetting the women that are being coerced into participation behind those doors, the women whose voices we don’t hear, but who we should be seeking out.
It’s a very familiar attitude to abuse.
#transwidows
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My only hope is that we are seeing the final abusive flailing of a movement in its death throes. Abusers are always at their most dangerous when they know that they have lost and that you are leaving
#transwidows
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On the way home from a successful meeting at the House of Lords with
@ChildrenOfTrans
and a cross party group of MPs and peers.
#Transwidows
Voices has come a long way since starting a little thread on
@MumsnetTowers
in 2017!
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Is now a good time to admit that it was me who took the photo of Izzard at St Pancras?
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Regular reminder that autogynephilia isn’t “male sexuality directed inwards”.
It is not a solo pursuit
It is necessarily directed outwards, involving the fetishisation and sissification of femininity and womanhood,and the coercion of all women but in particularly wives & partners
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So
@VictimSupport
thinks
#transwidows
are abusers, for *checks notes*… “misgendering” the fathers of our children.
If your partner refuses to use your correct pronouns or deadnames you, this is
#abuse
and it’s unacceptable.
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This is propaganda designed to encourage women in that situation to attempt to tolerate the intolerable. It has the Beaumont Society tone all over it and it’s disappointing seeing GC women being taken in by purple prose and a home and gardens sheen
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Despite the
@UKLabour
manifesto being silent on the Spousal Exit Clause, confirmation here that they intend to abolish it, and remove
#transwidows
right to end their marriage before their husband legally changes sex
#NotAVeto
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Really excellent news in the Government’s response to the
@Commonswomequ
report on reform of the Gender Recognition Act, and a vindication of Trans Widows Voices position on the Spousal Exit Clause
#notaveto
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“Old fashioned cross dressing” was not OK, and not something we should go back to. When it was “behind closed doors”, wives were still being coerced. Nobody these days would say that hitting your wife is OK as long as you do it quietly and nobody else knows.
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Hi
@Nancy_M_K
unfortunately you’ve misunderstood this law, that’s why it seems contrary to civil liberties to you. Follow back and we’ll happily explain, to avoid any further embarrassment.
I simply cannot understand from a civil liberties perspective how "spousal veto" is acceptable to anyone. Don't want to be married? No fault divorce. Also the rank lesbophobia of "trapped" in a same sex relationship 🤮
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Trans Widows Voices are pleased to announce we’ve been invited to contribute to an oral evidence session of the current
@Commonswomequ
enquiry into the Gender Recognition Act.However as it would not be possible to protect our identities we will contributing by way of written Q&A.
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Trans Widows Voices asks
@The_TUC
:
1.are women like us who reject our children’s fathers appropriating our status as “mother” still welcome in the TU movement?
2. Did you canvas women Members to arrive at this position?
3. Is it endorsed by your affiliated Unions?
Today a member of TUC staff, Mika Minio-Paluello, is being subjected to anti-trans abuse online, because she is a mother.
This is unacceptable.
Everyone should be safe and respected at work.
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All the gaslighting that the gender movement is doing to society as a whole has been practiced and honed on
#transwidows
and we see it for what it is straight away.
You’d do well to listen to us rather than sideline us.
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Why are
#transwidows
so invisible to
@UKLabour
that they have promised to legislate to take our rights away? They’re trying (and failing) to reassure other women, yet we somehow don’t count. What have we done wrong other than to be deceived?
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It’s disheartening to foresee that after several years of saying “what about us?”when our transitioned husbands and exes were platformed by feminist organisations that we’re still going to be saying it when they start platforming our detransitioned husbands and exes
#transwidows
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You can either have
#transwidows
as your allies or you can have the “reasonable” “transexuals”. You can’t have both because said “transexuals” are our exes. By including them, you exclude us. Which do you choose?
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For some time we have been predicting that when our exes begin to detransition it will result in just another round of attention and sympathy causing further silencing of
#transwidows
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Pleased to report that following our complaint to
@guardian
the inaccurate article by
@carolinenokes
been amended and footnoted with regards to its claims about the Spousal Exit Clause.
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The most notable thing about the article by Jan Morris’s daughter is that anybody’s surprised by the neglect and emotional abuse. Newsflash:it’s still there even if the perpetrator is clever or is one of your social class. We’ve been telling our stories. Why haven’t you listened?
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Thoughts are with
#transwidows
in Scotland today, as spousal consent was got rid of under the radar there.when same sex marriage was introduced, now in Scotland in three months your husband could legally become your wife and there’s nothing you can do about it.
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“Vicar with three children reveals 'God guided me to the truth about my gender identity”
No mention of the mother of the children.
#transwidows
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I was once at a conference where Angela Rayner was asked about the national HRT shortage and it’s impact on women. She looked completely blank and then started talking about trans people.
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I think we should have a round of applause for the
#transwidows
who have spoken out, and the role that has played in galvanising other women to get involved in the debate over the GRA.
Here are some of them:
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Spousal Exit clause in a tweet:
#notaveto
Transitioner wants GRC.If spouse is OK 4 marriage to continue: all good.
If not,married transitioners who want GRC r issued with interim GRC which can be used by either party to annul.Or they divorce. After that full GRC can be issued.
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“Wear what you want”, is precisely how we ended up with Izzard.
Him saying “they’re not women’s clothes they’re my clothes” all those years, and pulling the wool over women’s eyes about the AGP.
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Hi
@Keir_Starmer
@UKLabour
and
@AnnelieseDodds
it is now your policy to remove
#transwidows
protections by removing the Spousal Exit Clause (wrongly called a veto).
You’ve said you’ll meet
@jk_rowling
yet you have not even consulted us, let alone met us, the women most affected.
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Prominent female academics and journalists seem willing to begin talking about AGP now,yet only cite old articles written by AGPs themselves, they don’t acknowledge the many testimonies of trans widows.Why? Are our exes considered more reliable than we are, even by feminists?
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What makes running
#Transwidows
Voices so difficult, is not hearing women’s stories of abuse,you learn to distance yourself from that to reduce the effect on your mental health,it’s seeing people who identify as our “allies” lauding and platforming men like our exes
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The people who think JK Rowling shouldn’t be allowed to call Mr Willoughby a man, presumably think it should also be illegal for our children to call their Father “Dad”?
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Starting to think Woman’s Hour would have Jack the Ripper on to talk about about the rights of prostituted women, if he agreed to wear a frock.
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Lots of people saying their red line is not calling a rapist“she”. Presumably (&rightly) because of the unacceptable effect doing so would have on the female victims.Yet many of them have reserved the right to call our exes“she”if it’s politically expedient.What’s the difference?
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But the cognitive dissonance in trying to ignore your instincts is corrosive to your mental health.
The disgust reflex is telling you that something is wrong for you or dangerous and should not be ignored. It tells you to flee, and eventually you do.
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I was told in 2019 in a private conversation with a very prominent PhD gender critical feminist that platforming Hayton was a way to have a political strategy that was acceptable to the left.
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To all the people saying tonight that “inclusive language harms no one”, it harms
#transwidows
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While
#tranwidows
are considered abusers if we do not affirm our husband’s gender identity, it is entirely possible that one of us might use a domestic abuse service and find our ex/husband there if it is “trans inclusive”. Why are we the only women who are treated like this?
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A good time to remind everybody what Jess Phillips thinks of
#transwidows
rights- they're "awful"
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Why is this account blocked by an MP that we have never interacted with, and who proposes changes to the GRA in Scotland that would impact Scottish
#transwidows
How does he know if any of our network are in his constituency?
@MrJohnNicolson
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If the “toxicity” is on both sides of this debate, why do almost all
#transwidows
have to be anonymous or use pseudonyms whereas our exes are able to be stunning and brave over all forms of media, social and otherwise?
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We’re told we shouldn’t feel disgust, that we’re seeing the real them, who we should love.
Trans widows feel disgust when they’re coerced into sex with husbands dressed in tacky women’s clothes and using strap ons but they’re told not to kink shame and to do it if we love them.
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“My ex-husband is just that, my ex-HUSBAND. His transition did not change the distinctly male ways in which he abused me.”
From
@WomensLibFront
#transwidows
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I don’t know if I’ve got the energy to fight the Spousal Exit Clause fight again. Are we at a point yet where you can all do it for us? It’s exhausting.
From the archives…
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I’ve blocked the person who called me a twat, told me to get fucked, accused me of bullying, gaslighting and *checks notes* misogyny. No doubt there will be further wailing and gnashing of teeth but enough is enough.
We shouldn’t ignore 🚩 because we’re supposedly on same side.
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What would you think of a man who insisted on transitioning, against the wishes of his wife, and then when after doing her best, she asked him to leave, he refused to do so?
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Good news for
#transwidows
and our status as the only mother of our children.
Freddy McConnell: Transgender man's bid to be named father fails
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How long before
#transwidows
children calling their fathers “Dad”, becomes a hate crime, I wonder?
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Why doesn’t twitter have sex as a protected characteristic when you report tweets?
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Happy Mothers Day to all
#transwidows
We are and always will be, the only mothers of our children.
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Imagine being married to somebody who thinks a few women bring murdered would be a price worth paying for “human rights”.
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Repeatedly as the situation escalates we’re told to overcome our disgust and that it’s wrong and cruel and unloving for us to feel this entirely involuntary emotion.
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I think we all saw this coming…
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“Now is not the time to start bartering other women’s rights away in order to make us feel less bad about upsetting our opponents. In particular the rights of
#Transwidows
Thanks to
@UGMediaLtd
for publishing this
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As the chilling effect of the CPS guidance lifts, you’d expect an activist who claims to be supportive of
#transwidows
to use his platform to celebrate our return to free speech, but Oh No! Women are going just too far with their honesty-reprimand needed!
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How does getting your tits out help Ukraine, I wonder?
Isn’t it a coincidence that liberal feminism always arrives at exactly what men would like us to do anyway.
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2 1/2 years since I wrote this:
“Don’t exclude some women from feminism in the interests of inclusiveness. Imagine seeking support from other women, only to find that your husband or father had got there first?”
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Interested to hear
@ThePosieParker
is standing against
@jessphillips
, I trust Jess will be challenged over her position on trans widow’s rights which she thinks are “awful”.
@jamgregory
@houseofhenleyx
@Stefan34889751
@RedQueenRising
@HypnoBalls
@MulreadyMolly
@LyndonSamuel
I helped write the document that demanded changes in self ID. I literally was part of the group of MPs who wanted change. Spousal veto for example is awful
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People criticising women for not somehow preventing the father of their child “breast”feeding, should consider how strong they would feel with the massed ranks of the TUC, the NHS, the Police, Stonewall etc against them, and with a newborn to look after
#transwidows
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Put your hand up if you’ve managed to be depressed without soliciting sexual pictures from vulnerable young people
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But on the other hand, nobody should have to do anything they’re uncomfortable with. Except us, and our children, presumably?
You should never feel pressured to do something that you’re uncomfortable with, even if your partner insists it’s ‘normal’. You can always say no.
#Pride
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Question for today- why on earth is it the place of
@NatWest_Help
to have a position on how
#transwidows
are able to exit our marriages, and how did they consult their customers/ shareholders/ employees to arrive at this very political stance?
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There seems to be a big push at the moment to make out that autoandrophilia is a thing doesn’t there? I wonder why?
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In all my years of doing this, the things that make me furious remain, and top of that list is when people look at our situation, and rather than think about the woman in it, they amplify the voice of the male perpetrator of it.
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So the GRA compromise for the Labour Party and its supporters is trading
#transwidows
“outdated” rights for self ID? Are people on this side of the debate OK with that?
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It will surprise nobody that the adult transitioner who we understand was heavily involved in this guidance was married and had children, despite apparently knowing they were trans since childhood.
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When Labour try and bring their GRA reforms in, oh what a hell of a stink we are all going to kick up
#TerfIsland
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Well apparently it feels just as shit as I imagined it would.
Every woman who has platformed or promoted our exes because they felt it was politically expedient to do so: this is on you. I hope you think it was worth it.
#transwidows
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@VictoriaPeckham
@DebbieHayton
It’s not openess and honesty Janice, it’s strategic minimisation.
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If you condemn men with AGP yet take pains to say you support “the few with true dysphoria”, you do no favours for
#tranwidows
. It makes little difference which it is (if indeed they really are different), when you’re married to them.
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From 4 mins 30, hear how current contender for leading Reasonable Transexual™️ Katy Jon Went, was “outed” when his wife discovered pictures of him cross dressing on their computer. A very familiar tale to many
#transwidows
with AGP husbands
#GenderWars
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Who qualifies for courteous preferred pronouns seems almost entirely class based.
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So Scottish
#transwidows
who say their husband and the father of their children, is a man, will risk going to prison for 7 years, if the
@theSNP
gets its way on “hate” crime?
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While we’re all talking about Mermaids, a reminder that it goes well beyond its remit by spreading lies and misinformation about the Spousal Exit Clause and campaigning for Trans Widows rights to be taken away.
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There was a lot of people tweeting at me last night and I’m not going to read it all, but to be clear: I’ll use the term “trans widow”, as long as the term “dead name” is in common use.
@Lorna9100M
@Dex_starz
@HarryTheOwl
@ThrupennyBit
@transwidows
There are no "trans widows". There are people whose spouse has changed and as a result, one or both sides opted for a divorce. It is a regular thing. Unless you're the kind who would oppose no-fault divorce, you should see this as just a part of life.
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“Trans Widows Voices, a new support group, said the feelings of these women who are no longer married to a man are often forgotten.”
Pleased to have worked with
@ewansomerville
on this for
@Telegraph
#transwidows
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In reality of course, in this situation, neither party is a lesbian and it’s as insulting to lesbians to appropriate their sexuality as it is to heterosexual women to expect that ours can be changed.
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Imagine splitting up with the other parent of your children, and your ex’s new male partner decides he wants to breast feed them
#transwidows
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