tldrjack
@tldrjack
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Following
473
Media
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Statuses
6,441
no longer active follow on instagram @tldrjack & friends can follow @jackkelly
he/him 🏳️🌈
Joined September 2019
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I think I'm done here
If you know me personally and want to follow my alt where I'll still be a little active it's
@JackKelly
If you want to stay in touch I'm also TLDRjack on Instagram etc
Why? 🧵
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It irrationally annoys me that someone (on this British train) crossed plug sockets to Americanise it
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Paris needs to have a word with Euston
Why are they showing useful departure information on this screen that should be used for giant adverts
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I'm not sure when... but we probably ought to start planning it.
Ross said yes this afternoon 🎉
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This is
@tldrben
, he works for me. Ben is single and earns £9.55 a year in Central London. He has student debt, so sometimes I take pity on him and throw bread at him like a stray goose. I think he went to Italy, but I don't listen to him.
Proof Team TLDR don't need a pay rise
Katy works for me. She is single & earns less than 30k, rents a room for £775pcm in Central London, has student debt, £120 a month on travelling to work saves money every month, goes on foreign holidays & does not need to use a foodbank.
Katy makes my point really well.
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Two things:
1. How did I just find out about Switzerland's new passport
2. How do I become Swiss?
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Were recording a video where we race across Europe today
This was the first scene for my team...
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Hey, so kinda big news. I have new hair
...and when I say new hair, I mean it a little more literally than most people might
Let me explain 🧵👇
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Sharing clothes is the highlight of a same sex relationship
Our newly assembled jacket wardrobe is the epitome of this queer privilege
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Yesterday Ross bought a blessing at a shrine which was supposed to grant him financial prosperity
Half an hour later I proposed to him
If you want the address of the shrine give me a shout
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When you make a podcast talking about your experience at NATO
Where you REPEATEDLY joke that no-one from NATO will ever see it...
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🏳️🌈 GAY DATA
If you've ever wondered where the gayest parts of the UK are, here's the number of people reporting issues with Grindr on
@downdetector
User reports indicate Grindr is having problems since 11:12 AM EST. RT if you're also having problems
#grindrdown
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We spent (wasted) a bunch of money going to the Ald-quator in Germany
That's the line where Aldi Nord and Aldi Sud meet... thats right, Aldi is secretly two completely different companies
Find out more (and help justify more dumb trips) by checking out the video 👇
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This is some pretty 1984 shit
NEW: Conservatives are safeguarding scientific research from the denial of biology and the steady creep of political correctness.
@michelledonelan
announces plans to depoliticise science at
#CPC23
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So, yes this is a bad photo but
1. A photographer approached us about taking a photo
2. We agreed
3. They gave us this pose
4. They then added the rainbow
5. We only found out 30 minutes later when it appeared on our account
6. We never mentioned being gay
7. That's iconic
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Ross and I just realised today is our anniversary
Fortunately due to dodgy trains trapped us in central, so we ended up having an anniversary dinner by total accident
So thanks to the trains for being garbage as always 💙
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Oh so we're just breaking Ofcom rules for fun now are we...
Exclusive Scoop.
Watch me tomorrow on
@GBNEWS
interview
@SuellaBraverman
in her first interview on British soil since her landmark speech this week in the US.
7pm tomorrow night 🖥📺
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What a weird North Korean style take
Is everyone 'representing' the country expected to support the government of the day now?
Looking forward to us trawling through the history of every footballer, Olympian and cricketer from now on
Gotta make sure they love the Tories enough
British Eurovision entrant is anti-Boris Johnson Left-wing activist
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The good news is at this rate, the homophobes are going to be boycotting every supermarket and they might not make it to the end of June
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An announcement at the Eurostar apologised for delays at security due to an "unprecedented number of passengers"
Hun, you scheduled the trains and sold the tickets - who turned up you weren't expecting?
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Just a friendly reminder to make sure you're not following The Sun or any of their journalists
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🚨 My political predictions for 2023
1. Rishi Sunak will still be Prime Minister by the end of the year
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He's been an MP for 35 years and still thinks a shortage of beds in the NHS could be solved by a cheeky trip to IKEA
We hear how the NHS is short of beds. Why don’t managers put more in?
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Absolutely agree with Ben - if this is how you feel then you're more than welcome to unsubscribe & no need to even comment that you're going
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Call me old, but I came out 10 years ago today.
So how fortunate that I'm not only back home in Sussex today, but even gayer in Brighton
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🚨 Hey... so I have a new job
Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, I'm still running TLDR
But I've also officially started as
@WatchNebula
's Director of Nebula News
Nebula News is a brand new product that we're super excited about so let me quickly 🧵
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Sorry it's horribly out of focus, but HAPPY NEW YEAR from the roof
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this is just bait for people like me to RT right?
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Not an ad, but we got this rain tracker for the studio... and it's looking pretty brutal for the south this morning
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Yesterday I was an 18-25 railcard kind of boy - youthful, optimistic, hopeful
Today I've become a 26-35 railcard man.
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How do I keep Ross happy 7 years into our relationship
Buying him mini cheddars randomly at bars. That's 100% of the technique
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What in the America is going on here?!
The service was very good - but if I'm paying 12.5% auto added service why am I tipping too
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I've been a fan of
@wendoverpro
for years, well before we joined Nebula
So when I heard I was featured in a Wendover video I was very excited... until I watched the video
That curb I tripped on will forever haunt me
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My DMs are absolutely full of people accusing me of being a nonce and death threats
Most worrying though, someone just called me an "elderly ass twink"
The former I can cope with, the latter... well I'm gonna need to take a break from Twitter
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Turns out we've been together for 9 years
Which would be surprising, but look at that photo from 2015...
No one has filtered a photo so hard and so warm since
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2015 vs 2024
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@GoldingBF
No you wouldn't you attention seeking prick
You'd rather die on the street waiting for an appropriately decorated ambulance? Really? Snowflake.
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I just wasted £260 because I forgot that in Japan they do [surname] [first name]... how's your morning going
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So cool that YouTube and Number 10 invited TLDR down to a briefing today
Exciting that they're recognising the importance of digital journalism in reaching young people
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It's always a cute look when the police limit the people's democratic right to protest in order to protect a party for a non-democratically elected OAP
Our tolerance for any disruption, whether through protest or otherwise, will be low.
We will deal robustly with anyone intent on undermining this celebration.
🧵🔽
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I know people didn't love the Fixed Term Parliaments Act, but I'm currently looking at holidays for next year and I could do with knowing when the next election's going to be
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Merry Christmas from Ross and I
Awkwardly taken from the corner of my mum's living room as my grandma watches the Doc Martin Christmas special
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I bought this image purely because I respect how few shits this dude gives about meeting the Prime Minister
Getting dressed in the morning and sarcastically putting on a tuxedo tshirt is pretty superb
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People who accuse TLDR of bias:
I've just realised that I've voted in 3 General Elections, and voted for a different party every time
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I told everyone that the wedding I was going to this weekend was near Bristol
I looked at Google maps just now, turns out I was totally wrong, it's basically in Birmingham
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So... I accidentally tried to take a Swiss Army knife into Parliament
They weren't best pleased
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I hate anyone who watched videos on trains without headphones
But someone is currently on the Eurostar watching a DRILL REVIEW VIDEO
Drill noises. Out loud. Full volume.
And they think the gays are a threat to society...
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TLDR video on this is in the works (likely out Thursday)
But impartiality aside, this is absolutely fucking wild, and the idea that legal asylum routes are being closed and SLAVERY protection is being limited is honestly beyond ghoulish
If you come to the UK illegally:
➡️ You can’t claim asylum
➡️ You can’t benefit from our modern slavery protections
➡️ You can’t make spurious human rights claims
➡️ You can’t stay
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This year I'll have been out for 10 years
Yet still I've never been to a gay club
Honestly think it's too late now
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Absolutely dominated every single person who's ever sat in seat 9A of this flight
Get better at Tetris boys
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You should be absolutely ashamed of this gutter journalism
@LouisaClarence
A beyond misleading interpretation of facts, and a headline which entirely misrepresents his myriad infractions including (but not limited to):
- Islamophobia
- Safe guarding violations
- Homophobia
A Christian teacher has been banned from the profession for “misgendering” a pupil in a case believed to be the first of its kind in the UK
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Jan is currently designing our physical newspaper, and is refusing to include the X logo
So instead, he's currently using the Wayback Machine to access Twitter's old brand guidelines
This is commitment to the design of people's bios, and also commitment to disrespecting Elon
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Ahh yes, Pride Month!
The month where every single morning the local council knock on your door, forcibly bring you to the town square and make you kiss other men
Pride Month Is A Cynical Exercise In State-Enforced Homosexuality
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We've officially resigned the lease on our studio, which means our neighbours are going to have to hear me shouting about Ukraine and China for another couple years
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Watching the latest episode of Jet Lag on
@WatchNebula
and by far the most startling thing is how expensive trains are
Like British trains suck. They're late. They're always cancelled. They're too crowded. They're expensive, but they're not like $250 for a 3 hour journey
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Ross said I had to make sure I posted an actually nice photo of us from the wedding before I had too much wine
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What an absolutely grotesque thing to celebrate - absolutely vile and deplorable thing to say
I know you're desperate for attention so your little GB News show doesn't get cancelled behind your back again - but Jesus Christ have some self respect
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As a summer person, everyone getting excited by cold weather today is deeply triggering for me
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I just saw a child kick her brother on the tube
Her mum just shouted at her "cancelled"
The woke mob has gone too far
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my pitch for today's daily briefing
was rejected. despite being clearly the biggest story on twitter yesterday
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⚠️ This is a pure unadulterated flex
We just checked into a hotel and, because the receptionist was a big TLDR fan, I didn't even need to give my name as she knew it already
If I'm not in tomorrow's videos its because Ross didn't deflate my ego enough to get me out of the room
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I might be grossed out by Elon's worsening tweets but...
I really want to go to Halloween as this guy - absolutely scare the tits off some far right wingers
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not trying to trigger any transport gays (you know who you are) but we were just booking a bullet train from Kyoto to Tokyo...
there's 6 BULLET trains, in an 18 minute window - on a route roughly equivalent to London to Edinburgh
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I know you shouldn't mess with Wikipedia...
...but whoever edited Andrew Tate's fight record is an absolute icon
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I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that the Belarusian national anthem is called "My Belarusy"
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Pretty gross that there's a lot of people upset that they even asked about sexual orientation in the Census
How much do you really think an extra question costs?
This is valuable data for schools, medical services, adoption... hell it's valuable because were human beings
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I had to take a bunch of photos of myself looking broadly neutral for NATO Interview thumbnails
I accidentally created this absolute hell scape of me looking broadly unimpressed
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this is as dressed up as we get on holiday
(these are formal trousers, but they also have drawstrings - that's as serious as I'll get)
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Thank you to American Airlines for losing my luggage and giving me a reimbursement budget large enough buy this silly expensive jacket
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Okay, well the excitement level is a little higher now the crew on the flight very kindly gave us a bottle of champagne to celebrate our engagement
Really appreciated
@British_Airways
I didn't mess up the flight booking this time, but we are coming home
So this 7am glass of champagne feels about as depressing as the one two weeks ago
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Good evening from the most insane pool I've ever swum in
Technically, you're meant to be naked in this Onsen - so you're lucky I'm a rule breaker
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Someone (rightfully) called me out for never visiting Manchester, so here's everywhere I've been in the UK since 2013
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In the whirlwind of a 48 hour trip to Lithuania it's easy to lose perspective of how wild all this is
A few years ago I was making YouTube videos in my uni house... semi secretly because I assumed everyone would think it was a bit odd
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Goes without saying that I'm a YouTube fan - but the amount of far right content I get on Shorts is pretty worrying
It's my personal account, no link to politics at all, yet the only political content I get is right or often far right
(While I repeatedly say I'm not interested)
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1. Why have IKEA framed a report from the University of Reading
2. Why have the University of Reading straight ripped off a TLDR UK thumbnail
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I'm editing a video out loud in bed, so when Ross said he was going to sleep I apologised and said I'd put headphones on
He responded by saying "don't worry I like hearing it, it helps me fall asleep"
That's not a complement to TLDR videos.
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Also gotta say, I’m disappointed in all the people defending Johnson by saying
“Everyone broke the rules, I did [whatever]”
Sorry, but we didn’t all break the rules.
Stop flexing how you selfishly decided you were more important than your community
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1. It's my birthday
2. After drinks in a pub garden with friends this afternoon I made Ross do a photoshoot in the castle
3. Wish me a happy birthday if you'd like
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Permanently triggered right wingers: "Barbie is a 2 hour woke-a-thon. They should learn from Bud Light and Disney. Go Woke Go Broke."
The real world:
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I have a cool photo from the roof of the cruise, but it's too late in the UK to post
So enjoy this less good one from our cabin
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@Young_Tories
Imagine choosing your ideology based on how cheap the membership is
I mean I was going to be a Lib Dem... but £0.02 a day is too good. I guess I'm a Tory now
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