Blonde Boy Joel
@thevillainjoel
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674
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Saw this, lowered my rim in my driveway, and experienced one of the most painful moments in my life.
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Trying to develop a series of orders of drinks that would simply make a bartender ask, "What the fuck is this guy's deal?"
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Sometimes I think about my life and realize the most popular piece of music I ever created is a shit song called “Black Flanders”
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Great news gang! After months of negotiating with Funko, we've come to a deal making E1 Funko Pops a reality!!! Collect them all!
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Recipe for Money Milk:
Crushed green popsicle (1)
Gin (don’t be shy!)
Lime juice
Splash of beer (that’s all you need)
Black Cherry lemonade truly
Orange juice w/ extra pulp to the brim
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I keep getting random wine bullshit in the mail for no reason and I am not complaining
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Branson left me a drunk voicemail last night in which he sang the entirety of “Fast Car.”
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These are the tiniest glasses I could find.... I think we can go tinier. If you find any, let me know.
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I don’t know why I expected anything different from collaborating with Branson on a musical project
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I just remembered that someone at the e1 show told me that they thought I was just a character made up by Charles.
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This is the worst thing I’ve seen in a long time
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Seriously considering getting into gambling. Like an unhealthy level of gambling.
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You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. This is the ultimate pit bull pose.
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I suggested that the American flag can represent many different things to many different people to my Freshmen. One kid's review of me as a teacher: "Mr. S said that the flag is racist and that made me feel uncomfortable."
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An Ode to Grapes
To you, O tiny sacred fruit, I lend my ear,
What secrets has the earth told you?
Will you reveal them to me?
They say, “In Vino Veritas”
I say, “Hey this wine is pretty good.”
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Tonight’s cocktail is “Lucifer’s Latrine.” This ones only for the impure at heart.
-Start with some spiced rum in a shaker
-next add some malort (easy fellas!)
-Pour in some juicy ipa
-A dash of red wine
-Add in a whole egg white
-Shake
-Salt the glass, pour, and add coke
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Gonna stop asking who sends me stuff in the mail and just assuming all the random presents are from Andrew
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Sitting in the corner of the bar I own with Andrew… it’s dark, everything is black. We’re writing our wills. After thinking pensively, I write only two words: “Forget me.”
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Wearing my Cthulhu 2024 shirt, drinking whiskey from a mug that says “Cavemen shop at the Stone Depot” and checking my bank account that has 4 million dollars in it.
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Teacher on a Friday: “They’re great kids; I just have to find a way to get through to them…..”
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The Midwest is insanely beautiful
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Thrilled to announce that I will be voicing Shadow the Hedgehog in the third installment of the Sonic film franchise. This is a dream come true and I’d like to thank
@ParamountMovies
for the opportunity.
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Ok for real who sent the Chicago balls hat to me complete with personalized thank you note and stamp of authenticity
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Shit gets very real when school is evacuated before an announcement of a verdict. Hope all my students are safe tonight.
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Everyone at my new job leaves work early and it rules so much
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I'm not saying anything new, but it's truly incredible how out of control the opioid crisis is. My friends and I recently lost an old buddy whose life was altered due to a back injury. You can imagine the rest of the story yourself.
RIP Carl.
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Gonna listen to the Batman theme and brood for 48 hours
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I’m happy to announce that I’ve been cast as Joeladdin in the upcoming
@E1podcast
production of the original music “Joeladdin.” Truly a dream come true.
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Branson and Nick just named their all-nba 1st team:
Nikola Jokic
Luka Doncic
Lauri Markkanen
Kevin Huerter
Donte DiVincenzo
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My parents look like they’re in a cohen brothers movie
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My neighbor just watched me throw a knife at a rat and I teach children
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36 year old man driving by a church smoking a bowl: “It’a all bullshit, man…”
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My cat doesn’t respect me. He wants me to lose my job and stub my toe. He wants me to get a stomachache.
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These three cow pokes over here are disrespecting the death of a useless monarch
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