Kage
@swissmistress
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Following
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#Sober human. Sometimes overly serious, but often funny. Music. Crochet. Food. Artsy and weird. Reads, writes, wears pants. Suffers from #cuteaggression 🐈⬛
NorCal
Joined July 2009
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My divorce is final, so all if you are officially my TCs starting today.
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I would totally run away with you, but running is hard. Let's walk away together, and stop for snacks every 5 minutes.
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@realDonaldTrump
To Netflix: NEVER, EVER ASK ME IF I'M STILL WATCHING A SHOW AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. YOU KNOW I'M STILL WATCHING THE DAMN SHOW. DONT MAKE ME TELL YOU TWICE. BE CAUTIOUS!
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What do you mean I can't turn my presidency into a reality show??
#PresidentTrumps1stTantrum
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I understand poor decisions. I once dated a guy who wore a thumb ring.
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Why just women? Why the phrase "body count"? Just how insecure are you?
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@realDonaldTrump
To Karen: NEVER, EVER FORGET TO REPLACE THE INK IN THE PRINTER AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COMPANY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR FORGETFULNESS & BAD HAIR. BE CAUTIOUS!
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12 days sober. Feeling great. This is the best choice I have ever made.
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His left foot is slightly smaller than his right. Otherwise he'd be called Bigfeet.
#FakeBigfootFacts
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Whatever that thing in the back of the fridge is. I think it's breathing.
#ThingsThatCreepMeOut
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So....
#boycottbudwiser
OR
#boycottbudweiser
? I'm conflicted as to which one I should boycott! Tell me what to do, oh weise Trump supporters!
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I'm not ready to hate Morgan Freeman yet. I need a lot more notice for this kind of shit. Will there be grief counseling available?
#MorganFreeman
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I typo like a pro. Some might call me a....wait for it....Typro.
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Name an actor who may not always be the main character but always makes the movie they’re in better.
Stephen Root 🤘
Name an actor who may not always be the main character but always makes the movie they’re in better.
Jon Favreau
@jonfavs
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Instead of a thong, I like to wear low cut jeans and high waisted granny panties.
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I can remember every pair of tits I've ever seen. Some might say I have a photographic mammary.
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*Finally gets my shit together*
*Puts it in a pile and sits in it*
"My work here is done."
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I leave the store with everything except the one item I went there for.
#ThisAlwaysHappensToMe
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Apparently it's inappropriate to refer to my mom van as the sexy milf mobile.
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Hand him all the trash from your car and ask if he can "take care of that for you"
#AnnoyTheDriveThruWindowGuy
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