Suzannah Weiss
@suzannahweiss
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Feminist writer & sexologist. Author of Subjectified ( @politybooks ). Words in @nytimes @washingtonpost @nymag etc. suzannahLweiss @gmail .com. Coaching+courses⬇️
Los Angeles, CA
Joined April 2011
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"Authentic & moving. Challenging & uplifting."-
@vnbateman
"Weiss is one of the best sex writers out there. Her voice is one that lifts & carries you."-
@GigiEngle
"Subjectified will make you think ~long& hard~ about sex."-
@JustinLehmiller
Order my book!
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Ask consent for all sexual encounters, yes, even sexting. I just came up with this script that you're all welcome to borrow!
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Apparently I need to clarify that this is the kind of thing to say to partners you want to initiate a sexting relationship with, not randos on the internet
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When a woman fails to satisfy a man sexually, she wonders what’s wrong with her. When a man fails to satisfy a woman sexually, she wonders what’s wrong with her.
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Women with chronic illnesses: how long & how many doctors did it take you to get diagnosed? I counted 11 months & 17 doctors & wrote down what each did to show what we go through just to begin to heal.
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Instead of telling women their breasts are sexy no matter their size, how about we stop sexualizing breasts?
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Sometimes before I send nudes, I ask myself what will happen if they get leaked. Then I think, what will happen is that the world will know I have great tits. And I send them.
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Women are not defective by design. Sex doesn't have to be painful. Periods don't have to be painful. Female orgasms are not "elusive." Women are not more prone to pain. Women don't have less access to pleasure. Women are not poorly built. Women are not unlucky.
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.
@Tinder
still bans me because two years ago, my profile linked to my Twitter which linked to my OnlyFans. I’m not on OnlyFans anymore.
If only dating apps punished sexual harassment as harshly as they punish sex workers! Sex workers deserve love too. This is bad for business.
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Stop telling women they need a loving, trusting relationship to have good sex. That sets the bar low for encounters that don't fit society's standards of propriety. We should be able to expect sex to be enjoyable no matter what the relationship type.
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I was taught to think girls who were "slutty" were insecure, and now I'm like nope, they're just horny
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I spent a lot of my 20s worrying I was having too much sex and/or doing too many drugs, but now that I'm 30, my only real regret about my 20s was not having more sex and doing more drugs
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PSA: a woman can be openly sexual, OOZING with sexuality even, and still have tastes, preferences & boundaries!
Just because a woman puts her sexuality out there doesn't mean it's out there for you.
A woman's sexuality exists first and foremost for HER to bask & revel in.
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[Thread] Women, PoC, NB folks, & LGBTQ people w/ chronic illnesses are criticized for self-diagnosing, but the reason we self-diagnose is that those charged with diagnosing us are biased against us & don't understand issues that disproportionately affect us.
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Casual hookups don’t get messy because women are unable to control their hormones or separate sex from love. They get messy because of poor communication.
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I just want someone who will fuck me really hard then lie next to me and talk about cognitive science
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Owning 👏 a 👏 sex 👏 toy 👏 is 👏 not👏 an 👏 indication 👏 of 👏 a 👏 partner's 👏 inadequacy.
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OMG,
@Abella_Danger
performed a piece of erotica I wrote based on a porn video she starred in & you can watch & read it here:
@wearensfw
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I love how people are surprised by my interest in sex just because I’m nerdy & shy. Like yes women of all different personality types can have functioning clitorises
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I don't believe in chasing people. I also don't believe in rules like "don't text someone twice in a row." Rules are for people disconnected from their hearts. Follow your heart and nothing else matters. If it says to double-text someone, do it.
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One downside to being a sex writer is that I sometimes have to take a break to masturbate during the day because I'm getting turned on by my own work.
Wait, no, that's an upside.
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Stop saying we should legalize sex work so fewer men have the urge to rape. Rape is not a physical urge. Rape doesn’t happen because men are horny & not enough women will fuck them. It happens due to entitlement, resentment, misogyny, & desire for power.
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I've grown accustomed to (often passive) aggressive PR tactics, but this is really something.
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I want to write an Alice in Wonderland parody about a girl who loses her rabbit vibrator, and there happens to be a wormhole in the drawer where it's hiding, which she falls down and learns the secrets of the cosmos, all while searching for her vibrator.
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When men believe that women aren't very sexual beings, it's often because they're giving off such creepy vibes, women don't feel comfortable being sexual *around them.*
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"Could you talk about the role masturbation plays in people's fantasies during sex?"-me on the phone in a cafe with a whole bunch of people right next to me
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Vaginas 👏 aren't 👏 supposed 👏 to 👏 smell 👏 like 👏 flowers.
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There's room for reminding people they're capable & deserving of confidence & sex lives no matter what they look like.
But "all boobs are sexy" messaging is old & overdone & risks furthering objectification.
We get to define our body parts & decide how sexual we consider them.
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If a woman doesn’t get a man off, it’s assumed that she has to be sexier or wilder or improve her technique. If a man doesn’t get a woman off, it’s assumed that she’s difficult to please.
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I dislike that every sex act besides intercourse is called “fooling around.” If someone’s going to be touching my genitals, I prefer they do it with a bit of gravitas.
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Consent is essential, but it's really the bare minimum. Instead of telling women they can reject or "consent" to a partner's desires, let's encourage them to go after their own. Do what you desire, not what you're just OK with.
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Manipulating a sex worker into a free session by promising to pay and then not paying is sexual assault.
Pretending to be someone else in an online chat with a sex worker until you get on camera and show who you are is sexual assault.
If they did not agree to it, it is assault.
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My best sex advice to men: Don't just fuck the pussy. Let the pussy fuck you back. Let it pull you in before you push in. You are doing a dance with another person, not masturbating into her. Go slowly & read her body language. Sense what she is wanting, then grant her that wish.
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Side note: the first person to accurately diagnose me was a psychic 😂 Second was my acupuncturist.
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One of the best tests of someone's moral character is how they talk about and treat sex workers.
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PSA: fingering someone for approximately two seconds then announcing "I want to fuck you" does not count as foreplay
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Pro tip: If a woman repeatedly rejects your advances, it's probably not because she's tempted and has mustered all her will power to resist. It's because she genuinely has no interest. So please take her word for it.
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We do not need a medical procedure to accomplish this goal. Just TEACH PEOPLE ABOUT THE CLITORIS & stop telling women their bodies are the problem
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If you ask someone to engage in a sexual act & they say "no," it's not cool to ask again. Asking multiple times conveys that the original answer was unacceptable & pressures them to come up with a different one. People know their own minds. Take "no" at face value.
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Finally, a male perspective! Just what the world was missing!
@suzannahweiss
I can offer a male perspective about no longer having any idea how to approach a woman due to fear of causing offence or unknowingly making her uncomfortable.
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To those people who lament women “giving it up” too easily: what exactly are you giving up by receiving pleasure and affection from someone you like?
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[6] This is a feminist issue. We are sick, suffering, & even dying because people still can't trust our knowledge of our own bodies.
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Can sex position articles please stop saying shit like "this one gives him a great view!"? Women are not landscapes.
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I agree with
@DrJenGunter
— we need to stop viewing vaginas as accidents waiting to happen, or as objects to make more aesthetically pleasing. Where's the "How to Get Your Best Summer Penis Ever" article?
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Consent isn't just about "no means no" or even "yes means yes." Someone can say "yes" to gain approval, to appease, or to fit in. It's really about tuning in, connecting with someone, and understanding their desires, their fears, their motives. There's no way around that.
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Rather than focus on which features are sexy, let's remind people that sexiness comes from the inside — and, more importantly, that they don’t have to be sexy.
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In a healthy sexual culture, "suck my dick" would be a compliment, conveying trust & a desire for closeness w/ someone.
We've come to view oral sex as a way to overpower someone rather than share intimacy with them, forgetting all sex acts should be for both parties' pleasure.
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Decided it was time to be really clear about what I’m looking for on Tinder 😂
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We need to stop equating "committed" with "monogamous."
"Committed" can mean committed to supporting each other's journey toward fulfillment and sharing each other's joy, even when that joy and fulfillment come from other people.
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Why are people acting all grossed out by this cool & informative image? Does it take boobs off their pedestal as sexual objects that exist only to be gazed at? Feels like the equivalent of men in denial that women poop or fart.
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[5] We're deemed irrational for turning to alternative medicine, but conventional MDs rush us out, dismiss our concerns, and prescribe things that make us worse.
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I hate the term "vaginal sex." It's from a male perspective. Sex acts are named by what the penis enters: oral, vaginal, anal. From the perspective of a woman being pleased, all sex is vaginal & 1 kind is penile. We don't say "penile sex" bc we assume *all* sex involves a penis.
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[4] We get called hypochondriacs when what we really are is empowered & determined to love & care for ourselves.
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If you’re trying to enter my vagina without putting in the minimal effort it takes to get me off first, you are not worth risking a pregnancy for.
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“Women require an emotional connection to orgasm”
Um, no we don’t. We require our clit to be played with.
If some fuckboys won’t play with our clit unless there’s an emotional connection, that’s their limitation, not ours.
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"There is a misconception that people in interabled relationships are taking advantage of us or that abled partners are somehow saviors. The reality is that we’re all human beings — nothing more and nothing less."-
@Kirstie_Schultz
@PillPack
@ChronicSexChat
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That movie trope where a woman rejects a man's kiss then he grabs her & forces it on her & she melts into his arms needs to die
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Friendships with exes should not be a threat. They're actually a great sign that someone can maintain respect for a partner throughout and even after a relationship.
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It perplexes me how some men draw a dichotomy between women they'd fuck and women they'd marry. Are they not planning to fuck their wives?
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Whenever I hear the phrase “female desire” or “female sexuality,” I can be almost certain someone’s about to make an offensive generalization about women’s sexual tendencies. There is just sexuality, and there are as many sexualities as there are people. There are not two types.
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Could we have just like 1 porn scene that doesn't end with a cumshot?
Maybe one where he goes on to please the woman afterward?
Male orgasm is not the sole purpose of sex.
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We should stop using the word “clean” to mean “STI negative.” It implies that those with STIs (AKA the vast majority of people) are dirty.
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"Women have power; they can manipulate men by denying them sex."
"Women have power; they can get what they want using their looks."
"Women have power; they're the primary caretakers of their households."
EXCEPT THAT LITERALLY ALL THESE THINGS STEM FROM WOMEN'S DISEMPOWERMENT.
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If someone confides in you that they're struggling with workaholism, don't tell them it's "a good problem to have." That's a lie capitalism wants you to believe, but if you saw the toll workaholism takes on relationships, health, and sense of self, you'd think otherwise.
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We will not have achieved gender equality until women can discuss their sexual experiences and interests with their Tinder matches without then being sexually harassed and asked for nudes.
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A friendly reminder that it’s normal to suck at relationships
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It's evil how patriarchal society makes women anxious & depressed then diagnoses them w/ anxiety & depression as if the fault is in their brain chemistry. These conditions are real but they should be seen as understandable responses to our circumstances, not flaws in our design.
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Thanks
@literElly
for the writeup of this thread in
@TeenVogue
about the dismissal of women's pain & the legacy of the "hysteria" diagnosis.
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I used to give men the benefit of the doubt and think "maybe the clitoris *is* hard to find if it's not on your own body." Then I started hooking up with women and... nope. Still not hard to find.
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My hobbies include leaving Facebook friend requests unanswered for years then responding "yes" to them all when I'm drunk
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When women are violated, we're accused of not taking precautions. Then we take precautions, we're accused of being paranoid or anti-man. How can we protect ourselves if we tune out any intuition that could offend a man? Never let anyone call you crazy for using your judgment.
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Basically every diagnosis described as "controversial" in the media is one that affects a shit ton of women and far fewer men.
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When a guy brags about how long he lasts in bed but won’t eat pussy
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What does it say about me that I fantasize about data from sex studies when I masturbate?
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A man just emailed me several paragraphs about why, as a woman, I should not have written an article about semen retention and how offensive it is when women claim to be authorities over men's bodies.
Seems like he's getting a taste of what it's like to be a woman.
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When I get married I’m gonna make them say “now you may kiss the groom”
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I’ll share my sex life with the whole internet, but whenever I buy condoms, I always throw in some conditioner or garbage bags or something so I don’t look like some slut coming all the way to the store just for condoms 😂
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What is with that move where guys grab your hand and put it on their dick? I know where your dick is. If I want my hand there, I will put it there. If you want my hand there, you can ask me. Putting my hand there yourself leaves no room for me to express whether I want it there.
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My parents: got anything exciting planned this week?
Me in my head: err a sacred snake ceremony, an erotic massage date, an orgasmic meditation date, a cacao ceremony, a magic mushroom ceremony...
Me out loud: No not too much
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It’s fucked up how when trauma survivors exhibit symptoms of trauma, people don’t recognize them as such and instead interpret them as character flaws, weaknesses, or innate brain imbalances in need of medicating. That in of itself is re-traumatizing.
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The other day I asked a guy on Bumble if he’d like to get dinner and he said “thanks for the offer but I’m not looking for anything serious.”
What have we become as a society that two people eating together is serious?
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Me to the public: I am super open-minded and progressive. I accept all kinds of people.
Me on Tinder: Ehhh I don't think I could date a guy named Jimmy
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Why don't period trackers let you enter "horny AF" as one of your "symptoms"?
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Having done sex work, I now see even more how insulting it is to refer to sex workers as “selling their bodies.”
I am not selling anything more than what I say I’m selling.
You have no right to buy anything beyond what I decide to sell.
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Being taught you were born unequal on a physical level instills a deep-seated inferiority complex, one I'm only starting to unlearn at age 27. When we learn we're naturally built for more pain & less pleasure, we come to accept lives where we experience more pain & less pleasure.
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"But you look great!" The phrase that manages to objectify women and trivialize invisible illnesses all at the same time.
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What if sex went like this: As "foreplay," a woman had intercourse with a man until he got REALLY excited. Then, he performed oral sex while she rubbed his balls or something else almost completely useless, and once she came, she fell asleep. That's basically what we do to women.
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"There is always some non-expert 'expert' willing to endorse the idea that a vagina is constantly in a source of near panic. No one is worried about the rectum, though, and that is full of stool." 😂 Thank you
@DrJenGunter
!
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Get off your high horse about drugs. Pretty much everyone's always tripping on some substance, whether that's coffee, alcohol, sugar, or Prozac
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Your 👏 brand 👏 is 👏 not 👏 body 👏 positive 👏 if 👏 it aims 👏 to 👏 change 👏 how 👏 people 👏 look.
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I'm glad the toilet paper shortage is lightening up, but when are we going to address the shortage of available dick??? because it's getting out of hand
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Sometimes when I contemplate the fact that I haven’t had sex in six months, I consider going on dating apps.
But it always comes down to the fact that people can bring all kinds of energy into your bedroom, while my rose quartz dildo always provides positive energy.
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Sometimes I wonder why I don't have a boyfriend, then I remember that I eat chocolate in bed and have stains on the sheets that look like poop.
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Looking to become a
#freelance
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Let's normalize condom use in long-term relationships and marriages. Many people don't feel comfortable with the side effects of birth control, and often, condoms are a relatively simple alternative that will also help protect against STIs.
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When men don't orgasm, 74 percent will masturbate or tell their partner to finish the job. But only 56 percent of women would do the same — the rest would "stay silent and frustrated,"
@astroglide
survey finds:
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Airport security is currently searching through my sex toys and lube, can I please have some emotional support? 😂
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Vulvas don't actually orgasm slower than penises. It just seems that way b/c we conflate "sex" with "intercourse." It's time to stop spreading statistics that paint female bodies as inferior & "naturalize the orgasm gap," as
@lisawade
puts it.
@ESTBLSHMNT
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Just 👏 because 👏 someone 👏 does 👏 sex 👏 work 👏 doesn't 👏 mean 👏 they 👏 want 👏 your 👏 dick 👏 pics
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We need to stop doing that thing where a woman says she's not into a guy and we go "but he's a nice guy, give him a chance, he'll grow on you!"
This not only undermines women's agency, bodily autonomy, and intuition but also encourages feelings of entitlement among "nice guys."
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