Simone Nathan
@simonenathan
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OFMD Writer / Kid Sister on TVNZ+ / Once saw a cockroach ride an escalator and get off at the top
New Zealand
Joined June 2016
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Pinned Tweet
A friend canceled plans because they were feeling ‘a little bit sad’. I didn’t know you could say that. I would say that all. the time.
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Been laughing about these for a full calendar year. Art dept on
#OurFlagMeansDeathS2
were simply beyond
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I don’t take photos with the Eiffel Tower because I’ve seen the documentary and I know that’s somebody’s man
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My dad: *gasps awake* I had the nightmare again
My mum: where the kids haven’t signed the backs of their debit cards?
My dad: why won’t they just do it
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We should all aspire to live like the electric toothbrush, doing two mins of solid work then recharging all day solely from the exhaustion of that
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I feel I would have had various awkward interactions with Dumbledore in the halls / stairways and ultimately left uncertain whether or not he knew my name
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Found a puka shell on the beach. I’d never seen one not on a necklace before! Haha I put it to my ear. It said, ‘Hey this was fun but I think it’s better if we keep this as a summer thing. We cool?’
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At what age can I buy a chair for the shower? Counting down.
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No, things aren’t perfect for me right now - professionally or socially - but the small rug in my room is always straight. I make sure of that.
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Could be wrong but if you are visiting my town, I think you should pay for dinner?? And when I’m in your town? Please pay for dinner. I’m in a financial hole!
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@grumpyk22
Art dept presented them to us with a completely straight face like ‘the drawings you asked for’. It did not seem funny to them at all
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My friend's improv group performed a whole show for one silent man. When the lights came up they realized it was a coat left on a chair
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A TRULY TWISTED transition to the ads here on my fav New Zealand farming show
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@david_jenkins__
@ZadryG
@elizacossio
@maddiedai
Omg hello all you gorgeous our flag means death-heads!! 🖤🖤
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If I do have a stalker, they must be really really. really. sick of shania twain by now
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Why do all yogurt 6 packs make me 'tango' wth mango and peach? I only want passion fruit. Passion fruit only. I push people away because I'm afraid of getting hurt
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Looook at this fing wot we rote!
Very happy to share this teaser for OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH, the thingy I’ve made with
@taikawaititi
@rhysiedarby
and many other amazing people. Pretending to be pirates. For a living. They actually paid us to do this.
Coming this March!
#OurFlagMeansDeath
@hbomax
@hbomaxpop
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When I saw the phantom of the opera I thought yep this happened to me
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One time my mum picked me up 40 minutes late from school because she lost track of time searching for the end of a rainbow
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Definitely has been hard building romantic connections with the added pressure of breaking the witch's spell
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My favorite is the sixth and lesser-known love language: inside-jokes that push people away and isolate your friendship into a state of toxic codependency
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I want to receive a lovely email that is congratulating me!!!
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I cannot begin to tell you how sick I am of brushing my teeth
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Very kind words from Mia. This unhinged show flops out on May 26 TVNZ on Demand :)
New Zealanders, please watch
@simonenathan
’s show. She was a writer on
#OurFlagMeansDeath
so you love her, right?? AND one of my all time favorite people, definitely one of those situations where you’re like “couldn’t have happened to a better person!” and “omg, so deserved!”
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Me: *on desert island, waving arms at passing Navy vessel*
Entire Navy: *smiles, their arms slowly form a 'Y'. Then an 'M', 'C' and 'A'*
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Me: *Gasps awake from 30yr coma*
It's willow and jaden because it's will and jada!!!!
Robot nurse: *bursts in* wait OMFG
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What if everything about your fav podcast was the same but they did every ep while holding hands! That would be rly quite funny I think!!!
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Sometimes at the gym I stand on only one side of the elliptical and pretend I’m rowing a gondola
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When people give me their business cards I say ooh yes thank you I'll be sure to pass that on to the dark lord
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I know why but I’m not allowed to saaay
A flock of Sheep in Inner Mongolia have been walking in a circle for over 10 days straight and no one knows why.
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If you ever feel down try to remind yourself hey - I weigh less than an adult tuna. That doesn’t usually work though
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When the podcast ends with the hosts saying they’re going to record their patreon ep now, I feel soo tired for them
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Smiled at a stranger and the cold air burned my sensitive teeth. Never trying that again.
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Really the number one reason to get a boyfriend is so you have someone to sing the phantom’s parts
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Dishwasher owners know nothing of the nuanced, intimate lives we hand-washers share with our dishes. We know their every curve, every crevasse.
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Told my dad I'm doing a Twilight marathon. He said he was proud. I think he thinks I’m running a marathon at twilight
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If the candy doesn’t have a worm absolutely screaming and sobbing on the packet it ain’t sour enough for me, honey
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Made a little Mother’s Day web series where people impersonate their mums. It’s nice. And a wee bit cheeky. Please watch!
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Looking back, I third-wheeled my parents a fucking bunch as a kid
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I could actually kill a guy and I’d still get into heaven coz of all the nespresso pods I’ve recycled
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I wonder how Miley's best friend Lesley is doing. And who she voted for
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Daenerys: "If you ever betray me, I’ll burn you alive."
Me: *jots down for future wedding vows*
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If my kid doesn’t like Harry Potter I will send them to an orphanage so they can live Harry Potter
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"I don't care what you think, mom. I'm in love with him and we're moving out"
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Please remember to compliment your cat’s curiosity, pride and agility, not just their beautiful looks and poses
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Dating me is technically a thruple because my water bottle is always there and it’s huge
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Troubled by a disquieting pattern where I reply to people’s messages and then they send more?
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Lot of people think this is a self-portrait but the elephant's never seen itself. So it's probably of an elephant they love
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Me: Guys! Let's do an escape room!! I promise it won't be like last time
Me: *10 mins in, knife to someone's throat* GIVE me the JADE BUDDHA
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Sometimes I think I should leave the house more but then I remember I've had 2 moths fly into my mouth and am probably due for a 3rd
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My parents didn't think 'the talk' was enough. They gave us 'the demonstration'
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If my mum has taught me one thing it’s that you can not only live but THRIVE with a heart full of hate
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Me: *very subtly* dad, look at that man behind you
Dad: I actually can't turn my head *stands and faces them* OH YES, VERY STRANGE FACE
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Thinking of going to prison to really focus on this pilot I’ve been writing
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Constantly starting conga lines because I yearn to be touched
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I am staunchly Anti-Zoo. Except when I actually go to the zoo because oof - what a fun day out. I really do enjoy them
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I wonder what my dad's tinder tagline would've been. And then wish I hadn't
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WILL marry and divorce Ira Glass to fulfill lifelong dream of putting out explosive tell-all bio, 'This American Wife'
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@hey_alma
@evelyngfrick
Beyond honoured. Hey alma is my world!! We gotta get this thing over to ya’ll 🤩
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@divinedelphiFX
@david_jenkins__
@TaikaWaititi
@rhysiedarby
@nathan_foad
@V_Vico_Ortiz
So glad fang got to be with his doggie 🥲
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Okay waaait I'm somehow not humiliated by this pod? So far on 'Every Stupid Question' we've interviewed a sexual health nurse, a Real Housewife of Auckland, and a family therapist. Please have a listen! Our voices were described by one person as 'dulcet'.
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Now that pop culture's demystified the Babadook, the scariest thing in that movie is the big old-timey vibrator the mom keeps in her drawer
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Honored to announce I have been named one of JSwipe’s top 100 most eligible J’s!!! Obv want to thank my parents and hashem first off...
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Unquenchably thirsty for these shots of a young David Attenborough
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@simonenathan
Got the receipts to back this bold claim UP honeyy! Can you find ya girl in here? baruch hashem bby!!!
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White peeps always think they're 'discovering' shit. HELLO. We've been living there for some time!!!
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Can't sleep worrying if Britney's boys are making friends at their new schools in Vegas
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Muttering 'oh you'd love that wouldn't you' after every instruction from my voice nav
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Just lived our collective Subway nightmare and, unaware my headphones weren't plugged in, began playing the Bridget Jones soundtrack ALOUD
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@Jun_mdxp
@MalcolmAlexndr
@LucasChatelain
Thank you Megan for your correspondence. May this be the start of a wonderful friendship built on mutual respect & trust. Clicking link now!
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