BC🇨🇦Brian
@sexyhandeeman
Followers
6,010
Following
3,977
Media
2,601
Statuses
105,368
Gentleman in the streets, filthy in the tweets.
Vancouver, BC
Joined January 2009
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
My friends went out for Vietnamese without me and now I have Phomo.
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Broccoli has no business being $4.99 a pound. That’s asparagus money.
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If you give her 3 orgasms, for every one orgasm you have, you can load the dishwasher any way you fucken want too.
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Hey 20 something’s, if you think women get dirty at 30, wait until you fuck a 50. Just saying. 🔥😈
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I saw a tweet I disagreed with today, and after reading it I scrolled on past because, I’m a grown up and don’t need to spew my beliefs on everyone who thinks differently.
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OMG you guys, I found the best Halloween accessory ever. Not sure how it attaches, but this fox costume is gonna be epic!
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Spouse ignoring your texts? Drop a nude and then immediately reply with, sorry wrong person. Works like a charm.
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I don’t leave home without my emotional support Alpacas.
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Once Canada takes over the world, all you fuckers are gonna be sorry.
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Rule 1. No one wants to see your penis.
Rule 2. If you think someone wants to see your penis, see Rule 1.
Rule 3. If she hasn’t said “show me your penis”, see Rule 1.
Good talk, sport.
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@kaitlancollins
@JoshMankiewicz
I can’t imagine a worse time for this to happen. My condolences to her family, and to the American Justice system, which also died today.
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Considering their names are Woody and Buzz, are you sure they weren’t Andy’s Mom’s toys?
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It’s cute how people in their 30’s like to whine about how old they are getting.
On behalf of those in our 50’s and above, let me just say, “Buckle up bitches. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride. “
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Sex in your 20’s
-But wait; there’s more
Sex in your 50’s
-Butt weight; there’s more
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Women get dick pics. Men have to put up with this bullshit.
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I’ve got your 4/20 right here. It’s 4 inches long and guaranteed to last at least 20 seconds.
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Sure, I’ll suck on your tits. Or we could have ice cream. Or I could eat ice cream off your tits.
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Always check your volume, BEFORE pressing play on the video. Like always always.
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Just signed a work email, Breast regards, in case anyone is looking for an editor. If you need me I’ll be in HR.
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If you can’t masturbate to just the sound of her cumming, you probably don’t deserve her.
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If boobs don’t make you happy why are you even on Twitter?
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My twitter plan is to keep scrolling until I attain enlightenment.
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I’ve been fucked more by distance, than by anything else on this damn app.
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Eat everything in moderation. Except pussy. Eat the fuck out of that. All. Night. Long.
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“A little light bondage,” she said.
“You’ll like it,” she said.
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Fuck TEMU and fuck Elon for these stupid fucking immutable ads. I’ll never buy anything from these fucks. So fuck off.
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When the only thing hotter than her body, is the mind that runs it.
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OMFG. He just peeled and ate the ball. I didn’t even know that was possible!
-My dog, watching me have an orange.
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Some of you are naked on here far too often. Some of you, not often enough. Just saying.
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Salt and pepper beards are the secret weapons of old farts, like me.
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Women can have a dozen orgasms a day and still keep cumming. But they have to live on the same planet as men, so I guess it evens out.
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When somebody just gets you, and makes you feel seen and heard, it just hits different.
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What rhymes with butthole? This love poem is gonna be epic.
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You know you're a Canadian if the sound of women yelling "hurry, hard" makes you think of curling.
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Twitter has a dark side. Can you believe there are people here posting recipes and poetry, instead of dirty jokes and nudes.
Creepy weirdos.
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Pre Twitter
-Dance like no one is watching
Post Twitter
-Masturbate like everyone is watching
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If churches need money why don’t they just pray for it, instead of preying for it.
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Sometimes you wanna know if it tastes as good as it looks.
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That ache you feel for someone you’ve never met, is why Twitter is both a blessing and a curse.
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Is there a sexier sound in the world, than listening to the moans of someone you care for, while they cum for you?
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Never piss off a Canadian. We will apologize you to DEATH!
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PS. In case you haven’t heard already, you’re fucking hot. Smoke show, work boner, cum in my pants, hot.
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There is no such thing as vegan butter. I will die on this hill.
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If you've never seen your woman truly pissed at you, it's obvious you've never used her sewing scissors to cut paper.
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17 is going on his first date tonight and just asked me for advice. I have won at being a father.
My advice was be respectful, remember consent, but get the large popcorn and keep it in your lap.
What’s your advice?
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Being a grown up is recognizing you can do everything right, and still lose.
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I just pulled a muscle in my neck eating soup, in case you're wondering what 50 is like.
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You deserve a “growl in your ear that makes you need to lie down” kind of love.
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Posting nudes is a great way to meet Christian Dads, Devoted Family Men, and Republicans.
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Taking ownership of her means accepting responsibility for her heart, health, happiness and hormones. It’s basically the 4H club.
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If only we could accept ourselves as quickly as we accept updated terms of service.
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Some people on this app are so attractive, they have to watermark their photos, so they aren’t stolen by catfish. And then there’s the rest of us. The fugly. The free.
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Girls who moan when your in their throats. Keep that shit up.
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The nice thing about aging is you can have the hangover experience without the fun night out.
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When you find someone who just gets you, who turns you on and fired your imagination, curiosity, and creativity tell them.
I’m looking at you.
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How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
Thanks for following.
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What's weird about the internet is we use it to tell strangers our most intimate secrets and for our friends, we use it to tell lies.
#Truth
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If Twitter has taught me anything, it’s that spankings are reserved for good girls. And to be a good girl, you have to do very naughty things.
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Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a 280 character cage.
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