sarah rose etter
@sarahroseetter
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unthinkable surprises about to happen✨ bylines in: @nytimes @time @bombmagazine @thecut novels: the book of x, RIPE (@scribnerbooks)
los angeles 🎆
Joined February 2011
THE NEW YORK TIMES LOVED MY NOVEL & CALLED MY PROSE EXQUISITE & PUT ME WITH JOAN & SYLVIA & I AM CRYING AT THE GALLERIA
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got a photo update from my dogsitter & instead of looking at my dog, i can only look at this DIVA on the left WHO IS SHE
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a man on my plane wasn’t listening to the stewardess but she was like “hey there is a lady allergic to apples so no apples on this flight” so like three mins later he pulls out an apple & just starts crunching it next to her & my 2hr flight turned into a 12hr saga.
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while i was deep in grief, i was researching brain waves & one thing i learned is that during severe depression/grief, we experience theta waves (which usually occur only before deep sleep) while we are awake. we literally sleepwalk through life due to sadness. just wild.
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made my therapist laugh until she had tears in her eyes & fell out of the zoom frame nothing can stop me now i am her favorite this is what peak performance looks like i have won all of therapy.
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babe wake up they're canceling someone you've never heard of before.
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probably my favorite breakup story is that i ended things with a guy who had two eggs in my fridge & he went to the fridge & got the two eggs, one in each hand, glared at me, and left.
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the rich ppl going in the submarine made me remember the time i went to mammoth cave bc i was really into caves & the tour guide said in the early days, only rich ppl could go into the cave & eventually they found the bones of a man with a top hat & a woman with a corset in there.
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because of this the apple lady went into allergic reaction & we had to turn the plane around which caused us to run out of fuel & then a snowstorm hit & then the plane battery died & had to be jumped so i truly want to murder the apple guy.
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one of the craziest parts of being alive right now is that you can be simultaneously thriving & crumbling at the exact same time it's truly wild bro.
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just CRUNCHING that apple next to the no apple lady.
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in david foster wallace's archive, he wrote to this like ex-IRS guy & asked "how many ppl not paying their taxes would it take for society to collapse?" & the guy was like "listen, we studied this extensively & we know the answer & nobody will ever tell you the answer.".
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they just had to change my seat on this flight because a “giant cat” had the seat next to me & they “want us both to be comfortable” lol i cannot wait to see what this cat looks like it has to be like an exotic animal right.
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@AllPlanets why the fuck would i invent any of this? i literally almost went insane over all of it, this was the stupidest day of my life.
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i was in iceland for a residency & i was in a hot spring w a bunch of european kids & when they realized i was american, they said “oh america, that’s where you like to wait in line for food” & it was such a sick burn that it knocked the wind out of me.
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took my dog to those bluebonnet fields in texas once & these are the photos i took right before she crashed an influencer’s photoshoot as one does in NATURE
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one of my friends got totally hammered at a literary event & went up to his friend who'd given his book four stars on goodreads & screamed "WHERE'S THE FIFTH STAR BITCH?" & they never spoke again & this is my favorite story about goodreads.
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my dog is on the far right but nobody would know because she is INVISIBLE in this photo completely UPSTAGED by the queen on the left!!.
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rich ppl love dying in places they shouldn’t be & it has been this way since the dawn of time.
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reading the new yorker article about bees & they just dropped this tidbit like it was NBD
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TO CLOSE THIS OUT: it turns out the woman with the cat WORKS FOR THE AIRLINE & instead of just letting the cat have the middle seat, they moved me & gave her the entire aisle. PISSED!.
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muting this because you’re all fucking insane — we never took off bc we burned fuel taking the lady back, they had to jump the APU, none of this is fake trust me i wish it all was.
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the only correct response to this photo is from @BronicaCronica: BOOTS WITH THE FUURRRRRRR.
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lol actually this is truly IRS-coded bc they also know how much you owe them but will never just tell you how much you owe them.
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june jordan really said BANGERS ONLY with this one & i will post it every year i don’t care
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@sarahradz_ absolutely - if your brain is overwhelmed with managing grief, it has less capacity to remember anything. i genuinely do not remember much in the two years after my dad died suddenly.
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i was reading silence of the lambs on the plane & the lady next to me asked why i was flying to SF & i said i was on book tour & she pointed to the silence of the lambs & said “ooooh did you write that?” & i nodded & said “yes, yes i did”.
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everybody asks “how do you write novels AND have a full time job?” & they never want the answer to be “i write for an hour every night after work, saturdays & sundays from 9-5, and then i take a two-week vacation & write through that” but it’s the goddamn truth.
The most important lesson I ever learned as a writer:. When I was 28 I was at a bar on a Friday night. My friends and I were dancing and getting wasted and having an amazing night, when I looked around and noticed that my buddy Clark was missing. I asked my buddy Jeremy, “Hey.
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someone on a zoom call asked what we would do if we knew we only had 40 mins left to live & ppl said "i would call my family" & i said "i guess i would try heroin" & now i'm pretty sure i'm getting fired.
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i have a gudetama sticker on my luggage & my last flight was packed & the stewardness got on the mic & was like “we need to move some bags so if your bag has a — a what IS that? is that a sad egg? if your bag has a sad egg on it, we moved it” & i just pretended it wasn’t mine.
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imagine if i was like: wow, this tweet is really doing numbers, here's a link to a salt lamp you can get 20% off with my code GRIEFSQUAD.
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if this is a regular demonic house cat, i am going to get air marshalled.
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now the cops are here arresting someone wow this is a DRAMATIC time.
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lol everyone in the comments "why didn't he put both eggs in one hand" motherfucker i have no idea that's why it is funny.
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it happened to me: i finally answered an email i had been putting off & the person responded right away & now i'm back to square one.
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this is the corniest thing i will ever tweet, but so much of writing a novel is finding a way to believe in the work even when almost no one else has read it. it is a very specific kind of loneliness.
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anais nin's house/studio is absolutely making me drool
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muting this now bc i don’t feel like fighting (idk why anyone wants to fight about this???) & this website is insane thanks.
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@ksethu17 i did have to bite my tongue to not say “well nobody wants to wait in line for icelandic food”.
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lyft driver: where you heading?.me: to record a radio show about my book.driver: maybe they want you on the radio because you are young & female.me: maybe they want me on the radio because i wrote a good book.driver: please don’t give me a bad rating.
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the ultra-feminist critiques of barbie are just a little much for me idk i feel like i don't need or expect the barbie movie to deliver revolutionary feminist thinking & any movie we expect that from is going to suck? is the function of art to deliver theory? idk?.
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when i was 26, my french publisher flew me to france & my dad demanded to come with me & the reading was packed somehow & a man asked a question in french & my translator turns to me & says HE WANTS KNOW WHY YOU HATE ALL MEN & my dad was in the back laughing so hard he was crying.
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ah great this is doing numbers i cannot wait to get canceled bc the man didn't put both eggs in one hand.
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i think about it every time i see people in line for charcoal soft serve or whatever the fuck.
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the reviewer calling the new moshfegh too close to SHREK has me on the fucking ground send an ambulance
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is this my first viral tweet where i'm not getting screamed at??? iconic.
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@FatLittleFinch i love cavers — i think this example was about wealthy ppl thinking it was cool to be in the cave & overstaying their welcome/getting lost.
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since everyone asked: HUNCHBACK whips
blurbing this insane japanese novella that does more insane shit in 90 pages than most novels do in 300.
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oh you cannot relate to this, a perfect illustration of the human condition????
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it is not the job of a single novel to encapsulate & address every possible lived experience & in fact it is one job of the novel to illustrate unlived experiences to you.
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@ThornerCallum @AllPlanets and tbh it was even worse than i am describing bc we had to de-ice twice & got stuck in a line of planes trying to take off in a foot of snow.
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why does every writer have a female character who bites her lip until it bleeds? this doesn’t happen. nobody does this. we aren’t out here eating our own lips off.
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camilla unfortunately taking home a big win for mistresses today you gotta admit she really played the long game.
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grief is absolutely wild because you can be absolutely happy with everything in your life except the giant, painful void where someone used to be.
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writing novels is a way of understanding the world around you & that doesn’t inherently have anything to do with hope. the best books interrogate life, which is as full of suffering as it is beauty. it isn’t the duty of art to give everyone hope. that’s for hallmark cards.
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absolutely sobbing that this man is querying my agent by saying my novel was in his laundry room
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i just respectfully said i didn’t like that she put grapes on her key lime pie this feels extreme
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TILDA SWINTON BUYING AXES WITH A DOG IS MY FOREVER MOOD
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built a spinning bookshelf today & i feel like i live in a bookstore now
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as someone from philadelphia, i need everyone to acknowledge that “you guys” is gender neutral.
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i interviewed for a ghostwriting company once & they ghostwrote books for big names & they wanted to pay me like $80K to write a neurosurgeon’s book about how visualization & manifestation were real.
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i can’t wait to end up on good morning america explaining this viral tweet in a few days & under my name on the screen it will say VIRAL EGG LADY.
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really cannot take an op-ed where someone is saying winning a guggenheim didn't change their lives as i log on to my seven hours of zooms per day for my full-time job
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one thing that kills me about calling it SAD GIRL LIT is that all literature is sad & all of the men writing literature have been sad the entire time so really it’s just LITERATURE which is inherently sad & doesn’t need to be gendered at all.
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people get mad when you explain how much work it takes to write because they want it to be magic or they want to make the labor of it disappear so they can say it isn’t a big deal & not pay writers.
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one thing i've been thinking about re: the m*shfegh essay is that i wonder if it is starting to become clear in the work which writers no longer have full-time jobs and have sort of become divorced from the dire economic reality the rest of us are facing.
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when i was 23, i got to interview noam chomsky at MIT. i was terrified, but he was kind & thoughtful. he gave me an hour and a half of his time instead of the 30 mins on his calendar. we stayed in touch. he took away my fear of interviewing anyone. i'll never forget that.
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never ever ever over this perfect diane seuess poem
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i don’t have it in me to confront a mysterious sphere right now.
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if you want your book to really hit, you cannot do it without booksellers & librarians and that is the gospel truth.
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nobody told me that one of the most stressful & upsetting things about being an adult is shopping for & then purchasing & then owning a sofa.
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@gracecamille_ watching this made me feel so weird like i kept waiting to her get to the part where they admitted to fucking the groom behind her back or committing murder but they just. didn't like their dresses basically? idk.
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🎉🎉🎉 SOME BIG NEWS TODAY 🎉🎉🎉 i am so happy & so excited to share my second novel with you soon — thank you @kentdwolf @emilycpolson @ScribnerBooks & @unitedtalent!
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