Russell Kane
@russell_kane
Followers
577K
Following
13K
Media
928
Statuses
7K
on tour until December 2025 – new dates added all the time – click the link to bag your tickets My kids book Pet Selector is out September 5th
England, United Kingdom
Joined March 2009
I’ve lived with animals my whole life. Cats, dogs, stick insects. Now I live with animals and kids… I wanted to write a book that would make kids LAUGH, teach them about animals and which pets suit them best. This is it. Pre-order for a discount👉
3
9
47
Devastated to hear the news about #seanlock - a visionary, very funny comedian. Droll, surreal, dry, hilariously-grumpy and brilliant. What a comic. All we can do is send love to his family. Can’t imagine the pain they’re in.
5
54
3K
It was a real honour to give Ricky Gervais his vaccine this afternoon
50
38
3K
What the actual….
Oscar Isaac shares how Russell Kane, Karl Pilkington, and Russell Brand inspired his character's English accent in #MoonKnight.
49
57
3K
Kaneing: Roald Dahl #roalddahl.The only exception is Enid Blyton etc with outright raciall slurs - kids might copy those. Other than that - teach, don’t censor.
106
202
2K
Thinking back to NYE 2019 when double-jabbed meant watching your cousin Darren get punched twice outside Faces Nightclub, Ilford. ❤️
19
39
2K
This book is bloody brilliant. Readable - yet fathoms deep with engaging anger of what it’s like to be a 40+ female in 2023. Oozing in fiery wit too. Reading it on a sunbed gasping and giggling. @glosswitch - 🔥🔥🔥🔥
41
213
1K
Cheer when a glass is dropped.
What's something British people do regularly that the rest of the world must think is strange?.
27
56
1K
I was trained by my dad, as he was by his dad before him. Once that all-inclusive wristband goes on – it’s war – no one leaves the resort until every family member’s in profit.
26
15
1K
57
89
938
Can I just set the record straight. I did not actually break my forearm while delivering a sperm sample for my fertility documentary. It was a joke. A joke, is when you say something silly or exaggerated to make or satirise a viewpoint - they were really popular from 1450-2021.
34
15
864
“Miss! Miiiisss! Sorry to tell tales but Boris is copying Nicola’s work again!”.
10
103
797
Boris is now focused on ‘Plan E’. That’s where they get pilled off their tits in the Downing Street festive party, then do nitrous oxide and laugh at us peasants.
8
56
702
If you refuse to do overtime, Avanti call that a strike? I was knackered and I refused a gig in Basildon three months ago. Apologies for my industrial action, Essex. 🐮 💩.
From 14 Aug until further notice, we'll be introducing a reduced timetable. This is due to the current industrial relations climate, resulting in severe staff shortages through increased sickness, as well as unofficial strike action by ASLEF members.
12
103
593
Please stop telling me I look like a murderer in America. At least 100 messages today 🙄
87
12
596
As a comedian, all I can think about is: imagine being Chris Rock, getting slapped, it going all quiet, and then having to continue with your scripted banter monologue while the audience stares at you. F*ck that. Actual Imodium in my mouth even thinking about it.
26
3
577
Public Apology. It is with the regret that I have to say sorry to my wife in public. I will not make this mistake again. @lindseykane0 #birthday #socialmediaetiquette
32
29
562
There’s no need to have overly big show off water bottles.
30
58
547
So it turns out that Dominic Cummings was just doing a really long best man’s speech.
7
35
492
Do you have two types of mug in your house? Apparently we do and I had no clue. Comment if this is in your home too.
214
28
517
So. I have discovered another division in society. There are people that can do a whole meal without any drink. No water. Nothing. Who are these freaky camel fucks? Do you know any? Are you one?.
122
4
501
Brits: do you say ‘fried breakfast’ or ‘cooked breakfast’? 🤔
107
36
487
We’re all inclusive, so asked for jug of margarita. “No jugs, sir”.Alright then mate… give us 12 margaritas and two empty jugs. This is lindsey 5 mins ago. Mugs… lol. We win. 🤓
14
6
474
I would rather die of caffeine withdrawal than say ‘venti’ in a Starbucks in Chelmsford. Large, mate.
10
10
448
How the dickens did William and Kate keep Princess Charlotte sitting still during the tennis? I need to know #wimbledon 
35
34
446
We all need some good news atm – let’s all get together and be part of it. Follow their page – or follow Adam Rowe or Paul Smith to find out how you can get involved in fundraising. @ZoesPlaceLiv
9
125
428
Wham! – it’s Friday. Live every moment of your life like it’s the last song of the the night in your favourite club . It’s better that way…
36
20
415
Lads. Get a woman who can deal with your raw heterosexual energy.
8
4
409
So, Pfizer, the same company who created Viagra, have also cracked the Covid vaccine. Another victory for hard science.
19
14
412
I've read so many books - academic and mainstream - about how to be happy and achieve stuff. they all boil down to the same four principles. 1) Treat and speak to others as you wish to be treated. (don't be a self-obsessed, self consumed c***).2) Don't hang around with people.
20
35
388
Language nerds: is there a word to describe a conversation between two people which is conducted at a louder volume than necessary, showing off their ‘amazing’ chat, enjoying others around being forced to listen in? Is there a word for this? Other than ‘cunts’.
73
9
373
I’ve just gone through the archives of all the other sex things that Tory politicians have done. It turns out he’s absolutely perfectly qualified for the role.
If Menzies is not fit to be a Tory and not fit to be an MP, there should be a by election. Professionalism. Integrity. And accountability. That is what Sunak promised. The tank has run dry.
9
51
351
Staff on train amazing as always. Feel sorry for them being managed by @AvantiWestCoast .no aircon on some carriages - vulnerable passengers being moved and given water. Whole train Chatting about how bad this company is. United against common enemy lol.
11
56
353
Thank you for the- literally – hundreds of messages, telling me I’m amazing in goal for Argentina.
13
6
361
Without doubt the worst bathroom set up I’ve ever seen in a hotel
28
40
361
Am I the only one calling for Liz Truss's resignation. Too soon?.
11
12
339
My hair this morning: I now officially look like I’m protesting a new motorway
17
0
344
Wishing your dead grandma happy birthday on the Internet. Why?🙄
22
32
341
Just found this old picture from my first gig. Look how happy my mum & dad were
22
2
317
Kaneing: Trains (Avanti Special) @AvantiWestCoast .(NB. Staff onboard amazing, company not so much.)
18
28
326
If the Aussies let him in, imagine how angry Novak Djokovic will be when he smashes that first tennis ball. It'll probably rip through the earth and come out the other side killing Boris Johnson as he gets noshed off by Priti Patel at The Wine Friday party. #Djokovic.
15
26
325
Three vaccines now! Just checking - does Bill Gates own all three - and how many have the secret chip in? 🙄🙄😭.
29
19
310
11
4
322
People keep asking: why is your child never in your holiday photos? 🙄 I NEVER put my child online, and I ALWAYS take my in-laws away with me 😉. Drink up!
11
2
304
If you want to find out how this horrific idea went for me, I urge you all to watch @sportrelief on @BBCOne at 7pm on Monday #allstargames @comicrelief
22
10
293
I think it's great #KimKardashian's flaunting her luxury trip & a hologram of her Dad, while many Americans struggle to eat, and can't even visit sick loved ones. Take it further Kim. Sequence your DNA & publish it- how about an actual camera in your arsehole filming your organs?.
16
16
289
20
60
297
To be clear, this isn't me. FFS.
People wondering how we can live without our pubs.
26
4
290
Kaneing: Avanti West Coast trains #Avanti #trains #trainstation. (The staff are lovely – but the company sucks)
23
40
287
How our 1920s evening ended. Like the 1920s. Can you spot wife on stairs ? 🤣
16
7
278
In genuine shock that people thought my low-res gurning bathroom selfie with the Green List countries across my pigeon chest was a GENUINE tour announcement. FFS. I am obviously NOT touring in Israel, Brunei or the Sandwich Islands. FML. Irony is dead.
20
4
272