Roy Keane's Film Reviews
@roykeanereviews
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I might go in hard on a film. Just to make me feel better y’know? (Parody that is basically the same joke over and over again.)
Joined December 2022
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“Setting yourself up on Instagram is easy enough. But you can't just repeat the same tactics and expect the same results for an entirely different game, embarrassing.”
2
7
74
“You shouldn’t have to create a whole fellowship to help one lad do a simple job. If he needs that much support then he’s clearly not cut out for this level. This is the future of middle earth we’re talking about here. You’ve got to get your tactics right, it’s embarrassing.”
104
1K
9K
“That’s nowhere near enough balloons to lift up a house, it’s absolute nonsense.
You have to face your problems, you can’t just float away from them. Not only that but he’s got the young lad caught up in it when he’s supposed to be setting an example, it’s embarrassing.”
29
494
5K
“He's running around with a whip and a hat. He's massively unprepared to fight the Nazis.
The big man up top has done him a favour at the end there. I mean, what are they playing at? opening the ark and thinking they can control the wrath of God, it's embarassing.”
27
473
3K
“It just shouldn’t take three men to look after a baby.
There’s absolutely no teamwork, no plan and no work rate. It’s embarrassing”
15
314
2K
“For me, the first rule of any laser sword fight is probably to make sure you dont get one of your hands cut off. He's let himself down there.
Then when you think it's his dad who's got the better of him, it's embarrassing"
10
298
2K
“She’s singing about not needing another hero or whatever. Listen, you’re gonna need all the help you can get to get out of this post apocalyptic mess you’re in.
I’d be taking another hero all day long. Great voice, but the lyrics are just nonsense.”
19
218
2K
“You kill a man’s dog and take his car and you get what you deserve as far as I’m concerned. They’re absolutely out of their depth and Wick’s quality just shone through. A great performance from him but they’re amateurish, it’s embarrassing.”
11
195
1K
“The man decides he doesn’t want to talk to his friend. That’s fair enough, I don’t get what the big fuss is about? He’s made his decision so just get on with it. Why are you pestering him so much? It’s embarrassing”
12
120
1K
“Wayne’s gone into the match assuming he can pick up where he left off. But Bane’s bigger, faster, stronger and he just wanted it more. I dunno how he expected any other result than getting badly beaten. He’s been complacent and it’s embarrassing.”
16
105
1K
“For me Lightyear's a good signing and he brings something different to this team. But, Woody is supposed to be a leader in the dressing room and he's acting like this because of a little bit of competition? Embarrassing”
16
154
1K
“If I'm coming back as a ghost, the last thing I'm doing is taking the time out to mess about with my other half on a pottery wheel or whatever. I mean, what's that all about? Nonsense.”
12
124
1K
“Rickman's giving it his all to to try and save it but you can't rely on one man to always drag you over the finish line.
Costner's all over the place. Which part of Nottingham is he from? Because it's not any part i've been too, it's embarassing.”
22
133
1K
“ A galaxy is massive, it’s a huge area to cover and you’d struggle to guard it with such a small team.
They’d be better splitting up and covering more ground. It’s a complete lack of tactical awareness and it’s embarrassing.”
19
107
980
“It’s all over the place, you’ve got the two foxes as Robin and Marian, I get that. But there’s all sorts going on with Snakes and Rhinos.
Listen, I love Nottingham but you wouldn’t get that in Nottingham. And what’s Prince John playing at sucking his thumb, It’s embarrassing.”
17
149
894
“Ok fine so they’re teaming up and they’re working together or whatever and they show some decent defensive work. It’s the name I have a problem with. They’re not avenging anything are they? They’re just stopping it as it happens. It’s misleading and it’s embarrassing.”
18
92
893
“For me it’s evidence of Gambon’s quality, he’s picked up where Harris left off and the teams gone from strength to strength.
Some of his tactics with Potter are controversial, but sometimes you have to sacrifice a player for long term gain and you have to trust the manager.”
11
125
890
"Potter's done well to adapt so quickly so young. But he's made a rookie error in assuming Snape is the opposition player to target.
I'd say he's not entirely his fault though, that's no way to run a club. You've got a hat telling people what to do, I mean whats all that about?"
8
115
876
“Listen, you have a fight on a place full of lava and you’re surprised when you get burned?
It’s pure arrogance to think you can jump over your opponent when he’s on the high ground. You reap what you sew as far as I’m concerned and he’s wasted his potential, it’s embarrassing.”
19
122
875
“First half it was a completely different prospect and you think it’s a fairly standard film with Clooney and Tarantino or whatever. Then they tweak tactics at half time and it’s an absolute game changer bringing Hayek into the mix. Massive decision from the manager. Massive.”
16
126
842
"I’m all for loving your mother, but that’s just no way to run a motel is it? Not when people can't even have a shower in piece, embarrassing"
13
127
785
“He’s going around asking why they’re so serious. This is serious stuff, you’re trying to destroy a whole city. If you want to go around dressed as a clown that’s fine, but don’t try and bring others down to your level. This is Gotham City we’re talking about here, embarrassing”
22
108
763
“For me there’s nothing Magic about him. When it comes down to it, he’s turning in the same performance time and time again. He should be callin’ himself consistent Mike. Everyone’s having a great old time. But it’s like they’ve never seen a fella before, it’s embarrassing.”
8
111
757
“They’re all celebrating at the end there, the rebellion and the little teddy things. Ok fine you’ve overthrown the empire, but that’s your job. Just get on with it, it’s embarrassing.”
15
179
769
“Fiennes has got it all wrong for me. If you're going to have the lad Farrell killed, why are you messing about sending him to Belgium.
A loan move isn’t always the answer. Just get on with it, it's your job. Wasting time calling your wife an inanimate object, it's embarrassing”
19
82
740
"Y'know, the young lad is expecting them to come back with a little brother for him and they come back with a mouse. You have to question their decision making in the transfer market, there's no direction, it's embarrassing."
5
100
740
“Listen I get it, the king has to return or whatever. But did it have to take so long?
You've had the big climatic battle, you've had the Haaland lookin' fella on riding the elephant and you've dropped the ring in the volcano.
Just leave it there, people have got stuff to do.”
16
82
691
“But if he's training Rey, he's not the last is he? It's nonsense, you can't be making massive claims like that then meditating yourself to death, it's embarassing.”
10
93
688
“You can’t just take a bunch of oil rig workers and train them to be astronauts. You don’t just need bodies in the team, you need quality too and they’re lacking in that.
This is the fate of the world we’re talking about here and that asteroid is laughing, it’s embarrassing.”
18
119
682
“Just because everyone has apparently forgotten the Beatles, doesn’t mean you can just pass their stuff as your own. It’s basically just theft and there’s no room for dishonesty in my book, there’s kids watching. It’s embarrassing.”
5
40
639
“For me, you have to question the parents. How can you let 4 young lads go looking for a dead body? It’s irresponsible and it’s no wonder they get into trouble. You have to mentor young talent, you can’t just let them run wild otherwise they’ll never reach their potential.”
10
63
627
“Listen, I don’t care how many planets you can destroy, if you can’t get the basic defence stuff right then the opposition will punish you. Young Skywalker has done well towards the end, Kenobi still has quality, they’ve completely underestimated them. It’s embarrassing,”
20
100
613
“You can’t give Stark that much time and space because he’ll punish you and that’s what he did.
If you’re going to kidnap a genius tech billionaire, don’t lock him in a cave with everything he needs to build whatever to escape. This is just tactics 101, it’s embarrassing.”
12
81
592
“Listen, you can do what you want, make your little soul group or whatever. But don’t call yourself something like The Commitments if you’re not sure if you’re not going to be in it for the long run. Breaking up after a couple of gigs, it’s embarrassing.”
8
94
593
“If BOTH of you have middle aged sons that ended up like these two then maybe you need to take a look at your management style.
That being said, Ferrell and Reilly are an absolute disgrace. No work rate, no commitment and fighting over stupid things like drum sets, embarrassing.”
3
60
528
“If you’re going to carry out a massive heist then you really shouldn’t do it in such recognisable cars. I mean, how many minis are there likely to be in Italy? You’re bound to run into trouble when you’re showboating. Just do the basics and get stuck in, it’s embarrassing.”
4
98
533
“Listen, there’s a valuable lesson here. You can’t always park the bus, because if you do it will explode.
That’s all well and good, but what’s Reeves playing at? You can’t take the world on alone and rope Bullock in. Dealing with Dennis Hopper is a team game so use your team.”
7
88
525
“Fair play to the lad Jesus there for carrying on when he’s clearly carrying an injury.
The other team have clearly targeted and gone in hard on him. But his recovery at the end there is fantastic so you can see he’ll go far.”
11
91
520
"Away games in Paris are tough. But you're leaving yourself with big job to do if you leave one of your best young players behind. McCallister is tactically switched on for his age and has plenty of weapons in his arsenal, he's not going to be happy to be left out of the team."
10
77
514
“Just because you can hear a ladies thoughts, doesn’t mean you should listen. Gibson needs to have a word with himself there.
I’m pretty sure that’s not what they want, so that title is absolute nonsense.”
3
48
484
“For me he’s let the rest of the team down there. They’re already up against it and all he had to do was stick to the tactic and they’d have won the game. Next thing you know they’re going into extra time fighting the big marshmallow fella. Just use your head, it’s embarrassing.”
13
78
451
"One minute Travolta is talking about cheeseburgers, then he's getting shot and then he's back again at the end. It was too hard to follow for me.
Plus he's reckless throughout, shooting lads by accident or leaving drugs out for anyone to snort or whatever. It's embarassing."
8
89
426
“I just plain don’t get it. Why would you want to sing in the rain? And why is he so happy about it? I’m all for a classic but it just doesn’t make sense. Get inside where it’s dry and sing there.”
9
80
420
“So he’s just given this super soldier serum and he’s suddenly made a Captain?
He’s not earned that rank, you’ve got to to put the work in. Otherwise what’s that saying about your organisation? It’s embarrassing.”
5
70
424
“Maguire's made a mockery of things there. You can't be harping on about great power and great responsibility if you're going to act like that.
Wasting time whilst the villains are still out there, Dancing around because he's got himself a new black suit? embarassing.”
9
48
419
"He’s completely lost his way. People used to come to this swamp and struggle to get a result because of that fear factor. Now players are coming here and walking all over him. Donkeys and all manner of lower league fairy tale creatures or whatever. What's he playing at? "
17
62
409
“The lad just trying to get on and do his ballet but he’s getting no support from his dad and brother.
They should be ashamed because they’ve got a real prospect on their hands with him and they’re not backing him.”
3
65
380
“He wants to focus less on his little top 5 lists and more on his failing vinyl shop. He’s up against it anyway trying to keep the place open and he’s got Black acting the clown too which isn’t helping. If you want to succeed you have to get your team in line, it’s embarrassing.”
12
46
381
"They're all siting there on a Saturday morning, just moaning about their lives. Listen, you've done something wrong, take your punishment on the chin and learn from your mistakes. Otherwise how do you expect to develop and improve? It’s embarrassing.”
5
39
376
“He needs to control his temper. Aggression is fine but you’ve got to use it properly. Plus, you can’t just make the move from hockey to golf. It’s absolute nonsense, they’re different sports and Sandler looks likes he’s never played either it’s embarrassing.”
6
39
372
“If they can predict murder, but then see he’s gonna commit one, why doesn’t he just leave it and not do it? Fair play to Cruise for running the yards but it’s a waste of time if you ask me. He could’ve saved himself the hassle, its nonsense.”
7
30
372
“Fine, so he makes a wish and wakes up a fully grown man.
Listen, it’s all well and good messing about on a floor piano, but what’s he doing getting into a relationship with a woman when he knows he’s planning to turn back? It’s irresponsible.”
4
43
357
"Firth's done ok after a difficult start and some support from Rush. For me the issue is at board room level. They're not playing to his strengths. If he's not good at public speaking then why is the speech live and not recorded? There's no long-term planning, it's embarrassing"
7
69
355
“If you’re going to drive across the whole country for a kids beauty pageant, the least you can do is be on time and take it seriously.
But they don’t and that seems to be a problem with the attitude of the whole family, it’s embarrassing.”
4
25
352
“I don’t care how much he likes rock music, those kids need a proper education from that fancy school and he’s taking liberties. He’s wasting their time and a lot of their parents money, it’s reckless and it’s embarrassing.”
4
47
354
“You’re given all the powers of god, and THAT’s what you choose to do? Absolute waste of time from Carrey. what’s he playing at? embarrassing.”
2
36
347
“A theme park based around some dodgy science breeding Dinosaurs? What did they expect was going to happen?
I mean, what’s wrong with Alton Towers or Thorpe Park? It’s just pure reckless greed it’s embarrassing.”
15
71
352
“For me you have to question the training Mowgli's had, it's not playing to his strengths. You can't just pretend you're a wolf and hope for the best. Shere Khan is going to destroy him. This isn't moving a full back midfield we're talkin about here, it's his life, embarrassing.”
15
49
344
“The instructions from above are crystal clear, so why go and feed them after midnight? Listen, Stripe’s a competitive player I get that. But you know what you’re getting with a player like him and you were warned. You’ve only got yourself to blame, it’s embarrassing.”
9
59
340
“It’s not a phantom menace though is it? The red and black spikes fella makes himself clear as day.
The real menace for me is this Binks character. I mean, what’s that all about?”
8
51
331
“Brown's got a lot of experience in the game and you'd think McFly would have the good sense to listen to him. But he hasn't and now he's given Tannen the perfect opportunity to take advantage. You have to question if McFly even has a future in the game after that, embarrassing.”
9
48
327
"Gere has clearly identified Roberts as the player he wants. But you can’t just throw money about and hope it solves the issue. If you are putting that much money into developing someone then you’d hope to see better results than this. Laughing at a necklace it’s embarrassing.”
12
49
323
“So he goes back to the 50s only to end up nearly preventing his own existence and having his mum get the hots for him. Add to that he’s doing 88mph in a car park and it shows how careless he is. It’s embarrassing.”
12
57
318
“He’s talking the talk saying he’s gonna find warriors to come back and help his colony against the Grasshoppers, but all he comes back with is a bunch of clowns.
What use are they gonna be? He’s let the side down with a complete lack of tactical thinking, it’s embarrassing.”
5
38
314
“Listen, it’s a good performance from
Phoenix , but that’s can only get you so far. At the end of the day, I don’t want to see a film about some clown if Batman isn’t gonna be in it. Absolute waste of time.”
6
46
303
“It’s the same old story. You have to get the balance right between being constructive and being critical.
I’m all for harsh feedback, but I’d say 10 things you hate about someone is probably too much in one go. They just wont take all that on board and improve as a player.”
8
51
315
"What's he playing at? he's gone rushing in there with a rash challenge and come off worse. If he'd listened to Kenobi they could have taken Dooku on together. Instead they'd had to rely on the experience of an older head to come off the bench and rescue a draw, embarrassing."
6
34
301
“You’re setting yourself up for a fall if you call them “Titans.” It’s a couple of lads from ancient Greece having a scrap or whatever and it just doesn’t live up to the title, it’s embarrassing.”
2
36
298
“He’s accusing him of not being able to handle the truth or whatever.
The man’s a soldier, I’m sure he can handle plenty. It’s just sheer arrogance from Nicholson and I’ve got no time for it whatsoever.”
2
45
294
“So it’s supposedly a year later and they’re making the same mistake again in not checking the kid Kevin is with them.
Then you got the two there not learning from their mistakes and getting drawn in to all these silly traps again. Learn from your mistakes, it’s embarrassing.”
5
71
296
“How’s he managed to get to 40 and still be a virgin? Look, these things happen but you see in the film that he gets given ample opportunity and he wastes them.
You’ve got to be more clinical and make your chances count.”
4
55
289
“Listen, Cage and Travolta are similar players in many ways. But they're not the same player are they? You can't just swap one for the other and hope for similar results. They play for different sides, it's absolute nonsense.”
8
50
292
“So the shark is on the prowl and you’ve got these people still going into the water then they’re surprised when the shark attacks. The sharks just being a shark.
As for the mayor, he wants to get his act together. It’s poor management and it’s embarrassing.”
11
63
291
“I’m not being funny, but how has someone let a Bear get hold of some cocaine?
It’s just reckless and idiotic behaviour. What exactly did they think was going to happen? Embarrassing.”
2
63
280
"Schwarzenegger has moved from one team to a rival team so it's no wonder Hamilton is wary of him at first. But to be fair, he's proved himself to be a leader and has really helped the young lad Connor really come on when so much is expected of him and he's really up against it."
11
55
272
"Up until that point in his career, Di Caprio hadn’t had the praise he'd deserved. Yeah fine, he’s dragged it out a bit and he's probably given better performances.
The issue for me was with the officials. You shouldn't have to fight a bear to get noticed, it's embarrassing"
5
34
268
“What’s Stiller playing at with his zipper at the start there?
He’s rushed in, it was reckless and he was always bound to pick up an injury. I don’t care what’s so special about Mary, you’ve got to use your head or you’re no use to anyone. It’s embarrassing.”
4
25
264
“You got all these people debating if it’s a Xmas film or not.
The real question for me is why the terrorists are breaking in on Xmas eve when there are people there to cause them trouble. Wait until no one is there and then break in. It’s disorganised and it’s embarrassing.”
11
55
264
“The whole thing was a mess.
How does he expected to be treated seriously with a ridiculous name like McLovin? Embarrassing.”
4
28
257
“Making a deal with some Sea Witch to spend some time on land with legs but you lose your voice? For me that’s a poor deal. I know she’s young but she should know better, embarrassing.”
4
43
256
“It’s all an absolute mess. Are they children? or are they gangsters? They can’t be both can they?
Theres a limit to being anything that you want to be. It’s nonsense, don’t set unrealistic expectations, it’s embarrassing.”
5
36
255
“I just find it hard to believe that this one fella could stumble into so many important moments from history.
But the bit that gets me is the running. It’s all well and good having the work rate, but if there’s no end product then what’s the point? It’s embarrassing.”
4
47
247
“Listen, if people are unwell, you can’t make them better by just making them laugh. You need medicine. Having a laugh is all well and good but that’s nonsense. This is science we’re talking about, it’s embarrassing.”
6
12
244
“Everyone at the end there pretending to be him is all well and good and it’s nice to see some teamwork.
But if there’s no one left cos they’re all crucified then who’s going to fight the Romans? They need to think more tactically, it’s embarrassing.”
3
44
242
“So he’s a rat who can cook and he operates your man by pulling his hair?
I’m not having it. The kitchen is no place for a rat, I don’t care if he can cook or whatever. It’s unhygienic and it’s embarrassing”
5
45
242
“April 25th isn’t the perfect date though is it? It’s down to personal preference. It’s just nonsense to make
such a massive assumption, it’s embarrassing.”
3
21
240
“It's fine to want a move to a bigger club, but you've got Belle there criticising the club she's at, calling it "poor and provincial" and all this nonsense.Then she gets her move and starts asking to leave straight off the bat, I mean, make up your mind it's embarrassing”
5
28
233
“If you’re gonna take a shot at the big man then you’d better be sure you get the job done. This Zed fella has tried that with Wallace and made an absolute mess of it. Great defensive work from Butch too. They’ve had their differences but he came through when he was needed.”
13
39
236
“Sometimes statistics are fine for managing players or whatever.
But if you can’t count between 5 or 6 bullets then you’ve got no chance.
He’s blabbering on about luck. Luck doesn’t even come into it, that’s basic stuff, It’s embarrassing.”
2
30
232
“He’s running all over the place, causing chaos or whatever. I mean, what’s all that about? For me Bueller is a disgrace. If you don’t want to work hard or think about your career then that’s fine, but you don’t need to drag decent players down with you.”
11
42
234
@BeardedGenius
“It’s just a load of coloured balls. There’s no real effort involved. It’s not a sport it’s a game. It’s embarrassing.”
3
10
224
“For me he's not tactically brave enough, once you've run out of the seven sins what are you going to do then? It's not even that many and you cant rely on just putting stuff into the box and hoping for a result, I thought it was an absolute waste of time, embarrassing.”
10
24
224
“So it’s over 4 hours of waiting for her to kill the fella Bill. When she finally does it, it’s just some old bloke who’s not even up to much. Just get stuck in it’s embarrassing.”
5
38
226
“Egypt has produced some good players over the years and he's up there. Fine, he's fallen out with a previous manager but his quality is there to see and Weisz has a job to try and take him on. For me she's taking a gamble with a rogue like Fraser, for starters he's in prison.”
10
24
226
The big lad is clearly gifted in the way he helps the others and all that.
But, what gets me is, they know he’s innocent and they still let him go in the chair. It’s a massive waste of potential when all you’ve got to show for it is a really old mouse, embarrassing.
3
25
225
“Look he wants to see his kids. But how long did he think he was going to get away with dressing as an old lady?
He’s having a nightmare at the end there trying to be in two places at once.
Working hard is find but you’ve got to be efficient, it’s embarrassing.”
2
26
214
“If your son isn't a strong swimmer, fish or not, why are you letting him swim out there?
Mistakes happen but I'd be having words with that school if their lapse in attention meant I had to go through all that."
0
21
213
"This team just didn’t perform today and Thanos capitalised. If 2 of your strongest players let you down then you've no chance. Banner's heads gone and Thor may be the strongest but he has to take most of the blame . He missed a chance to go for the head and it’s cost this team."
19
26
218
"For me he doesn't seem stable, spouting all this nonsense to himself in the mirror or whatever.
You have to question his job security, Taxi Drivers are ten a penny and I'd just be driving myself around with his poor attitude.”
7
24
210
“Listen, it’s a decent debut from the lad and he’s clearly got potential. But there’s no denying he’s lucked his way that first game. Swallowing the snitch is all well and good, but you’re not gonna win every game like that are you? It’s nonsense.”
"Potter's done well to adapt so quickly so young. But he's made a rookie error in assuming Snape is the opposition player to target.
I'd say he's not entirely his fault though, that's no way to run a club. You've got a hat telling people what to do, I mean whats all that about?"
8
115
876
4
19
213
“Yknow he’s storming in there telling them not to put her in the corner.
For me they’re just concerned that their teenage daughter appears to be going with this middle aged man all the time. It’s nothing to do with Swayze, it’s embarrassing.”
5
32
211