Hefty House Cat
@roscoegato
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the earth is movin’ but I can’t feel the ground
San Francisco, CA
Joined April 2007
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Pinned Tweet
We used to be a country. A proper country.
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I’d be twirling around my living room on insta too if I was getting this daily lmao
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everyone hates a millennial until they need help with excel
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If the plot of Legally Blonde 3 isn’t about Elle Woods getting Britney Spears out of her conservatorship, I will throw a fit.
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Me to muscle daddies who have zero interest in me on the apps
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If you had a gel pen in elementary school, you’re 100% gay now
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If you’re going to make a big public statement about Britney Spears, you’re going to need to be prepared to answer questions about Britney Spears. The difference now is that Britney Spears can fight back if she doesn’t agree with what you said or how you said it.
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me sending compromising photos to profiles i'm 102% certain are catfish
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I mussssst confesssssss my lonelinessssssss ain’t killing me no more
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Them - Britney can't sing or dance.
Me - at their funeral
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When your boyfriend is big and plays football and will kick the shit out of you
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A table of gays suggested Genie in a Bottle was more iconic than Baby One More Time and I wasn’t having it
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If Catherine O'Hara doesn't win the Emmy tonight for Schitt's Creek, I will straight up burn this city to the fucking ground.
#Emmys2019
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Throwing away a pair of underwear you really liked always feels like the end of an era
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Hahahah why does Lance look so much like Gaga to me here
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Britney still prints out map quest directions I know it
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Showing interest in gays on social media:
Grindr: tap
Scruff: woof
Twitter: choke me
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From Hereditary to Foreskin: Conversations with My Mother
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I’m grateful for coming out when I did because I never got the urge to get a tribal tattoo around my belly button
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A straight guy at work tried to tell me about Kylie Minogue
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Britney: “But I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean at the end?”
Sam: “well, baby I went down and got it for you.”
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Surprised some of you have boyfriends based on how you tweet
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The three of us got a shot together ❤️
My mom has ran a foster care home for mainly 5-9 year old girls for 10 years and out of that adopted my younger sister Ashanti. While getting her senior pictures taken my mom said, “Well, I raised another kid.” Let’s talk about tears.
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Ran into someone from high school and she said she's going on her 2nd marriage and 3rd kid. She asked what was up with me and I said Well, I'm on PrEP.
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Gay culture is accidentally sending one of these and immediately thinking you ruined the vibe
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The universal sign of you’re cute but I’m taken or I’m not interested: 😘😘😘
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which sitcom character do you think could win the hunger games????
(winning accidentally counts)
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“Probably gonna hit the gym in a bit then grab dinner with the boys, you?” - Jake 27 Chicago, IL
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The world turned on Britney, so I turned on the world
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I’ve lost my dad, so I’ve come to terms with my mom’s mortality, but I do things like take screenshots of our texts that make me laugh or save all the unnecessary voicemails she leaves cuz I know one day they’ll be the thing that holds me together
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