So excited to share the cover for the paperback edition of my teaching memoir, written in praise of teachers. It’s out in August, published by
@ChattoBooks
🎉
And a tiny reminder that it’s available right now in hardback, ebook and audiobook… 🙏🏻
Who remembers these? We were told they would be essential for every job we ever applied for, and that if we didn't take them seriously we would basically end up on the dole for life.
Mine has been in a cupboard at my parents' house for 19 years.
Went to the 9/11 memorial in New York yesterday.
Every morning a member of staff places a single white rose on the names of victims whose birthday it is.
This government minister, pressed for an example of BBC bias, names a reporter called Neil Buchanan.
There is no BBC reporter named Neil Buchanan.
Neil Buchanan presented Art Attack on CITV in the nineties and noughties.
SHORT THREAD
1) Let me start by saying I don’t come out of this story brilliantly, so if you’re going to criticise me, please know that I probably agree with you!
9) Aaaand just to bring this whole story to a neat close, I took the bike today to the brilliant
@TLCWorkshop
. They asked what happened, I told them the story, and they fixed it and wouldn't accept any payment.
People are - on the whole - good!
An update, for anyone who has been kind enough to show an interest in this story. Valeriya and I had the nicest post-work pint imaginable tonight.
She is, on every level, remarkable.
I think this might be the weirdest way I have ever made a friend, but I’m very glad I have.
SHORT THREAD
1) Let me start by saying I don’t come out of this story brilliantly, so if you’re going to criticise me, please know that I probably agree with you!
7) What’s the moral of the story? I think it might be nothing more profound than a reminder to not be a dick to people 🤷🏻♂️
(It’s possible you were already aware that this is a good moral stance to adopt in life without needing to be told.)
This is the BMW driver who nearly knocked me off my bike in the bike lane and then gave me the 🖕
I hope he has frequent paper cuts and his pants really chafe and his box of Celebrations is disproportionately Bounties.
THREAD 1. When I was about 10, I visited London with my mum. There were loads of things we talked about doing: the Natural History Museum... the Tate... Hamleys. But there was only one place I really wanted to go.
A fitness app I downloaded just sent me a notification saying "hope you enjoyed your workout free week, Ryan. Let's get you back on track."
Hope you enjoy GETTING DELETED. Let's get you IN THE BIN.
There is *literally* no point in having cycle lanes if people are going to park in them.
These people just made a pleasant Sunday afternoon cycle needlessly dangerous.
Roll on segregated cycleway 9 in west London.
@JoannaBiddolph
And yes, I do know I sound like
@theJeremyVine
We were told by
@jthalassites
,
@Tony_Devenish
and others that removing the cycle lane in Kensington would improve traffic flow.
Here it is at 2.30 today, worse than I ever saw it when the lane was there. The main difference is that now cyclists have no protection 🤦🏼♂️
“Could you lower your mask so I can verify your age?” the lady on the checkout asked as I bought some prosecco.
“Oh yes that’s fine,” she replied *much* too quickly.
Presumably at some point there was a top level BBC meeting to decide what names to give its new national radio stations.
Imagine for a moment having the confidence of the guy who piped up with ‘how about we just call them 1, 2, 3 and 4?’
13. I stumbled across that old photo today and it made me think - the kind guy who showed me round had probably forgotten about it by the next day. But it has stayed with me across the decades. Little gestures can mean so much. I owe him one.
Just saw a woman in Sainsbury’s discard a baguette she had changed her mind about on a shelf in the biscuit aisle.
If it were up to me, that would be an instant ASBO.
Radio 2 is moving out of Wogan House this week. I’ve been lucky enough to work there for 7 years.
I know it’s only a building but I’ve had some extraordinarily happy times in there. Will you tolerate me reminiscing?
This was taken on my first day of work experience.
@mrchrishubbard
Haha exactly! And tbh why wouldn't an employer be interested in knowing that I was a prominent member of the maths club and could swim two lengths of the pool unaided?
Hi
@CityWestminster
. Please could you fix the cavernous pothole outside John Lewis on Oxford Street so that what happened to me on my way to work this morning doesn’t happen to other cyclists? Thank you.
6) She said starting the new job had been very stressful, after the most stressful few weeks of her life.
It was clear the incident with me was the last thing on earth she needed.
Anyway, this is how the conversation ended.
How twitter works…
You tweet ‘I like kittens.’
Someone replies with ‘Can’t believe you hate dogs.’
Someone else replies with ‘You’re deliberately ignoring, and therefore complicit in, the culling of chimpanzees in the Congo.’
It’s exhausting 🤷🏻♂️
@KayBurley
@HuwMerriman
Wait... does he mean (the brilliant journalist) MICHAEL Buchanan?
Because Neil Buchanan is the guy who presented Art Attack. His only bias is towards PVA glue.
For a news nerd, visiting Jeremy Vine in his virtual House of Commons is just about as much fun as you can have with your clothes on 🤓.
Thanks for showing us around!
SO EXCITED to say I've a book coming out. 'Let That Be a Lesson' is a funny, frustrated, joyful, angry memoir of the ten years I spent teaching in state schools.
Out 19th Aug and available to pre-order here 🙏
Please forgive forthcoming book spam 🤣
On
@theJeremyVine
show today we asked whether you’ve ever had a misadventure at a safari park.
Our fault for asking the question, I suppose, but thanks to the lady who got in touch to say that a giraffe had ejaculated on her windscreen.
I took the first photo 3 years ago today, on my first day of work experience at Radio 2, and I couldn't WAIT to walk through the doors.
Today I was there virtually, resting on a stool on a pink chair.
Applying for that work experience was definitely one of my better decisions.
A man just said “hey, how are you?” and I replied “Good thanks, you?”, but it turns out he was talking to somebody on the phone and that is my life in a nutshell.
5) I felt bad for being short with her and messaged to check she was ok and say sorry for my tone.
We chatted a bit. She lived in Kyiv for 9 years but is from Donbas, and recently arrived here as a refugee. She’s traumatised.
Today was her third day working in this country.
EasyJet pilot:
“You must wear a mask at all times on this flight. If anyone has a problem with that, please make yourselves known to one of the crew and we’ll be very happy to make alternative arrangements. They will not involve you flying today.”
👏
So many brilliant Steve Wright stories this evening.
I'll treasure the day he asked me to explain RuPaul's Drag Race to him before he interviewed one of its contestants.
He was so intrigued. "So is Ru a drag queen? Is Michelle a drag queen?"
A giant of broadcasting. RIP.
A lovely lady came up to me at an event this week.
She said she had loved my book. I tried to look modest as I thanked her.
She asked if I’d sign it, and I delightedly agreed.
She pulled it out of her bag. It was not my book. Out of total awkwardness I signed it.
Apologies to the man outside the BBC for not signing the photo of Josh Widdecombe he excitedly thrust in front of me.
I should have explained that it was on the grounds that I'm not, in fact, Josh Widdecombe.
A few weeks ago I tweeted about how my Record of Achievement had seen the light of day after languishing in a drawer for 19 years.
I asked what other people had done with theirs. The responses were *astonishing*. I wrote about them for
@tes
Article here!
Do you remember the National Record of Achievement, and how they told us it would be vital for every job interview we attended until our dying day? Ryan Wilson recalls the 'original Project Fear'
My dad received an honour in the Queen's new year list, in recognition of cross-community choirs he has run for years in NI.
Two enduring memories from the day it was presented:
1) that we were all very proud of him.
2) that these are the least friendly cushions of all time.
Traipse to Hampstead Heath to watch London fireworks ✔️
Find a great spot with view of London Eye ✔️
Wonder why fireworks don't start and speculate they have failed ✔️
Realise you were looking at Wembley Arch by mistake ✔️
Go home without seeing fireworks ✔️
The most pleasant afternoon imaginable signing these pre-ordered books.
Thank you so much if you bought one. For one hour of my tawdry life I felt like the Northern Irish Beyoncé.
Thanks for having me
@WELBooks
- a wonderful, local independent bookshop.
Today is the day that Let That Be a Lesson dons an oversized blazer, pulls up its tie and nervously makes its way into the world, before inevitably receiving a traumatising wedgie at break.
It’s now available in hardback, ebook and audiobook 🎉
Forgive a short thread!
As a new term starts, so grateful to talk in
@thetimes
today about the joy of teaching but also its massive challenges. *Never* think a teacher finishes at 3.30!
Thanks
@andrewbillen
for a great interview about Let That Be a Lesson, and also for referring to me as slim.
Photo tweeted with permission, obvs.
And thanks to everyone who has asked whether they should get a hat (or phrased it a little more graphically) but I’m not sure my boyfriend would love that 😂
When I was a child I started an autograph collection. I envisaged that one day I would cash it in for a huge sum, and thereafter live a life of unbridled luxury.
Would anyone like to open the bidding?
I think you’ll agree that I blend in seamlessly with the other interviewees in the new edition of Attitude Magazine, and that we are all at similar levels of coolness.
To the person who stole the front wheel of my bike from outside the BBC today:
I hope you step on a loose paving tile that splashes water all over you, and that your favourite gets voted off Strictly first and that you get a cold at the height of summer.
Delighted to learn the BBC own fully functioning ventilators. Next let's get some printers that print and a stapler which doesn't mangle every page it touches.
Fully operational ventilators from the Holby City set arrived at the new Nightingale Hospital yesterday.
@BBCCasualty
&
@BBCHolbyCity
Exec Producer Simon Harper said: "We are only too happy to help out and do what we can for the courageous and selfless real life medics."
I guarantee this is the best interview you'll hear this week. Warm, positive, uplifting. George Alagiah talking to Jeremy Vine on our
#whatmakesushuman
podcast.
Did anybody study 'Of Mice and Men' for GCSE English?
I *loved* that book. It's off the syllabus now because the gvt decided that British kids should study British writers at GCSE.
I wrote this piece for
@GuardianTeach
about why I think that's a shame.
You’re discussing how Christmas grottos can be made COVID secure.
A caller tells you they once played an elf.
You get him on air and he says it was all part of a sex role play 🤷🏻♂️
#radioproducerlife
I don’t consider myself expert in many things, but Desert Island Discs is one of them.
I think I’ve listened to most of the archive over the years.
And this week’s, with
@laurenlaverne
interviewing
@robdelaney
, is one of the all time greats. Moving and uplifting and wonderful.
A dreary Monday morning brightened by the prospect of speaking to
@VanessaOnAir
about the joy and the madness of teaching, and why teachers deserve more respect.
On
@BBCRadioLondon
at 8.30.
Broadcasting titan
@AlStewartOBE
was so kind about Let That Be a Lesson yesterday 🙏🏻 He’s also a longtime advocate for teachers and the teaching profession. Thank you!
I am rewatching old episodes of The Apprentice.
Here’s a fun fact.
The boardroom scenes aren’t filmed in a swanky building in the City. They’re actually done in this building near us, behind a Screw Fix. And near the losers’ cafe.
Delighted that the Mail on Sunday published extracts of my book. To summarise, because you’re busy, teaching is a hard but great job and teachers deserve respect.
More interesting and amusing are the online COMMENTS. Come with me on a journey to a different world.
THREAD
Stephen Fry on linguistic pedants: "Sod them to Hades... Don’t be humiliated by dinosaurs into thinking yourself inferior because you can’t spell broccoli or moccasins."
You will not regret watching the full thing here:
@thejeremyvine
#whatmakesushuman
Most bizarre moment of 2019?
When I ordered cheesy potatoes in a restaurant and they turned out to be just crisps with grated parmesan, and it somehow ended up in The Sun and recommended for me in my news app.
The only good thing about it is that they called me a 'lad'.
1. A train that I was on last night unexpectedly terminated at Harlow because of fatality on the track. It was 10.45pm and there were a handful of us left pacing the platform in a daze, wondering where to go and how to get there.
I suspect lots of people don’t know how much work teachers did to generate this week’s GCSE and A Level results. They have done all the stuff normally done by exam boards, on top of all the usual work. It’s off the scale!
🙌 to them and of course to all opening envelopes today!