m. stanfield
@resetbasis
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affordable housing. rubber mallet capital.
Joined January 2018
Me: really enjoyed the call. Please see attached financial modeling test. Gen Z applicant: this looks like a lot of work. Without knowing where I stand in the process, I’m not comfortable spending 90 minutes in Excel. Me:…well…I can tell you where you stand now.
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@SpiritofPines being broke is a thing rich people think wouldn't be so bad because they've never actually been broke.
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I feel bad for some married women. There is no known genetic test, no identifiable personality traits, and no early cues that would indicate their husband could turn out like this. It's seemingly random, and horrible. To those who have watched this happen, stay strong.
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Here's one of my first assignments (in red) when I began my career in real estate. It's perhaps the most useless piece of real estate in Boston, and I was tasked with selling it. I did not, no one has. The seller wanted 14M at the time, a number seemingly pulled out of thin air.
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I’m just a dumb real estate guy, but seems to me the nft space has two groups of people. A.) idiots.B.) clever people hustling group A.
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Tomorrow, the gym will be full of new people. Many of them overweight, lost, and in your way. You have a responsibility to encourage them. Smile, high-five, whatever. It probably took a lot for them to show up. Tearing them down does not make you fitter; it makes you an asshole.
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The whole “Dink” thing is two sixes who make 80k a year bragging about shit you can do if you have kids AND money.
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I’ll retract every bad thing I’ve said about this mf’er if he burns the whole system to the ground.
George Santos gives a specific example of how he says GOP Rep. Nicole Malliotakis is using info from classified briefings to make money on stock trades.
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You can do this in a f’ing Camry.
People laugh at me, till they find out what my Cybertruck can really do
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“Hey dad?”. “Yea, sport?”. “What’s a Collateralized Loan Obligation?”. “What?! Oh, jesus. Well, alright. I suppose you’re old enough for “the talk.” Son, when a syndicator and a debt fund love each other very much…”.
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My grandfather used to say, "You won't learn anything unless it hurts your feelings or costs you money," and he was right. Those fuckers who laughed at me on the way up, call my company and ask for meetings now.
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I didn't make a single dollar on that stupid building, but I learned a lot. When life is busy kicking you in the teeth, keep your eyes open to what you could be learning along the way.
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My life as an entrepreneur. 98% of my days: WTF have I done? We aren’t gonna make it. I’m not smart enough. 2% of my days: I’m a goddamn genius, an unstoppable force. I’ll f’ing crush you. Today was a 2% day, mf’ers.
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For those considering a career in real estate, I hope this helps.
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Because the fucking choice was "learn real estate finance" or "keep making redbull vodkas for club kids and sleeping in the basement.". If you're poor, persistent, and hungry enough to make it, you can learn some crazy shit through sheer force.
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Seller: our deal appraised for 10% higher than your offer. Me: wow. No shit, huh? Very cool, did you sell it to the appraiser?.
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Alright, f*ck it. Let's blow the roof off one deal. The Archdiocese of New Orleans has been turning a blind eye to sexual abuse for decades. If you've seen Spotlight about what happened in Boston; what's happening in New Orleans is orders of magnitude worse.
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I'm going to tell you about one of the darkest and most corrupt aspects of the affordable housing business. If I have explained this clearly, you will be very pissed off at the end. Let's talk about Letters of Support.
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The music is slowing. Here's what I'm seeing out there. Owners who need to sell, for a variety of reasons, are in trouble. The market has changed, and they're trying to recoup their equity, which ain't happening. Active price discovery.
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Who's ready to have some fun with affordable housing corruption?. Haven't done one of these in a while, but let's go ahead and expose some eye-watering grift. If I've done this correctly, you'll be very angry at the end. Saddle up.
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Twitter is great and all, I just wish there were more men from wealthy families writing advice books in their early 30s.
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Career advice for the kids. Smart/hard-working: finance. Smart/lazy: venture capital. Dumb/hard-working: real estate. Dumb/lazy: city council.
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When I had nothing, I had my dog. 16 years. Til I see you again, rest in peace little buddy.
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Contractor was ducking me a while back. Multiples calls, texts, etc. nothing. Figured out where he lived, texted him a pic of his own house and said nothing. Mf’er finished the job that week. Called me a f’ing psychopath.
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We have a “10-inch” rule at the office. If a mountain you love is getting more than 10-inches of powder, just go. No need to request PTO. Take the urgent calls, cancel the rest, get your ass outside. Send a pic from the glades is all I ask.
There’s a big snow storm coming to ski areas this week in the Northeast. There’s no need to call in sick. Just be honest and tell em’ never quit skiing. They will (probably) understand . 🥶⛷️❄️
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@PinkPoloShorts Twitter is full of the dumbest mutherfuckers on the planet. "You caught me. I'm asking this analyst to underwrite a deal I found because I'm hoping to steal their brilliance.".
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@CECL_Allowance It’s .- build a DCF.- tell me if you like/dislike the investment . If an analyst can’t hammer that out in 90 min, they’re not the right person.
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Since there’s some disagreement around the subject, what service do realtors provide that isn’t already provided by bankers, attorneys, home inspectors, etc.?. Why is that service worth 3-6% of the value of the home?.
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@friedmandave A response I would have actually enjoyed would have been. “I’m good at this and do t work for free. Give me $1,000 and I’ll break this deal down in amazing detail”. Would have gladly paid and probably hired.
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Two reasons men have “man caves”. 1. They don’t have enough of a say in their marriage to have a living room they like as well. 2. They want a place to hide out from their wife/kids. Both are wildly pathetic. Do better.
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“What if we left, like, 18 inches of bone on this ribeye, called it a Tomahawk, and sold it to idiot finance bros for $150?”. “Lol, that’ll never work.”.
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Saw this formula in a rent roll from a Seller. Think I’m about to get a pretty good deal.
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Alright, amigo. Let's build some affordable housing. You have found the perfect site and you're ready to do some good. F*ck the NIMBYs, people are struggling and you're going to deliver great housing that will benefit the community. Time to put on your helmet and get in the game.
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From sleeping in the basement of a pizza shop, to managing a 9-figure real estate fund in a decade. For people looking to get started in real estate, I am going to try and lay out the steps I took in a way that isn’t self-congratulatory bullshit.
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Delta: most of our customers have a deep desire to know they’re better than some of our customers. McKinsey:
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The American dream is to make a pile of money in tech and then slowly lose it all to real estate bros who can't read or do math.
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If your wife says, "it's fine, do whatever you want, I don't give a shit." You should not, in fact, do whatever you want.
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@jmdenouden Gen Z would benefit from being in more fistfights at a young age. A few bumps and bruises does a lot of good.
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I got laughed at, a lot. What's the FAR?.Is development by right?.Utility access?.What's the story with the air rights?.Union or open shop?.Got a clean Phase 1?. I had no fucking clue. Not that I didn't have the answers; I mean, I didn't understand the fucking questions.
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RE investing tip:. Your tenants are gonna sell drugs. Help them. Send them referrals, screen for cops at the gate, let them hustle out of the community room, etc. Then, charge points on the package. Book that $ under Other Income, put a 4 cap on it. Bam! You're rich AF now.
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Me (an idiot): did you guys cut any corners when you built this house?. Toll Brothers: Who? Us? No…no chance. We’re obsessed with excellence.
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What if I told you that for the same price as a hotel, you could stay in someone else’s poorly thought out home, do their f’ing chores for them before you leave, and then get badgered to write them a review. Pretty sweet, right?.
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If I own a fruit stand and every week you buy some blueberries and give me $2 for them, that great. That’s our relationship. But if you stop paying me and keep eating the blueberries we’re gonna have a problem, society seems to understand this. But if I rent you an apartment….
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So I'd make calls, write down the questions, get laughed at, and then get on Google to teach myself. Then I'd swallow my pride and call back. One guy said, "I could see 14m with air rights, how'd you model the rents?" I hadn't modeled shit because I didn't know how.
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If you ever feel dumb or bad at your job, remember this. There's a group of guys converting motels to studio apartments in tertiary markets. You're a long way from the bottom.
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Twitter is fun because there are big accounts who fundamentally don’t understand math and tiny accounts who manage a few billion dollars.
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Last night, I watched a grown man (wife’s friend’s husband) explain to his wife that he’s been designing digital clothes for NFTs of frogs and getting paid in RibbitCoins. Said it was “similar to a 401k”. The whole scene was truly magical.
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I told him "14m is the number the seller gave me" and he laughed at me, asked if I was "fucking joking" and hung up on me. Apparently, understanding financial modeling is important in real estate, so I started Googling "how to build a financial model.".
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So, you wanna start a real estate investment business. I’m not talking about flipping a few homes or buying a storage facility in fuckall nowhere. I’m talking about a real company that will enrich you, your team, and your LPs while putting you on the cover of trade magazines.
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@lizziellen It’s a joke, I’m not quite that mean. But my point remains, if you’re going to insist on “I can work anywhere in the world, but you need to pay me NYC salary,” you should think through the ripple effects.
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If you're thinking about starting your own business, I would encourage you to read this. @sweatystartup posted something that got my wheels turning. It's not really advice; I'm a stranger, and advice from strangers can be self-serving, but it will be honest. Here goes. .
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Jose and his family took all the money they would have paid in rent and set it aside for a down payment on a house. They closed on their new home last week and I think that’s the coolest shit in the world. All some people need is an opportunity. F’ing awesome.
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Here's how you underwrite distressed deals in today's market; gonna save you a bunch of time. First, and this is super important, there are more sellers than buyers of distressed, older vintage real estate right now. Institutions have shunned the older stuff, and.
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I cold-called a bunch of real estate brokers with the same pitch. "I wanna learn affordable housing. I'll work for free a few days a week, but I need to bartend at night. Just teach me.". The first guy who said yes was (still is) a piece of shit luxury condo sales broker.
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Twitter is great and all, I just wish there were more people in their 20s giving life/career advice.
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Home buying hack. - buy shit house in good neighborhood.- convert to AirBnb.- remove insulation.- strongly encourage parties.- drive down neighbors home values.- buy dream home at discount.- close airbnb.- sell airbnb as market improves. Teach those boomers a lesson.
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Attn: Brokers and junior acquisition people. Here's the perfect cold email. Hi Marlo,. I'm interested in X property for Y (very specific) reason. I'm unaware of your plans for the asset, but if you'd consider an offer, I'd love to talk. If not, best of luck with your portfolio.
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I got a bigwig from Extell on the phone, he asked about FAR, I mumbled for a bit, and he said, "kid, you're not ready to make this call," and he was right. But what the fuck was I gonna do? Ask the resi brokers? Those fucking idiots we're ordering champagne and finger sandwiches.
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Lessons learned from buying property in rough neighborhoods:. - Carry a fake wallet, something to give up in a robbery.- Don't carry cash.- If you must carry cash, keep the 1's on the outside.- Never count money in public.- Learn to use any reflective surface as a mirror to check.
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One of the things you do when you're starting out is help the lead broker sell their listings. This dog pictured above was one of them. It's ~25 feet wide and 120 feet deep, full block. Perfect dimensions for industrial, or murdering strangers, but not great for much else.
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I've been talking a lot of shit about idiot lenders lately, but it's well deserved. In what may become a bit of a theme around here, I'd like to submit the first installment of the "Idiot Lender Chronicles.". Let's roll.
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Me: I’d like to invest in my friends company. SEC: no, dummy. You’re not accredited. Me: K, well, I’ve been thinking about buying some put options and teaching myself Iron Condor trades. SEC: yea, I mean, of course. It’s your money.
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Gonna start Sunday on a more positive note and share a f’ing win. 18-19yo kid lived in one of our properties with his family. He worked at Ross Stores doing cart return. Came up to the manager one day and said “I’m interested in apartments,” so she hired him as a porter.
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Me: I’d like to build some apartments . City Council: seems dangerous…any comments from the public?. The public: I heard you’re using paper mache for the foundation and filling the attics with racist bees. I can’t support that.
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Real estate investment fund strategies explained. What they mean and how they came about. Buckle up.
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I offered 40k a door on a deal in June and the seller told me "it's worth more than twice that, asshole.". Anyway, he reached out today and said "so. about that 40k. " Sometimes you just gotta make an offer and let time do it's thing.
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Alright, listen up mutherfuckers. The powers that be at Twitter have decided to give me a blue checkmark for reasons I don't know/care about, and so we're gonna test the limits a bit. Buckle up.
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But I didn't fucking know any better. No one gave me any guidance, so I showed up to a very fancy office full of women who did not like me and started cold-calling for affordable housing deals. Strong start. A kid with no experience in a shop with no commercial credibility.
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Random traveler in 2008: this hotel is great, but I wish I could do some chores. Brian Chesky: hold up.
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Ahhhh. distressed multifamily investing. There's a few interesting dynamics at play right now, and because I've got some time on my hands, we're gonna talk about them. Here's a story about funds, syndicators, and the law of "even distribution of idiots".
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I’m convinced that California is an elaborate experiment to see just how much bullshit humans will tolerate for near perfect weather year round.
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Alright, mf'ers. Listen up. We're gonna talk about public housing projects and affordable housing policy. Some dipshit housing rights advocates love to argue that private citizens (landlords) should not own apartments or affordable housing. They believe the government should be.
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Alright, f*ck it. Let’s talk about the most painful reality of the affordable housing business. You having a good night so far? Yea? Terrific, because I’m gonna ruin it. Let’s chop it up.
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Idiot Lender Chronicles: Part Deux. I'd like to begin today's story with a message of hope for all the C students out there. You may find yourself, on a gloomy fall afternoon, thinking, "I'm too dumb and lazy to run a large debt fund. Those jobs are for the smart people.".
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This is why wealthy communities have near-zero affordable housing, but poor communities are full of them. Letters of Support is the government tacitly supporting segregation and concentration of poverty.
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With a straight face, dealer quoted me $1,870 a month to lease a Ford Expedition. Remarkable stuff.
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Junior acquisitions people, here’s the perfect cold-call script. Me: hello?. You: hello. I’m [ ] calling from [ ] company. I’m interested in purchasing [ ] property. If you’re considering a disposition, I’d be interested in making an offer. That’s it. Don’t ask.
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@investing_law Like, congrats on making “nearly six figures” and being lonely on your way to Buffalo Wild Wings.
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This lady taking a zoom call with the President from her car is a vibe.
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LP: Look, I can't even believe we're having this conversation, but I just need you to tell me that you believe fraud is bad. GP:
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Some more free advice for you today. Here's how you deal with lenders who own truly distressed real estate. To be clear, only take this approach if you genuinely want to own the deal AND you're confident you can fix it. - Tour the deal and be very confident you can execute. -.
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To complicate matters, the neighbor to the left is the MBTA, and to the right is an Eversource substation that powers the entire financial district. These folks were not interested in allowing any development.
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I was molested as a kid and I know exactly what that hell is like. This shit is binary. You either believe these scumbags should be held accountable, or you deserve to rot right alongside them. If you don't like my tone, DM me your address mf'er.
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But fuck it. The choice (at that time) was keep bartending or try to make it. So I called everyone I could think of. I sat in a cheap, ill-fitting suit from Mens Warehouse (only one), Googled "developers" and called those mf'ers up!.
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@bradfordashaw Well, this post was very specifically about you, so I'm glad we sorted that out.
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I don't like to brag about my insane wealth (it's uncouth) but as of today, all the tupperware in my house matches.
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Covid memory:. Woman hadn’t paid rent in 10 months, eviction moratorium. She calls the office looking for the new rug she ordered. “I paid $800 for that rug!”. Money for area rugs but not rent. But sure, I’m the piece of shit greedy landlord.
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Every property with the naming convention “The Reserve at TwentyThree43” looks like this.
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Gonna change a few lives tonight, so pay attention. I have consistently said that my success is a function of people giving a shit about me when they didn't have to. Tonight, I'm going to extend that courtesy to all of you.
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@moseskagan The spandex bike crowd and the "will probably fight me crowd" seem a little different.
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