Kiara D. Perkins
@positivescripts
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Marriage and Family Therapist, Life Coach, Author. I help you improve your mindset so you can fulfill your purpose, with or without a partner.
Joined April 2019
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After working as a marriage and family therapist, I've noticed trends among adults, children, and family dynamics.
Here's what I've observed:
Most people are overwhelmed and controlled by their emotions.
The worst part?
They are blaming other people for it.
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I’ve had two divorces.
My understanding of love and commitment were all wrong.
Here are 3 facts about relationships I wish I had known sooner:
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And, attempting to rescue someone from the inner hell they’ve created for themselves sounds romantic at first, but will hurt both you, and them, in the long run.
100% do NOT recommend.
Personal responsibility + action is the new sexy.
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1. Infatuation does NOT = love. Feelings can change depending on many factors, but a strong commitment to something meaningful usually does not.
2. Disney lied. “Happily ever after” doesn’t exist unless you’re doing the work to make it so. You must water your own grass.
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3. Real relationship success is not about the butterflies or romance. Instead, it’s about how well you manage conflict, and nurture your union and commitment.
I’m not saying it’s ok to fight all day, every day.
Abusive situations definitely DO exist.
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This also kept me in highly charged negative emotions, which blinded me from seeing my ex’s side.
For example, if he disagreed with me, or if he wasn't meeting my expectations in some way, I thought we weren't "meant to be," and I should leave.
That was emotional immaturity.
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It’s about having a common vision, and understanding that even though you both come from entirely different backgrounds and WILL experience conflict, you are committed to getting to a solution, together.
It also means assuming noble intent.
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But I think the word “toxic” gets thrown around a bit too much these days.
In truth, my limited thinking kept me from seeing past my negative bias and cognitive distortions to explore the valuable growth I ACTUALLY needed.
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Now, when I find myself thinking something should be different, I first ask:
“Where am I not taking responsibility for my role in this?”
If you’re in a relationship, it’s not about who’s right or wrong. It’s not about you winning, and the other person losing.
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Because after all, you’re on the same team.
Understanding this makes having empathy and compassion so much easier.
This looks like: taking 100% responsibility for my faulty thinking, working on my self-development, and checking my emotions before projecting outward.
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Placing expectations on someone else to fill my cup when I haven’t even attempted to do so myself is just plain unfair.
Last thing — information is great, but application is much harder.
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After years of studying psychology, getting a master's in counseling (marriage and family therapy), working as a crisis counselor, becoming a certified energy healer, and reading tons of self-development books, here's what I've learned about humans:
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Once I studied emotional intelligence and understood the principles of healthy relationships, everything changed.
I now use these strategies myself, and in my current marriage, things are much smoother than ever before.
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If you struggle with self-love and boundaries, try this hack:
Instead of asking, "Do they like me?"
Switch it to: "How do they add to my life?"
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To make the application of these strategies simpler, I’ve created an in-depth training on emotional regulation and relationship management.
It will teach you how to manage yourself, so you can bring the best “you” into relationships with others.
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I never expected I would end up with two failed marriages.
In my early years, I fell for Disney’s dream of finding "the one" and living happily ever after.
But here's what happened instead: {thread}
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Designers, on the other hand, refuse to settle.
These are the people who want to feel true joy, love, passion, vitality, and zest for life.
And they want to share it with others through contribution.
That desire is what informs all (or most) of their decisions.
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It will be held on Wednesday, April 24th at 12pm EST.
You can secure your spot here:
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Society thrives on you living in fear.
Fear of judgment, fear of standing out, fear of change, fear of illness, fear of aliens, and on and on.
Yes, fear is a natural human emotion.
But when fear runs your life, that becomes a problem.
Why?
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You have one primary purpose in life -- to be true to yourself.
You will sometimes face fear and doubts as you attempt to follow through with your dreams.
Declare first, to yourself who you are, then boldly share it with others.
If you find that hard, consider these points:
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The tricky part about relationships, is we begin to look for others to play this game of “Do you love me?”
When you have self-worth and learn self-validation, you don't have to wonder.
The hardest part?
Most people don't know how to love themselves.
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Your brain is hardwired for negativity.
the average person has approximately 60,000 thoughts per day.
But the scary part is:
-75% of these thoughts are negative, and
-95% are repetitive.
If you want to get ahead this year, read on:
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Not everyone deserves access to you.
Even (maybe especially) on the internet.
This is one of the best ways to use social media in a way that best supports your values, mental health, and personal brand.
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If they feel fear, they know it’s because they lack information.
Our brains crave familiarity and routine.
To go from unknown ⇒ known, means getting more evidence that things will work.
Practice doing the thing until the thing becomes 2nd nature.
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Rather than complaining, they are quick to identify solutions and seek out ways things can work.
You don’t need to know exactly how everything will work.
Wanting to know "how" puts you into anxiety.
Instead, work on trust.
Trusting you are guided and will find a way is key.
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You don’t need to know exactly how everything will work.
Wanting to know "how" puts you into anxiety.
Instead, focus on the enjoyment of creating the thing.
Getting lost in the joy of the creation is where the magic happens, and the "how" will reveal itself along the way.
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Want to avoid the
#1
regret of the dying?
76% of people on their deathbed say they regret not living up to becoming their ideal selves.
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And I will tell you that the MOST fulfilled, successful individuals also have another trait in common: focus. They remain focused on their vision, no matter what.
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1. There are two types of people in the world:
Defaulters and Designers.
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Defaulters feel like victims much of the time.
They may view those who are more successful as simply being lucky or having special DNA.
They may even believe it was destined that they should suffer and may think they're cursed.
This way of thinking keeps them stuck.
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If you'd like help to overcome mindset issues like:
-fear of failure
-self-doubt
-uncertainty
Join my newsletter here:
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People change when they want to.
Forcing change on someone might seem like a good idea at first--but you'll soon realize their behavior is not genuine.
The minute they’re alone, they will go back to their ways.
If you really want peace, let others be.
Or better yet, get them
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You’re always being informed and guided by your future self. Problem is most don’t know how to listen to it.
Quieting the mind is an essential skill to being able to filter out the noise and tune into what that guidance is saying.
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I have even heard people say things like, "Maybe it's God's will for things to be this way/for me to not have that thing."
Are you sure it's God's will?
Or are your limiting beliefs just talking you out of God's blessings?
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I was recently asked, "Why are so many people unhappy?"
This was my response:
Assuming all physical needs are met, I've observed that unhappiness stems from two things:
1. Resisting what is, here and now.
2. A lack of connection and self-expression.
Many people want
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Luck isn’t the key.
I can’t stand when people say “I got lucky.”
No, you prepared and are trying to be modest.
It sends the wrong message when people think success in anything is attributed to magical abilities, rather than focused effort and developing yourself.
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-I lost myself in relationships with others through codependency.
-I identify as an empath, and true-to-form, I tended to attract narcissistic types.
-I began to think I was damaged beyond repair.
-I'd give-give-give, and only experience takers.
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After a total breakdown, I took a long hard look at myself, said "No more", and began to shift from victim consciousness to becoming a conscious creator of my own life.
Since then, I haven't looked back.
Now, I help others get back into the driver's seat of their lives.
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90% of people I know are living on auto pilot.
Life seems to be easier to manage when you can have predictability and familiarity.
You know what’s coming—even if it’s something you don’t like—and that makes you feel safe.
But here’s the thing, most people that I know on
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Until I began to Listen to Myself…
-A thread on awakening-
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Have you ever had a hard time motivating yourself?
I know a lot of people who talk down to themselves as a way to get going.
But you can’t shame or guilt yourself into positive results.
Or into becoming a better version of yourself. 🧵
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The facts were:
-I didn’t understand boundaries or positive selfishness.
-Self-awareness was a foreign concept.
-I placed everyone on a pedestal but myself.
-I was praised for being selfless.
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Do you know how to nurture yourself and your being?
This is becoming critically important.
Self-care is no longer an option.
You have a lot to give, but burnout and stress isn’t serving anyone.
Make time for yourself.
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The truth can either set you free or become your personal hell.
The older I get, the more I realize that "truth" is much more subjective than I originally thought.
The more I investigate and examine these "truths", the more I realize many of them are rooted in limiting beliefs.
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Stop chasing money.
If you want a "shortcut" to success, consider these key elements:
-THREAD-
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Now that you’ve learned the difference between a defaulter and a designer, you may be asking yourself, is it possible to change from a defaulter to a designer?
Yes.
I know because I've done it.
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What's the
#1
most underrated skill for entrepreneurs?
Someone asked for the best advice for new entrepreneurs, and this comment got the most likes:
"Be prepared to meet yourself. The limiting beliefs. The self-sabotaging patterns. The desire to hide. You'll see it all." 🧵
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For the longest time, I couldn't trust myself.
Maybe you've felt the same?
In a book called Do it Scared, author Ruth Soukup said that the crippling fear that prevents us from living the life we want.
This fear manifests in 7 different ways:
-the Procrastinator
-The Rule
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85% of people struggle with self-doubt.
81% of founders hide their stress, fears, and challenges from others.
Over time, this creates a negative impact on your health, relationships, and even your income.
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I've experienced panic attacks, anxiety, and "failure" on multiple fronts, and I've also been shamed, humiliated, and broken.
After two failed marriages, a foreclosure, and not one, but two abortions, I had to admit I was a complete trainwreck.
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How to create strong priorities?
I used to struggle a lot with prioritizing myself and my life vision.
Here’s what worked for me:
-learn what your values are
-learn what your non-negotiables are
-have and enforce your own standards
-set boundaries
And the hardest?
Give
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@Mindset_Machine
The biggest flex is simply enjoying life and being in the moment, without the need to broadcast it to everyone else.
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How to discern “truth”?
Many years ago, someone I once dated told me “Hey, do you know gullible isn’t in the dictionary?”
Needless to say, we didn’t last long.
But he identified a clear vulnerability within — I used to struggle with a lack of discernment, was completely
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-I was drained (both financially and emotionally).
-I lost myself in relationships with others through codependency.
I began to wonder what the heck was wrong with me, and whether I'd ever be "good enough" for someone else's love and devotion.
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I had no idea what I wanted out of life, out of a relationship, and certainly not even from myself!
I had no idea how to design my life.
One thing was certain -- I had to get clear on my standards for happiness and raise the bar.
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Whether it's a relationship you want, clarity on your unique values and strengths, or a better understanding of your life's purpose, it all begins with getting back in the driver's seat of your life and becoming a designer.
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The medical model to wellness is broken.
In spite of billions of dollars pumped into the mental health industry,
In spite of studying psych and becoming a therapist, I realized early on that our traditional model to wellbeing is a setup. 🧵
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You don’t need more information.
Most people can learn monetizable skills from beginner to intermediate, by what’s available for free online.
Yet, despite having access to all this free content:
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Being happy for others is a sign that you have an abundant mindset.
Being jealous is a sign from your inner guidance that you really feel lack, scarcity, and fear...
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This mindset shift is possible for anyone, but you must be willing to change.
If you are ready and would like some guidance, I invite you to shoot me a DM to book a free breakthrough call.
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@chemicalbrodar
There are many factors why relationships fail.
Unfortunately, this creates massive problems as we get older.
Rather than assume I was doomed — I took matters into my own hands. I learned from my mistakes, got a degree in psychology, and then a master's in counseling, with an
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90% of people are addicted to safety.
This prevents so many from achieving long-term goals.
If left unchecked, and nothing changes, then over time, you may begin to lose respect for yourself.
No matter what, life will always present challenges.
Attempting to avoid pain by
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You fear competition and AI because you don’t know your value.
You can’t articulate your value well, because you don’t think you have any.
You don’t think you have much value because you don’t see evidence that you are worthy.
You don’t see evidence of your worthiness because
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@thedankoe
Imperfect execution beats perfect execution every time.
Analyzing every possible aspect not only slows you down, but it’s nearly impossible to account for every detail.
Put it out there, then adjust as you go.
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It’s amazing how things change when you value yourself and your time more.
You understand what’s most important and align with that in word, belief, and action.
Entire business models can shift, along with quality of life.
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@Gisy_baby
Thanks! With everything I've learned over the years, there's no reason to be fake. Once we love and accept ourselves 100%, outside critics have no power.
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Why are so many people lonely and struggling with connection?
Being connected is one of our 7 essential needs as humans.
Yet more than ever, so many people are feeling lonely and disconnected.
Why?
A big reason is that the world is full of judges.
Yourself included.
Many
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@Mindset_Machine
This solitude is required for you to develop into the person you need to be to meet your next level of friends and associates.
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I am now remarried and have the daughter I thought I'd never have.
My husband is also in the process of adopting my son.
To think, I used to consider myself a trainwreck.
This doesn't have to be the end of the road for you.
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Know who you are and what you stand for, so you can speak on something and create value for others.
Let life lessons be part of your message. Others now stand where you once were.
Provide the roadmap that helped you by speaking to your past self, and others will resonate.
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@UGOOTWEETS
100%, I WAS the problem! But rather than stay stuck and assume I was doomed — I took matters into my own hands.
I learned from my mistakes, got a degree in psychology, and then a master's in counseling, with an emphasis on marriage and family therapy, specifically.
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One day, something finally clicked and I realized where I was going wrong.
I was pointing the finger of responsibility in the wrong direction.
I somehow believed these things were happening TO me, rather than FOR me.
What those painful situations taught me, was this:
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If you want to grow your mindset and join my email list, where I send out at least weekly emails to transform your:
-resilience
-designer abilities
-self-development
-self-empowerment
-self-awareness & self-love
Then click here + get a free gift:
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In the digital economy and information industry, consciousness is becoming the new currency.
Self-awareness, emotional mastery, and creative expression through work is becoming the new normal.
How are you managing the shift?
Here are 5 tips to help: {THREAD}
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I was so sick and tired of playing the victim card.
So I hired a life coach and she helped me investigate my thoughts, beliefs, and expectations.
I was then able to reclaim what I wanted for my life, and that was when everything changed.
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Life starts looking so different when you drop the blame game, and take control of your ship.
If you are ready to learn how to do that, you've got one day left to join my upcoming workshop.
Send me a DM with the word "workshop" to secure your seat.
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But I was looking in the wrong direction.
In 2016, I began my personal and spiritual development journey, and I had to face the facts.
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@jonnybbyxx
Rather than stay stuck and assume I was doomed — I took matters into my own hands. I learned from my mistakes, got a degree in psychology, and then a master's in counseling, with an emphasis on marriage and family therapy, specifically.
I've learned TONS since then. Which is why
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3 reasons you're not following your calling: (a thread)
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Yes, success leaves clues, but…
Trying to be the next
@AlexHormozi
when you’re more like
@thedankoe
?
I recently had an epiphany.
I prefer X, and almost dread posting on IG and TikTok.
Yes, there’s a lot of untapped potential on those platforms.
And maybe one day, I’ll give
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This is how to know what’s right for you:
It feels like peace. It feels like homecoming. And you will never want to turn away from that feeling ever again.
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@RealZakariAjana
You are right - communication and a deep bond are absolutely essential. Trust me, I could have easily made this thread 100+ posts long 😀 This is why I am doing an entire hour-long workshop on Wednesday!
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Many of our negative thoughts are driven by the flight or fight mechanism in our brains.
This means most of our thoughts are looped in trauma.
Before you can even think of your next step, you’re highly likely going to have negativity coloring your perspective.
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It's easy to want to model your life after others.
From the outside looking in, some who've been married for 50+ years, or those who may have seemed to be "lucky" enough to have gotten it right the first time, may make you feel inadequate if you didn't.
But, I am not here for
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Because it stops you from living your purpose and shining your unique light.
And now, more than ever, the world needs you and your light.
Rather than assuming life is meant to be a constant struggle, understand what’s in your control.
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When you first learn about setting boundaries, it may seem cruel.
Until you later realize when you give from an empty cup, it leaves you drained, and others aren't that fulfilled anyway.
Ultimately, no one walks away from it feeling satisfied.
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I have never seen someone with a victim mindset achieve anything meaningful in life.
Even though that person/group hurt you, you can transform your pain into your platform.
Stop sinking and get back into the driver's seat of your life.
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You're hiding from the world to avoid judgment, shame, and rejection.
Plot twist:
You're hiding from the world because you are hiding from yourself.
You are judging, shaming, and rejecting yourself.
Stop being your own enemy.
Self-love protects you from the inside out.
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While it can be scary to show up online, there's no reason to be fake.
Once we learn to love and accept ourselves 100%--flaws and all--outside critics have no power.
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1. Recognizes your dreams are for you, and you alone.
2. Never be afraid to invest in yourself— in whatever capacity necessary—to fulfill them.
3. Your body tells you which way to go, through your interests, curiosities, or excitement.
4. Become obsessed like a dog on a bone.
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@Art0fThinking
Ultimately, it was a lack of self-awareness.
I blamed my ex for a lot when in reality, 99% of my issues with him came from my own unresolved traumas, lack of personal responsibility, and projection.
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@cdagod
After my first divorce, I definitely said the same! It’s only after learning, processing my own role in the divorce, dropping the victim mentality, and seeing the results of change in my own life, that I have begun to teach. Getting a degree in counseling and marriage and family
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It’s normal to want to wait for things to be perfect before you start.
Don’t.
“Perfect” is a your brain trying to keep you safe.
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Earl Nightingale said, “You become what you think about most of the time.”
If you find yourself caught in negative thought loops, trauma responses, and self-deprecation, then know this doesn’t have to be your story.
Help is available.
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Here's the
#1
reason you're afraid of failure:
You have no idea who you are, or what you're capable of.
And it's not your fault...
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@thedankoe
When you can understand why people think, feel, and behave the way they do, that’s when you can begin to understand how to help them.
That’s also where you’ll have to make the most important decision: do you weaponize the info for good or bad?
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Affirmations can be our biggest superpower or our biggest weapon against ourselves.
Most people don't realize intentions and words have power.
Speaking "I am____" creates your reality.
The brain has no way of knowing what's "real" or not.
Make sure you choose wisely.
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People change for two reasons:
1. A compelling future vision
2. A current reality that brings disgust, necessity, or immense pain to be in it one second longer.
You don’t have to wait until you hit rock bottom, but unfortunately, I've observed that most do.
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