Penis Nug
@penisnug
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216
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I use POT OF GREED and summon 3 additional beers from the fridge
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I use POT OF GREED and summon another 3 additional beers from the fridge
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No Cheryl. Are you dense? I will not be at the 11am meeting. I’m cooking steaks and drinking beer. It’s Friday.
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@CraigAdams42069
Come on Craig.
I use POT OF GREED and summon 3 additional beers from the fridge
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55 ball pics, 55 dick pics, 55 nut videos screaming, 55 ball jiggle videos
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Your mission today, should you choose to accept it, is to fricken jork it
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Texting and driving next to the cop so he knows I am sick af and I’m not a friendless loser
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Dear Cheryl from HR,
I hope this email finds you well. Please show me in the company code of conduct where it says I can’t go home during my Tuesday lunch break to cook carne asada and down a ice cold Heineken.
Regards,
Penis Nug
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My ass is sweaty. Knees weak, my ass is sweaty. There’s sweat on my ass already, ass is sweaty. He’s nervous…
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Gambling is not addictive. I keep losing but I’m so close to a big payout that I have to keep going
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Yes I did cum in two strokes, no I will not be staying over, thank you for your time
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Girthmaster this, girthmaster that, yeah I’m just a girth apprentice but I got feelings too
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Some of you wouldn’t be brave enough to fuck an alien if duty called, and I don’t think you should have the same rights I do because of that
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Dry January is finally over 🙌 (I drank the entire month of January)
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Thinking about getting Botox for my sack so I can have the smoothest scrotum in the western hemisphere
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My kidneys are screaming for a no water, zero calorie monster only day
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Can wait to do a full asshole spread across the pond
THE PORTAL: a visual bridge connecting New York City to Dublin
A public technology sculpture known as The Portal was unveiled this morning in New York City’s ’s Flatiron neighborhood. The sculpture has a real-time, visual live stream connecting New York City to Dublin, Ireland.
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How has little ceasers kept their hot n ready at $5? Some witchcraft is happening
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Who gon let me suck their titties tonight, preferably pierced but reviewing all offers
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Me looking at my homie tryna pass the blunt but I’m already in the shadow realm
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It’s a thankless job beating up highschool kids who smoke weed in public parks, but someone needs to keep those derelicts of the streets
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If you and your boys aren’t running a train on the dune 2 popcorn bucket, sorry but you aren’t boys
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Cranking Creed this morning, dick harder than a fucking missile, Monday ain’t ready for us ladies and gents let’s get this shit
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6 foot (in shoes)
6 figures (including after the decimal)
6 inches (from taint)
Oh yeah, I’m on demon time 😈
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Tap tf in peasants. Bloody Mary’s in the shower type of morning
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Coffee -> drank
Bowels -> emptied
Zyn -> popped
Oh yeah it’s time to do nothing at work
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You know what day it is, it’s fat cock Friday, where all my boys blessed with a Coke can down there
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Tapped in don’t ask what is in this, it certainly is not piss 😳
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HR CAN’T STOP YOU FROM PISSING IN THE SINK AT WORK
HR CAN’T STOP YOU FROM PISSING IN THE SINK AT WORK
HR CAN’T STOP YOU FROM PISSING IN THE SINK AT WORK
HR CAN’T STOP YOU FROM PISSING IN THE SINK AT WORK
HR CAN’T STOP YOU FROM PISSING IN THE SINK AT WORK
HR CAN’T STOP YOU FROM…
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This is what it felt like when the server at the airport Chili’s cut me off 😔😔😔
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I could never own a gun. It would whisper to me like the Green Goblin mask
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Zaza so strong I’m taking a pregnancy test just to make sure nothings growing in my sack
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Man if is was general grevious I’d use all the arms to jerk it at the same time
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Does it count as a bad bitch fumble if she decided she was a lesbian? Feels like I got screwed by the refs on that one
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I got drunk and reported a bunch of Jake from State Farm’s tweets
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When it comes to choking my chicken, left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious
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Dear god, is it too much to ask for freak bitch who would tongue punch my fart box?
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I am a zynner 😈, who’s probably gonna zyn again🙈, lord forgive me 🙏, lord forgive me 😫, things I don’t understand 😔😔😔
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Starting an after school program to teach kids how to roll blunts
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When the taco truck asks if I want salsa and I say Si instead of yes
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Kamala Harris sentencing me to 10 years without parole for weed charges in thigh highs and lingerie is a need not a want
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Free steve, cpa, my boy was just a little horny on main. who among us hasn’t am I right?
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I’m going to make an app for people who chase the bag and are real go getters. I’ll call it Grinder
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