Kate
@patrickkateman
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A bisexual girls boyfriend threw the first brick at stonewall
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I have a gun to my temple they are romanticizing the horrors
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dakota johnson came into my work today since it’s the film festival and she asked me how i was doing and i almost passed out oh my god
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If I ever got shot by a dude wearing a tote bag just let me bleed out
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how i look explaining that donnie darko isn’t schizophrenic but was actually chosen by an unknown higher power to be the living receiver and stop the apocalypse in the primary universe while being guided by visions from the tangent universe that present as hallucinations
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Gonna assume anyone who says “New Kendrick album is mid” didnt get enough attention from their mother while growing up
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How it feels to tell people it only costs $45 to fill my tank
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Seeing people make fun of Julia fox for the same valley girl accent that I have
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Showed my mom my tongue piercing and got a lecture about how if I’m planning on piercing my labia next I should know it gets rid of all sensitivity
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Both are menaces to society
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Sorry in advance to the pheobe bridgers fans who might take offense to this one
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Can’t trust someone who wasn’t a fugly weirdo freak in middle school
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She’s a 6 but she says “SMACK CAM” every time she kills a spider
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In freshman year I unknowingly dated a republican and when I confronted him about it he affectionately called me “my little libt*rd” and I had to wait like a week to break up with him because we were in the same project group 😭
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Need to date someone with a digital footprint more embarrassing than mine
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“National gf/bf day” what about national girl i see in passing who holds eye contact for a second longer than is considered friendly day
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Supporting my neuropspicy brain with a kilo of cocaine
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Horrible news: your favorite shitposter just got into a happy and healthy relationship
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Woke up to 1k followers and this at 92k likes what the hell
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Orville peck’s releasing a cover of cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other….
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I know I’ve got a hit tweet when i start getting messages like this
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Me and the bad bitch i pulled by being incredibly awkward with zero game
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How to ask for someone’s zodiac sign without sounding like I’m trying to hit (I am)
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Riddle me this Batman…meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
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Finally the fucking car seat headrest tweet has been dethroned as my most liked tweet
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Damn shorty you’re so hot please don’t look at my tweets please don’t look at my tweets please don’t look at my tweets please don’t look at my tweets please don’t look at my-
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I feel like we’re using the term “artist” a little too loosely
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Me telepathically telling a customer to kill themselves
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being a girl who is mid and deranged gotta be one of the worst hands you can be dealt in this life
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Jesse i need ten bad bitches and they all need to be on adhd medication
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Cannot wait to put on a skimpy ass outfit and day drink to celebrate a failing country
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“I bet it’s pink” your father drinks himself to sleep every night wondering what he did wrong while raising you
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I need an electric shock collar that goes off every time I say “real”
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Maybe I’m just gay but this actually makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit
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Me n ur girlfriend r watching Peter griffen funniest moments on her ipad
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All male group chats are so eerie…what are you all congregating about…
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