Robert Bray
@ocdrecovery
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Walking the steps to OCD recovery. Coaching worldwide with Robert Bray. Helped 30,000+ people along the recovery journey! 📧 phil @ocdrecovery .com
London, England
Joined January 2016
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Last Seen Profiles
OCD is not just a tidiness quirk, many people lose their lives to OCD every year. OCD is a disorder which can utterly convince a child in a few seconds they are the worst person in the world, it doesn’t give much breathing space until they learn how it operates.
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- Not going on holiday
- Not going to the festival
- Not going to the party
- Not going to the family gathering
Avoidance is one of OCD’s favourite moves for short term anxiety relief but actually what’s happening is your trading quality of life for the illusion of certainty.
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Why OCD sufferers feel alone-
- Drs, therapists and even specialists usually struggle with treating OCD.
- Meds only take the edge off, OCD still gets through.
- Friends and family find difficult to understand
- OCD picks themes you don’t want to share in case hated by society.
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OCD feels as real as it can get, OCD feels like your true inner voice, OCD feels like it has to be listened to otherwise you are in danger. If it didn’t feel like this it wouldn’t be the disorder it is.
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Another terrible portrayal of OCD in “Keeping up with the Kardashians” where Khloe meets with an OCD therapist and talks about how she sees her OCD as a benefit, that’s because this isn’t OCD, she just likes things tidy.
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If “Down syndrome” was used in a similar context the reaction would be very different, but why is it ? OCD is one of the most debilitating illnesses it needs to be taken VERY seriously.
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OCD makes everything a life and death situation, that’s why OCD sufferers feel so low energy and exhausted, they have been on the battlefield in their mind all day.
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An OCD sufferers dream is just to lay down in peace without adrenaline pulsating through their body or chronic guilt locked on.
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If your waiting to be-
- Married
- Have kids
- Have a home you love
- Have a new car
- Be financially free
- Have a great job
To be happy, you're robbing yourself of happiness now by putting a condition on it, you have all that you need right now in this moment.
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Trying to relax with OCD is like getting a massage whilst trying to solve a Rubik’s cube at gunpoint.
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OCD finds the thing you fear most happening or being and then holds your quality of life to ransom till it’s strict terms are met, which can’t be met, and it drip feeds you short term relief in exchange for reassurance, don’t negotiate with it.
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To understand what OCD feels like imagine the anxiety you’ve felt with coronavirus...then imagine you are convinced you have it and that you are definitely the person who will die, OCD is this feeling constantly on and off or just on for years.
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Until you suffer with a mental health problem you don’t realise how much you take for granted a 🧠 that is not fighting a battle 24/7.
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OCD sufferers are far stronger than they ever give themselves credit for.
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@matthaig1
The problem with highlighting sleep is that people who don’t get it because of anxiety for example will chase it keeping the cycle going as they will feel its a must. Sleep and exercise have their great benefits but at the core is our belief system that keeps cycle going.
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Things to remind yourself of each day-
-OCD will make you doubt everything
-OCD will make it feel as real as it can get
-Recovery doesn’t happen in a day so stop chasing a quick fix
-You are not broken
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It’s tricky to understand what someone with OCD experiences without having OCD but I will try and demonstrate....imagine leaning back on a 🪑 and you’ve just gone past the point where you know you are now going to fall, that feeling you feel but locked on 247.
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Experts by experience, not medical experts or CBT therapists, we have OCD and have recovered through CBT / REBT therapy
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This account isn’t here because I suffered a bit of OCD in a mild form, this account is here because it was one of the hardest battles I fought, I know what you are going through, it’s the only life I know! I have OCD but OCD doesn’t have me!
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Without experiencing OCD it’s easy to see it at first as some minor triviality exaggerated by the person, only when you experience OCD do you suddenly feel the life and death scenario it jolts you between, an entirely different experience to what’s presumed by an onlooker.
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OCD can make you doubt anything, remember this, along with how real it will make it feel, as real as it can get.
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@patrickbetdavid
This is a perspective from someone who is married, this could equally be written the opposing way. Reality is complex, what works for one doesn’t work for all. There are many pros and cons to both and many of the cons of marriage aren’t discussed due to the societal boundaries
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Would you donate to an OCD charity if you thought OCD was just a small quirk about lining up your shoes in your wardrobe? that’s why awareness is hugely needed on the misconception and why Kardashians “KHLO-C-D” is so harmful.
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Never underestimate OCD’s ability to convince you of anything. It will use your nervous system and brain to make it feel as “Real” as it can get.
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OCD is the doubting disorder, you will doubt anything, always remember that and when triggered it will feel as real as it can get and like you need to suddenly get away!
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OCD clings to the 0.0000000000000000000001% risk and doesn’t let you off the hook and it stays locked on in the background till proven otherwise.
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The thing most people don’t realise is having OCD is like a full time job when suffering, all your focus goes on just trying to stay calm.
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OCD is a disorder that when you are suffering severely feels so debilitating you can't imagine how you will ever get out and when its treated leaves you wondering how you even felt like that in the past.
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When OCD morphs to the next thing you look back at the old thing like “why did I care about that.”
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OCD’s favourite sayings-
“Just one more time and then everything will be fine”
“This time it’s different to last time”
“This time it’s real”
“If only you had done......this wouldn’t have happened”
“If you don’t do.......you will think of this forever.”
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How OCD likes to turn up uninvited to the party “you shouldn’t be enjoying yourself have you forgotten about........you must think of this every second.”
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OCD is the doubting disorder, you will doubt everything, in one second you can easily be completely convinced of something you didn’t see a moment ago.
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Expect OCD to-
-Morph
-Make it feel like you are back at square one after you’ve been doing well for awhile
-Pick the worst fears you can imagine
-Turn up the heat first thing in the morning
-Scan your mind for every microscopic detail to latch on to
-Move the goal post just as
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Expect OCD to-
-Morph
-Make it feel like you are back at square one after you’ve been doing good for awhile
-Pick the scariest things you can imagine
-Turn up the heat first thing in the morning
-Scan your mind for every microscopic detail to latch to in the past/present/future
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You could read every book on OCD and meet thousands of people with OCD but until you have personally experienced it it’s very difficult to imagine how it feels.
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OCD makes it feel utterly convincing that it’s real and that it’s definitely not OCD, never underestimate its skills as an illusionist.
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I lost years to OCD, do I regret it, not one bit, it laid the path for me to develop a level of awareness I never had which has enriched my life. Whether you have lost 1 year or 20 years you can use it to empower you through changing your perception of it.
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What makes OCD confusing is that the intrusive thought or feeling feels like it’s our inner voice, as if it’s the true us really wanting that.
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OCD will make you doubt everything, that means absolutely anything!
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OCD is the doubting disorder it will cause you to doubt EVERYTHING ! Always remember that. This includes your judgement, your progress, your therapist, recovery....everything.
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OCD knows
-your life plans
-what you love
-what you hate
-your past
-your memories
It plucks out the ingredient which best suits today’s cocktail 🍹 of chronic anxiety with a dash of chronic guilt.
But what if you had the choice whether to drink it or not....you do!
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To understand an OCD sufferers life imagine the times in your life you were scared, now imagine that jacked up and 🔒 on, now imagine nobody being aware that you are feeling like that and how to 🔐 takes time and education, this is the journey OCD sufferers walk.
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Everyone wishes for the old OCD fear when the new one seems more scary.
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OCD finds the thing you fear most happening or being and then holds your quality of life to ransom till it’s strict terms are met, which can’t be met, and it drip feeds you short term relief in exchange for reassurance, don’t negotiate with it
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OCD feels like being frightened all the time, every moment of your life apart from when you are distracted for brief moments. You can’t just forget about it the same as you can just forget your house is on fire it doesn’t work like that.
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OCD is aware of what you care most about, it’s waiting for anything to come within 0.000000000001% of putting that in jeopardy and it pounces!
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An anxious mind can still be happy, took me awhile to see this but was a game changing moment, realising I could still experience and enjoy so much despite not feeling great, helped take the edge off.
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The dream of anyone suffering from OCD is just to sit in peace.
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I thought I had recovered when I stopped my compulsions with contamination OCD but what I hadn’t realised at the time was OCD often morphs to something else, it can survive in the absence of compulsions it can move to just being scared of thoughts and scenarios.
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Your 🧠 isn’t broken, you just have an exaggerated fear response which in order to rebalance you need to demonstrate to yourself there is in fact nothing ever to fear.
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Usually when you look back you can see traits of your OCD in childhood but it then becoming chronic during your teenage years or early twenties. OCD can in fact develop chronically at any age or suddenly become worse at a point which appears quite random.
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“For 16 years I lived with chronic guilt, anxiety and shame always present in the background. Rocd hit hard as a child and I started to develop new themes such as harm ocd and also hocd/health ocd in between. I felt I was living in constant fear confessing and seeking reassurance
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Learning to sit with the anxiety even when it screams it’s head off is a key part of recovery.
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As it’s the “doubting disorder” you can be triggered at anytime, going from calm to completely convinced of something in a second.
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OCD suffering was very challenging, constant exhaustion from the war in my head, I knew that if I didn’t recover this would be my future and I wasn’t going to have that. I am here today doing what I do because of that decision I took and the journey I embarked upon.
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OCD is constantly looking to create a cycle of chronic fear by trawling the past/present/future for the ingredients it needs. If it can’t find any slight evidence to put in it’s anxiety cocktail, it will just make it up. OCD draws upon its incredible ability to mimic, the false
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I spent years trying to recover from OCD by telling myself “thoughts are just thoughts” this brought little relief as I was absolutely convinced what I feared was reality and not OCD, only once I moved towards unconditional self acceptance did OCD release it’s grip.
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OCD will feel real, very real, as real as it can possibly get!
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Chronic OCD tends to be activated in a few seconds so it’s no wonder people are left thinking “I don’t get it, I was fine just a moment ago...”
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According to OCD I should have died 10,000 times by now but I am still here.
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OCD recovery requires a f@#* it, I’m heading in to the eye of the storm attitude, I’m not running anymore, whatever happens I’m facing it head on, I’m not staying stuck like this any longer!
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The OCD recovery journey usually includes passing through many breaking points, many “I think I’m back at square one” moments, many “will I ever recover....” thoughts, one day at a time, you will get there 💪🏻
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OCD feels like your 🧠 is constantly against you, which ever way out you see it shuts off with another feared scenario locked on replacing the last and feeling ever more real.
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The main reason OCD sufferers feel lost and alone comes down to the fact that very few people understand how to help OCD sufferers recover. The more recovery information online for OCD sufferers the quicker change will happen.
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OCD guilt is like guilt on steroids, “maybe I was a bit rude to them, shouldn’t have said that” becomes “they will or have committed suicide because of me.” The feeling of guilt is also not just a thought it’s a locked on cycle that feels it only lifts 30 % when distracted.
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OCD is looking for a gap of uncertainty where a feared scenario lays close by. You won’t find relief by trying to change the gap of uncertainty to certain, recovery is not found on that path. Wishing that OCD hadn’t picked that particular spot also won’t work, OCD nestles snug
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Anxiety disorders feel like being held prisoner by your nervous system whilst the brain has been hijacked by an intruder who’s jacked all the levers up to 100 and is refusing to turn them down.
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Suffering from OCD for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years is no indication you will be stuck forever.
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OCD will always scream at the top of its voice “but this time it’s different.”
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OCD feels like you are TOO conscious, TOO alive, TOO plugged in to life, TOO in tune to reality. As you get more comfortable with uncertainty & develop a deeper level of acceptance this feels like it fades back, leaving you in a calmer state, baseline peace is restored.
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OCD is always going to tell you this time it’s real, this time it’s different, you must act now, this time you can’t let yourself off the hook....
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Recovery involves getting comfortable with ANY intrusive thought, image, urge, emotion at ANY time.
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Things to remember when you have OCD-
- You didn’t choose this
- You are not alone
- You are not broken
- Triggers are sensations that pass
- Fear is a liar & illusionist
- Overcoming fears is empowering
- Bring Anxiety for the ride, don’t wait
- Recovery is possible
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OCD loves scouring the past looking for gaps of uncertainty, foggy moments, drunk moments, too young to recall what happened. OCD will tweak a real event in the past so it crosses an imaginary line you have placed as the border between accepting yourself or not.
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Anxiety sleep problems -
- waking up multiple times in the night
- sudden urge to urinate constantly through night
- waking up in panic
- waking up racing heart
- insomnia
- waking early unable to return to sleep
- sleep but feels like awake
- sleep talking
- sleep walking
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The OCD cycle feels like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube at gunpoint.
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If you expect OCD recovery to be linear you will be disappointed, instead expect 🌊 and get ready to 🏄♂️
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If OCD didn’t feel real it wouldn’t be a disorder. Remember that when it feels as real as it can get!
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To understand how cruel OCD can be, just think of a 14 year old who’s OCD gets initially triggered in one day, they become utterly convinced they have commited the worst crime on earth whilst having no idea what OCD is and that they have it.
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Telling people you have OCD is vital in raising awareness & helps people feel less alone. Talking about your recovery journey, another great way to give people hope, for far too long recovery stories have been limited as people move on when get better, we strive to change this.
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Much of anxiety recovery is about being willing to feel anxiety and being willing to be stuck for as long as it takes. Once willing for it to be there regardless of physical symptoms you are walking fast down the path to recovery.
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Getting comfortable “not knowing” is one of the most important ingredients to OCD recovery.
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OCD triggers can make you feel like you are at square one in a second but you can never return to square one, life is always changing, we are always learning, square one is no longer.
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