As scared as I am about my imminent passing, I have a found A strength I feel inside deep down and I know I have done all I can to try and beat this and always pushed Myself..I have been good, bad and an arse..but I was fwcin me to the end.
Went into the hospice on Tue... stayed one night,was supposed to be a week(they have managed to up my pain meds) but I had a total breakdown, I couldn't stay in there Staff were ace, but it's just me. I broke down into a mess crying and needed to get out of there. am embarrassed
Today is Saskias 11th birthday, my goal was to get to her birthday, so she could enjoy it all and not have any happiness taken away from her because of my Cancer. She has had a wonderful morning so far and is about to go shopping with mum. Big family win this is
@ThanksCancer
Youngest daughter's best friend is a lad a year above her, he moved up to secondary school this year, so they don't see each other as much.He just knocked to go out to play .as she's running upstairs to get dressed "my best friend has come back for me" she shouted..
After 13 years together fighting cancer and your wife says she can't do it anymore.....so you are left to battle the last remaining days on your own .....
#fuckyoucancer
gut wrenching... starting over at 43 sucks especially in this situation
We celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary May just gone, I am so wracked with guilt that I am leaving her behind to bring up our girls on her own. I know she will excell, but she shouldn't have to be put in this position...she's been my world
Getting into my wheelchair today I actually managed to move my foot myself with brain power rather than lifting it up with my hands ...felt super happy...small steps ...but massive leaps 💪💪💪💪💪💪
Spoke to my wife this morning awkwardly about going to visit the local hospice, so if I do end up having to go in there before I die it doesn't seem so scary to me.
@ThanksCancer
Had a small seizure when I woke yesterday (wife was in work, so youngest helped me she's only 11 and a superhero) unfortunately had a seizure this morning too...wife was there to hold me and make sure I didn't hurt myself... hopefully a free day tomorrow lol
Thank you for all the kind words yesterday, it's helped....I've just been for a shower,tidied up my face hair and got dressed ready for the hospice later on today...feel more human
Passed out this morning when coughing, hit the bedside cabinet and went THUD to the floor, youngest saw it happen and was heartbroken. The impact on family members is really unfair
@ThanksCancer
Scary how when you split up with a partner and your child from a previous relationship finally lets you know how they felt about that person and wants to be more involved in your life again... taking my eldest daughter (15) out tomorrow for Sunday carvery happy times from bad 👍
I am here ...I am fighting my own body daily...I am walking small steps with a walker ...I am shattered...I am aching..I will not let this illness stop me
My girls Christmas presents have been wrapped up and dropped off at their house for them .....there was noone home for me to give them to though. .... upsetting variation of Xmas this year ..it's gonna be emotionally hard to say the least...love my girl's
I am dying...I'm not waiting to die, it's one of those sickening and unfortunate facts..I am not being morbid and I'm sorry if you, as a person who happens to look in to my world every now and then feels uncomfortable hearing it.... actually not sorry
@ThanksCancer
If dying from cancer isn't enough in March I got GBS gulliane barre syndrome...was paralysed from my toes to my chest within a week...am just learning to stand and walk again after having daily physio..never give up on life keep fighting
@ThanksCancer
Things seem to be progressing faster than I would like, I've finally admitted to myself that I need a bed downstairs, so that's happening on Friday...I'm not finished yet and I'm going to keep pushing myself. Because that's me a stubborn fuck
#fuckcancer
@ThanksCancer
Just had a call from Donc ... results from my chest x-ray the other day... Report was pretty vague unfortunately.. basically just said what we already knew, cancerous mass has grown in size...I'd say comparing it to its worst it's been, 6-8 months ish
After 13 years this is what it's come to ....coffee for 1 of an evening.....life can spin you a cruel hand sometimes, even when you think you hit rock bottom...it's spins a wild card
Today i forced myself to stand, to work, to push everything I have. My children and wife have seen me do probably my final job on my house myself. I needed to show them me again and to remind them I never gave up on them or on my life
@ThanksCancer
1/This was back in 2010 a month before I was diagnosed. If you feel something isn't right inside get yourself checked, I had a 14cm x 9cm mass in my chest and other areas. I thought it was a collapsed lung. I was lucky that time I reacted well to the chemo.
@JamesBurnie2
I will be 42 in May, been fighting Cancer since 2010, have just been placed on the palliative care team...had to tell my kids the other week what was happening..it's hard ...kinda not real ...meet you on the other side for a brew lol
Well it's official...I'm no longer living in the family home....my wife after deciding enough, no more marriage, no for better or worse, no more family life has got what she's wanted. moved into a tiny b and b for now until I can find somewhere more suitable for my dying body ..
I was laying in bed last night thinking about the last nearly 8 months....I can say with my hands on my heart, I really don't miss my wife anymore. I'm more than happy with the way what remains of my life is heading. The only things I miss are my daughter, the cats and my garden
Bags all packed ready for the morning to arrive and to depart the hospital...2 months after I was first admitted here...it's been physically and mentally challenging..thanks to all on here that have been supportive during my recent GBS and other battles...It's truly helped
When I got Cancer at 30 (stage 4) I was young, people kept on pointing it out .... actually chuffed I have made it this far grabted 4 relapses in 12 years are a bit greedy, but I have seen far more than I should have thanks to the UK NHS ...
@ThanksCancer
This Saturday would have been my 12th wedding anniversary....heart breaking that my wife ended our marriage...but you can't make someone love you no matter how much you want it....
#gutted
#absolutelygutted
One week I have been in this hospital now ... progress has been good ... mental health is still good it's been a hard week physically though... keeping at it
So after lots of hard work and physio, today I was transported home to prove to the occupational therapist that I was capable of managing using the stairs safely up.and down....smashed it and am going to be able to go home on Monday......long road ahead still, but this a WIN
Been having a rough few days... sleeping and in pain ...so been quite medicated....can't walk too well today but Zeus, has though to be fair kept me company
I have just managed to get myself to the util room and put my clothes in the washing machine...might seem like a mundane chore for some, but for this crippled monkey it was a major achievement
#day5
out of hospital
#goals
#gbs
44 years younger today...I will not give in....I will fight till I have no more to give .....no practice runs, just this life and to get as much out as possible
People always talk about "bucket list" visiting special places etc....as a young married father ...mine is to get as much of my home fixed and feeling special so my family can have one less stress and my children can just thrive in the environment I leave them
@ThanksCancer
I am going to be quiet on here next cpl of days..it's my birthday tomorrow (loads celebrating it apparently 🥳 😂) we shall be because i wasn't supposed to still be alive to celebrate it
#fuckcancer
we've pushed you away from the door a little longer again ..enjoy😋😁
My legs have shrunk by 2/3 bit random...not complaining one bit..down to one open wound..and im still fighting on...thanks for all ths kind words of support
This grinning face has just been told, the home amendments are getting done Fri morning..am having a home visit on Friday afternoon and going home all being good Monday morning...2 months rehab after being paralysed done👍
In 2015 I had to re-home my best friend having a bone marrow transplant. I found a loving caring home for her. I wanted to bring her home, but they had created an amazing bond and have kept in touch and visited since. Yesterday at the age of 14 Cancer took her. I am broken
@Depheruk
From a person who is dying...I would rather the other person enjoys much happiness as possible, the sadness will wait...and the hope that they remember me more as I was ..
Home visit today....need to prove to the occupational therapist that I can manage to walk up my stairs to get to my bedroom....all being well i will go home forvgood on monday....wish me luck ..💪💪💪💪💪
Still going..can't use my hands too much at the moment, got the lymphodema nurses coming on Monday to see if they can help me walk.I habe managed to wean myself off the steroids, so ha that's one less stress...here's a pic of Willow (7) and Zeus(5) from earlier. High five to all
Is it just me, when I hear a celebrity has had or has
#cancer
I scroll the story to find out what type, it really annoys me that the story never actually says what type it was, like they are all the same
@ThanksCancer
I was nearly dead last week, wish I was being overdramatic but I'm not. massive love and hugs to those that have supported me through it got a big effort only I can put in now re my physio for all of you I will push on. If anyone has a voodoo doll of me seriously fuck you bitches
Just popped back into hospital
To check on a cpl of the patients I'd bonded with...their eyes lit up when they saw me....I know how difficult and long the day can be when you don't get visitors
Am taking this little lady to the cinema later...just her and me.. staying off meds today so I can function for her ..and I need to stay awake lol....Thor ...she planned her outfit last night bless...to say she's excited is an over statement
Its scary how we take for granted our legs and the ability to just walk...even I through all my cancer I get caught up in stuff ....today I got out myself on my own, alone...it was absolutely fwkin brilliant..2 months ago lay paralysed seems like a lifetime now
Less than an hour to go before I move out completely, it's quite emotional to be honest. I know its not far down the road but,.....my aunty has been a solid rock through my separation from my wife and my hospitalisation from the GBS and it's slow recovery..
Until you've been disposed of, your whole world pulled from underneath you, in the midst of a terminal illness you will never know the immense pain inside.. cruel world
One of my biggest concerns (call me what you will) was that I would look ill or a weirdo driving round on my mobility scooter...but by jeeeees it's given me a whole load of freedom...an old couple actually walked past and said ooooh that looks smart
Met a very kind lady and her daughter today, whom approached me and asked if I was ok because I looked like I had the world on my shoulders....I must look like shite but fair play to those ladies, that should get me through the next few days.....
I have targets in life... especially since I ws put on palliative care lmfao ..they are actually only monthly-ish ones....next is my wife's birthday Oct 6th...... Then its dad's birthday Nov 5th.... because that's how we have to roll in our house...and you know what...it works
Day 2 of being home...sooooo relaxing being here...got my older brother staying for a week to keep an eye on me lol...he's in work of the day but here at night...like being kids again 😂😂😂 reliving our youth
been over a month now since I pooped on my own properly and normally....after today's suppository I pooped out a couple of blood clots, think that my lymphoma has moved into my intestines.. explain the tiredness and not eating. Lymphoma is a pain cos you can't just chop it out
Survived 12 months over target, came close a cpl of times, wife says I have more lives than a 🐱....only problem is those 🐱 lives are not unlimited and every day it gets tougher.....to all that are enduring any issue, I send you an air 5... remember try push yourself a little
Thank you all for your kind words ...it's not the best situation to be in, but I have to carry on to the best of my abilities. No one knows what's going on in other people's minds and can't force them to change....it is what it is ...sucks but life does in general
One thing I've noticed since being made homeless, if you don't have access to a mobile phone you are pretty stumped ... everything is online these days ...if you see someone on the streets don't judge buy them a coffee or something
@disclosetv
USA wakes up ...turns on virus ware, goes makes a cup of tea while their software crashes everything... meanwhile Putin has been removing his forces from the front line for hours....USA shouting....it's Russia honest
Yesterday my 10 year old daughter asked if she could take her bike in the woods by the house with her friend, she thoroughly enjoyed some scrambling about, came home beaming..as a parent who enjoyed doing similar when I was young, this made me extremely happy.
The most devastating part of all this is not seeing my daughter first thing in the morning and before she goes to bed at night...not having her as a constant in my life is killing me
I am waiting for a cpl of home amendments not big ones ...a visit to my home to confirm I can safely walk up and down the stairs and then I get to go home all being well... fingers crossed for next week
@disclosetv
If the European court do not intervene on human rights failures, then this will set a precedent for the rest of Europe's countries to follow suit
Was soooo tired last night, was in bed at 10pm (on my new bed wahoooo) slept like log ... first night of many now done..great feeling 👌👌. Thanks to all and everyone that wished me kindness, it's been humbling 👍👍👍
Another step in the wrong direction....can't drive ...won't be able to drive again so have decided I'm going to sell my van ... looking at it, I just want to hop in and go for a spin but I can't and that hurts
@ThanksCancer
Moved to a new hospital yesterday to continue with my physiotherapy if the physio is as good as the breakfast I should be walking in no Time... sausage toastie
Had a steak and kidney pie dinner from the local chippy for tea ...managed just under half of it , but it was nice .. thought I would spoil myself one last time while I can afford it for now....