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Mormon Satan Profile
Mormon Satan

@mormon_satan

Followers
5,926
Following
3,769
Media
749
Statuses
16,667

If you can forgive God His Old Testament crimes, surely a latter-day Satan deserves a second chance. #lds #exmo #mormon #utah #satire

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Joined June 2021
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
21 days
To those questioning Mormonism: Many who have left the Church have taken on the difficult task of examining its truth claims without the rose-colored glasses the Church asks you to wear. It’s not easy. It means questioning beliefs that have shaped your entire worldview. 1/5
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
Leaving the church had nothing to do with wanting to act immorally and everything to do with wanting to be ethically consistent.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
In Mormonism, wearing a sun dress is seen as an immoral sin committed by whores while racism is seen as a nobody is perfect sin that even prophets occasionally commit.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Why do Mormons think members of other religions don’t feel the exact same feelings of confirmation about the truthfulness of those other religions?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
Is it weird to you that the Mormon church spends so much time calling for people to repent of drinking coffee and masturbating but zero time calling on authoritarians like Putin to repent?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Had a cup of coffee this morning, now my grandchildren wont go to heaven.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
23 days
Mormons have a ritual where they pretend they are adopted into a tribe of Israel and then get their fortune told by the oldest guy in the neighborhood.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
How many days until the Mormon church baptizes Queen Elizabeth?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
I discussed cultural appropriation with a college class filled with Mormons. At least half of them thought cultural appropriation was not a big deal (people choosing to be offended), but also thought it would be insensitive if another religion adopted wearing Mormon garments. 🤦‍♂️
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Whether to report is NEVER in question in cases where the ward clerk is caught stealing tithing donations.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
The big headline is that you ought to leave the Mormon church.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Today I celebrate the 10+ hours of my weekend time I will not be handing over to 15 cult leaders.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
7 months
Tonight, most Utah Mormons will caucus for one of the worst human beings alive and I think that is a reflection of the inadequate moral foundation offered by Mormonism
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
When I was a clerk, the bishop would share in bishopric meetings which youth were having “homosexual tendencies.” Why is okay for a bishop to share private confessions surrounding same-sex attraction, but must keep confessions secret when a child is being molested?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Leaving the Mormon church is the moral thing to do. They are wrong on nearly every moral issue.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
17 temples announced, 6 new general authorities called, 142K new members recruited, 1 logo changed,0 homeless shelters built, 0 authoritarian dictators called to repentance, 1 female deity assassinated, 0 pandemics fasted away.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
7 months
Promise?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
The Family Proclamation is nothing more than a corporate document declaring the church’s firm positions on misogyny and homophobia. Mormons frame it and hang it in their homes.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
For every Brad Wilcox that gets exposed, there are 10 more Brad Wilcox’s teaching young Mormon kids to be ashamed of themselves, hateful of outsiders, and that they will lose everything if they don’t stay and submit.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Mormons are the friendliest people as long as you silently listen to their beliefs without objection. If you verbalize your opposition to any of those beliefs, the friendliness dries up real fast.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Pop quiz. In Mormonism, which is considered a sin? 1) a prophet at the age of 50 taking a 16 year-old child to bed. Or 2) a 16 year-old girl wearing a tank top.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
11 months
Churches in Utah County are opening their doors this winter to provide warming centers for unsheltered individuals. The Mormon church will not be opening any of their facilities. .
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Why do Mormons find the idea of a woman leading the church to be so absurd?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Today in church, I hope you good faithful Mormons stare your bishop down and tell him that you expect him to report cases of child abuse to the authorities. Tell him to do the right thing, even if your church tells him not to. Be brave.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
The Mormon church totally believes in political neutrality.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
Mormons are generally decent people but there are some really bad ones too.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
1 year
Release time for seminary should be ended. Public schools are not for religious indoctrination.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
1 year
When people say that charities do it better than the government, I look at the Mormon church spending a meaningless fraction of its wealth on charity. The government would do far more good for far more people if we would require the church to pay taxes like everybody else.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Mormon prophet Joseph Fielding Smith taught that people outside the most exclusive circle in the Celestial Kingdom would be neither man nor woman. Yet Mormons still cant wrap their heads around non-binary gender. 🤷🏻‍♂️
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
1 year
Mormon men try to have fun in the most childish ways because they aren‘t allowed to have adult fun. Mormonism infantilizes its members.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Nobody is listening to your thoughts. They are private. Your thoughts are not sins. Enjoy having lots and lots of thoughts.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Utah is such an odd place: My elderly Mormon neighbors have a sign taped in their window written on ordinary lined paper with a sharpie that says “I am not a socialist.”.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
A Mormon’s greatest purpose in life is doing as they are told regardless of whether they understand the reason why.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
The Mormon church used member donations to build a shopping mall. For what purpose does God need a shopping mall?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
I think Utah county needs a secret bar for Mormons who like the occasional drink. The secret entrance would be in a Deseret Book. The bouncer will part the veil and ask, “What is wanted?” What tokens and signs should be required to enter?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
What makes the Mormon church think that its beliefs ought to be exempt from criticism?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
11 months
Loved ones, please see reason. Would an apostle to a deity be so easily defrauded as to provide tithing records to a conman? This is not the first time a Mormon prophet has failed to discern truth.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
1 year
If Joseph Smith was not a prophet, then Mormonism is false. And The more you look at Joseph Smith, the more you should realize that he was no prophet.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
8 months
The church is facing its 3rd lawsuit over misuse of tithing. I see a class action in the near future.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Come learn the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. Visitors Welcome.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
9 months
If you are not Mormon and you ask questions about the Mormon church you are referred to as an “investigator.” If you are Mormon and you ask questions about the Mormon church you are referred to as an “apostate.”
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
I wonder why Joseph Smith couldn’t prophesy of the impending dangers of high fructose corn syrup and trans fats. Coffee and tea are quite healthy.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
My CES instructor assigned us to write a chapter of scripture to prove how impossible it would have been to make up the BoM. It was a really easy assignment.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
1 year
-Joseph Smith was not a prophet. -Temple rituals are weird. -Early Prophets slept with children. -Black people were banned from the priesthood. -The Book of Mormon is dumb. -Mormon doctrines change every generation. -The Mormon church is NOT led by God.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
A father forbidding his children from speaking to their mother and demanding they only speak to him is dysfunctional and abusive. For some unknown reason, not when God does it.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Prosperity doctrine helps wealthy Mormons rationalize away the harm they cause when they exploit the poor to make money.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
Everybody retweeting some new BYU nonsense and I feel so left out.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
What good is free will if you are commanded to obey?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
1 year
Mormonism is a book club where you cant drink wine and perpetually read one book.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Mormonism was invented for straight white men. Exceptions are made only if you act straight, act white, and do what the men tell you.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
I used to tell people that the purpose of tithing was to build churches and temples. I am sorry for all the lies I told.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
I’m tired you guys. People think “I just know” is a good enough reason to deny rights to somebody else.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Mormons will be quick to tell you that “Keep Sweet, Pray, and Obey” is not mainstream Mormonism, but will avoid telling you that it is exactly how Mormonism began.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Dear God, If you don’t want me to get drunk, smoke weed, and fornicate this weekend, please let me know. If I don’t hear back from you, I’ll assume you are cool with it.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Did you ever think it was a sin to leave your garments on the floor?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
20 days
Church leaders have taught that tithing should come before feeding your family. But telling people to skip meals to pay into the Church’s wealth isn’t faith, it’s misguided. No loving God would ask you to put your children’s well-being second to an institution’s bank account.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
You ought to hold organizations who claim to speak for God to the highest standards, not the lowest.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
When you die, you become exactly like God and neither one of You exists.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
I once sat it a stake leadership training presided over by @HollandJeffreyR where he talked about needing to prepare for the IMMINENT return of Jesus. That was 12 years ago.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
When racism isn’t a part of church doctrine.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
22 days
So, when exactly are we starting construction on that New Jerusalem in Missouri? It’s been over 190 years, and last I checked, the prophecy said ‘this generation.’ Seems like a pretty suspicious delay for something so central to the plan. What’s the holdup?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
The spectrum between mainstream Mormonism and Mormon fundamentalism is significantly narrower than most Mormons care to admit.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Census data shows the Mormon church inflates its membership numbers. Can anybody guess why? “Idaho’s Franklin County and Utah’s Rich County are reported to have 16,095 and 2,763 adherents, respectively. Those counties had 14,194 and 2,510 residents”
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
My seminary teacher taught us that other religions think that Mormons have horns.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
@CHJesuschristCA And husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband and husband old enough to be father.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
I overheard a Mormon man telling his newly minted #exmo wife that he didn’t care if she stopped believing and stopped going to church, but she couldn’t have coffee in the house.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Joseph Smith married kids because, according to the Mormon church, it was acceptable in his time, but if you wear a tank-top today, you are a whore.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Utah would look a lot like Iran if secularism did not prevent it.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
When Mormons assert that the teachings of current prophets outweigh the teachings of past prophets, what I hear is “I think what I’m told until I’m told to think differently, to which I comply.” I don’t think this is good or virtuous.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Regardless of what some person’s God commands, if your actions do NOT harm others, they are NOT immoral Regardless of what some person’s God commands, if their actions DO harm others, it IS immoral.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
19 days
A battle with 230,000 people like the one described at Cumorah in the Book of Mormon would leave behind evidence, bones, weapons, and more. Yet, archaeologists haven't found the slightest trace. How do you explain that?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
24 days
Though many in the Mormon church would not agree with me, I think rape is actually much much worse than destroying a testimony.
@jonathanaplumb
Mr. Plumb
24 days
@stackerco @ZeStorminMormon @DezmosB @ArdentPardy @antidagesgary @TheExMoCringe @ScottK @_were_so_back_ Yes. Destroying a testimony is worse than rape. There is nothing worse than spiritually murdering people.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
16 days
While scientists are mapping the origins of the universe and decoding the human genome, the Mormon church is still figuring out how to make fossils fit into its 6,000-year timeline.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
“Marrow in the bones” is a truly odd blessing to bestow. Where the fuck else would your marrow be?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
11 days
The Mormon church is all about agency. They only want to control... what you wear, what you drink, who you marry, how you spend your Sundays, how much you pay in tithing, what you read, and, of course, what questions you’re allowed to ask.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
It’s no golden calf.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
1 year
Mormon arguments that the church cannot do more to improve human suffering because it needs money to prepare for some future calamity ignores the luxury the church puts into into its buildings, which has zero moral significance.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
The Mormon church ought to be held both financially and criminally responsible when, due to its policies, it fails to protect children from abusers.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
I’m pretty fucking evil. What would you do?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
@BHooooolt If you’ve never assaulted a 14 year-old who is 23 years your junior, you have no basis for judging Joseph Smith to be a prophet.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
19 days
Has anyone besides Joseph Smith ever discovered any ancient literature written in reformed Egyptian? Seems like if it were a real language, someone, anyone, would’ve found another example by now, right?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
Objective morality is mostly just pretending God agrees with your subjective values and feeling persecuted when others disagree.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
@natedeenwriter People who are capable of publicly admitting they were wrong about a politically relevant subject are the sexiest kind of people.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 months
Leaving the Mormon church is a great decision.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
I’ll never again listen to a member of the Mormon church say that we cant be moral people without strict adherence to the doctrines of a 37 year-old man who took 14 year-old children to bed in the name of God.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
The church is not true. Bishops are trained to contact the church before contacting law enforcement in cases of sexual abuse. According to this investigation, the church often advised bishops NOT to report ongoing sexual abuse of children and infants.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
If church members truly believed their prophet’s counsel, former members would not be referred to as exmos. They would refer to us as “ex-members of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.” I’ve never heard that once. I wonder why.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
A physical body isn’t tangible?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
“That’s not doctrine,” they say, “that was just a policy.” But why believe a church is true when its doctrines keep producing harmful policies?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
16 days
When the church teaches that questioning is dangerous, remember: It’s not the questions that pose the threat, it’s the answers they don’t want you to find.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
1 year
Commonly asked as a moral dilemma: Would you steal a loaf of bread if your family was starving? Rarely asked as a moral dilemma: Would you hoard bread when families are starving?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
5 months
Ben is about to cry because children made fun of his “truck.”
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
I think he meant IUD, but is this what stalwart Mormon men do with their priesthood (I promise it’s not just a system of domination) authority? Abandon the spouses to whom they’ve committed over the use of birth control?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
3 years
Did anybody experience anxiety in their first endowment when, after 5 minutes of figuring out how to put the robes on the left shoulder while everybody watched, the bastards then told you to switch your special God robes to the right shoulder?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
1 year
If the church makes its decisions on the advice of its lawyers, are they no longer making decisions on the advice of Jesus?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
The Mormon church demands its members accept its ideas uncritically. If you are critical of those ideas, tensions usually rise quickly.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
The things you liked most about the Mormon church never actually came from the church. Those things came from you. The church appropriated them.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
20 days
If the Mormon Church has printed over 192 million copies of the Book of Mormon and only boasts 17 million members, is it safe to conclude that the Book of Mormon is so bad that it’s been globally rejected?
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
The Mormon church hates critical thinkers because critical thinkers will continue to identify mistakes in the ideology long after the church changes the ideology and covers up the scandals.
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@mormon_satan
Mormon Satan
2 years
If prophets were real, they would spend their time healing the sick and easing suffering. The fake Mormon prophets instead hoard wealth and inflict suffering.
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