romance book containing "nephews to uncles" trope
@mind_probiotic
Followers
4K
Following
10K
Media
361
Statuses
3K
His brain was going, too, but he didn't know it. Infinite are the mercies of God
Cambridge, MA
Joined July 2021
yo momma so fat, when she wanted a hot meal, she ate the sun! but never sated, she now stalks this dark earth in search of another flame. [a terrible keen rips through the night] . silence! she approaches. douse that fire quick and we may yet live! your dad is also pretty fat.
10
1K
12K
just found my new least favorite shot in a cooking video ever
1K
19K
239K
a shrimp? am i to accept, as god's own truth, that the sea's very own abominable and chittering roach, was the one who took wok into hand and fried this rice?
85
9K
59K
maybe the funniest Smiths lyric of all time
66
4K
43K
going golfing with your homie >>>
24
1K
36K
drake:.she said are you pooping/.i tell her no im farting/.i only shit my pants and my bed yeah im sorry. me:.haha thats pretty good. demon bound in circle of salt [dismissing drake hologram]:.then our bargain has been fulfilled?. me [disrupting salt circle w/foot]:.yeah go nuts.
29
4K
29K
horseshoe treat theory
36
5K
26K
125
2K
26K
food taste so good lol. i be eating that shit every day๐
.
22
855
14K
is it just me does NYT wordle have major bernie bro vibes vs how free wordle had when the substitute wheeled in one of these energy?
210
460
12K
@JoshuaPHilll jesus. i just googled Hitler. i had never heard of this guy before. yeah this is not good at all.
36
338
11K
me: wow! *cough* this soup has a real kick to it *cough* it really tingles the throat. the fly i almost swallowed hanging on to my uvula for dear life:
13
949
12K
poland's most innovative filmmaker.
21
80
8K
theyre hoisting your ass on petard twitter rn.
14
522
5K
hinge date: ya so lately ive been in my TSA precheck era, like travelcore girlie shit. me: *hearing bell* that shit doth not toll for me by the way.
4
255
4K
me *driving*: hey babe pop open the GC for me gimme an update. gf: ewok_killer just posted a picture of his baby daughter opening her first present. me: heart react that for me will you babe?. gf: ewok_killer also linked a 2009 tweet said "imagine hitler if hooped". me: heart rea.
6
203
3K
hot german girl: .its hard for people to understand you know, how your grandparents were, even indirectly, part of something so horrible . me [thinking about how my grandpa had a 9 year age gap relationship with my grandmother]: .i understand more than you could ever imagine.
2
140
3K
around 40 seconds in this turns into a Cruelty Squad level map.
16
499
3K
me:.well, twitter is down. where should we go now?. mutual:.idk, maybe instagram?. instagram:
4
339
3K
me at 21 / me now. not mucg changed lol
17
148
3K
naughty children suspected of having leukemia will be required to hit the wasp orb until they get high as fuck
9
134
3K
fuck yeah dude.
6
61
2K
i made this in 2019.
8
39
2K
doing this but when someone puts a condom on me.
5
115
2K
along with "fouls" in basketball there should be "fairs" where nice and kind actions towards your opposition grant you free throws, or you can save them up across games then trade them in to have dinner with a ref.
2
173
2K
12
413
2K
life as an adult man largely consists of drinking water out of plastic bottles and refilling those same bottles from the tap without washing them until they develop a smell. when drinking from them starts to make you feel mildly sick thats when you buy a new bottle.
14
106
1K
porn subreddit for women:.First off, I'd just like to thank y'all so much. This is such a comfy place with a great sense of community. porn subreddit for men:.๐ แดษชษดษดแดแด
สส แดแดแด
๊ฑ.Videos that dip under 4k resolution during squirt sequences will be treated as SPAM and REMOVED.
5
101
1K
[Chorus: Frank Ocean].Little fishes in a pond.What's a pond to a sea? .What's a sea to a cod? .What's a cod to a lonely fisher.who doesn't fish for, anything?. [Verse 1: Jay Z].Crabs on the fishing deck floor,.
2
157
1K
getting the โare you okay?โ/โim just a little tired hahaโ at 26:.no friends, demeaning job. 100k in debt. havent been touched in 5 years. getting it at 33:.ate ribs slathered in โbone sucking sauceโ before bed so your 23 y/o gf kept hitting you in your sleep for making pug noises.
5
45
1K
Vampire Hunter Jay-Z: .Never sell plasma if you're short on stacks/.(pause) Who you think really runs them blood banks?. Troll Hunter Drake:.Say I'm hating/.Yeah I'm hating/.Cause you stay regenerating/.(singing) Girl you always starting something/.Fee fi fo-ing at the function.
2
86
817
Hot girl w/WFH job:.Yeah like. We wouldnโt need adderall if it wasnโt for capitalism making it where you have to be at a desk for 8 hrs a day. Me: Damn, yeah. Thatโ. My wingman (friend who got dyslexia from taking the COVID vaccine):.Yeah Heโs โ๏ธ Also Got ADHD. A Hard Ass Dick!.
0
85
715
white guys used to only look like this and only make faces like this while playing electric blues guitar. but in his own way, that's exactly what he's doing
9
68
621
POV: youre riding on my shit like a cowgirl.
3
31
597
1
22
598
congrats to steven crowder for being the first man in history to successfully survive a tummy ache.
7
25
529
22 yo tinder date: and like im so sick of having to read stuff by dead white men when theres so many like, voicesโ. me: *googling frantically to see if tums interacts with melatonin after drinking half a moscow mule* oh yeah? if youre a real fan name 5 of their nearest hospitals.
1
57
559
trying to reply "what a jerk. why do men think they can act that way? :/" to a girl QTing a rude reply to their selfie while coasting into a red light. i tap the gas instead of brakes, wrap around a pole, go flying out of the window, and impale myself on a nearby dogs penis.
3
39
534
8:47pm: does that thang spit?.8:49pm: does it fart?.9:31pm: does it squirt or nah?. 1:03am: does it love?. 3:43am: do's it shit.
3
71
501
@NicoleArbour the taliban are throwing out some major red flags that yall are just ignoring. .
0
12
482
400k is a paltry sum for the burden of having to portray poland's only superhero.
0
26
468
Between a new Final Fantasy game, new Zelda, and a Katamari remaster, RIP my wallet ๐
. My inner child can't decide ๐! Which should I buy first?. The magic 8 ball I just shook:.A Bitch That Lick You're Nipples Before She Suck You Is Guaranteed Bi Or Gay On The Low ๐ฑ.
4
77
508
manifesting this for my morning commute
4
62
480
the first pocket pussy ever invented was the size of an entire room like ENIAC.
4
46
425
drake, bryan singer, dennis hastert, jared fogle, and roman polanski putting their hands together like theyre summoning captain planet, a bright light flashes and once it clears they're piloting a voltron in the shape of Israel.
2
53
399
unmarried guy with mortgage [recording selfie rant for tiktok]:.you NEED violent men in an apocalypse. when shit goes down theyll become warlords and lead humanity into survival. me [visible in background reading the art of war upside down in order to discover the art of peace]:.
0
45
396
most efficient way to deploy the number of polish guys necessary to change single lightbulb:
1
25
371
ROGAN: I mean how crazy is that? You've like, sworn to never speak to another person for the rest of your life. What was going through your head when you took that vow of silence?. MONK: . ROGAN: Wow. Holy shit.
1
20
379
3
21
386
manager {during company all hands}: everybody welcome our new hire. go ahead and introduce yourself. me: thank you. a fun fact about me is that i have. a cat. {muting video then changing my zoom display name/icon and posting in zoom chat}: i hear the new guy cums like a firehose.
2
18
373
ouh ahhh my head feels in a vice ouuuaa what reason is there to living *eats first meal at 2pm* Every Problem In The World Is An Engineering Problem And Thus Is Solvable.
1
95
380
o bearer of the curse. you stinky bitch. you smelly little freak.
1
46
343
in the near future weed is going to be a 99% THC airborne mist that enters the nervous system via spike protein, and theyre going to dust high schoolers with it on their way through the metal detectors.
1
22
340
why does every single nft look like ringo starr's art
1
49
314
0
50
322
your homie trying to talk to you after youve smoked an entire blunt vs your homie trying to talk to you after youve smoked 1 cigarette while dehydrated
1
23
340
if i killed one of these thinking it was an ant i would feel so fucking stupid for being fooled like that.
2
10
304
imagine having this abilityโ to access post-nut clarity at will without even having to bust
4
25
296
i bet samus arab looks good as fuck under all that metal shit.
9
38
289
oh god. im so sorry to hear that man. im here if you need. to be held down by six buff clones of me then sucked. MY SIX CLONES [in unison]: Or Fucked.
2
19
286
trying to do this goblin crossword. im sure most of the acrosses are romanized transcriptions of guttural noises. and i am confident that the downs are largely synonyms for bogs. but i dont want to answer prematurely. its hard to uncarve a word into a slate.
1
26
284
me {in GC}: im considering college again. what y;all think?. @/BlackRickSanchez: This time last year everything was so different. @/BlackRonSwanson: I'm the type of girl who hates to text but loves to cuddle. @/BlackTucaAndBertie: Dm Me Right now To Help recover Locked account,.
2
30
266
FOOD CHAT. stay_at_home_brad:.Chicken tonight!.๐ 5 ๐ฅ 2. HngryMan93:.wifes got a steak on.๐ฅฉ 6 ๐ 4. HARBlNGER:.hark! bearer of the skull emoji! beware! a violent death awaits!.โ4๐ 3. สแดสสสษดษขแดส สแด๊ฐแด ๊ฐแดแดแด
แดสแดแด. HngryMan93:.finally. that guy was annoying lol.7 ๐ ๐1.
0
30
292
the statistical majority of babies haven't even been born yet, but you still seem very confident in suggesting that you "weren't born yesterday" despite how vanishingly unlikely it is that you've even been born by now at all.
5
35
282
youre in her dms. im in a cage. they are feeding me peanuts to do little acrobatic tricks. i sleep on fresh hay. and i am much happier than i ever was at any "job".
2
25
262
this blew up! can any of you help me find a handsome woman who i's also seaching for love
14
1
255
3
25
239
every single post on the Swans subreddit is like this
3
11
241
one day im going to be 40 and still acting this way. if you wanted differently you should have put me in a war.
0
27
250
when you and your opps are all ovulating at the same time >>>>>>>>>>>.
0
23
246
Cute Girls Who Don't Mind Giving Blowjobs To Weird Shaped Stinky Cocks.
0
68
209
lmfao thanks for nothing Pfiฯฯer
7
3
197
you: dick riding, pocket watching in others business, "2022 is a hellworld tbh" ๐. me: moisturized, in my bag, in my own lane, growing and thriving, dumping rancid fry oil directly down the sink.
1
14
195
gonna get zooted off some internet xans and play a metroid hack, sorry in advance if i DM you very sexually asking if you need a ride home from work in a way that is actually kind of tempting with it.
3
9
190
its lowkey cheating to have a therapist thats the same gender as your partner.
9
10
194
ahah shorty ill bring the taco if you ring my bell ๐ณ๏ธ๐๐ฉ pegging cures BPD
3
11
189
this is a devastating discovery
1
21
175
๐๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ฐ๐๐ฟ๐ถ๐๐โโโโ ยนแต แตแตแต.I will always be a part of you. ๐บ๐ฟ ๐ป๐ฎ๐๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ต๐ฒ๐น๐นโโโ ยฒแต แตแตแต .wgat's the move tn?. ๐บ๐ฟ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐๐ป๐ฟ๐ถ๐ด๐ต๐ ๐ฑ๐ถ๐๐ด๐๐๐๐ถ๐ป๐ดโโถแต แตแตแต.Are you recieving my messages.
0
12
178
@ByYourLogic @Tesla the nav screen of my @tesla keeps playing a colorized version of the 1940 film "Der ewige Jude" when it detects that my kids are in the car and i cant seem to turn it off. but hell, it's an important part of film history. looking forward to what's next from my favorite company.
1
1
175
1
11
178