Princess Dionysus
@madisommelier
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27,259
Following
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Media
605
Statuses
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I’m not madison, just dissapointedison // Manhattans youngest (and prettiest) Sommelier
New Yawk
Joined November 2014
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Hello to all my new followers, on this account we
-are lactose intolerant
-boycott Victoria’s Secret
-kiss our webkinz goodnight
-ᴾʳᵃᶦˢᵉ ᶜᵗʰᵘˡʰᵘ
-Have fluctuating serotonin levels and sometimes mess up but that’s okay we’re doing our best!!
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Last night I invited a b*y on a date to my favorite bookstore/bar and he looked so uncomfy when he came in and I felt SO bad..I had completely forgotten all men are illiterate
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When I was a freshman in college I took 12 tequila shots and robbed the largest frat house in the nation then sold all their shit on a Facebook page and paid my rent. Don’t ever say I’m not a real entrepreneur.
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Made pesto with the addition of some herbs I grew from seed in my home ❤️ Tasted like shit I had cereal after
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Somewhere...somehow...some frat boy is planning a coronavirus themed date party
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Trying to eat out less this year so now I pretend my apartment is a tiny restaurant
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What if your card got declined at vineyard vines and they made you vote Democrat
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Pros of waitressing:
-get to talk to new people
-unlimited access to ranch dressing
-always on ur feet so exercise
Cons:
-dudes who tip 10% and leave their number on the receipts dammit Chad I have rent to pay not dicks to suck
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When he asks you to get on top
I am so stupid and so tired please stop expecting things from me
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Attempting to resist posting dating app screenshots but I NEED y’all’s opinion on this because lol
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Sucking a small dick to get free food call that micro economics
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In third grade I won a free poster from the scholastic book fair and there was a Green Day one that terrified me but my crush said Green Day was his favorite band so I got it & kept it above my bed for 4 years...mason if you’re out there I really think we could’ve had something
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My roommates a smidge on the homophobic side so I’ve decided to have gay sex on her bed. Happy Tuesday everyone
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I am not a passenger princess I am a public transit totalitarian
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Lol my roommates parents pay her rent and she just told me it made her uncomfortable when I said I had $2 left in my account the white privilege is so real in this household
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A boy just cancelled a date with me for the second time,,, should I destress & cope by doing a face mask or doing his best friend??
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I was gonna be upset that my ex boyfriend blocked me but then I remembered he never gave me an orgasm so was he ever even really my boyfriend???
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One time I asked a guy I was seeing if he was okay with period sex and he said “no, blood kinda freaks me out”...sir you are a heart surgeon
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Lol when I was 18 and sleeping with a 22 year old dude who stilled lived with his parents we had sex in the church he volunteered at and he gave me chlamydia then blocked my # when I confronted him about it and anyways that’s why I don’t believe in organized religion anymore
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When I was a 19 I was a cart girl at a country club in Tallahassee. I’m still terrified of single male diners in their 50-60s because of all the gross things I was asked to do when they thought no one else was listening.
FOLKS WITH EXPERIENCE IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY:
I wanna hear your personal horror stories with customers.
The worst, the scariest, the moments that still haunt you at random times of the day, I want it all.
Some folks think we’re exaggerating. Let’s show em how bad it can get.
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HELLO EVERYONE MY DAD IS CANCER FREE AND THAT MAKES ME VERY HAPPY EVEN IF IT DOES MEAN HES OFFICIALLY A TAURAS AGAIN
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I hate myself. Like, really fucking hate myself. I sat at a metro station today for 30 min deciding which train to jump in front of. But I didn’t. And now I’m proud of myself. Or trying to be.
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It has come to my attention that some of y’all thought I was playing
Im just a girl, walking through New York City, handing random men who hit on me, my onlyfans business card
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I am:
⚪ Male
⚪ Female
🔘 French, that’s why I have this ridiculous accent
And ur:
⚪ A man
⚪ A woman
🔘 Mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberries
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I’m gonna buy a ravioli maker and put mini raviolis inside one large ravioli so it feels like I’m eating one big pregnant ravioli
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Y’all think I’m playing? Kept this bad boy for myself
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Guys who look like dimes but fuck like nickels: dickels,, if you will
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Just helped my best friend pack up her ex boyfriends apartment bc he’s in jail and we found panties that weren’t hers so I took his Gucci belt how are y’alls weekend?
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Christopher Columbus: yay India!
Native Americans: actually, no
Christopher Columbus: :(
Christopher Columbus:
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It also comes with a wine list… I have no idea why I did this I live alone
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Millennials preferring baby to older yoda was the ultimate fuck u to boomers in 2019
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Rude of this job interviewer to not offer me water even though I’m obviously extremely hungover
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7 years ago I went to NYC for the 1st time and promised myself I’d live there one day as a fashion designer. Flash foward to now and I can’t believe I’m moving to nyc full time to design!This wouldn’t be possible w/out all the support I have on here so thank you all sm for a lot
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Good morning, a family friend called me a “nasty porn star” today so I apologized for her daughters career not being as successful as mine ❤️
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Nose rings are just engagement rings except they show you’re committed to dissapointing your conservative parents
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So I know this is smol and selfish but I really wanted to share that I just realized for the first time since I was 14 I’ve officially gone 2 months without any suicidal ideations :) thank you to everyone who told me it would get better...it really did
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My roommate called me a “bully” for calling out her homophobicness as if I won’t bully her into staying out of our house with gay sex on the kitchen counter too lmao
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All you need to know about my credit score is that my body count is higher
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Me: tax collector??? I barely know her!!!
IRS: *holding up one my nudes* did u or did u not sell this?
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YSL condoms??? Sorry boys this Coochie is Gucci only
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Yes, I did use basil as the base green No, that is not catnip/mint/grass it’s lemon verbena and cilantro sorry I wanted to be ARTISANAL
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I recently friend zoned 2 guys hard enough to be able to show them my nudes platonically,,, honestly my own power amazes me
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One time a guy tried putting it in my butt so I robbed him. Turns out there’s a moral loophole when he tries to go in the poop hole
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Me buying drugs: I have worked hard for this money and I deserve to relax and share this with my loved ones
Me buying fruit: $4 is way too much for fucking raspberries, proper nourishment is a lie fed to us by the FDA
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This is what it feels like to be a Trader Joe’s frozen food enthusiast
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My poor parents sent me off to college with an rotc scholarship and hopes of becoming a lawyer then 3 lyears later got a artsy dropout with 20k in student loans who sells nudes. Anyways should I go to thanksgiving dinner?
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Omg a bumble guy just came over bc
#horny
and I opened the door and he’s like “we have a problem I can’t find visitor parking” and I said “we have an even bigger problem you said you were 6ft”
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One time while getting arrested an officer asked me if I had any weapons and I told him “well my butt is the bomb” and he DIDNT LAUGH and that’s how I know cops are racist
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I JUST FOUND MYSELF ON THIS GUYS HINGE AS IF HE DIDNT BAIL ON BUYING PLAN B AFTER BUSTING A NUT INSIDE ME WITHOUT ASKING PERMISSION AKSKAKDJIA WHAT ARE MEN
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For everyone wondering about the bookstore bar it’s
@WildDetectives
! By far my favorite place in Dallas highly recommend
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I’m never gonna get over how right after my best friend finished her chlamydia antibiotics SHE FORGOT TO DISINFECT HER VIBRATOR and that kids is what we call a clap back
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Who says a 21 year old bisexual girl with confusing ethnicities and no self esteem can’t have a midnight mental breakdown and wear lingerie around her house ?
(Pls drop pics of outfits you feel most confident in!)
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Sorry babe, the Mona Lisa shrine stays ON during sex
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My dad informed me that my 13 year old sister threw a chair at a boy last week for not getting out of her way, so looks likes he has now successfully raised TWO radical feminists
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Haven’t been to the dentist in 4 years might just say fuck it and glance in the general vicinity of a military man so I get a marriage proposal and that sweet sweet health insurance
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My 5’8 boyfriend asking if it’s his turn to wear our sweater so he can go get groceries in the rain
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19 year old girls love saying they’re sapiosexual as if they don’t only date dumbass frat dudes bitch you vapeiosexual
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Used some of my leftover yarn to make a tiny Rothko pillow ☺️
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i don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one has this range
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Just ran into one of my ex boyfriends in Kroger while still having a different ex boyfriends cum in my hair... I knew I was messy but damn
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Republican dick hits deeper bc it’s trying to take control of your uterus
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My new roommate just spilled a drink all over the carpet, watched me clean it up, and hasn’t even paid rent yet smh this is what I get for rescuing a cat
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When he not only throws you the cum rag but also a Powerade
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Y’all really gave me 3k new followers and a couple grand on onlyfans for this...my dudes
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This is the closest my liberal arts ass is gonna get to a science lecture
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Tall girl culture is having to stand behind ur crush during middle school picture day
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Everyday I just melodramatically sit in my car smoking a cigarette listening to posthumous forgiveness expecting someone to make a movie out of my life
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Lmao @ 15 year old boys criticizing the guy I’m seeing for dating an onlyfans girl,,, as if they’re not communicating through the PS5 I bought him
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Southern hospitality is so real the boy in Texas I’m talking to has a BED frame
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Just told the British guy im seeing “mmmm colonize me” as foreplay I really am the white mans whore
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Being able to walk up to the CVS counter with tampons 2 weeks after walking up with plan B is my favorite redemption arc
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Lol what if I just went on a whole tangent of the shit Greek life did while I was at FSU would y’all be interested
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Im just a girl, walking through New York City, handing random men who hit on me, my onlyfans business card
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This tweet had people sending me death threats, hella French folk in my comments, and also made me $5000 sooooo thank you internet
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A boy without facial hair ghosted me so if you need me I’ll be dumpster diving because evidently I’m addicted to trash
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@lydialovexxx
The app that doesn’t disappoint. Weirded out sometimes yes…. But never disappointed
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Melissa if you see this I’m not sorry I’m too busy vibing with our kitchenware
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Sorority recruitment forcing a bunch of girls periods to sync up is just modern trench warfare
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List of things that the media wants you to believe exists:
- the moon
- indiscriminate police forces
- my self esteem
- straight women orgasming
- Canada
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My roommate wont stop breaking quarantine for Starbucks so I drew a dick on his face while he napped
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Dad: were you in the studio today? Looks like you have some white paint on your face
Me:
Dad: that’s not paint is it
Me:
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Why on gods green earth does Taylor swift feel the need to own 2 penthouses, a townhouse, and an apartment in nyc when she doesn’t even live here?????? Love that celebs like her are the reason me and my friends have to take 2 trains to work each day
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Girls who post their onlyfans on social media with their family following them are braver than the troops
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