Brendan aka “Cangrande”.
@luso_brendan
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Following
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Host, Tales From The Mall, & Tales From The Mall: After Hours. Creator of The Isolation Chamber. Click link below for the latest episode of Tales From The Mall.
Gilbert, Arizona
Joined December 2018
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Pinned Tweet
TALES FROM THE MALL
#176
Out now: TFTM favorite Martina Martinez
@illegalth0t
joins me for a FRIGHTENINGLY good Halloween special to talk about coffee, the desert, first love, Prom, penis size & more! Many thanks to my listeners & Martina!
For Patrons. Episode link in bio.
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It’s unclear to me what the issue is with this video is & quite frankly I’ve jacked off to it. God bless.
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Guy who is trying to commit suicide while listening to his favorite piece of classical music, pulls it up on Youtube, but it's interrupted by a Peloton ad just as he kicks the chair.
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Killing a man in a bar fight over which one of us is "The Male Dasha".
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Just cooked a steak in the microwave by repeatedly pressing add 30 seconds until it was done.
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I am in jail because some guy in the parking lot of Home Depot called me "the Aztec Homosexual" and I destroyed his car with my newly purchased crowbar.
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more like the largest gay buttcrack program
California is proposing the largest gun buyback program in the nation.
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Suspending Howling Mutant this close to St Patrick's Day - love him or hate him - can't be seen as anything other than a deliberate act of anti-Irish hate-violence.
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I took the vaccine, and for the first time in my life... I'm happy.
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I was walking in the mall & lifted my head up from my phone & made direct eye contact with a short mexican guy with down’s syndrome wearing a bucket hat & I thought I was looking in a mirror & screamed.
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I need tips
For picking up chicks
At the mall.
-Rumi
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If I have even a drop of seed oils, I’m going to become trans, the stakes are that fucking high, I’m locked in my bedroom closet with grass-fed beef snacks I made from a cow I’ve known my whole life.
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This is Buff. My parents adopted him July 4 weekend in 2006. He died last night in his sleep. I am grateful he died peacefully.
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I got majorly rejected today by a girl & because I quit my job I don’t even have the money to go Joker Mode. I can only afford to go fucking Riddler Mode.
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I am in the middle of the Mohave Desert & I am nude.
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My life may seem cool from the outside. But I take heat from a lotta troubled people as well.
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this but he’s wearing the david foster wallace bandanna
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Mexican guy that loves barbecue who also has to take his son to Tae Kwon Doe.
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Making my gf wear a bandana so I can pretend she's David Foster Wallace while I make love to her.
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BREAKING: A staggering 29% of Black Arizonans are backing Trump over Harris, according to a Suffolk University/USA Today survey.
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I’m at the Rainforest Cafe in Arizona Mills with my gf.
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If a woman posts a picture that gives you a boner & increases your sexual frustration, she should owe you money.
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I’m 35, unemployed, & watching “Men Of A Certain Age” at 1:45 pm on a Wednesday.
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I am a super red pill alpha male, and I’m here to mansplain gamer gate.
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Was just arrested for driving under the influence… of love.
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Jussie Smollett sees Kyle Rittenhouse leaving the courtroom and starts pointing & screaming, “That was the guy! That was the guy!”
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It’s called the US of A, not the US of THEY!!!
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In light of all the Gwyneth Paltrow discourse it’s important to note that I created a Gwyneth Paltrow fan site using AOL when I was 12 years old.
Even before I could masturbate I used to fantasize I was some turban-wearing servant boy who was tasked with massaging her with oil.
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Don’t understand the joke, looks like a normal gathering of Irish guys to me.
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She’s cooking dinner. Tonight it’s Annie’s mac & cheese, the shells & white cheddar. Fleet Foxes hum at a low volume from the bluetooth speaker. She wonders what funny thing might happen to her. Her phone dings. “Wassup,” the Twitter DM reads. Her life is about to change forever.
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I turn 37 in a couple weeks. If I’m not married by 40, I’ll become one of those guys who wears a flat brim, a hoodie, shorts & flip flops, & mentors young people at coffee shops.
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My therapist was drinking Diet Mountain Dew during our session last night.
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I just bought $200 worth of crypto without doing any research or even really considering any factors other than pure intuition.
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Today I saw one of the finest latina ladies I’ve ever seen and she was just married to a normal mexican guy & spending her Saturday morning at Denny’s.
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Apple products should have a feature where if anyone says the “N word” in their vicinity it immediately alerts the United States military to issue a tactical drone strike on the offender.
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I’m unequivocally a Christian & a registered Republican. I’m aggressively a “Red Pill” male; a traditionalist in fact. No one can question my track record on that. But when I honestly check in with myself I have to say, without any cognitive dissonance, that I am 100% non-binary.
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On May 10, I weighed 194.2 lbs. Today, I weigh 174.6 lbs.
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I sense a legitimate “vibe shift” like all those who have struggled a long time are now going to prosper under a regime… of love.
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Women will look at apu and go “that’s groyper”
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Walking up to every girl I see at the mall & going, “Wow! Are you a plus size model?!?”
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If I had been in the limo with Princess Di, it wouldn’t have gone down like that.
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Calling a customer support line in India because your penis is too small and they say, "Have you tried letting your penis go soft and getting it hard again?"
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I have a crush on a girl... what better feeling is there in the world?
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Whenever I tell my friends the good news that I have a date, I inevitably receive this message in return:
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Had to bring poor little Miklo, nearly age 3, to the emergency vet today with an unrelenting eye infection & cold. They told me he has feline leukemia & would need to be separated from Shaq, age 15, unless he has it too; brought Shaq in & he has it too. Prayers up to both.
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Time to give a woman a baby & just figure it all out as we go, thirtysomething-style.
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TALES FROM THE MALL
#4
I talk to one of my bff’s,
@blauer_geist
. He’s publisher of Apocalypse Confidential. We talk about that & he gives the best love/dating advice on the web. THIS IS A BANGER.
Also on Apple & Spotify.
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She’s a quirked up zoomer who doesn’t listen. He’s an Old Head speaking on it. Together, they have to solve the scariest murder Los Angeles has ever seen: Bussin’ 3D.
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Guy who has sex so infrequently that whenever he does have it he thinks, “Wow this would make a great short story.”
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5'7'' guys be like
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I was on a walk and a little girl, whom I had never met before, stopped to ask me, "Did you know I have a pet bunny rabbit?" to which I said, "No. I did not realize that."
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I saw this image only yesterday and have already whacked off to it 75 times.
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Currently dating an adult film actress & it’s uh... not going so well...
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internet racists before & after seeing the big titty chicana
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You are beautiful. Let me take you to… Denny’s.
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Enjoying an Italian birthday meal with my beautiful family.
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