Luke Bradley
@lucasdrayton
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Savannah, GA litigator; procedural haberdasher; sheet cake enthusiast. Appellate/Litigation Partner, Bouhan Falligant LLP. Views my own and likely questionable.
Savannah, GA
Joined March 2011
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Pinned Tweet
apparently reply briefs should consist of more than "this ain't it, chief" but sometimes that's all i have to say
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@LissaJoStewart
the tortured poets are almost certainly adjuncts, so good luck ever getting enough control of the department to possess it
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happy anniversary to the meme i made while frustrated with Kennedy opinions as a district court clerk
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when you're a lawyer and your kindergartener is freaking out because she can't find the tooth she lost last night and won't get paid by the tooth fairy
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Laurence Tribe: The President should be impeached.
Me: Absolutely.
Laurence Tribe: He abused his power, and that's an impeachable offense.
Me: Right on, man.
Laurence Tribe: He used his thoughts to turn children to werewolves.
Me: Wait
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Absolutely unconscionable that my kids don't start their requests to me with a citation of the applicable standard of review. I need to know if this is coming from their friends (de novo), their teacher (abuse of discretion), or their mother (plain error only)
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Me in 2017: If I have kids, I will never ever lie to them. I’ll just confront the hard truth straight on
Me this morning: Unicorns *are* real, sweetpea, but we can’t get one because the HOA is being unreasonable
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if you don't believe in Pavlov's theories, set off the default Outlook chime in a room full of lawyers after hours
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2YO wants a new toy; told him no because it was just Christmas "so you'll need your own money"
He angrily goes and sits down at my home keyboard and starts banging on it, and it dawns on me that he thinks that the act of typing generates money
practicing law remains super weird
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A horror film called The Covenant but it's just about homeowners who find out they can't build a shed
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My five-year-old daughter has social contact with an extremely kind female judge, and we've talked about other female judges and how her mom is a great lawyer.
Today she tried to reassure me by saying "don't worry Daddy, most judges are girls but boys can be judges too" 🥲
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the CA1 law clerks who put this together had a field day
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when i'm cranky but they still make me take the deposition
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the realest movie moment ever is the Jurassic Park lawyer identifying the t-rex as a liability problem and everybody ignoring him
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so opposing counsel can take spurious position after spurious position
but the *one time* I write "Plaintiff's argument is a malicious inner tube set loose on a lazy river of lies," I'M the bad guy
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throwback to the time i walked out of my closed office at 4pm on a friday and nobody was in the firm, and i thought "maybe the rapture happened," and then i realized it definitely wouldn't hit a law office that hard
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a half-decade later and i'd *still* kill for this feature
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"lawyers can't cuss" is a rule that would surprise like, every single attorney i litigate with
Not at all - ethical rules prohibit lawyers from using foul language, and acting the way he is. Many lawyers have been sanctioned for this very conduct. It’s a growing trend. It looks bad on the profession. Lawyers are held to a higher standard.
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The Ohio House (along a party-line, GOP-only vote) just passed a bill requiring kids to let a physician examine their genitals if anyone suspects they're "too masculine" to be playing a sport
Absolutely bizarre, creepy, reprehensible behavior from the Ohio GOP
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Anne (3 years old): My shoes are better than yours because they're sparkly.
Me: In the adult world, sparkly shoes are kind of frowned on. If Daddy had sparkly shoes, nobody would listen to his legal arguments.
Anne: My legal argument is that shoes should be sparkly.
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Because there seems to be debate:
Legal writing is the most important class you take in law school. Teaching it requires skill and practice. It rests on doctrinal foundations. There is no reason to treat it differently from other courses.
And I'm a huge snob, so I mean it.
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If you listen carefully, you can hear every federal law clerk in the Eastern District of Oklahoma chugging vodka right now
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I've posted this before, but there's literally no meme that captures the joy of this job better
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well, I've had a pretty hard week juggling personal/professional obligations, but I didn't produce an entire phone full of my client doing crimes to opposing counsel because I'm bad at Dropbox, so there's that
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I usually hate stanning the same person that all my friends are stanning, but Prelogar is a ten-foot-tall monster of an advocate
If you’re looking for a masterclass in lawyering, listen to this clip of Elizabeth Prelogar absolutely demolishing Justice Sam Alito - she got her hands on him and didn’t let him go 😭 I know who my GOAT is (also that’s
@Eli_Kunene
dying in the background).
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everybody do us a favor and don't leave this photograph alone with the Voting Rights Act
Our board is excited for the year ahead!
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who are the super-boring doctors who named it "Spine Surgery Center" instead of Thoracic Park
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"Hips Don't Lie" is so misleading, as most of what they say isn't offered for the truth of the matter asserted regardless
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"I wouldn't do that. Not even for a bananasecond." -my daughter, on nanoseconds, incorrectly
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No matter what opposing counsel says, "Go Fish" is NOT an acceptable substitute for "No responsive documents exist."
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renewing this meme from several years ago, which still describes my entire professional existence
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Am I allowed to write "this argument is legit bananas" in a bottom-side brief
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When the priest says the phrase “Lamb of God,” Anne now says "bahhhhhh,” which needless to say, causes problems
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Ursula's contract with Ariel is governed by the general maritime law. How has no Tulane Law student written a Note about whether it's enforceable??
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When I quietly preserve a reversible error and keep going in the trial court
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every lawyer on this site who doesn't work in a firm is piling on some associate for talking about how she hits 1900 hours a year which is...not that much? like wtf are you people doing all year
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the key with a witness is, you have to manage expectations
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opposing counsel: we'd like all the thing we want and none of the things you want
me: well, obviously we can't agree to that
opposing counsel:
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you can't litigate any van gogh copyright issues, because of starry decisis
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@smmarotta
@yourpalCJ
@rfelicello
this is fair. as a small-town lawyer, i'm statutorily obligated to forego describing "vehicle problems" and call them "bad court thingys"
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if your personal lawyer and your campaign manager are found guilty of felonies on the same day is that bad
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@NewsHour
@KrisKobach1787
“While there’s no evidence that electricity is created by hundreds of tiny leprechauns running on treadmills, we interviewed a guy who insists that’s very much the case”
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the phrase "asset forfeiture goal" is something that should make anyone in a free society spontaneously self-combust
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@chemist_justine
@k8lyndevine
You are the only person I've ever seen "yada yada yada" having rabies and I've gotta say, I respect the hell out of it
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Am I allowed to include the phrase "your position is, needless to say, bananas" in a professional communication
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In honor of the 79th anniversary of Wickard v. Filburn, go regulate something that's absolutely none of your business
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I disagree with Sen. Flake on just about everything, but this is a classy move by a classy guy
Hang in there
@deedra2018
. Sorry you have to put up with this. Lots of wonderful people across AZ. You'll find them.
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opposing counsel: i trust this letter resolves your concerns
me:
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Let me just add that if any Ohio Republican *ever* tries to compel me to have my children's genitals examined because they're curious about them, we're going to have a short but incredibly exciting conversation
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My daughter informs me that "the lawyers on the bus go 'object to form'" is not a proper verse of Wheels on the Bus
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Who named it "curved hurricane storm path" instead of NOAA's Arc
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approximately 94% of the lawyers in my firm attended the University of Georgia, so I'm not thinking today's gonna be a banner day for our firm-wide billables
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It's bonkers how little they teach about discovery in most law schools
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there's an entire generation of cord-cutters who have structured settlements and need cash now, but have no idea what to do
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Huge thanks to the peloton guy with the "letsgobrandon" username, who inspired me to push through an otherwise lousy workout just to bump him out of the top slot in the session
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[Me dying]
Me: "watch over my children"
Friend: "of course"
Me: "tell my wife I love her"
Friend: "I will"
Me: [softly, dying breath] "make sure ... my ... time is ... entered"
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Just got a big pro bono appellate win on behalf of an abused woman. The opinion will make it substantially easier for women threatened with violence to comply with their procedural obligations in getting a Georgia family violence protective order.
Awesome morning.
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Imagine being the litigator that got the call for the Jurassic Park file.
"Okay, so 4 fatalities. They were--wait, what? . . . By *dinosaurs*? . . . Well do you have an arbitration clause? Jesus, John."
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current draft
I. Introduction
II. Background
III. Argument
A. Standard of Review
B. ??????
C. Profit
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me: [emails myself a case]
also me: "what lunatic is sending me work emails at 11pm?"
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My favorite part of practicing law is waking up in the middle of the night from a dead sleep absolutely convinced you've missed a deadline and having to stare at your calendar for 5 minutes before concluding that, no, of course you didn't
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@Profepps
@JeffFlake
@Coalminetweety
"The prosecutor did the right thing by not accepting the giant bag of cash from that defendant. We owe him a debt of gratitude."
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@EHA_appeals
I appreciate this reminder, because this is definitely a joke I might make thinking it's good natured. It's good to hear your perspective on it.
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Woman on Twitter: ugh today killed me
Man on Twitter: WELL, you should know that if you died, you have a professional obligation to withdraw from your active cases, which is something I have been doing for years
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Westlaw inserting "(West)" at the end of every statute is like DJ Khaled yelling his name on tracks where he's just a background guy
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dear sweet baby fiscally conservative Jesus, prevent me from buying a 49-inch gaming monitor to write my briefs on, amen
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Appellate Twitter, meet Charles Hale Bradley.
Charlie spent a week in the excellent care of the nurses and doctors at the St. Joseph Candler NICU, for whom we are very grateful. He is home and all are safe and resting.
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Satan: welcome to hell
Me: oh no
Satan: there's some chips and dip, and your favorite game is on the TV
Me: well this isn't so bad
Satan: also there's an e-discovery vendor, and he just wants 15 minutes of your time to show you some exciting new features
Me: OH NO
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this is the sort of paragraph I lay awake at night, angry that I didn't write
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My daughter informs me that "the lawyers on the bus go 'object to form'" is not a proper verse of Wheels on the Bus
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Acceptable reasons to leave your shopping cart in the grocery store parking lot:
1. A Komodo dragon unexpectedly ate you while unloading your groceries
2. [Blank]
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who named it Rules of the Supreme Court of the United States instead of SCOTUS Operandi
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oh oh apparently I'm "not supposed to use my brief to speculate which part of Dante's inferno my opposing counsel would be put in for his transgressions"
thanks, professionalism police
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Genie: Alright, you've got 3 wishes
Me: OK. I want to write like Elena Kagan.
Genie: Done. What else do you want? Money? Women?
Me: [happily firing up word processor]
Genie: Maybe power?
Me: [irritated] I kind of have stuff to do dude
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a fun fact is that, pretermitting whether it is illegal, it's pretty weird to be 38 and WANT to date a 17-year-old
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Instead of writing the word "utilize," have you tried setting your draft on fire & never writing again
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i really want a peloton-esque real-time leaderboard for how many hours i'm billing against other similarly situated attorneys, just to get the competitive juices flowing
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Me: I want to drag the carrot on the ruler indicating where my margin breaks are
Microsoft Word: Got it. You want a tab stop.
Me: No, I'm clicking the carrot, so I want the carrot.
Word: Of course. Gotcha. Tab stop.
Me: ...
Word: ...
Word: tab stop
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In honor of the 76th anniversary of Wickard v. Filburn, go regulate something that's absolutely none of your business
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reiterating my desire to start a business that stocks decorative fishponds for biglaw firms called Perkins Koi
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"I have something here I'd like to mark as Defense Exhibit...8? Are we on 8? Anyway it's a cat"
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Forcing our children to ask their siblings politely before asking us is our version of the administrative exhaustion requirement
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@megynkelly
Here I thought that the people that tried to violently prevent the transfer of power were bad, but I'm glad for this nuanced perspective that it's actually mostly the fault of people who didn't try to violently prevent the transfer of power
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