chatpile roan
@lornashawty
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mimsi || voted the internets no.1 deadbeat girlfriend || ig @ lornashawty
Joined February 2015
social battery running out at the function, call that loosing my yappetite.
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sitting down with a cold drink sorting these back into their own little squares could fix me actually.
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*kissing his receding hairline* promise you’ll stop for me.
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having a boyfriend is so cool i asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday and he said eat 7000 calories and buy ps2 games.
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local bands be like “big things coming soon!!” and it’s allegations.
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me whenever anyone asks about my job: yeah i absolutely love hospitality! every day you get the chance to make someone’s day and it’s incredibly rewarding :) . me 0.5 seconds into a shift: they should invent a slur for customers.
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that rat is NOT special, i too can pull boys hair to control them.
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feeding a xenomorph apple slices with an open palm like it’s a horse.
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just like alanis morrisette said “it’s like a massive hornet in your trebbiano chardonnay blend”
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the maintenance guy just came up to me and said “here for you” and handed me a tiny spider
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you say you’re an ass man and nobody bats an eye, i say i’m a balls girl and everyone looses their minds.
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in the garden. straight up “planting it”. and by “it” i mean, haha, well. let’s just say. my peonies.
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we saw you from across the bar and hate your vibe, please leave
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weeping tears of pure joy at these cocktail glasses i found on etsy
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every hot person has at least 3 of these in their house but can never find them when they need them
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youth pastor speaking to a local band: you know who else only had 12 followers?.
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this duck that lives at the uni i work at is going viral on reddit, long live long boi
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youth pastor to diy musician: you know who else only had 12 followers?.
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this as a tramp stamp would go crazy.
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where does a mansplainer get his water?. a well actually.
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“tHiS iS iNaCuRaTe Bc ThEy DoNt TaKe CaRd” but ur fine with them peeling ur skin off?.
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adding on to this he also wants to try a flavour of full sugar monster that he’s never tried bc we never have the full sugar ones.
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need a website like “does the dog die” but for cancelled bands.
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lockdown started this month four years ago just in case you wanted to feel weird about time.
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new pit dance idea is pretending to drop your glasses and then crawling around saying “my glasses, my glasses!” and once everyone separates to try help you look for them you stand up and do this
post baddiecore, for my next trick i will be inventing a new pit dance that will annoy people more than the rowing and the girly pop combined. stay tuned.
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the most annoying person u know will see this and go “hell yeah”
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I think I squawked you in my sleep, darling.
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didn’t wanna do this but yes, they’re SH scars, they’re like 7yrs old and i’m doing great now:) i’m not going into detail bc y’all are strangers and i didn’t think this would blow up and most importantly, the jokes i make about how i look are funnier than yours. here’s my cat
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i bet you never saw that cumin.
ex gf moved out and took all the herbs and spices. i will never financially recover from this.
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the twin towers were only 28? they should have been at the clubbbb.
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all of the lovely comments from lovely ppl have made my heart feel full, im so glad y’all have enjoyed this silly little story so much:))
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@DrewSchlansky Really good actually, he supported me through the bad times I had when I was younger and often comes round to my house to hang out.
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and what if i say it’s calling them concerts to begin with?.
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@bingxpot this is how my bf woke me up this morning bc my bangs were pushed back im just lashing out.
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not flirting with you, nor leading you on, but a secret third thing (existing as an attractive and kind woman).
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53 bookmarks is INSANE u little freaks.
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just got off a phone call with my doctor and discovered that due to my birth family’s medical history, the first thing that was ever put on my medical record, the very day i was born was “autism?”.
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home is where the heart is? more like hole is where the fart is.
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British slang/sayings that I really like . - you lot.- what’s all this then.- mafting .- are you having a laugh? .- scrote .- minger .- clapped.
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people died
“People died” and it’s just a picture of you.
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nobody is immune to my propaganda (big brown eyes n kinda weird).
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just found out how sawfish look underneath and i’m not happy
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the only thing flat earthers have to fear is sphere itself.
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who gonna tell grandma the girls are using crochet for evil (being hot) now?
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who up losing their sparkle due to a myriad of potentially preventable but emotionally complex reasons.
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YOUR body is a temple, mine is an abandoned victorian greenhouse
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*generic mosh call voice* *dunnuh duh* THE LAST THING YOU WANT *duhn duh* IN YOUR BURGER KING BURGER *duhnuh duh* IS SOMEONE. ELSES. FOOT. FUNGUS. *duhn duh* BUT UNFORTUNATELY *dunnuh duh*.THAT MAY *crash* BE *crash* WHAT *crash* YOU *crash* FOOOOOOIND.
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i have a lot of things to say about this whole conversation but the only problem i have with this specifically is that this is deeply unsexy, make smut sexy again!.
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haven’t said yippee in a while, probably due to the horrors.
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haven’t smoked weed in over a year can i get a hell yeah.
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yeah kinda
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in the ashes. straight up “rising it”. and by “it” i mean, haha, well. let’s just say. my phoenix.
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Let me introduce you to the star-fingered toad (pipa pipa) found across South America. As you can see they are very handsome
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hope the girl I just passed on my hot girl walk that said “that skirt is not thick thigh friendly” knows she will be mentioned in my suicide note.
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fork found in fork drawer.
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