@JBsTwoCents “I’m here baby, I’m here, I got you, I’m here”

@Cobratate Bro don’t forget the pizza

What’s your favorite @relientK album and why is it “Two Lefts?”

@davluz I decided I’m going down with the ship. Im not even a musician on the titanic… I’m watching the band.

@DaddiWoof

@TylerHuckabee I’m about to finish the first season, like 12 minutes left. So… same?

@merrittk Also green was the coolest color.

I am now #ratified for free.

RT @tinysnekcomics: why would i pay $8 to get a blue check if i could put a rat next to my name for free??? i’m calling on everyone to joi…

One like on this tweet and it’s from a spam account. My humor is wasted on twitter.

@ROPOCALYPSE There’s 4 of them, you have twice as many people. They’re Swedish, a known pacifist country. You have horns, the greatest weapon. You have Jeff, the second greatest weapon. But I still think they’d kick your ass.

@davluz You don’t?

So it turns out that falling down a Socialist History rabbit hole while you’re at work (on Labor Day, nonetheless) does NOT improve morale.

@Hyundai @Amtrak Hey @Hyundai your cars are 🔥🔥🔥 I mean literally, like, on fire, please call the fire department. Why aren’t you taking this seriously. This is an emergency.

@LukeBarnett No one gonna mention that that’s not a suit?

RT @jackcorrbit: if paul rudd and rand paul got married one of them would either be Rand Rudd or Paul Paul

@kyliejustine Draft kombucha!

@RevChrisDavis Surprised Keystone is so high up on the priority list but… I don’t know what I expected.

When I’m about to quit this bird app because everything seems so toxic, I remember the true meaning of these few characters we’re given. This is what Twitter was made for.