Kristy Salsburry
@kristyispissy
Followers
241
Following
117
Media
150
Statuses
1,121
Professional cunt slayer, Jack and Coke destroyer, and grandma to my two degenerate grandkids Laquarius and Jacquees👯♂️
Pussay, France
Joined March 2023
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Pinned Tweet
Dear followers,
AND THEN YOU MADE STEAK, MAN THAT WAS BANQUET, SALSBURRY STEAK🥩
Thank you and goodnight,
Kristy $alsburry👵🏼
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Last night. Can’t wait to blackout and gamble (I have to be up by 6 am tmrw😆)
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Don’t worry I will tap into my father’s gambling addiction today! Gotta keep the legacy going!!
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Did I miss my tee time, yes. But at least I know love, forgiveness, and ball.
@ultramcbitch
this one’s for you
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After seeing all this sketch gay stuff. It’s got me wondering how many damn butts has that finger he holds up been in… 👆🏼
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Hot take: if you drive a Tacoma, you’re probably gay!!
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Me and
@Perra_Locaaa
are about to be cut off on this cruise. We are 13 tequila sunrises deep and feeling as fine as wine😗
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VERY 🔥 take…
Kristy does NOT do blow
Kristy will never do blow
Kristy thinks blow is stupid
But will Kristy judge you for doing blow? No.
Kristy dgaf what you do, as long as it makes you happy💙
-Kristy $alsburry
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I’ve been feining for this like Epstein feined for teenage girls
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Just witnessed a middle school couple meet up. The kid pulled a “where my hug at”
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Finally made it to fishing Friday! I hope I catch a biggin
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Waking up for a 7 am shift the day after the 4th is not for the weak
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Why are we wearing our bar shoes to class? Too much noise, I can’t concentrate over the sound of your shoe sticking to the ground!!
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Housekeeping left this on my bed? Any ideas to what it is guys!?
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Just beat 5 black girls in a dance off by doing the worm. I guess this white girl has rhythm?!
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A bless respite from the toils of the day! For these ultra violet rays are penetrating my skin and making me feel full of vim and vigor!
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I’m ovulating guys. (If I text you after 11 pm please don’t respond. It’s not me, it’s this bitch)
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Mom: “can you get all of your college stuff together today and clean your room since you’re off!?”
Me: “sorry mom I already planned a day full of fun little girly outings and errands for me to run!”
(Not pictured the mic-ultra I had for breakfast)
Have a glorious day 🩷
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I’ve had this sandwich for an hour and still can’t eat it. What a shame
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Yall may hate on Kentuckys sports, but you cannot hate on Kentuckys sunsets!
#goddid
#sunsetslut
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At the dentist, high as 💩. Can’t wait to fuck with the person cleaning my teeth
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And that’s all I needed to see!
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Update: I did infact not get lucky at the casino last night. Just got really drunk and embarrassed myself! Please don’t text, hangxiety on 10 right now
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It’s hotter than 2 squirrels fucking in a Jack sock rn. I think I might melt
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High asf and mom just asked: “what’s the latest tiktok trends rn?” Please stop trying to be relatable rn, I’m vibing to Chris Stapleton
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I’m so hung, I just need some to pat my back and tell me everything will be okay.
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Back like I never left. No one can or will stop kristy tonight (except for her wonderful 8am tomorrow morning).
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@dylandast10
@Rivals
@247Sports
@RivalsPortal
@247recruiting
@247SportsPortal
@OneOnOneKicking
@ESPNCFB
@DylanTWM
@andrejones1185
@The1AndOnlyOB
Idk how you’re expecting to get any offers with that 2.5 GPA. Your white… let’s be realistic
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How gay do you have to be to put EYELASHES on your fucking car
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Nothing will ever beat the feeling of when you were younger and you would watch some good old NFL with your father while mom is cooking some chili on a cool fall night. I miss it
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Hate me if you want but I fuck with this Kathy bitch!!!
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I hate working with kids, anytime I use the restroom they peep through the stall door. Little freaks
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Was violently drunk last night, and I will be violently drunk again tonight. I don’t know how much more I can take🤦🏼♀️
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Old man just bought me shots just because I was, “smoking hot” and have a “great rack”
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Lexington will soon feel my presence like a nice Lexus seat warmer during a cold winter
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Going to take a long drive on some backroads just so I can listen to Tyler Childers
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I texted my last situationship. Duty calls
Need a mind fuck, going to either watch the Truman show or text my last situationship!
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Dunkin coffee either is literally the best shit you’ve ever put in your mouth or the mother fuckin ohio river water. Today it’s Ohio river water.🤦🏼♀️
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I’m going drunk swimming. Kristy is one with the water. Like a mermaid.
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@MearnsGeoffery
Geoffrey,
I have no objections to you wearing this PM shirt. Infact, I do very much delight in your choice of outfit. For I did not know you knew ball like that. Followed.
Best,
Kristy
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@thetradingchick
Spitting on the shaft and sucking it like a lollipop you get after the dentist
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You know I would be the one person in the movie theater to let my phone alarm off! Sorry guys have to take my baby killer😝
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It’s called the south EASTERN conference for a reason!!
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Just needed to touch some grass after last night. Thx d sig for the lawn🫰
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Been scrolling through Facebook reels for the past 2 hours because I have nothing better to do! Its giving me so many meal ideas!!
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@HenryTiggins
Henry!! What’s so wrong with the occasional Peter millar post!? I personally think it’s hot!!
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