Kristen Zimmer
@kristen_zimmer
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Statuses
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🏳️🌈 Author of The Gravity Between Us, When Sparks Fly, and Forbidden Girl. Rep’d by Mark Falkin.
Salem, MA
Joined July 2013
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How it started. How it continued. How it’s going…
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Out of curiosity, does anyone actually call this place “X” or are we all still sticking with “Twitter”? Because I have seen some inane rebranding in my life, but holy shit was this one utterly USELESS.
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@fmatrash
@andreafaery
@gaynesswift
Look, not gonna lie, I used to love dating Bi/Pan girls because the "just 'cuz it's Wednesday" flowers got me SO laid and then I'd feel terrible because, like, they deserve flowers every day and I'm just not rich enough for that... What are dudes even DOING?
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@thelastword71
@fmatrash
@andreafaery
@gaynesswift
Lol. Straight guys be like "I know a place" and then can't find their girl's clit.
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@thelastword71
@fmatrash
@andreafaery
@gaynesswift
Oof. Way to tell all of Twitter how disappointing you are in bed, Bro.
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@KateEGrey
@Rage_against_it
@maykeila_brooke
Plainly stated, yes. Even with insurance, cancer treatments can range in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. America is not a country where anyone, save for the very rich, can afford to be sick or seriously injured.
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I love this review of Forbidden Girl. Surprise lesbianism 😂🤣💀
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@thelastword71
@fmatrash
@andreafaery
@gaynesswift
Oh no, you called me a dyke. You're so original and I'm so hurt. I guess trolling is another thing you're not good at.
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*Steps up to mic* Ahem. Flannel and plaid are not the same thing. Flannel is a material, plaid is a pattern. Not all flannel is plaid and not all plaid is flannel. Thank you for coming to my Lesbian Ted Talk.
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@Ashlyn_Harris
is it a coincidence that the
#WWC2015
final is the same day that
#SharkWeek
begins? I think not...
#itsasign
#winthedamnthing
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I don’t do cliques. I don’t play favorites. I don’t give a shit what publisher you’re with or if you’re an Indie author. I don’t even care if we like each other as people— if you wrote a sapphic novel and it’s a good book, I am going to hype you. Because THAT is community.
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@MarsinCharge
Oof. And double-edged sword for queer people. "Y'all should have kids!" From one camp. "Oh my god, gay people with kids, the horror!" From another.
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Blessing your timeline (a whole day early. You’re welcome.) Get it July 2nd.
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Joe had my vote. Kamala will have my vote. The Great Pacific Garbage Patch would have my vote. A hot sack of week-old shit would have my vote. Anyone/Anything but Cheeto Hitler.
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@amandadeibert
In HS a dude called me a dyke in the hallway. Everyone around us stopped, but he kept walking. I turned around & yelled at his back "So I guess your girlfriend told you about us?" The round of "ooohhs" and "Oh shits" was so gratifying, I sauntered my proud gay ass to class.
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Landlord catches me outside, goes "It's July," a subtle hint to take my Pride flag down.
"Can I put up an American flag?"
"Sure."
Okay, here you go... I'm not the bitch to trifle with, old man; I'm too clever for you by half.
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Okay but hear me out: two queer women who meet and fall in love in an in-patient mental health facility, both there because they see ghosts and that’s craaaazy, but the fucking place is haunted and they try to prove it together.
Omfg, my fourth best-seller right there.
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That woman from Michigan is kinda hot… it’s just my duty as a lesbian to point that out.
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Standing next to a lesbian couple, one woman is crying. I gave her a tissue. “Thank you. We’re from Texas, we can’t be free. I’ve never seen anything like this.”
Not me, crying. Not ME.
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We said goodbye to our sweet boy Greyson today. He was the most loving, cuddly cat on the planet & we knew that the moment we met him, brought into my wife’s animal hospital as a stray, hungry and frostbitten from the harsh Massachusetts winter. We were so lucky to be his moms.
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My marketing team yelled at me that I don’t tweet about my books enough. So, this is me begging you to buy (insert titles and description) The Gravity Between Us and When Sparks Fly, my fluffy NA lesbian romance novels to satiate my corporate overlords (add picture for effect.)
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@amandadeibert
My grandfather on my dad's side was a gentile German who, at eighteen, fled his country to enlist in the US Army and fight Nazis. He was a BAMF.
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Lost my library card. Went to get a new one. Gave the librarian my license as proof of address. She looked at it, at me, and said, "Are you an author?"
"Yes."
"I think I just read your book When Sparks Fly?"
Blushing, "Yes."
"I cried."
"Oh cool, I love making women cry."🦶➡️👄🤦
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@ReverendWarnock
@KLoeffler
You are truly a bastion of grace and dignity. Thank you for continuing to show us how to go high.
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How anyone didn’t know Billie Eilish was queer is beyond my comprehension. You think straight girls have swag like that? Use your eyeballs.
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My dad just called me and asked, "Are you okay?" I said, "I guess. Why?" He replied, "I saw Elizabeth Warren shaking on the news and knew you must be about ready to rip the nuts off every man you see."
I'm 100% my father's daughter and we're not even biologically related 😆😂
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I read all 900 pages of this Project 2025 thing. You know what else I read that sounded remarkably, DANGEROUSLY, insanely similar? Mein Kampf (in its original German.) Conservatives want to make America Nazi Germany 2.0. Absolutely the fuck not.
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Only queer women understand the struggle of seeing a drop dead gorgeous woman and thinking, "God, Idk if I want to DO her or BE her."
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It’s January. I have a book coming out in July. I’ve been told to start hyping it. Sirs and Madams, I don’t even know if I’ll be alive or if the world will have ended by then, but okay. Daughters of Defiance, out July 2024.
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I don't care that The L Word was renewed for a 3rd season. I barely made it through the 1st. Sorry, I'm not going to watch crap content just because there's representation in it. I want well-written content with representation, why the fuck is this asking so goddamn much?
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If 2023 taught me anything, it’s to never sacrifice an ounce of self-respect just to hold on to someone you love; you’ll keep bending until you break and then you’ll hardly recognize yourself. That’s not love, and frankly they never deserved you.
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Mom: *Giving me dating advice.*
Me: Thanks. I’m not dating right now.
Mom: Why not?
Me: *sigh* I just want to be a crazy cat lady.
Mom: You can have a girlfriend and still be a crazy cat lady! Find another crazy cat lady, introduce your cats! Go vote for Kamala together!
…😂🤣💀
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What the actual FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER?!
"The Gravity Between Us" by
@kristen_zimmer
made it to our list of the best
#lesbian
books of all time!
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Welp, I just sent The Gravity Between Us to a lovely Producer/Director of queer films and now I'm bursting with untamable nerves because who the hell even am I to envision my little New Adult Lesbian Romance novel as a movie? 😂🤣
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I stayed up way too late for this and it was entirely worth it.
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That time The Gravity Between Us made it to number 32 on Reader’s Digest 50 Best Romance Novels of ALL TIME list popped up in google memories today. I’m emo AF all over again
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There’s a college softball team from California on my flight home and it feels like an appropriately homosexual end to an extremely gay week…
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When Sparks Fly came out a year ago today. It's not the second book I wrote, but it is the one that made me feel like I still had something left in the tank when I was sure I was on E and didn't want to write anymore. It's all heart, all Real Kristen, and I'm pretty proud of it.
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You know, just KZ being a subversive no-good troublemaker, fighting book bans (and bigots) with copies of my little lesbian romance novels for HS & Public libraries in Florida.
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Mom: Are you… eating cold pizza for breakfast?
Me: I TOLD YOU I’m having a midlife crisis! I’m chasing the good ol’ college days.
Mom: When you’d wake up still drunk under someone’s kitchen table and call me to come get you?
Me: That happened ONE TIME, Mother…
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@thelastword71
@fmatrash
@andreafaery
@gaynesswift
I like your style, to be honest. You're amusing. Kudos to you, my dude. Have a fantastic night.
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Since it’s Coming Out Day, I have to finally be honest about something… I’m a cuddler. Honestly, my favorite thing in the world is holding a woman in my arms and just existing in that state of quiet closeness.
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I’ve been thinking and it’s not like me at all because I’m not competitive with my art but… I want a Goldie. And I’m coming for one next year. Because Forbidden Girl was incredibly hard to write but you all seem to really like it, which gives me all the feels. So thank you, all.
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Forbidden Girl is outperforming both The Gravity Between Us and When Sparks Fly at this point in its publication timeline, which tells me 2 things: Sapphic Fiction readers are wicked horny and I need to stick to writing smut. “Kristen Zimmer, Smut Peddler” has a nice ring to it.
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Was just pulled over for speeding by a SUPER HOT cop. I flirted SHAMELESSLY, dropped the line, "Are you married, officer?"
She took my papers, looked at my ring finger. "I see you are."
"Tell me you're not & I won't be for long."
She died laughing & let me go. CONFIDENCE IS KEY.
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BRO... What? When Sparks Fly broke the Top 500 in the Kindle Store. That's like the Fortune 500 of publishing. I absolutely cannot with you guys! Thank you so, so much. 😍💕 🙏
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Stop this biphobic bullshit. Bisexual (and Pansexual) people exist and are just as valid as hetero and homosexual people. Quit crying about shit that doesn’t concern you, it’s embarrassing.
It's the first day of pride and you already have a viral biphobic tweet, people harassing bisexuals, people hating on a bi4bi couple being happy and people saying bisexuals should be excluded from pride events. How are you all doing? 🙃
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My dad: “I think it’s time for a woman President. We (men) had 250 years to screw this country up.”
My mom: “Of course you expect a woman to clean up your mess.” *eye roll*
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GCLS 2024 has been absolutely astounding. The people I’ve met—both for the first time and who I’ve gotten to know better— the talent we’ve celebrated together… what an incredible community. I’m so lucky, so proud, and so honored to be part of this.
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Fun fact I just learned from a reader: When Sparks Fly is on the shelves in a Florida high school. It was challenged by a parent (because of the cover!) It was reviewed. The challenge was overturned. The book's still in the stacks. It's been borrowed 11 times. I'm feeling things.
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Look, I worked with children all day AND I’m three pages into the structural edits I need to make per my editor, so I think I deserve a stiff drink and a good cry. Like if you agree.
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In the end, a P0rnstar saved Democracy. Fucking poetry.
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Some of you need this graphic. And before you say, “don’t get political,” let me remind you that I’m an ostentatiously gay loudmouth woman who writes sapphic fiction: my very existence is political.
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GCLS was amazing. I loved it and everyone I met, but, fuck, I’ve never bought so many lesbians so many drinks and NOT gotten laid…
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*Retweeting* this to piss off the homo/transphobes (and that goes 2x for Elon.)
It's soooo funny that Christians are up in arms about this, as if The Last Supper is sacred art. Like do they know that Leonardo Da Vinci was not in the Bible? He's just a dude.
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My mom over her tea mug: Are you thinking about starting to date again?
"I've been thinking about retiring from lesbianism & advancing to my next stage of evolution: Crazy Cat
Lady."
"Transitioning from p*ssy to p*ssy."
*Literal spit-take* “MOM! Jesus Fuck never say p*ssy again!”
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Me: *asks my parents’ Alexa a question*
Alexa: *Answers the question.*
Me: “Oh cool! Thanks, Alexa!”
My Mom: “Did… did you just thank a robot?”
Me: “…You should hear the praise I give my vibrator.”
My mom: 😂🤣💀💀💀
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You guys there’s a woman at this bar celebrating her divorce and taking me on an absolute rollercoaster ride of what a shitshow her ex is and I AM LIVING FOR HOW MUCH SHE HATES THIS WOMAN. Girl, yasss, I hate her for you lemme buy you all the drinksss.
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So this happened in Denver. (I got drunk and forgot about it, so this is BONUS CONTENT for all of us, really.)
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Y'all realize that the two greatest American Poets who ever lived were contemporaries, in war time, and super gay? Walt Whitman and Emily Dickinson.
What I'm saying is queer people make art in times of strife, so queer people, keep making fucking art. We need it right now.
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Our last fight,
she said,
“The problem is
you feel too much.”
The problem was always that she didn’t feel
enough.
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I don’t write love poems often but when I do they don’t suck.
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Good morning. Day 3 of GCLS and I just need everyone to know that Milena McKay has taken to pinching my cheek and calling me “Babygirl” every time she sees me. And yes, I blush furiously every time 😂🤣💀
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My mother is 60 today. I demanded to see her birth certificate because she looks fucking RIDICULOUSLY good for age. She turns to me, goes, “You’re welcome for the good genes,” and winks at me. What an absolute QUEEN.
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So, work has been uber slow for my mom this week; she just called me up from her office & said, "I'm halfway through your book. Kristen-Ann Zimmer, this is really fucking good." And now I don't care what anyone else says about my writing ever. That's my MOM, yo. She's the Queen.
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AOC is gonna be our first Latina POTUS. Watch. And I’m gonna love every second of her presidency.
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I think this might be the first time I’ve ever felt… accomplished?
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My mom read Forbidden Girl (yes, I allowed it) and said, “Kristen, this IS smut.” So, going forward that’s how I’ll be marketing it: “My mom says this book is smut.” Where can I get a Golden Stamp for the cover?
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Imagine being such a bitter, unloveable, small-dicked curmudgeon you get Big Mad about and take to Twitter to make fun of a neurodiverse 17-year-old boy who loves his father and isn’t too emotionally stunted to show it? This is why we don’t want Republicans in power.
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My editor just sent me this pictorial evidence of something I thought would never happen to me again. I felt for so long that I was a one & done author... Now this. YOU GUYS DID THIS! THANK YOU from the depths of my heart. You've given me a reason to be proud of myself. 💕
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But if I could have chosen to be homosexual, I absolutely fucking would have. Have you SEEN women? I mean... God's greatest masterpieces, all of you.
You don’t choose to be a homosexual, it’s not like homophobia.
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Right. It’s Sapphic September so I have to do Marketing. I don’t know what to say to sell this book, so here’s my favorite review: “This has the most graphic sex scene I’ve ever read in a YA novel. One Star.” Sorry you never got laid in high school 💁♀️
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Achievement unlocked! First draft’s done. Now I just have to… re-write 3/4 of it and make it “good.” But there’s a book in there somewhere.
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Sapphic September is a good month to read this ridiculously sweet New Adult Lesbian Romance I wrote, if you haven’t yet. (Also, why haven’t you yet? Explain yourself…)
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I’m in this uniquely fringe position of being a Sapphic Fiction author who publishes with a sizable “mainstream” press and it’s just so weird how hard I have to work to get actual sapphics to read my books yet straight women love me? Are they okay? Are YOU okay? Is EVERYONE OKAY?
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Special moment for me.
“Enjoy the little things in life because one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things.” —Kurt Vonnegut
Kristen Zimmer (we're sure it's not Chaos Demon—IYKYK) with some kind words for Ann McMan about her impact on sapphic literature. ❤️
#GCLS2024
@kristen_zimmer
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Stop saying, "Blood is thicker than water" to justify siding with family. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" is the full adage and it means THE PEOPLE YOU CHOOSE MEAN MORE THAN THE ONES WHO ARE FORCED ON YOU.
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@muhtilda
HS teacher here. Story Time: Once almost dropped my coffee walking into class, accidentally said, "Shit." Quietest, sweetest kid in class looks at me & says, "Ms. Z, I think that was more of a 'fuck!' Situation." Can we not treat teens like they have no idea what's what? Thanks.
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Oh look, marketing made me a graphic and told me I can post the pre-order link now…
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Dear Trans, NB, and Gender-nonconforming friends,
I’m incredibly proud of you for having the courage to be unapologetically you in a world that can be cruel. I love you, I have your back, and I will punch a transphobe in the face for you ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.
#TransDayOfVisibilty
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Do I get toaster ovens for all the straight women who’ve DM’d me about Forbidden Girl being their first lesbian novel?
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Goddammit, Former Marketing Intern! Get it together!
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