kristian
@kribanjo
Followers
374
Following
587
Media
544
Statuses
3,151
ucd alum, bossa nova enthusiast, wannabe phelps
he/him
Joined March 2014
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putting on sunglasses when driving at night because the ClovisCowboys™ can't drive without their brights on
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JUNIORS: we're losing a rap battle infront of everyone someone think of something quick !
FERNI:
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hey i’m at buchanan rn are we still playing commando tonight guys? hahah ive been here for an hour just let me know haha lol
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My dad is 65, pursuing a modeling career, and I’ve never seen him happier. He told me he’s just waiting for a chance to blow up. So, Twitter, meet my dad.
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fuck you clovis i liked my shepherd fowler intersection just fine, now this ??
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boys if the girls are going to college to get more knowledge when are we going to jupiter to get more stupider
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they're adding a light on shepherd and temperance??
what's next sunnyside and nees?
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it’s raining so hard i wonder if a talking bee might need to take refuge in my house until he is able to continue his lawsuit against the honey industry
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ladies if he’s not skipping at least 2 steps when going up stairs you should reconsider
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This still image was created by a japanese neurology professor Yamamoto:
If its not moving, or just moving a little, you are healthy and has slept well.
If its moving slowly, you are a bit stressed or tired
If its moving continously, you are over-stressed and crazy
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guy was getting some top in his car next to the dumpster at butterfish like let me just take out the trash in peace bro
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kendall jenner putting aphex twin on her ig story is 9/11 for music gatekeepers
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might enter in an elementary school talent show just to flex how much cooler i am than those dumb kids
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hey guys what’s up i’m planning on fossilizing myself so if u wanna come with hmu
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potty training my dog i’ve been pooping outside in the grass with him for months now
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my 8th grade brother tried to give relationship advice to my parents and got grounded for it lmao
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while you were out partying during the earthquake your girlfriend took cover from falling debris under my 6’5 body... not cool bro 👎
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nap mode: activated
homies: 😎 loved ❤️
Kanye: 🤠Thanked 👨❤️💋👨
girlfriend: 🌊❌ Not Acquired ❌💔
uwu: 🐶 Hewwwo;~) 🦄
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majoring in business so i can one day own chick fila and force them to be open on sundays
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just went skiing with my girl, she didn’t want to be in this picture with me it was too cold haha
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hey alexa, text mom can i stay home from schtool today my stummy hurt
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cashier saw i was buying a bunch of carrots and asked if i had rabbits at home, all i could do was look back at them like this and say the rabbit is me
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doctor says my broken arms won’t heal unless i get a battleaxe amazonian girlfriend
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can’t believe the white girls changed ur skin color, praying for you 🙏
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driving a fiat when ur head touches the ceiling is big dick energy
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you’re with her in bed while i send her tweets we are not the same
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fresh restock guys i’ve said it before but i can’t stress enough how much i love parmesan bagels they make everything worth it… they inhabit every crevice of my mind
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imagine not being able to see over every car in the parking lot to find your own car lmfao fucking losers
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oh her? yea we kinda had a thing in kindergarten, it was a hard breakup though i don’t wanna talk about it man
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sequoia is changing from pepsi to coke products... no more mtn dew... someone end me
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came home to find people fucking in their car on the side of my house
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you ever wonder what type of people are going to grow up into this
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woman in savemart wearing a mask with elf ears i would die for you
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walking down stairs at Bhs and these two guys
"I can't read"
"I love you anyways man"
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looking to hire someone to punch me in the face until i understand physics
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counting the days till i can say this unironically at work
rawr welcome to ~butterfish~ uwu how can i help u today ;~)
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fuck my family i just need the people at sakura to sing for me on my bday to make me happy 😪🤟
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there's so many acronyms people just throw around expecting others to know like:
lol
ttyl
brb
dtf
sex
tiddy
gtg
s2g
coochie
omw
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hey haha u forgot ur chipped fingernail at my house do u want to come over to get it back ?
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Hey just got the national alert, i’ve been doing something thinking ever since, i’ve realized i wasn’t fully alert during the times we spent together, would love to reconnect and apologize, call me
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god imagine how many arguments i could win just by backflipping in their faces
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just met the hottest girl at savemart and glad to say I picked her up
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luke Erl just told my mom he doesn't want her at his swim meet. grounded
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can’t wait to see all the national boyfriend day posts about me when i wake up
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if he was crying infront of you in the rain would you take him in and nurse him back to health
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insane i just got crowned as the tallest darkest handsomest man in the world
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spoke to my cat telepathically and he guided me thru the dark to my bed
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when you get older do you develop some sort of handicap that makes you drive 10-20 miles under the speed limit
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