akbar hassan
@khatmal23
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parda nasheen ko beparda na kar doon to akbar mera naam nahin hai
Chicago, IL
Joined May 2009
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Pinned Tweet
The greatest lesson Urdu teaches us is that to hoe is to be
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I refuse to believe that the people supporting this have any respect for humanity, compassion, or even a heart. Nothing will ever be the same
He tried to console her, and when he approached the body, he found it pieces collected!! He could not control himself, fallen down!!
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The tone in which he recites istirja is something I have never seen in my life. For us it’s always solemn and depressing, but Israel has changed how Palestinians conceptualize death after 75 years of atrocities, apartheid, and war crimes
This man's brother was martyred but his faith in Allah remains strong.
Listen to his words.
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spotify wrapped was actually designed to expose and shame people who listen to drake for thousands of minutes year after year after year
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got scolded by my mom at an iftar party cause i said all the sunnis ate the iftari
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My mom just told me when she first moved to America, my taiya bought a Christmas tree and said, “baaji, Hazrat Isa ka taaziya laaya hoon” 😂😂
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That video of the prayers from the loudspeakers of Gaza’s mosques and the cries from the al-Shati camp will haunt me for the rest of my life
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Her name is Anarkali
My sister moved into a new house and found this in the wall of her basement
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Pakistan was created to safeguard the rights of a minority group by turning it into a majority so it can act like every other majority in history towards its minorities
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Why is my cousin’s 12 year old daughter’s insta bio “fuck off” and why is her selfie captioned “but strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you” buffer zone main ho kya raha hai Karachi waalo
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everything about karbala shocks the conscience, but what truly leaves one at a loss for words is what the muslims did with imam hussain’s body after killing him. the hatred is absurd
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My parents buy shot glasses for niyaz ka sharbat/paani and when my sister and I roasted them for it, their response was, "har cheez ki apni qismat hoti hai aur hum ne in ki qismat badal di"
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it took my dumbass two tries but i made it. i passed the bar exam 👍
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There’s literally no point to life after undergrad we need to lower life expectancies
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they were doing that then too
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I plan on having a photoshoot at some later time this summer but for the time being 👍
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eid mubarak
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a masjid in chicago is holding an eid fest on 9th muharram lmfaoooooooooo you can’t make this shit up
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Muharram vs Rajab
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Meghan really said pak sarzameen shaad baad
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the dumbest thing that ever happened to me at a majlis: a maulana once recited an anees couplet so i pulled my phone out to jot it down. the maulana then stopped and said, "beta tum message bhej lo phir main bolta hoon."
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Biryani is overrated, pulao is underrated
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How do you spend $24 million and not have a single guy on set who can tell you your newspaper looks like shit
Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s epic web series Heera Mandi on Netflix is set against the Indian independence/British Raj in Lahore of the 1920s-1940s. Fareedan (Sonakshi Sinha) is supposedly reading an Urdu newspaper (EP5). Headlines say, “Warangal Municipal Elections: TRS Distributes
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i will forget everything but i will never forget these tweets
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We really thought this would be a haunting image 8 years ago
No one should have to maintain a street vigil by their slain kin. This will haunt Pakistan leadership for a long time.
http://t.co/pJ7iJfpU
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I determine which uncles/aunties are chutiyas by observing the change in tone when they talk to kids from rich families vs when they talk to me
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Shia girl culture is snapchatting random babies at majalis
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desi dudes in the diaspora have no personality besides basketball
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Do all desi dads state the obvious as their first statement or is that just my dad? Like I’ll pick up the phone in the morning and he’ll ask “uth gaye tum?” I’ll come out of the shower and he’ll ask “naha liye tum?” Lmaooo
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beat you to it
Dwarka Darshan under the waters...where the spiritual and the historical converge, where every moment was a divine melody echoing Bhagwan Shri Krishna's eternal presence.
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Nothing pisses me off more than people who downplay others‘ fascination with something they just learned because they already knew about it beforehand
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Zindagi ne zindagi bhar gham diye
McDonalds ne jab bhi fries diye kam diye
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پلائے جب کوئی معشوق اپنے ہاتھوں سے
شراب پھر نہیں رہتی حرام پی لیجیے
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Nabi is truly the greatest Shia artist of our era
"Majlis"
"The Lamb"
My piece from the beginning of the ten days of Muharram and my piece for the end of it
(I still have one more coming which will be uploaded late)
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today is the day muslims slaughtered their own prophet’s grandson. they began their celebrations with the maghrib prayer that day
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My dad forgot what sour cream was called so he referred to it as “dahi ki doosri nasl jo hai”
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some PTI sunni troll commenting on the size of my ears said they’re satellites that receive signals from karbala 💀
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For God’s sake someone burn some chillies for 2020 and do the anda thing too
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sunnis after someone dies:
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holi, nowruz, and 13 rajab. all my favorite heathen holidays together mashallah
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Koffee with Karan clan are the syeds of Bollywood.. insufferable
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In ghazals u find the poet often calling the beloved a kafir. It's bc all the beautiful beloved women are Shia
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ہمارے غریب خانے میں پہلی دفعہ حضرت عیسی کا تعزیہ رکھا گیا ہے
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It is no coincidence that Abida Parveen and Rihanna share a birthday
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I hope everyone involved in this piece and this tweet never sleeps peacefully ever again. Truly bereft of any humanity.
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hasan minhaj tumhein qabr main is larke ka jawab dena pare ga
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ferociously slapping my thigh and wailing at good poetry
What is a South Asian tradition you continue to follow?
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My best friend got me this book as a graduation gift. It contains tweets from the first half of this year and because of it, every major event and memory of my last semester at UIC is captured in it. Ahl e Bombay are creative af 😍
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My mom and sister are getting their makeup done and my dad told me to send a “halka sa text” to find out if they’re almost done lmao
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the end of hot girl summer coinciding with the start of melancholic girl muharram
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Our master Ali b. Abi Talib being surrounded by weeping geese on the morning of his assassination is perhaps the most powerful image in early Islamic history
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YAAAAAAAAA ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 13 RAJAB MUBARAK KHATMAL KAFIROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAAAQQQQQQQQ HAAAAIIDDEEERERRRRRRRREERRRR
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ye bhi syed nikla
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your wife will probably have parents, siblings, and girl friends u fuckin waste
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just came across rehan azmi reciting a verse from achhi nahin ye baat na roya karo bibi that wasn't on the cassette
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why can't we use this opportunity to discuss how indian food in the west is really just an array of 10 dishes native to and concocted from UP and Punjab
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Marx (1867): An accumulation of wealth at one pole of society indicates an accumulation of misery and overwork at the other.
Mir (1775): Na mil Mir ab ke ameeron se tu
Hue hain faqeer un ki daulat se hum
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my sister said eating another aunty’s pakoras feels like cheating on your mom
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my sister: i’m gonna kms
our mom: tum pehle aa kar pakoray tal lo phir kms karna
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Actually, brother, this is Coca Cola’s praise of the Holy Prophet in defeating Quraysh... It is to be interpreted as “without Muhammad, there would be no Makkah.” This is a beautiful tribute...
WARNING STOP DRINKING COCA COLA!! If you get the wrapper & read it from behind in light it has this message! BOYCOTT COCA COLA!!
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Shias:
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A while ago I said Pakistani Muslims are so fucked in the head that they will see Arabic erotica and think it’s divine scripture
The goons of TLP in Lahore started accusing a lady of blasphemy over her outfit, alleging that Quranic verses are written on it. In reality, the clothing brand is Kuwaiti-based, and the text is just Arabic, having nothing to do with Quranic verses.
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my uncle just told me sipah e sahaba got mad af when NFAK sang aj naeen te kal saare Ali Ali kehnge lmaoooooo
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یہی تماشا دیکھ کر میرے اجداد نے ایران چھوڑا تھا
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happy 1,440th wedding anniversary to hazrat ali & janab e syeda
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So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?
The Philippines is overflowing with a surplus of mangoes and people are panicking
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Neil Tyson confirmed Shia 😎
The Qur’an says plainly that daytime fasting during Ramadan ends at “Dark” not at sunset. “Dark” is a good match for the end of twilight. This time of year: up to 15 mins later in equatorial latitudes. 30 mins at middle latitudes. And 45 mins at higher latitudes. I’m just saying.
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My mom would tell me Imam Hussain ate two rotis with every meal
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I’ve waited my entire life to do Muharram in Karachi and now that I can there’s a pandemic, Zameer Akhtar is dead, and mullas are whitewashing the Taliban in Ancholi
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People really out here traveling the world while I gotta do istikhara to determine whether I should take an Uber or not
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