Kevin Burch | Sky High Confidence
@kevinburch
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See how to raise confident, capable, happy adults… and be one yourself…
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Joined January 2009
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My Mum was 16 when I was born, and my parents soon split. I lost all contact with my father.
My Mum then remarried - and redivorced - two more times.
By the time I turned 18 my Mum had been divorced three times.
As a result of all this I began reading psychology books, age 13
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Only take parenting advice from people who
1. have kids
2. have great kids
3. have a great relationship with their kids
If they don't tick all three boxes, don't listen to them.
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@GreenpeaceUK
5 people seeking to disrupt the lives of millions of others because “our opinions are the most important” have finally been held to account. Excellent news, a great day for our democracy.
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The more you love your children, the better they will do in life.
You CAN’T love children too much.
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What's the WORST parenting philosophy ever?
My entry:
"Do as I say, not as I do"
🤦♂️
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Imagine thinking that repeatedly criticising boys and men
Is gonna be a long-term win for girls and women.
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Eat dinner together.
At the table.
No screens.
Talk.
That's the tweet.
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Broke: traditions should be blindly followed.
Woke: traditions are made up & should be ignored.
Bespoke: traditions embody wisdom of the ancients & provide structure, meaning & shared experience - can modify or even discard, but only with thought & care.
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@anymanfitness
@ryanstephens
@AbigailShrier
I coach kids on their confidence and am almost halfway through the book. So far I agree with everything she’s said about kids’ therapy and kids’ mental health.
Which is why my approach is very different to that a therapist.
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Next week at Wimbledon the Mens' champ and the Women's champ will get the same prize money.
Is that fair?
This is a GREAT chance to teach our daughters - and our sons - VITAL life-lessons.
Here's how👇
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Default dating sequence 2022:
1. Have sex
2. “OMG the sex is amazing!”
3. Feel bonded cos brain chemicals
4. Eventually discuss “exclusivity”
5. Hope for commitment “one day some day” (but break-up first)
6. Rinse & repeat
7. Reach late 30s single
#ParentingFail
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Envy makes you ugly and miserable.
@elonmusk
's dinner isn't a million times tastier than yours.
Live your best life and let others live theirs.
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Hurt people hurt people.
Hurt parents hurt their children.
Heal your own trauma, for your kids' sake.
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@LeoKearse
Irony is people who think the UK is racist are unaware of how genuinely racist most places are.
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Teach your kids about wealth - broke people will get triggered.
Teach your kids about health - unhealthy people will get triggered.
Teach your kids about relationships - lonely or unhappy people will get triggered.
Teach your kids anyway.
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Want your child to grow up to have a great marriage?
Tell them, "one of the things I love about being married to your mum/dad is..."
Do this often.
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Please don't be that parent. For your child's sake.
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Wife & I went to our first birthing class today - mums-&-dads-to-be learning about labour, birth & early baby care.
Main take-away?
That extended family has broken down.
Wisdom no longer passed down by mothers, aunties & grandmothers.
So people are terrified & need classes.
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Perhaps THE most important thing you can do as a parent:
Curate their peer group.
Who they hang out with has a MASSIVE impact on who they become.
So choose wisely.
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A woman asked me for sex life advice.
She said I could share our convo, so here it is.
Buckle up!
(And yes, this is about parenting, cos more than *anything* kids want happy parents who love each other)
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10 years ago today I proposed to my wife.
Best decision ever!
Yet my prior relationship history was far from positive - divorce, and a trail of confusion & heartbreak (mine and theirs).
So what's the BIGGEST thing that has made such a difference this time?
/// THREAD ///👇
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Imagine dating someone
And when they ask "What do you want in life?"
You tailor your answer to what you think they want to hear, rather than saying what you really want.
Congratulations - you just imagined what it's like to be most young people.
Don't let you kids be them.
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My baby is getting all of these in full
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Morning pillow talk with my 8-months pregnant wife...
Me: You're such an amazing woman
Her: What do you mean?
👇
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Please meet Theodore Sebastian Burch, born 04.44 today by emergency caesarian.
It was quite a roller coaster!
But all is good now & he has latched & is feeding well.
(Hat & cardigan 2022 for Theo by my mother; blanket 1967 for my birth by my long-departed grandmother.)
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Nothing I say is for average parents.
Average parents will, by definition today, raise adults who are
- fat
- broke
- unhappily married / divorced / unhappily single
If you want more for your kids than society is offering
What I say is for you 👊
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Harsh truths which many adults get upset over, but which you must teach your kids
-your body is a result of your habits
-your wealth is a result of your habits
-your relationship is a result of your habits
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@RichardHanania
It’s all cultural. Some hunter-gatherers hit their kids, and some don’t.
Generally it’s a terrible idea which shows lack of creativity and poor emotional control on the part of the parents.
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@IanDunt
The most effective head in the UK, changing the lives of black and brown kids in the inner city.
And you deride her.
Why do you hate success Ian?
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When planning your family don't think
"Right now, this is a lot to handle"
Think
"What will this look like in 20, 30, 40 years time?"
...
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Teach your kids that
– men AND women are great
AND
– being a man AND being a woman is great
Boy or girl, THIS is the message that will serve them in life.
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Want your kids to be happily-married one day?
-Show them a happy marriage (if this takes work, get support & do it)
-Teach them how to date for marriage (if you don't know yourself, learn)
-Teach them how men & women differ
-Teach them how love & relationships work
Follow...
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Was explaining to a woman psychiatrist today that the *potential* for violence is always in the background of all man-man interactions.
Every single one, every single day.
This was complete news to her.
Avoid conflict at all costs
Exhaust negotiation and diplomacy
If the enemy persists
Burn him to the ground where he stands
With no remorse or regard for restraint
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Your daughter needs to feel safe with you as she grows up.
She needs to feel that the world is a safe place and that she is protected.
Otherwise she will be anxious and avoidant in her relationships, and chaos and heartbreak will likely follow.
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If you talk to your kids about "toxic masculinity"
But never mention "toxic femininity"
You're abusing your children.
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@iamharaldur
Sex isn't "assigned" at birth - it's determined at conception & observed at birth.
If a male has Disorder of Sexual Development, his external genitalia may *appear* female, so he gets raised as a girl.
But he isn't a girl - as his chromosomes will tell you.
Hope this helps.
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One of THE top parenting experts of last 30 years just posted at length on Facebook about how terrible the world is today.
It’s part of what he’s calling his “Decade of Farewell” as he enters retirement. He considers his pessimism to be “wisdom”.
Here’s the reply I posted:
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My daughter had idyllic home birth, in a pool, at 5 in the afternoon.
My son had emergency caesar, in theatre, at 5 in the morning.
One HUGE lesson I learned from this
👇👇👇
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Her: No, why would anyone think like that?
Me: Do you think "women have it hard in society"
Her: No. Some men treat women badly, but in many ways women are treated really well. And some men are treated badly. Why would I be resentful?
Guys, get yourself a woman like this.
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Why do kids imagine monsters under the bed?
Cos our reptile brains are ALWAYS on the lookout for danger
So we "find" it even when it's not there!
Life Lesson: This is also why some adults see racism & sexism everywhere even when there's none.
#teachyourkidsthis
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My son will be raised to
-Lift weights
-Have high EQ
-Take responsibility
-Value wealth creation
-Hear his inner compass
-Embrace masculine/feminine dance
-Learn only from the successful
-Give & receive in balance
-Think long-term
-Save & invest
-Eat naturally
-Get sun
-Go 😝
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We have our first smile photo!!!
Let's make a thread - post below YOUR baby photos - smiling or simply cute!
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Is there ANYTHING more profound and glorious
than bringing LIFE ITSELF into this world?
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Give your child financial responsibilities at 5 years old.
"Here's $1 to spend at the candy store - you choose what you want."
Unless you want them knocking on your door age 30 asking for a loan.
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It sends our daughters a TERRIBLE message.
It tells them the world will pay them - or should pay them - just cos they stamp our feet and shout
"It's not fair!"
It tells them that adding value and producing results are secondary.
When in reality
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- Customers pay for goods or services cos of the VALUE they get.
- Employers pay for hours worked cos of the VALUE they get.
If our daughters expect charity and virtue-signalling to fund them for the rest of their lives, they're gonna be VERY disappointed.
Because
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1. Pay per hour
We all know what this means.
Does it apply in tennis?
Modern Wimbledon finals average 90 mins for women versus 150 mins for men.
So the men play 60% longer for the same money.
Hmmm.
(Men's final 2019 = 297 mins 👇)
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Great question.
I do not behave 100% the same way with my mother, my wife and my daughter.
Rather they each see different aspects of the real me.
Being "fake" happens when someone hides their true intentions/thoughts/feelings. Often that's anxiety-driven.
I wonder if anyone can explain the difference between a "fake" person and an adaptive personality?
You have zero social iq if you behave the same with every single person in your life.
Maybe I'm confused. Enlighten me?
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Women play best of 3 sets, men best of 5.
In 2019 Women's champ Simona Halep played 135 games.
Mens' champ Novak Djokovic played 250.
He played 85% more games than her. For the same money.
(Longest game in history = 183 games - more than Halep's entire 2019 tournament👇)
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@george__mack
1. Weekly Pilates class.
2. Daily foam rolling of glutes & lower limb, incl spiky ball under feet.
3. Daily 5 mins Pilates barefoot on grass first thing.
I had a twisted pelvis - one side tilted forward more than the other - and it corrected in a year just from weekly Pilates.
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At 9 days old Theo already knows that sunscreen is bad and sun exposure is healthy.
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Whether it's per hour, per piece or per value added
At Wimbledon the men make way less than the women.
What does this mean for our daughters?
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It applies to tennis endorsements. But what about the actual playing?
Here "value added" is measured by viewing figures.
This is what broadcasters and advertisers care about.
On UK's BBC the Men's final often attracts DOUBLE the viewers of the Women's final.
Which means
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A) counting my blessings and taking responsibility for *everything* in my life.
B) learning from others who already had the results I wanted.
Now I...
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@KenDBerryMD
Clarification:
Olive oil
Coconut oil
Palm oil
👆All healthy and have been eaten by humans for millennia cos you can make them by hand.
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1) clear my childhood baggage & achieve emotional, relationship & financial stability
2) use what I learned in my practice as a Confidence Coach helping kids & parents
3) give my daughter the strong parental guidance I'd lacked, so she would not have to learn the hard way
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And age 40 I found myself divorced and in near 6 figures of personal debt.
However, in the meantime my own beloved daughter had been born.
I resolved to finally deal with my childhood issues both for my sake and for hers.
I set three goals...
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Me: Even though you've had a really tough pregnancy, you don't make a drama out of it. I mean, you do superficially, but not really, not deep down.
Her: Give me an example
Me: Do you resent being pregnant?
Her: No
Me: Do you resent being a woman?
👇
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As he eased off her dress and she melted in his arms she didn't think
"I hope our love-making is a 50-50 decision-making process, with us negotiating each act and position as we go."
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RECIPROCITY is the basis of ALL relationships.
- business/customer
- employer/employee
- even personal relationships, such as husband/wife
If one party doesn't feel like they're giving AND receiving value, a relationship won't last!
So when you teach your kids this
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3. Pay for value added
When brands pay Leo or Scarlett to wear their clothes, they don't pay for hours worked or pieces completed.
They pay for value added.
They ask - "how much is the endorsement worth to the brand?"
Does this apply in tennis?
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2. Pay per piece of work
When I pay a baker for bread, I pay per loaf.
When I pay someone to wash my car, I pay per car.
Does this "piecework" apply in tennis?
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@tombennett71
Anyone who imagines Singaporean schools to be a nirvana of child-led exploration clearly knows nothing of Southeast Asian culture.
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Today, after >1,000 hours of courses & coaching, & many tens of thousands invested
1) I'm at peace with my childhood, instead of debt I have stock market assets, & I feel love every day for my beautiful, doctor wife
2) I've helped thousands of child & parent clients...
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@mattwridley
The argument was won only in Europe - that’s why we had The Enlightenment and nowhere else did.
Fortunately The Enlightenment is still ongoing in Europe. For now.
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The men are adding up to 100% more value.
For the same money.
(When I was a kid my mother always preferred the men's games - she said the women's games were "boring". And she still says this.)
So...
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You give them the mindset for:
- money success
- love success
- business success
Plus - maybe even more important - you protect them from a Victimhood, entitlement mentality.
Which means you help them live a life of inner peace and balance.
Which is priceless.
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@flamewave7
@TheAntifaTurtle
25-30% of autistic people are non-verbal, or minimally-verbal.
What would you call that?
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How do we decide what to pay people - in life and in tennis?
3 ways...
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@Sorelle_Arduino
@AlexKayJelski
@sharrond62
@Martina
He should speak to an actual expert then such as Dr Emma Hilton
@fondofbeetles
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If this thread was of value to you, please re-tweet the top tweet 👇 so others can also benefit.
Thank you!
Next week at Wimbledon the Mens' champ and the Women's champ will get the same prize money.
Is that fair?
This is a GREAT chance to teach our daughters - and our sons - VITAL life-lessons.
Here's how👇
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...improve their self esteem, their school lives & their relationships
3) I've a close & collaborative relationship with my 17y/o daughter, who is well-adjusted, academically successful & wise beyond her years.
The key was
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Teach parents the distillation of the best of this wisdom, so they can pass it on to their own kids.
Thus these kids get the guidance which I never had, & which their parents never had either.
So that they too can grow to be adults who thrive in the years & decades ahead.
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90% of confidence isn't about adding anything
It's about letting go of BS beliefs in your head like "I'm stupid/ugly/weak/unloveable/not good enough".
Little kids don't have such beliefs about themselves. So they are happy in their own skins and enjoy the moment.
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I excelled academically, but struggled in most other areas.
Into my 20s and 30s I found it hard to find a clear direction in life, to make money or to form good relationships.
Age 31 I did get married and became step-father to a 10 year old boy.
But inner conflict continued
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@MichaelGLFlood
Perhaps worth noting that "ignoring someone if they refuse to have sex with you" and "being rude to someone if they refuse to have sex with you" are categorised as "sexual violence" by this survey.
Which is a bit of a stretch, wouldn't you say.
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Great example of gender-typical play.
Wife got son a pushchair cos he loves pushing things.
He has a couple of dolls and has been shown how to put them in the pushchair.
But instead he uses it to transport his favourite toy cars!
#biologicalsexdifferences
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Most parents over-stimulate their kids:
-constant correction of the child’s actions
-running commentary on what the parent is doing
-non-stop TV or music
Kids need space to observe, to figure things out for themselves, and to simply BE.
Step back, let go, watch them thrive.
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Our nearly-2-year-old has entered a new, extra-affectionate phase.
Multiple times a day he runs up with arms wide open to hug and kiss and be kissed.
If you’re unsure about having kids, do it!
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Yes, men and women are equal
But they are NOT the same.
Make sure your kids get this.
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If you exaggerate danger and assume the worst
You will be fearful!
Yet this is how most people live.
.
@PBSNewshour
:
77% of Americans think crime rose last year.
But murder showed "possibly the largest decline ever" in 2023, and preliminary data show other violent crime likely fell too.
The disconnect is examined here:
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