Katie Rich Profile Banner
Katie Rich Profile
Katie Rich

@katiemaryrich

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20,723
Following
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Statuses
1,168

nude hose/gym shoes gal on the go trying to have a lil fun before the water wars KITE MAN: HELL YEAH! on @streamonmax and HARLEY QUINN S5 coming soon!

In a World She Never Made!
Joined November 2009
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
5 years
I’m very proud of this joke and that it was said on television.
@bluestein
Greg Bluestein
5 years
“This Sunday is Mother’s Day, a holiday that Georgia is trying to make mandatory.” The @nbcsnl take on Georgia’s anti-abortion bill. #gapol
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
29 days
Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
7 years
“As the husband of a daughter...”
@BBCWorld
BBC News (World)
7 years
Woody Allen 'sad' for Weinstein
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
5 years
Happy Halloween from my pitbull dressed as Pitbull
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
A friend of mine did social media for Allstate and her job mostly consisted of deleting hundreds of womens’ vile, horny comments about the Mayhem guy.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
7 years
Not to be outdone, “In-and-Out” changed their name to “Adequate Foreplay.”
@CNN
CNN
7 years
McDonald's is celebrating #InternationalWomensDay by flipping its famous golden arches
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
2 years
This is the perfect finale to Twitter
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
7 years
From now on please refer to "The Shape of Water" as "Grinding Nemo."
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
9 months
Jesus was born via surrogate
@thehill
The Hill
9 months
Pope in major policy address calls for universal ban on surrogacy, says it exploits mother and child
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
14 days
Butker missed that extra point because he saw a woman in the crowd using a credit card.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
7 years
First let’s figure out how to arm teachers with school supplies.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
7 years
If a woman wants to see your penis she will tell you
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
6 years
Voter suppression isn't fancy or clever. It's as simple as not having power cords where Black and Brown people are likely to vote.
@AymanM
Ayman
6 years
NBC News has confirmed that the issue at Anderson Livsey Elementary in Snellville, GA was indeed a lack of power cords. Gwinnett County Director of Communications Joe Sorenson tells @NBCNews “the machine was not supplied power and was running on battery & the battery ran out” 🤔
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
Today marks five years since my mother died and I want you all to do me a big favor: If you still are able to, call your mom and ask them something about their life you’ve always wanted to know more about.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
Please read this billboard out loud when you drive by it. Love you, @ashleyn1cole
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
"Two minutes without interruption" is also how Pence describes sex.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
I know! You’re still working!
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
7 years
My Mom died a year ago today. My Dad asked if I was, “Going to put anything on the computer for Mommy” so I’ll say this: Women are fighting like always, but we’re fighting a bit louder lately. So today, & everyday, I want you broads to fight so loud Mom hears you wherever she is.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
5 years
I named our Christmas lights Jeffrey Epstein because they definitely did not hang themselves
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 months
Kamala gonna get Coyote VS Acme released
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
8 years
I sincerely apologize for the insensitive tweet. I deeply regret my actions & offensive words. It was inexcusable & I'm so sorry.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
6 years
We treat children the way we treat action figures - their value plummets once they’re out of the original packaging.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
This Matt Gaetz shit is proof you should sometimes ABSOLUTELY judge a book by its cover
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
5 years
@molly_knight HOLY SHIT
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
What I see after I make a joke on Zoom
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 months
I’ve never seen DAVE but I think we have to DAVE?
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
Hey. Why aren’t we putting more sandwiches on garlic bread?
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
Dust is the same word you use to get rid of dust
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
7 months
I know it’s not “cool” to “like” things but I think this Oscars is very good.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
Now do guns
@AP
The Associated Press
3 years
Peloton is recalling its treadmills after one child died and 29 other children suffered from cuts, broken bones and other injuries from being pulled under the rear of the treadmill.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
6 years
The entire NFL Draft could be taken care of in a quick email
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
I wish Betty White was alive to see these Divisional Playoffs
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
9 months
A great thing to do in Hollywood is immediately throw your writers under the bus!
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
6 years
For sale: gym clothes, never worn.
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Katie Rich
5 years
@malkatz Holden Caulfield
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Katie Rich
4 years
I spent years at Second City. I toured, taught, did three Mainstage shows there, hundred of corporate gigs...I hesitated to weigh in on the situation but I have decided to speak up. Buckle up (THREAD)
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
CAN SOMEONE PICK UP MY PAYCHECK?!
@wmtv15news
WMTV 15 News
4 years
STRIP CLUB OUTBREAK: A COVID-19 outbreak has been confirmed at Cruisin’ Chubbys Gentlemen's Club in Wisconsin Dells, health officials report.
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Katie Rich
6 years
@kaitlancollins Trump is also like Elvis in that he takes credit for stuff a Black person did first.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
5 years
Merry Christmas to everyone except relatives who ask why you don’t have children yet
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
Okay brilliant scientists now that you got the vaccine let’s get to work on giving dogs a human life span
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
5 years
Can someone please make an app called "Actually My Mom is Dead" that filters out all the Mother's Day ads that start earlier and earlier every year? Thanks so much!
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Katie Rich
3 years
I have some news as to what I’ve been up to the past three years…
@ChiPartyAunt
Chicago Party Aunt
3 years
Holy shit! Netflix just bought the rights to my life! Anybody have a password I can borrow?
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Katie Rich
3 years
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Katie Rich
4 years
During this pandemic, no one is coming to save us, especially not the ones in charge. Rev. Derrick DeWitt, director of the Maryland Baptist Aged Home in West Baltimore, knew that. And jumped into action in February. Absolutely incredible.
@baltimoresun
The Baltimore Sun
4 years
The oldest African-American owned and operated nursing home in the state has had no infections from coronavirus among its residents and employees, @DanRodricks writes, because its director took immediate action.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
Between the Texas abortion ruling and the flooding not a great week for folks with basements.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
CDC’s new logo is just the shrug emoji
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
2 years
A salad is a little treasure hunt for the foods you’d rather be eating
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
Today @ChiPartyAunt , a show I cocreated and cowrote and did silly voices on with a group of unbelievably wonderful people, premieres on Netflix! It would mean a lot if you watched! I stood in garbage outside Wrigley for this photo. That concludes the promo thanks for reading!
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Katie Rich
6 months
As Curb comes to an end here is my favorite interaction I had with Larry David. We were at SNL in the hallway by the stage going over cue cards for Weekend Update. Larry was doing a Bernie cameo so he was in the guest dressing room right next to us.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
Gentle reminder there was a power point presentation made by the government on how to over throw the government
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
I can’t wait to take everything I love for granted again.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
5 years
@dogfather This is an important clarification.
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Katie Rich
7 years
SNL's latest cold open is kind of over the top.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
7 years
Call. It's literally the least we can do. Murkowski: (202) 224-6665 Collins: (202) 224-2523 #GrahamCassidyKills
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
Alex Smith looks like if I drew Ryan Gosling from memory
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
My dog is all of us trying our hardest to grasp joy right now
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
6 months
And he looked at me. And looked back at the monitor. And then back at me. He shrugged shoulder and said, “Nah.” And turned around to sit quietly in his dressing room. It was the perfect interaction.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
First time the story of a middle aged man moving to Florida to start over ended well
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
The pizza delivery guys in Utah #LastDance
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Katie Rich
4 years
Alexa, show me Chicago
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Katie Rich
4 years
What are they selling, insulin?
@fspielman
Fran Spielman
4 years
Lightfoot says people can earn $30K to $50K a day on corners selling drugs. That's why drug dealers put young people without records on the corner to "do their dirty work...Kids who have a future. Kids who have a life....We've got to do something to stop that." That's why sweeps
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
Remember nothing you purchase today will fill the void in your life caused by your refusal to do the necessary work on yourself lol
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
6 years
Mothers’ Day is tough. Please help me raise money for women who depend on @_MealsOnWheels Women who no longer have spouses, siblings, friends or children. Donate in your mother’s honor or memory to elderly Chicagoans who would otherwise be hungry & alone.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
What’s everyone giving up for Lent? And don’t say homework!!!!!
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Katie Rich
5 years
Small reminder that when you make a joke about how much you hate yourself your heart doesn’t know it’s a joke and it breaks a little.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
About to take the biggest gamble of all - a 7 pm nap
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
5 years
@dog_feelings This is duck. He has floof that falls out but I love him.
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Katie Rich
4 years
Okay but Trump still has a shot at winning the NFC East
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
2 years
I was on the Speech Team in high school and it just hit me how insane that was - a bunch of 14 year olds in head-to-toe business casual doing plays about the Holocaust and getting divorced.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
Wow a lot of Texans are going to be pissed in a week when they get their power back and hear about this.
@VaughnHillyard
Vaughn Hillyard
4 years
New Statement from @tedcruz :
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Katie Rich
5 years
Quarantine is teaching us so much about our partners! For example, today I learned my husband puts his toothbrush in the dishwasher!
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
7 years
A lot of women named Connie are getting pregnant tonight. #eagles
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
5 years
Reminder! When it’s this hot don’t forget to bring a water or cold pop to anyone who is working outside your home, like mail carriers or landscapers.
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Katie Rich
3 years
He didn’t volunteer as tribute in the fucking Hunger Games you ghoul.
@alexmoeflo
Alex Moe
3 years
. @SpeakerPelosi speaking at presser with CBC: Thank you George Floyd for sacrificing your life for justice...Because of you and because of thousands, millions of people around the world who came out for justice, your name will always be synonymous for justice.
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Katie Rich
11 months
“Cancel my afternoon!” I yell to no one from my bed
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
5 years
As the Nonsense Men throw another tantrum, this woman looks skyward, hoping the beam of light surrounding her is an escape hatch to another World.
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Katie Rich
3 months
Now that he doesn’t have to worry about reelection how about taking full advantage of those official actions SCOTUS said are totally fine to do
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Katie Rich
7 years
Great group of people to party with.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
Oh my God before they went to bed my child said to me “I hope Santa brings everyone N95s instead of AK-47s” ❤️
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
6 years
White people will set up news crews in a Category 4 hurricane but won’t go anywhere in Chicago south of 35th street.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
A comedian’s job is to write jokes that get laughs such that the laughs form the shape of the person in high school that wouldn’t fuck them and then they take those jokes and stab those laughs in the throat hope this helps
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
This menthol cigarette ban is my family's potato famine.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
7 months
I did part of Katie Britt’s sex trafficking monologue for a Chicago Med audition
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
Q: Who is Aaron Burr’s favorite NBA player? A: RIP Hamilton.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
7 years
Sweet angel @chancetherapper is a light in this World that you can watch on @nbcsnl tonight
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Katie Rich
4 months
Someone in the 400 section drop shit on him
@diehldave
Dave Diehl
4 months
Dave Matthews at the Cubs game!!
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
And MLK died from the cigarette he smoked on the balcony
@MatthewACherry
Matthew A. Cherry
4 years
The fix is in. Fuck this shit.
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Katie Rich
4 years
I have never finished an entire can of La Croix
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
5 years
Elizabeth Warren showed us tonight that sometimes the best weapon is a simple follow up question.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
Look, some days you feel okay and capable and other days you take one of your dog's painkillers at 2PM.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
6 years
Same, but with uteruses.
@CNET
CNET
6 years
. @RepAdamSchiff says lawmakers need to learn technology to legislate
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
6 years
Wear the t-shirts. Make the signs. Volunteer. Run for office. Make calls. Stay focused. But the most tangible way to help is to be respectful and kind to the people around you every single day.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
8 years
PLEASE BE ALL DOGS PLEASE BE ALL DOGS
@NASA
NASA
8 years
Around a nearby, cold, small star we found 7 rocky Earth-size planets, all of which could have liquid water - key to life as we know it.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
5 years
Gentle reminder that - if you can - order take out/delivery directly from the restaurant’s website. Delivery services often take upwards of 30% from the restaurant. Now go order a damn pizza like a true patriot!
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
Please don’t cancel me but fast food is always better in taste and quality the further you get from a big city.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
6 years
Go to this website right now and donate $25. You'll be entered in a raffle. If you win, you get to go to @nbcsnl for $25. If you lose a family gets to eat dinner for a week.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
6 years
@shannoncoulter @bengreenfield @snopes There is still a lot of information that should be considered before making these generalizations. Check out this super helpful site
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
3 years
I once worked with an athlete who said the 2017 Hurricane season was caused by the government & when I asked if they meant because the government was not doing enough to combat climate change they said “No, like the government has buttons they push” anyway that’s all for today!
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Katie Rich
7 years
Remember - if we were going to blame Alabamians for a Roy Moore win, let’s not forget to thank them for this Roy Moore loss.
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@katiemaryrich
Katie Rich
4 years
Wait until folks outraged about Lil Nas X’s shoes find out New Balance 624’s have a lil bit of cum in the soles
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