Katie Rich
@katiemaryrich
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Following
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108
Statuses
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nude hose/gym shoes gal on the go trying to have a lil fun before the water wars KITE MAN: HELL YEAH! on @streamonmax and HARLEY QUINN S5 coming soon!
In a World She Never Made!
Joined November 2009
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Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.
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“As the husband of a daughter...”
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A friend of mine did social media for Allstate and her job mostly consisted of deleting hundreds of womens’ vile, horny comments about the Mayhem guy.
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Not to be outdone, “In-and-Out” changed their name to “Adequate Foreplay.”
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From now on please refer to "The Shape of Water" as "Grinding Nemo."
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Jesus was born via surrogate
Pope in major policy address calls for universal ban on surrogacy, says it exploits mother and child
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Butker missed that extra point because he saw a woman in the crowd using a credit card.
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First let’s figure out how to arm teachers with school supplies.
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Voter suppression isn't fancy or clever. It's as simple as not having power cords where Black and Brown people are likely to vote.
NBC News has confirmed that the issue at Anderson Livsey Elementary in Snellville, GA was indeed a lack of power cords. Gwinnett County Director of Communications Joe Sorenson tells
@NBCNews
“the machine was not supplied power and was running on battery & the battery ran out” 🤔
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Today marks five years since my mother died and I want you all to do me a big favor: If you still are able to, call your mom and ask them something about their life you’ve always wanted to know more about.
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"Two minutes without interruption" is also how Pence describes sex.
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My Mom died a year ago today. My Dad asked if I was, “Going to put anything on the computer for Mommy” so I’ll say this: Women are fighting like always, but we’re fighting a bit louder lately. So today, & everyday, I want you broads to fight so loud Mom hears you wherever she is.
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I named our Christmas lights Jeffrey Epstein because they definitely did not hang themselves
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I sincerely apologize for the insensitive tweet. I deeply regret my actions & offensive words. It was inexcusable & I'm so sorry.
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We treat children the way we treat action figures - their value plummets once they’re out of the original packaging.
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This Matt Gaetz shit is proof you should sometimes ABSOLUTELY judge a book by its cover
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Hey. Why aren’t we putting more sandwiches on garlic bread?
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I know it’s not “cool” to “like” things but I think this Oscars is very good.
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Now do guns
Peloton is recalling its treadmills after one child died and 29 other children suffered from cuts, broken bones and other injuries from being pulled under the rear of the treadmill.
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The entire NFL Draft could be taken care of in a quick email
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I wish Betty White was alive to see these Divisional Playoffs
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A great thing to do in Hollywood is immediately throw your writers under the bus!
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I spent years at Second City. I toured, taught, did three Mainstage shows there, hundred of corporate gigs...I hesitated to weigh in on the situation but I have decided to speak up. Buckle up (THREAD)
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CAN SOMEONE PICK UP MY PAYCHECK?!
STRIP CLUB OUTBREAK: A COVID-19 outbreak has been confirmed at Cruisin’ Chubbys Gentlemen's Club in Wisconsin Dells, health officials report.
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@kaitlancollins
Trump is also like Elvis in that he takes credit for stuff a Black person did first.
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Merry Christmas to everyone except relatives who ask why you don’t have children yet
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Okay brilliant scientists now that you got the vaccine let’s get to work on giving dogs a human life span
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Can someone please make an app called "Actually My Mom is Dead" that filters out all the Mother's Day ads that start earlier and earlier every year? Thanks so much!
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I have some news as to what I’ve been up to the past three years…
Holy shit! Netflix just bought the rights to my life! Anybody have a password I can borrow?
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During this pandemic, no one is coming to save us, especially not the ones in charge. Rev. Derrick DeWitt, director of the Maryland Baptist Aged Home in West Baltimore, knew that. And jumped into action in February. Absolutely incredible.
The oldest African-American owned and operated nursing home in the state has had no infections from coronavirus among its residents and employees,
@DanRodricks
writes, because its director took immediate action.
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Between the Texas abortion ruling and the flooding not a great week for folks with basements.
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A salad is a little treasure hunt for the foods you’d rather be eating
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Today
@ChiPartyAunt
, a show I cocreated and cowrote and did silly voices on with a group of unbelievably wonderful people, premieres on Netflix! It would mean a lot if you watched! I stood in garbage outside Wrigley for this photo. That concludes the promo thanks for reading!
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As Curb comes to an end here is my favorite interaction I had with Larry David. We were at SNL in the hallway by the stage going over cue cards for Weekend Update. Larry was doing a Bernie cameo so he was in the guest dressing room right next to us.
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Gentle reminder there was a power point presentation made by the government on how to over throw the government
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I can’t wait to take everything I love for granted again.
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Call. It's literally the least we can do.
Murkowski: (202) 224-6665
Collins: (202) 224-2523
#GrahamCassidyKills
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My dog is all of us trying our hardest to grasp joy right now
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And he looked at me. And looked back at the monitor. And then back at me. He shrugged shoulder and said, “Nah.” And turned around to sit quietly in his dressing room.
It was the perfect interaction.
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First time the story of a middle aged man moving to Florida to start over ended well
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What are they selling, insulin?
Lightfoot says people can earn $30K to $50K a day on corners selling drugs. That's why drug dealers put young people without records on the corner to "do their dirty work...Kids who have a future. Kids who have a life....We've got to do something to stop that." That's why sweeps
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Remember nothing you purchase today will fill the void in your life caused by your refusal to do the necessary work on yourself lol
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Mothers’ Day is tough. Please help me raise money for women who depend on
@_MealsOnWheels
Women who no longer have spouses, siblings, friends or children. Donate in your mother’s honor or memory to elderly Chicagoans who would otherwise be hungry & alone.
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What’s everyone giving up for Lent? And don’t say homework!!!!!
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Small reminder that when you make a joke about how much you hate yourself your heart doesn’t know it’s a joke and it breaks a little.
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I was on the Speech Team in high school and it just hit me how insane that was - a bunch of 14 year olds in head-to-toe business casual doing plays about the Holocaust and getting divorced.
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Wow a lot of Texans are going to be pissed in a week when they get their power back and hear about this.
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Quarantine is teaching us so much about our partners! For example, today I learned my husband puts his toothbrush in the dishwasher!
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Reminder! When it’s this hot don’t forget to bring a water or cold pop to anyone who is working outside your home, like mail carriers or landscapers.
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He didn’t volunteer as tribute in the fucking Hunger Games you ghoul.
.
@SpeakerPelosi
speaking at presser with CBC: Thank you George Floyd for sacrificing your life for justice...Because of you and because of thousands, millions of people around the world who came out for justice, your name will always be synonymous for justice.
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As the Nonsense Men throw another tantrum, this woman looks skyward, hoping the beam of light surrounding her is an escape hatch to another World.
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Now that he doesn’t have to worry about reelection how about taking full advantage of those official actions SCOTUS said are totally fine to do
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Oh my God before they went to bed my child said to me “I hope Santa brings everyone N95s instead of AK-47s” ❤️
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White people will set up news crews in a Category 4 hurricane but won’t go anywhere in Chicago south of 35th street.
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A comedian’s job is to write jokes that get laughs such that the laughs form the shape of the person in high school that wouldn’t fuck them and then they take those jokes and stab those laughs in the throat hope this helps
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I did part of Katie Britt’s sex trafficking monologue for a Chicago Med audition
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Q: Who is Aaron Burr’s favorite NBA player?
A: RIP Hamilton.
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Sweet angel
@chancetherapper
is a light in this World that you can watch on
@nbcsnl
tonight
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Someone in the 400 section drop shit on him
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And MLK died from the cigarette he smoked on the balcony
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Elizabeth Warren showed us tonight that sometimes the best weapon is a simple follow up question.
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Look, some days you feel okay and capable and other days you take one of your dog's painkillers at 2PM.
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Same, but with uteruses.
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Wear the t-shirts. Make the signs. Volunteer. Run for office. Make calls. Stay focused. But the most tangible way to help is to be respectful and kind to the people around you every single day.
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PLEASE BE ALL DOGS PLEASE BE ALL DOGS
Around a nearby, cold, small star we found 7 rocky Earth-size planets, all of which could have liquid water - key to life as we know it.
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Gentle reminder that - if you can - order take out/delivery directly from the restaurant’s website. Delivery services often take upwards of 30% from the restaurant. Now go order a damn pizza like a true patriot!
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Please don’t cancel me but fast food is always better in taste and quality the further you get from a big city.
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Go to this website right now and donate $25. You'll be entered in a raffle. If you win, you get to go to
@nbcsnl
for $25. If you lose a family gets to eat dinner for a week.
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@shannoncoulter
@bengreenfield
@snopes
There is still a lot of information that should be considered before making these generalizations. Check out this super helpful site
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I once worked with an athlete who said the 2017 Hurricane season was caused by the government & when I asked if they meant because the government was not doing enough to combat climate change they said “No, like the government has buttons they push” anyway that’s all for today!
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Remember - if we were going to blame Alabamians for a Roy Moore win, let’s not forget to thank them for this Roy Moore loss.
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Wait until folks outraged about Lil Nas X’s shoes find out New Balance 624’s have a lil bit of cum in the soles
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