Me: I would like some Girl Scout cookies. Clint: I’ve got a Thin Mint for ya.

I can’t stop singing the “and I shall go and fetch the water” song from The Jungle Book.

My mother is CONVINCED that I need to have a bassinet. Our room is small. The crib is going to be 20 feet away from our bed, anyway, since the rooms are so close. I remain unconvinced that I need a separate piece of furniture that he’s only going to sleep in for a few weeks.

I show people things on my phone way too much to have this privacy screen protector.

I wish I loved anything as much as my neighbor loves his loudass snowblower.

I put blueberries in my frosted mini wheats this morning. Follow me for more health tips.

@PastorTrey05 “Ned Flanders with less swag” I am HOWLING.

RT @wydbanx: This is how white people tell history.

Happy Birthday, Abraham Lincoln.

RT @mahaaaay: saying “allen iverson?” really loudly when people mention AI

RT @buffys: only twitter and gulf of mexico are allowed to be deadnamed

RT @PastorTrey05: Some grouch mocked earlier that everyone was welcome at “my” church (it’s Jesus’ church, btw. I just get to be there.) ex…

RT @David_Leavitt: It’s the same picture

RT @kennykeil: “Kendrick made white conservatives mad” ok but so did teletubbies. it’s not hard

RT @newvangelicals: The irony of Sunday school teachers warning you about false gods—only to see them bow to Trump years later https://t.co…

Gonna have to have a huge talk with my emotionally immature parent and set boundaries before my son gets here and I am just noooooot pumped about it.

RT @cosmepolitics:

My mother going over drop off plans for the dogs for their grooming appointment in minute detail like I don’t have a key to their house and can’t just put them in there and leave.

RT @SirOstapBender: Guys like this are now running the federal government

This baby is trying to tell me to get bangs. Absolutely not, child.