Andy McKeown
@juventudmckeown
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584
Following
398
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Drop these 'bows like Dusty Rhodes | An S&C guy | @HoustonDash
Houston, TX
Joined February 2013
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We once signed a player whose spine was shattered into a million pieces. We currently need to pay players to leave because they've been so bad we can't actually sell them. And our squad-management over the last 7 years has somehow still been less shambolic than Barcelona's.
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Glasgow Celtic, it's been a slice. For most of the last 3 years this team was basically my life, and I'm proud that I got to do what I love with that staff and those players. Keep bringing the ruckus.
My heroes. My mates.
🍀
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@DragonflyJonez
It's a Scottish person who's made the original tweet. As a Scottish person myself I can honestly say I've never seen anyone running around here with baked ribs in a pizza box. I'm deeply sorry you've had to see this. I apologise on behalf of my people.
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Not a single thing better than going absolutely full blown tap aff ballistic in the 98th minute of a fitba game. Not a single thing.
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In Europe, we bring the ruckus.
Get your passports out✈️🇪🇺
A big one today for those who couldn't be here, we'll see you lot soon!💚
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Just chillin', man. Might sleep well and errrrrrrything.
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Yer crackpot Andy Sr. here, who's 90, has been in a spinal unit for four months. He's kicked gallstones and pneumonia twice, then five weeks ago he tested positive for the Big Rona. This morning he kicked that as well. A true heidbanger. Will be bringing the ruckus again shortly.
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Alex Scott's one of the best pundits on TV while Matt Le Tissier is standing outside yer local Aldi with a megaphone and fake moustache saying The Big Rona One-Nine vaccine gave him whooping cough. Love to see that, so ye dae.
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Had porridge for breakfast on a stag weekend once and the other degenerates I was with called me Daniel Purridge for the next two days.
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Peace out to a real yin. Taught me how to fight, how to drive, how to ride a bike, how to bake a lasagne. Crabbitest dug in recorded history and a certified G. And an all around Good Boay.
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Loved every minute of my time at this club. Genuinely a massive part of my life for the last two years and I couldn't have asked to work with a better group of coaches, or to coach a better group of players. It's been a slice. Last one for the road: clear eyes, full hearts...
Staff Update |
@juventudmckeown
🥺
Our best wishes to S+C Coach Andy McKeown who departs the club today to start a full time PhD.
We have much to thank you for & you will be sorely missed. A Club Legend.
Good bye and good luck 😢🥺
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Warriors. My heroes, my mates.
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I'm obviously never serious on this daft app, but yer
@accieswfc
troops have, no word of a lie, produced the best gift I've received since my Ravishing Rick Rude action figure in 1993. Exemplary use of "degenerates" there as well. A top-drawer fitba club.
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Extremely well-dressed pitch invaders at the Celtic. Fashion icons.
#PinkBibUltras
📹 𝓕𝓻𝓪𝓷 𝓒𝓪𝓶 👀
Manager
@FranAlonsoFA
celebrating with the fans after Chance's equaliser against Glasgow City 🙌
#CelitcFC
🍀
#OneClub
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The
@accieswfc
#troops
have truly come through in the clutch and gifted yer man with a lockdown miracle (24 miracles in total). Thanks, team. Will scud these and then set about storming Olympus.
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Yer
@accieswfc
coming through in the clutch with one last golden goal screamer. Been hunted from the group chats for a minute now so here's my public show of gratitude. Thanks, troops. It truly is a Red (and white) Stripe Friday.
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Decent way to spend a Wednesday night, that. As gutsy as you could ever ask for. The auld voice might even be back by Sunday.
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I obviously talk 90% nonsense on this app, but actually being serious for once in my life I don't think I could be any prouder of this group of players. Their patter may be questionable but their commitment never is. Catch ye in July. Bring the passport.
💫HISTORY MAKERS!💫
It finishes 8-0 in Airdrie and we have qualified for the
@UWCL
for the first time in our history!😭 Come on you Ghirls in Green!💚
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On Wednesdays, we bring the ruckus.
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Yer man here absolutely gubbed after a day of chasing sticks and hurling abuse at pigeons. A well-earned three points; will go again the morra.
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I refuse to believe anything about this Mustafi nonsense until he's in Shalke blue on the halfway line frantically backpedaling after horribly misjudging the flight of an opposition goal kick.
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Made up for the
#troops
. A top drawer squad of people, and they can fair kick a fitba about as well.
ACCIES ARE GOING UP 🔴⚪️
Accies 3-0 Kilmarnock
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Is that Pep in the City dugout or Unai Emery in a swimming cap?
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@kierantierney1
Kieran you're my son's hero, he's 28 and tonight he's asked me if I'll shave your face into my chest hair and all I could say is, "son, it would be my absolute pleasure."
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From the green and white side of Glasgow to the orange and black side of Houston. Getting to throw down some cones on a pitch like that even makes the three dozen questionable attempts at a Scottish accent tolerable. You know who you are.
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Yer no.9
@DionneB19150846
started it last night, so for
#lockdown2020
the goal is every player in the
@accieswfc
squad hitting perfect backflips by 2021. It's still the jumping over sticks stage. It's a process.
@meganquigleyyy
has volunteered to be next (please forgive my face).
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That'll be yer ruckus well and truly brought then.
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On Sundays, we look at spreadsheets. On Mondays, we still look at spreadsheets. He knows nothing, but pretends he knows lots. So does the dug.
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Got another dug. Welcome to Ruckusville, Hector the Barbarian.
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If ye think bribing me with a sixer is enough to get you out the bleep test...you're probably right.
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Yer man's face when he knows he's about to make a terrible mistake.
And then yer man's face when he's reconciling that he has in fact absolutely made a terrible mistake.
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That famous Anfield atmosphere was fairly rocking tonight. At one point we got a goal kick and I heard a ball boy accuse Gabriel of stealing Firmino's teeth. Deafening.
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That'll be yer master's well and truly
#dusted
then. Only took me about fourteen year. An eternity for a man whose liver is on borrowed time. Might break out the bouncy castle for my 11 o clock session.
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I won't be taking the vaccine when it's available, let me tell ye. I won't be DUPED by billionaires into taking something that doesn't work. In fact I'll be on Facebook Live explaining why it's a big scam, right after I scud this Herbalife shake I paid £90 for.
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Don't know this Andrew McKeown cat they're talking about but he sounds well smart and probably mega sound as well.
We are delighted to announce a new partnership with
@CelticFCWomen
🤝
UWS will work closely with the players, undertaking ground-breaking research into the science of elite women’s football ⚽️
Read more about the new partnership here:
@CelticFC
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Yer man Hank here, ready to bring the ruckus. Greenwood Plaza will never be the same again.
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Yer man
@keevakeenan_97
there clearly amused as I chase a first touch (mine) into the stands. Should've stayed in retirement. Sick ae it.
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We call it Tap Aff Weather 💁♀️
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@DragonflyJonez
Even as a Scottish man I'm not about to defend any of that, especially considering everything will get deep fried here, but it also must be about the worst example of already questionable things imaginable. Would be like taking ribs cooked on a radiator and calling it barbecue.
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One of the very best. Working under Gary at Accies is still one of the most enjoyable and rewarding periods of my career, in part because of the autonomy he afforded me to operate as an S&C. An unbelievable servant to the women's game in Scotland.
𝗚𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗗𝗼𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻
We can announce that Manager Gary Doctor will step down following next weeks Playoff Match.
We are now accepting CV applications for Head Coach, closing Friday June 2nd at 5pm.
📧 accieswfc
@gmail
.com
Full Statement below in images.
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Aye, so yer man here (it's me, not big Idris) is dusting off the business cards. Look, I'm really bad at self-promoting. I never come across as being serious and generally feel weird asking people to give me money, which is obviously counterproductive from a business standpoint.
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I would take a grenade to the face for The Big Man and it was obviously time for him to go at the end. But it's some laugh that we're now 15th talking about how important stability is when stability before had lunatics in their nappies protesting for change outside the ground.
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Say hello to Juventud McKeown Jr. Born June 11th with a head full of hair and a head full of teeth. Excellent patter already. Can probably ace the cartwheel.
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Fully weeping in the discatheque, me.
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@AFC_Islington74
"What have you ever actually achieved in your life?" Asked the fella in his Nissan Primera, about the Spanish international footballer earning several hundred grand a month at the age of 23 (or maybe he was still 22 at the time).
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Literally crying in the discatheque right now.
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Old Men Can't Jump - in theatres 2021.
(or more likely straight to Netflix*)
*VHS
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Outstanding from the lot of them. My heroes, my mates.
Full time and it's a valiant effort from the Celts in a historic night for the club, one game left out in Norway now with Minsk up on Saturday.
What an achievement Ghirls, you've done the club proud💚
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As a pace-merchant it pains me to admit that Rachael is now probably quicker than me. Almost definitely rocking a stronger ACL as well. Proud of how she's worked at getting back to fitness the last few months; even more proud of how she's dealt with my patter.
✍🏻 |
#WelcomeRachael
👋🏻
We are thrilled to announce the signing of defender
@rachael_oneill3
.
Rachael joins us after leaving Celtic and working over the last few months with
@juventudmckeown
during her injury recovery.
🔴Welcome to Accies Rachael ⚪️
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Yer man Pepe here, ready to boot arses and chew bubblegum.
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Irrespective of any pointless GOAT debates, one thing Maradona has over everybody is that at 5 foot 4 he punched it in the net over a 6 foot Tory at full stretch. A real yin to the very end.
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@rubberjohnny10
@KnockOutVlnes
@kevin9barr
Hahaha, look at his face when he did it as well. He knew that cameraman. That cameraman had wronged him before.
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Look at what I'm dealing wae. Absolutely look at the nick ae it.
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They only went and slapped yer man about the face with an A. Donno about the rest of you but I'll be attending training later in my swimwear. Bring yer snorkel, troops.
That'll be yer master's well and truly
#dusted
then. Only took me about fourteen year. An eternity for a man whose liver is on borrowed time. Might break out the bouncy castle for my 11 o clock session.
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Yer man Andy senior here ready for a mad yin. My maw's made me promise not to challenge him to a fight at the table this year but before the night's through I'll have claimed my rightful place as family patriarch. Witness.
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@kickarseHD
I've come back to this tweet at least forty times now and still can't get over it.
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Cannae believe somebody convinced yer man
@Kirstiemac8
to get out her bed for some shuttles in a tsunami.
(and that's 2m btw).
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In 2020 I got a First Class on a Master's degree and started a business that, as of yet, I haven't run into the ground. But I also spent an inordinate amout of time drinking tins in bed while listening to Kenny Chesney. It's a red for me, Clive. Happy 2021.
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Troops. Yer man (I'm yer man) has done a madness and started a strength and conditioning thing. An endeavour, we'll call it. Hate to be that guy, but do me favour and drop a retweet/like/follow/whatever ye fancy, eh? I'll name my firstborn after ye.
I can't promise I'll have you lifting mountains or beating cheetahs in a foot race, but I'll surely take a swing at it. If you're looking for sport-specific strength and conditioning coaching, get in touch!
(I'm sound, I promise)
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The fitba's pish so here's the dug eating a tattie aff a fork.
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I hear this lot are sound. Apparently their last S&C coach had a hoot working with them as well. Might be worth looking into for somebody. Don't let me tell you what to do though, I'm just a pretty face.
RECRUITING | S+C Coach 🏋️♀️⚽️
We are recruiting a Strength snd Conditioning coach to work with our 1st Team (including match days) and Performance Academy Teams.
CV and expression of interest to:
📧 accieswfc
@gmail
.com
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Heidbanger Andy Sr is oot the hospital and back in the shire. There goes yer neighbourhood.
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I'm never serious on this daft app, but being genuine for once this was an honest to god 1970 Brazil performance and at least three of these goals could win the Puskás.
Full Time | Glasgow Girls 0-5 Accies
A dominant Accies display sees a return to winning ways for
@GaryDoctor1
side.
Reaction to follow.
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A Rui Manuel César Costa compilation video on the timeline, is it?
All this is nice but he didn’t get loads of goals & assists so he’s overrated
That’s where we are at now with football & it’s pathetic
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Five minutes yer man lasted in his cage. One yelp and he's up helping me put together a hypertrophy block. I've been defeated on the very first night.
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There yer Ballon d'Or
@amy_anderson97
absolutely causing it. Player of the year? Completed it mate. What a player (there yer winger of the year blotto as well).
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Joey Barton watching this absolutely seething because people are applauding it even though there are perfectly good dolphins out there who could do it faster.
This video of Katie Ledecky balancing a glass of chocolate milk on her head WHILE SWIMMING will always be impressive. 👏
(🎥
@katieledecky
)
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I'm gonae need to wash off this tramp stamp and go pick up my motor and let me tell ye, yer man (me; I'm yer man) is in nae state to be doing either of those things.
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Has to be Shawn Michaels maintaining that, while he may be a sexy boy, he is not, in fact, your boy toy.
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Day nine hundred and thirty two of
#lockdown2020
, my only company is now the dug and my ninja stick. This nonsense on one leg was some laugh. Waiting for
@teigan_7
to show us up again and somehow do it on no legs at all.
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Enjoyed being back out on a fitba pitch. Putting down cones, setting out a few medicine balls, a couple somersaults for the patter, kidding on I know what I'm talking about. A good time all around; would do it again the morra.
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Aesthetically, very much a day for ruckus.
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How can a creature so meagre produce such an endless supply of pish?
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Yer new away kit is confirmed hot boy summer. An absolute scorcher of embroidery and knitsmanship.
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