Julie Poptart
@juliepoptart
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Let he who has not masturbated in a Barnes & Noble cast the first stone
Brooklyn/NC
Joined September 2010
My boyfriend’s daughter kept saying “You’re so skinny!” while touching my belly and legs and finally I was like “what do you think that means?” and she said, “you have a lot of skin”.
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On a roadtrip w/my boyfriend. Within 15 minutes of entering Mississippi we got pulled over for “improper lane use,” driving in the left lane instead of passing. Once pulled he says he needs my bf to step out of the car “for safety” bc there’s two of us and one of him.
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On the citation for race the officer filled in white. My boyfriend is Filipino, they were talking for a long time. This is not a mistake my bf said anyone has ever made. It feels to me like a way to disguise racial profiling/make it not so obvious in the officer’s record of stops.
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The whole thing was terrifying despite being on paper “not a big deal” (not arrested or fined) and I hate the police and you should do. Police are terrorists! We listened to N.W.A to decompress which I highly recommend. Love ya.
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There were no other mistakes on the citation. I am curious if anyone else has ever had this happen to them, a non-white person getting their race marked as white on a ticket.
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I am watching in the rear view window when I hear him say, “I’m going to search your car, okay?” I say out of the window, “We don’t consent to a search” he says “That doesn’t matter”.
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Feeling this kind of terror for 30-35 minutes was horrific and I think it’s unspeakable that the country we have built forces black parents to feel this constantly. It’s not eloquent but I wanted to acknowledge that even in this situation I was privileged.
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Later my bf told me when they walked back he said, “I want you to be really honest with me. Do you have drugs? Am I going to find any drugs if I search your car? It smells like marijuana which is probable cause” and he asked many times if he had any weapons.
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He let us go with a warning, very soon after I started filming. I was nervous to before because I didn’t want to do anything to escalate, we just wanted to leave. But later we looked at the citation and saw something.
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It’s immediately clear he either doesn’t know how to work with the dog or do this at all. The dog is pulling around him, jumping, and barking, going every which way. It keeps jumping and he pushes us away from him/off him pretty hard.
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This is the video I started to take right after he pushed the dog
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He then took his license in the police car and had us wait on the side of the highway (me in the passenger seat my boyfriend outside) for 12-15 minutes, it was 92 degrees according to the car.
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Finally he came out with a dog. He asked me to wait on the side with my boyfriend. He asked us again if we had weapons or drugs in the car many times. He tries to bring the dog to our car.
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A last thought: the thing I kept thinking while we were waiting for 15 min over & over was how this is the person I love most in the world and this man could do something to jeopardize or hurt him for no reason, if he felt like it. Bc of my white privilege, this is a rare feeling.
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Me: *Beep boop beep*.My microwave: So, you want the bowl to be the temperature of the sun and the food to still be cold in some parts and barely warm in others?.Me: No that's-.Microwave: It is done.
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It’s insane how easy he makes this look vs. how hard I know it is. You know when you watch figure skating at the Olympics and they’re so effortless you have a moment of, “I could do it” . this is that for jokes. Olympic level shit.
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I’m 32 and my knees have started to hurt. Is this the end for me?.
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Honestly it's a little funny that 'virtue signaling' as a concept exists bc it means that white people are so bad, when we seem to be good people are suspicious.
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Do not understand the disdain some morning people have for night owls. You need us! “I love the morning bc it’s so quiet” it’s quiet because we’re asleep. And I love the night bc you’re asleep. Everyone should not be awake at the same time.
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At my funeral I want everyone to share something they loved about me but also one grievance. I think it would be very funny and cathartic. It could help with sadness too like, yes we miss her she was great but there’s some upsides here.
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Wore a bra for two seconds today to go to the post office and honestly it was disgusting. How do people expect me to live like this.
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@daijiahvu @RebelleCunt @GLOSSYDIA Ok but how his first instinct is to ask if the other person is ok?? I actually love that.
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John C. Reilly has been in What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Boogie Nights, The Thin Red Line, Magnolia, Gangs of New York, Chicago, The Aviator, We Need to Talk About Kevin, & The Lobster but bc he's funny & doesn't look like Jon Hamm he gets no respect as a serious actor? Not right.
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Here's my review of Sex Education, a British Netflix original series with two seasons about the bodies and emotions of high schoolers. Loved it, didn't want it to end.
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Men's Fragrances:. -I Fucked a Shard of Glass Once.-Bear.-Mountain Top.-Mean Rain.-Plant That's Not Gay.-Wolf Beard.-Girls in College Are Sex Dolls .-Jalepenõ Wet Dream.-The Sound of Music Was Good But We Can't Talk About It.-Steak.-Leather Truck.-Abercrombie & Fitch 10 Years Ago.
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“Joaquin Phoenix won a golden Globe and now he got nominated for the Oscars. Did you see the movie he’s in? Clown or whatever?” -My dad, who should be protected at all costs.
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@rat_dyke I showed this to my mom and she laughed and then said who said that? I had to say “rat dyke”.
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If you liked this tweet but were like, "I wish this talked more about how capitalism is bad" you should subscribe to my free newsletter!
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If stores made clothes that fit me and there were people who looked like me in movies falling in love, I would never think about my weight.
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My mom wrote a post about doing puzzles & framing them and my dad commented, "I have come to believe gluing puzzles & mounting them for display is a futile attempt to deny their (and our) transitory existence. Eventually, everything gets dismantled and returned to the box. Scott".
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Weird when you see a kid you used to babysit. Because I wanted money when I was 13 now it’s possible for me to meet a 22 year old that i know nothing about but I’ve given a bath.
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Paris Hilton has a section on her Wikipedia page 7 paragraphs long titled, "Resurgence as a DJ, 2012–2017".
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@holyswackamoly -Thinks drinking gin makes him an intellectual.-Spends money on cigars instead of therapy.-Wants a surprise party but would never ask.
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Which job is more abusive, one that in a posting says they're looking for someone "badass" or "rockstars?".
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@digipenmom @BlackBernieBabe Jenise, this is tacky. Here’s a person talking about their experience with someone they knew, and you’re hypothesizing that you know better or more. Your voice wasn’t needed here.
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@ShaqKatzner “One of the best decisions I ever made was to invest in myself so I decided to sell jewelry with Premier Designs. I set my own hours, have free website that customers can order from. This business helped me buy groceries, pay for football, pay some bills. Let me know!!”.
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@californiabarby This is so upsetting for everything already mentioned but the book Radium Girls is about when workers were discovering radium poisoning & they kept dying and this is exactly what that company did to evade responsibility for literal decades. Disgusting how it hasn’t changed.
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9 applause breaks in 2 minutes and 20 seconds are you fucking kidding me.
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Now that likes are private wanted to make sure everyone to knew I liked this one.
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My dad: “Georgia might declare for Biden tonight, and if they do that’s all he needs. If that happens you should tweet: ‘The American people to Trump: You’re fired!”.
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Me? Just googling world’s largest indoor swimming pools, thinking about how I have to pay taxes on unemployment
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@steph_mcca Hey steph I really appreciated this tweet. The w**** f**** salad bar is a place of no rules and unlimited kinds of olives and I almost forgot that.
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Night pancakes: pancakes you make at night but also spiritual.
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The pain of a child is more real than yours because they’re not trying to minimize it every second they’re just feeling it in full. And that’s why all children should be allowed to smoke cigarettes.
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Isn’t it funny Amazon is so evil that Walmart seems fine now.
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For a generation whose favorite movies in middle school were V for Vendetta and Fight Club I feel like we’re doing a terrible job under fascism.
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Joe Rogan is like if you gave a boxing glove mushrooms then showed it YouTube 9/11 conspiracy videos.
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Every movie should have a musical montage of the characters trying on a lot of different clothes. Horror movies, war dramas, biopics, etc.
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I need to say something. Tonight I went to Cookout & was moved to order a Butterfingers & blueberry milkshake. At the window they all gathered said they wanted to see me try. I took a bite & it was DELICIOUS. Like a pb&j crunch. I said “Tell people about this” & they said We will.
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"Just make it anyway" -the inventors of the air hand dryer after trying it for the first time.
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The fact that the song she’s singing is about an ever present but never satisfied audience who consumes her as a product not a person…and the reaction to it was the media criticizing her body & performance…ironic & meta self-aware queen.
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The Frankie Muniez/Lizzo tweet was this year’s Amanda Bynes ‘I want Drake to murder my pussy.’ Excited for next year when the girl from Spy Kids tells Travis Scott she does anal.
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I think ‘pumping iron’ is a cool way to say you have period sex.
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Why do I think Gatorade heals me? What literal marketing genius is responsible for that? My boyfriend got covid and I was grocery shopping and was like, "better get some blue gatorade so I don't get sick" ?? Not even a flavor, just "blue".
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the closest i've ever been to 'living off the land' is the time i read Hatchet in 4th grade and was so engrossed i didn't take breaks to eat.
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I think I found the most specific “Keep Calm” shirt that exists
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We’re raised on Robin Hood & the idea that ‘stealing from the rich to give to the poor’ is an unassailable good but when there’s legislation that can do this institutionally, w/o forcing citizens to steal, its seen as “unfair” to rich ppl! That hot fox would be disappointed in us.
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My villain origin story is learning that my nurse friend doesn’t get free rapid tests from work (only PCRs off shift w/symptoms) and has to use PTO if she’s out sick. So she’s in the position of not wanting to expose anyone, but also not able to test, and running out of PTO.
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If I was kidnapped I would just keep saying, “Here’s the thing” until they let me go.
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My own career isn't going great but I can interview other people about theirs! @WhitmerThomas recorded a great special & we talked about it. You can read it here, it comes out tomorrow, i didn't pick this title
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@killmefam 💖is Aww sweet or I’m proud! Based on context.💜 is love you! We are friends.💗 means my heart is bursting, I’m in love with you.💕 means love you, ending the text now.
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Weddings I've Been To:. 1. Pretty barn!.2. Hotel conference room is our romantic oasis.3. Quaker Vegetarian.4. Drinking inside a museum!.5. We've been dating for 10yrs & ppl kind of expect this.6. We've been dating for 10yrs & no one expected this.7. Rich dad.8. Our vows are bad.
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Sometimes being a woman in a rideshare app feels like you’re tipping someone for how well they didn’t kidnap you.
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Deep down grocery stores know what you want. A dog food amount of cereal
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“Until next time,” feels like a great email signature. Ominous yet hopeful? A little disappointed? Kind of a threat? It’s all there.
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The thing that makes me mad about Chris D'elia (besides that stupid apostrophe) is people tweeting about it like it's obvious and easy to name abusers in comedy while I know the names of abusers people can't name publicly bc they're worried about being sued.
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If you’ve ever seen a thin blonde woman laughing on a bike without touching the handlebars in many ways you’ve been to Amsterdam.
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It’s my birthday! Can you respond to this tweet with a cool fact? Thank you!! 🌸🎉.
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The 55% of white women who voted for Trump aren’t just in the South. .
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My boyfriend just said “Alright we get the bit” to his 8 year old child after he made the same joke four times.
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Today my job sent me home after traveling for an hour to get there because I was 10 minutes late. Not only is this completely disrespectful & inconsiderate of my time, it takes away money that I actively need and depend on. Guess what political party my boss belongs to?.
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If God intends me to see a Tik Tok, he puts it on Twitter.
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Reasons my mom has swiped left on people in the dating profile I made for her:. -Wearing a hat.-Used the word ‘jovial’.-Dog in the picture.-Looks “too happy”.
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I just got covid after TWO YEARS of being safe and my friend texted me, "You worked so hard and did such a good job" and look, if the conciliatory texts don't sound like an obituary for a service dog, I don't want them.
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Chappelle is the J.K. Rowling of comedy: personal hero to many, makes good art but only understands oppression from their perspective, transphobic & so rich theyre insulated from criticism. Wouldn’t normally say but maybe being compared to a white woman will make him see it’s bad.
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I just wanna talk about for a min how if you have any insecurities or anxieties at all, how intimidating and awful hookup culture is for any gender.
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Lately I've been masturbating to the idea of someone understanding me.
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Here's a joke about weed: I do drugs to escape but often they leave me trapped in a prison entirely constructed of my insecurities and fears.
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Reminiscing about the time someone had their NY comedian birthday party at a bar that did not allow backpacks. What a conundrum that was.
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Everyone’s idea of how early you need to get to the airport:. A dad: 6 hours.Me: Let’s make it stressful!.My mom: 90 minutes/whatever specific airport recommendation from TSA website is.Ppl in New Orleans: 20 min.International flights: 2 days.Rich people: 30 min.A dog: AHHHHHHHHH.
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When writing 'minimum' in cursive I just kind of black out then put two dots over it.
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