John Kearns
@johnsfurcoat
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My first stand up special airs on Sky Comedy, Saturday August 31st and is then available to watch on
@NOWTV
.
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“Sabotage your team in the next task. Make good choices.”
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Might be a long ten weeks this.
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Taskmaster Series 14 ends tonight.
I don’t think I win but you never know how the edit goes. Thank you if you’ve watched, got in touch, bought tickets for my tour or asked on YouTube if I’m alright. I’m fine. Trust me!
@AlexHorne
. Gracias.
It's the Series 14 grand final tonight! Who will be immortalised on the Winners' Wall!? Tonight at 9pm on
@Channel4
.
#Taskmaster
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Enjoyed talking to Ed and James about, amongst other things, food.
The film I failed to remember was Cutthroat Island (39% RT). Everything else makes complete sense and I am glad it was recorded for posterity and that everything I thought would be edited out has been kept in.
🥖 EPISODE 186 OUT NOW 🥖
with… JOHN KEARNS
Listen, review, subscribe:
🍽 Apple:
🍽 Acast:
🍽 Spotify:
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(Thank you)
See you soon,
@daraobriain
,
@FernBrady
, John Kearns (
@johnsfurcoat
),
@munyachawawa
,
@SarahMillican75
.
#Taskmaster
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I was thinking of this scene
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Taskmaster returns!
9pm, Channel 4! All4!
Gatwick! Balls! Hats! Cacti! Raspberries!
🛩
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No schedule
Lol I always get messages from you guys about being on Taskmaster, love the show, but huns, I live in Los angeles, my schedule is mad.... I don't think i'm available to fly all the way to Chiswick, to go find an egg in a bush without using my hands..
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Thank you if you've supported me this past year whether it be in Edinburgh, at work in progresses, said nice things about telly failures or messaged "was that you?" on podcasts. Big tour next year with more dates being added, all info below x
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Not as easy as it looks
🚨 YOUR LINE-UP FOR SERIES 14 OF
#TASKMASTER
IS HERE 🚨Introducing:
@daraobriain
,
@FernBrady
, John Kearns (
@johnsfurcoat
),
@munyachawawa
and
@SarahMillican75
👏 We. Can’t. Wait!
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Thank you if you came to The Varnishing Days over the past 18 months. Very much finished. Biggest tour I’ll probably ever do, I’ve been extremely lucky to have had the audiences and support that has come my way. Available to watch on
@NOWTV
before the year is out.
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So I just watched
#taskmaster
from this week again and in a way John was right. Wingdings changes if u use upper case or lower case. So if he had caps lock on at some stage then yes the words would look completely different.
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⚓️ I am on tour in 2023 ⚓️
Tickets are shifting so more dates added to Glasgow, Salford, Newcastle, Bath, Brighton and a nice big gig at the Bloomsbury Theatre in London on June 3rd.
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🤝 2023 NEW SHOW TOUR 🤝
I believe it’s known as “make hay whilst you’re on Channel 4 for ten weeks.” Show is very much what I’ve been doing the past decade. More so!
EVERYONE welcome x
DATES 👉
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📣 Tonight at 11pm on
@BBCRadio4
🧥 I sit in a pub with my coat on while
@timkeyperson
tries to get it off.
📻 4 weekly episodes in which life’s all laid out before the last bell tolls.
💎 Thanks to the magic of
@SoundOfAGoddard
and
@we_are_novel_
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Also while I’m here, felt like peas, said peas and the jumper is from Gyles & George. You get given £500 to get some clothes so thought I’d spend most of it on a ridiculously expensive jumper.
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Thank you if you voted for my show, not to be taken for granted x
🎟️ Tickets for the final dates here including Liverpool! Brighton! Hull! Manchester! And dates
@micomfestival
April 9th-21st:
🌻
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Taskmaster 9pm tonight - Channel4. Basically jealous of anyone who hasn’t seen this episode yet. Oh, for a goldfish memory to relive this over and over- just as some of the cast will do, inevitably…
#daraobriain
#fernbrady
#johnkearns
#munyachawawa
#sarahmillican
#taskmaster
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My sole television appearance this year was when Nigel Slater laid my face on a paella, using a Times double spread to steam the muscles. A repeat from 2014.
@BBCOne
@EquityUK
@NigelSlater
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Thinking of Sean Hughes. He was a great comedian and poet. He was always very kind to me.
RIP x
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When it rains, it pours.
House of Games all week! BRILLO show, BRILLO time.
BBC2, 6pm.
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🎟 Autumn Tour Extension 🎟
🥁 Most dates sold out in the Spring so rolling the dice into autumn with more dates in bigger rooms, including another date at the Bloomsbury in London. Stunned by it but also eerily calm. It has to be good. No?
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At the other end of the table,
@johnsfurcoat
is at the very bottom of the All-Time List in almost every single metric, with a PPT score of 2.10, dropping below Roisin Conaty's 2.13
Adjusted for double tasks, John is on just 1.91...
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🍁🍂🤡 A Tour! 🤡 🍂🍁
Starts a month today in Leicester and ping pongs modestly until the Spring. Decent show in truth. Soul plundering, piss funny vagueness.
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🎟 TOUR 🎟
Thank you if you have come to the show so far! It continues…
🪑
@sohotheatre
Jun 19-24
🪑
@BarrelComedy
Edinburgh Fringe August 2-13
🪑 Autumn tour with extra dates added in Bristol, Belfast & a third London
@bloomstheatre
gig on Nov 12.
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Thank you if you came to the show this year. Over 90 dates you made it all worthwhile.
On March 15th I’m doing two shows at The Royal Court Theatre, London. To be recorded for posterity in one big clip.
🎟️ below, further 2024 Dates in bio x
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Gilding the lily into Spring 2024. The audacity. The cheek. The brass neck. But if not now, when?
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Unparalleled genius.
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Justice never sleeps; it just naps for six years. Delighted for everyone involved that Top Coppers is now up on Netflix! Great half term telly! Great telly!
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Darren was that rare bird, a comic who straight from the off tread his own path and was someone you were always excited to see. No ego, truly irreverent, delicately silly and a laugh you always wanted to hear when you peddled your own bollocks. Rest x
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🌲☃️🎄🎅🎄🎅🎄🎅🎄☃️🌲
A half hour version of a Xmas show I performed at the BAC will air on...
BBC Radio 4, Christmas Day at 5pm!
Real recordings of my family Christmas dinners over the years.
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Delighted to be a part of this! Out on
@ComedyCentralUK
next month.
Eamonn Holmes seriously asked if he’d interviewed me as Father Christmas on This Morning after one record, so good clean fun.
Comedy Central's new panel show Guessable will be hosted by
@SaraPascoe
, with John Kearns (
@johnsfurcoat
) as her assistant.
@AlanDavies1
and
@DarrenHarriott
are the team captains:
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Took me between Camden Town and Kentish Town to realise the Radiohead album had finished and I was listening to the Tube air conditioning.
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Talked different shades of bollocks on
@ComComPod
and
@Herring1967
podcasts which bizarrely both came out on Friday. A public penance wherever you get your pods! Regret every word! Deny everything!
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🛍VINYL + DIG RELEASE🛍
The good people
@BarrelComedy
are setting up a record label and recorded my show ‘Double Take and Fade Away’ at last years Fringe.
It’s on submarine yellow coloured vinyl, with an option to get a gatefold - digital download inc!
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My first tweet about my first tour!
Jan through to May!
UK, Melbourne, Sydney and then London!
HNY
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STAGGERINGLY I am back at the Edinburgh Fringe Aug 2-24 (16.45) for my fourth show.
DELIGHTED to be back
@BarrelComedy
in a venue that seats 150 persons that I have seen a birds eye view drawing of.
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It's the penultimate episode of
#Taskmaster
tonight!
Tune in to
@Channel4
at 9pm for some Oscar-worthy dramatic performances.
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✨🎄❄️ CHRISTMAS 2020 ❄️🎄✨
Last year’s
@BBCRadio4
Xmas show is back up on BBC Sounds and in what now sounds like a prescient warning is addressed to those who can’t be with us for Xmas. The star of it is my Nan and it’s nice to hear her voice ✨
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NDONLONDONSOHOLONDONLONDONSOHOTHEATRESOHOTHEATRESOHOTHEATRELONDONLONDONLON
Monday 25th Nov - Sat 7th Dec!
🌜21.30🌛
🌧🍁🌧🍂🌧🍁🌧🍂🌧🍁🌧
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Yeah I love it!
Working so hard he’s making pumpkins disappearrrr. My dad
@he11b0y70
carved a pumpkin based off
@johnsfurcoat
’s profile picture and it is a beauty - we hope you love it John! 🙌🏻
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🎭 SPRING 2024 🎭
And like that the tour gets on to the vinegar strokes.
Starting in Cardiff, filming in London March 15th
@royalcourt
, ending in Manchester the day before
@EURO2024
.
@springsteen
booked in July
@wembleystadium
for perspective.
🎟️👇
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RIP the man who made me laugh the most. I wish I’d seen him live x
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🍁 September - November 23🍁
The tour continues to pinball all over the UK. Thank you if you came to the Edinburgh run
@BarrelComedy
or if you’ve booked in already for the Autumn leg.
More occasions to announce soon.
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A new episode of Taskmaster The Podcast with
@JohnsFurCoat
discussing tonight’s show, is available... RIGHT NOW!
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The secrets out! 🕵️♂️
The Microscope Podcast is back for a third series.
Mat Ewins resolves the mysteries that have puzzled YOU for years. Jaw dropping. Impenetrable at times. Awful. Awfully good. Great theme tune.
|
@plosiveprods
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Thank you if you came down to the Soho Theatre over the last couple of weeks, I had a wonderful time and got away with it for another year! The tour continues in Spring 2020...
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@jackbern23
Minute before the task. Was back in the caravan because they’d pretended they had to shoot my entrance again.
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🎅🏼Merry Christmas!🎅🏼
🎄A Very John Kearns Christmas is on BBC Radio 4 at 4.30pm 🎄
Thanks to
@SoundOfAGoddard
and everyone at Novel for helping put it together!
X
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This man was my agent from April 2010 to September 2011. He told me to change my name to John Curtains and in emails use the Only Fools and Horses font.
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Dr Sigmund Horne - Remembering, Repeating and Working-through (Further recommendations on the technique of psycho-analysis)
|
@taskmaster
0
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The postman’s been! Thank you for your patience if you ordered, should be with you in a couple of weeks.
Plenty more here helping
@BarrelComedy
in the process
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⏰⁉️Guessable⁉️⏰
…returns for Series 3!
@ComedyCentralUK
9pm!
@sarapascoe
at the helm,
@DarrenHarriott
and
@alandavies1
on deck. I guess I’m in a canon? Dad is excited, the promo is working!
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🔸🥳♦️SHIPPING NOW♦️🥳🔸
Never forget the truly staggering amount of oil that it takes to make a record. All the shipping, the vinyl, the cellophane lining, the high gloss! The tape and the gear!
🙈
@BarrelComedy
💳
🏷Gatefold Design by
@samnicoresti
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💰💰💰Edinburgh 2022 💰💰💰
I’ll be doing 6 work in progresses
@BarrelComedy
.
🥪 13.25 🥪
Aug 21 - 27 (Mon - Sat)
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On a day when the fragility of this career has been only too obvious, Mat Ewins and I release a podcast where in ep 1 he interrogates Antony Schumacher, CEO of a small chain of theme parks that have been overrun with ghosts. We get what we deserve.
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👉⁉️GUESSABLE RETURNS⁉️👈
Back on
@ComedyCentralUK
9pm Tuesdays for the next twelve weeks [+repeats lol]!
Brillo guests, Brillo games, Brillo laughs!
Gang®️ back together!
@sarapascoe
@DarrenHarriott
@alandavies1
🧠
@tuesdayschildtv
Burned the bloody box 😂
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The best there ever was.
One second from every scene in Garth Marenghi's Darkplace.
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Tour begins a week today in Leicester then onto Barnard Castle and Darlington. Norwich, Manchester and Cambridge dates added! Thank you if you’ve bought tickets and shared already x
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Weird how Mr. Bean went around Leicester Square getting his caricature done and he didn't even buy one.
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🎄 This starts in two weeks 🎄
Dad says it’s selling well which is impossible for him to know but I oddly believe him and found comfort in it. That time of year I suppose.
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Doorbell rang. Couldn't be arsed to answer it so stayed still. They looked through the letterbox and saw me just standing there. I'm 24.
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Glorious
In 1975, the BBC visited Addiscombe Boys Club, who simply could not stop losing football matches. It's surprisingly uplifting stuff. Trust us.
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🎧🥁🤹🏻♂️🎪MICROSCOPE🎪🤹🏻♂️🥁🎧
Mat Ewins and I, with the good people
@plosiveprods
present a podcast (PODCAST) solving earth’s great mysteries and the spooky going’s on out in the sticks.
13/3/20🐧
SUBSCRIBE! 🐧
Apple -
Spotify -
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Top Coppers starts 10pm, BBC3.
Fair to say it's split the critics.
Last time I did that I won two Edinburgh Comedy Awards.
Tune in.
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Final Lasties tonight! 🍻
11pm |
@BBCRadio4
|
@timkeyperson
just starts walking round the pub.
All four eps handily & handsomely wrapped up on
@BBCSounds
here 👇
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