Joanna Rothkopf
@joannarothkopf
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senior writer @LastWeekTonight
New York, NY
Joined December 2009
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and while joe biden was winning the mail vote, samantha was winning the male vote
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this is how boomers edge
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wet and gushy is about 10000x nastier than wet ass pussy imho
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HI READ THIS! Do you have an iPad you’d be willing to donate to a hospital?
COVID patients aren’t being allowed visitors, meaning people in critical condition are dying alone. iPads will allow these patients to connect virtually with loved ones.
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omg ok so i've seen a lot of people on the tl trying to strike a balance between posting a picture of them on vacay while also still seeming socially conscious with a thoughtful caption and i think ive figured out how to do it!! don't post
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can u stop saying “chris wallace knows how a woman feels now” .. i’m a woman and i’m not such a pussy ass bitch
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me and all my friends coming out of quarantine in 8 weeks
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all these cult documentaries are just about how hard it is for adults to make friends :\
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this is extremely me when i was a college senior making fun of the gastroenteritis outbreak on campus and then not 1 hour later shitting in my juicy couture sweatpants
On Monday, Rudy Gobert made a point of touching all the microphones and recorders at his media availability. Tonight, he tested positive for COVID-19.
(🎥:
@DanWeiner
)
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fool me once shame on u, fool me repeatedly for 4 years until my supporters violently overtake a federal building then it’s ur final warning buddy
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twitter rn is either “i can’t stop crying” or “guess which of my barely concealed colleagues i’m calling a bitch”
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truly????????????? shocked and outraged by the number of ppl r out drinking and dining in fort greene
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made the mistake of going to the bathroom at a bat mitzvah where literally three different groups of girls are making tik toks
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what they're doing to the green m&m is slut erasure. despicable
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if i can’t finish a full new yorker now when the fuck can i
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unsure what to tweet about today , terf wizard or police state beanstalk mayor, but 1 thing is for SURE!! i have depression
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wow.... sign online and see everyone is gossiping about the same woman.... ms. monopoly
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if nyc is dead why did i see a block long line in soho that i THOUGHT was for early voting but was ACTUALLY for cipriani brunch??
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in the post vax days and months you may notice that everyone has gotten more annoying, but its so important to remember that so have you❤️
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me n my girls pulling up to the cheesecake factory 10 minutes before closing
There are now five tropical cyclones in the Atlantic at the same time for only the second time in history
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learned today i would throw myself in front of a train for harry styles
harry’s car broke down so a fans dad let him in his house and while they waited harry fed their fish and left notes for the fan and for that reason your honor, he is the only man to ever exist
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starting to feel a little stir crazy? here's a tip, put SCALLIONS in ur food. u will be like wut? is this a restaurant? no? if u say so....
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i feel so bad for bill gates, can't even hang with the boys because andrew can't go out and jeffrey was murdered :(
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i dont wanna go off so early in the morning but ppl fuckin love calling books "slim" and "elegant"
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i very strongly identify with this st bernard who collapsed at the top of a mountain and had to be carried down by a team of rescuers
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staying calm by looking at pictures of ben mendelsohn
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literally so happy for democrats whose campaigns are going well but i need them to stop emailing “u up? this is ur dad emailing u about an emergency”
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if my high school doesn't invite me to an alumni in the arts panel soon i swear to fucking GOD i will fume silently about it
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live every week like its fat bear week
Are you ready for
#FatBearWeek
? Next week,
@KatmaiNPS
holds its annual competition so you can judge which chubby cubby takes this year's title. Pic of last year's winner: 435 Holly
#Alaska
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in case u need here is my kitten who just got spayed
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My brilliant doctor friend Amy is coordinating with Downstate to collect donated iPads. They’ll do their best to return them but can’t guarantee they won’t be lost or damaged.
If you have one to donate please DM me or email Amy at amy.johnson
@downstate
.edu.
thank u!
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just washed my face beFORE eating the edible and that is what’s called being 31
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i’m so glad u said this, speaking of — resign u slender ass bitch
At Barclays Center now. Very calm situation. So far, the curfew is certainly helping, based on everything I’ve seen in Brooklyn and Manhattan over the last three hours.
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thank you MA Columbia Journ!!!
Congratulations to
@ColumbiaJournMA
alum
@joannarothkopf
(MA Science '14), who has won a 2022
@TheEmmys
for Outstanding Writing for a Variety Series as a senior writer on the
@LastWeekTonight
team!
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honestly feel so sorry for people who tweet, myself included
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whichever way tonight swings i think we can all agree, i ain’t never seen 2 pretty best friends it’s always one of them gotta be ugly
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raise ur hand if u just bought so much toilet paper ur chase sapphire sent you a fraud alert but u don’t care bc ur gonna be wipin ur ass for months even if the global supply chain breaks down 💅🏻
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i expect every nytimes editor defending that op-ed on first amendment grounds to publish and pay FAIRLY for my op-ed about how my poos have gotten weird over the past two weeks and how it's probably a combination of stress and diet
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25 days into isolation and my body type is Old Pillow
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say what u will about the trump presidency but i’ve like doubled the number of crime words i know
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unable to perceive the "tinder swindler" as i see only
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j lo could do jo march but saoirse ronan could never do that halftime show
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respect to my old kitten (her brother) who is the size of a bag of potatoes
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What’s something that ISN’T Republican but FEELS Republican to you?
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the height of luxury is wegmans shrimp cocktail for two for one
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every social media manager:
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ok its finally OFFICIAL!!! i've had my fill of content
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the best way to help other people is to stay inside and donate to your local food bank. the best way to help me is to slide unopened jars of pitted green olives under my gate
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literally so sry for this tweet but what about drones
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thanks to everyone for all the birthday wishes!! 24 was, well, rough, but i can’t wait to crush 25 👊💖🌟
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moms will be like “wow ur hair looks clean for once” and then tell u in detail how anne frank died
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me and my bitches every time i bring home another can o beans
Rats dancing at the time of the Plague. Oil on canvas by an unknown Flemish artist, 17th century
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when u have the twitter handle of your spouse in ur profile im just kind of like can u not
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anyone who poses for a picture with their tongue poking out a lil should have to stay in quarantine for one month after the rest of us get out.. just my opinion (based in science)
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stupid millennials will never be able to buy a house because they spend all their money on mask filters lmao smh
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what is the single most important fact about u? mine is that i got my bat mitzvah suit at ann taylor petite
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someone on the subway platform just coughed into my open mouth & i do believe in decarceration but i also believe he should be in prison
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do NOT have one xanax and one wine if you don’t want to cry at everything, like for instance ur cat looks at u with too much love
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MY thing? staring at the ceiling til 4 am and waking up at noon!
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joe shaking his head marveling at the fireworks show... too wholesome
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literally as soon as this shit over i’m going to rainforest cafe
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i love these clumsy little bots that will surely one day rip my heart out of my chest
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literally eating a croissant in public is the sluttiest thing you can do
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tried to do sit ups and got a literal CUT on my ASS which makes me feel like ok then fuck u too u know
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thrilled to announce the birth of my son Mank Mankowitz Rothkopf, mank lbs mank oz born on 12/4/mank
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todger 👏strunk 👏
My oldest granddaughter Christie Nicklaus – my son Jack’s 2nd-oldest child – just married Todger Strunk. What a beautiful wedding and an even more beautiful couple! They look like they were made for each other. Barbara and I wish them happiness and love for an eternity!
@CNStrunk
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me, holding my cat with my right arm and typing a script with my left: Can we normalize mothers NOT being failures/burned out right now? Let me start: I'm absolutely killing it and never felt better.
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Putin Just Manspread Into Ukraine -- Here's Why That's a Problem
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