Justin
@jmshapyro
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#NuNew1stConcertDay2
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South Africa
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NUNEW DREAM CATCHER
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ギラホス
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マーリン
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PHUWIN IN QINGDAO
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小倉記念
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ヴィーガン
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LINGORM AROUND
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関屋記念
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DHRUV
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大社高校
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和田アキ子
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#リエラと極上大冒険
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ヘルナンデス
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Ferhat Gedik
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Sifan Hassan
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契約解除
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MOST DISGUSTING PROMOTIONAL TACTIC
1. Cody Rhodes tricks people into watching multiple entire episodes of Monday Night Raw
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is it that surprising that Keith Lee signed with AEW when his own manager, Adam Cole, already works there?
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insane and beautiful that AEW dramatically built to Christian addressing Nick Wayne’s unalive father like it was Captain America picking up Thor’s hammer
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the prophecy has chosen pro wrestling’s next superstar of the future
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as someone unfamiliar with any of Triple “Paul Levesque” H’s 30 years of contributions to this industry, it is completely unexpected and unprecedented that he’s made himself the center of attention ahead of the more charismatic stars who people really want to see
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people complain that John Cena never put people over but he just agreed to let his soul be transported to an evil dimension where it will be imprisoned and forever toil.
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Excalibur: “this is important strategy, drawing on the history.”
Tony: “ooh baby. man, you’ve just got to love it!”
JR: “and what ‘genius’ decided it should be called Coke Zero Sugar? what was wrong with just Coke Zero? you’re telling me you’re making the name longer? christ”
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the rolling breakdown in AEW communications makes sense when you realize it's a game of telephone where Punk's bitter sarcasm, the Bucks' passive aggression, Moxley's gallows humor, and Jericho's glibness are all getting filtered through a very sincere 1980s IBM personal computer
Dave in the Observer news update described this obvious (and great) gleeful troll as "He cut a total face promo, blamed himself for the loss since he was the captain and said like the Toronto Maple Leafs, he'll come back stronger." Oh Dave.
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it’s tragicomic that Punk’s spite-fueled mission landed him in WWE at the moment that the corporate rot he built his aesthetic around criticizing has metastasized. perfect time for his body to physically reject being in Vince Jr’s ring tbh. the canvas is made of MRSA and despair.
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Triple H was right. the Wednesday Night War ended in 2021 with Dynamite kicked off of TNT and the Undisputed Era standing tall.
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this Dynamite shot angles for Darby Allin/CM Punk, Jon Moxley/Hiroshi Tanahashi, and Chris Jericho/Juventud Guerrera
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Ric Flair returning to Turner television would represent the final unVinceifying of wrestling in North America and free WCW from a 20-year Titan Curse. Rhodes, Schiavone, Sting, and Flair. Tony Khan is essentially the reincarnation of Fusient Media. this is powerful storytelling.
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there is a Stadium Stampede this year, it's WWE stampeding out of stadiums
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it's refreshing that WWE no longer bullies its ring announcers or calls its female announcers horsefaces on TV (forget who did that, must be a real prick)
👥Readers added context
User was assassinated via drone strike by the passionate fans of the WWE Universe for this post.
If you didn’t already know that
@SamanthaTheBomb
is a star - here’s your proof. Samantha is
@WWE
’s
@Michael_Buffer
.
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Cody made the speech, but the most fitting Terry Funk tribute of the week is Sting doing hardcore spots in his 60s to get the upstart promotion over on their breakout show
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haha Rollins doing the Drip God dance down the Shield stairs is like when you make Kane do Stacy Keibler's entrance in a video game
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if that had been MJF vs Punk as originally planned, Punk was going to be betrayed by Larry
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Survivor Series was bad, but thankfully coming up soon is the Royal Rumble which will be bad and then Wrestlemania which is scheduled to be bad as well
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there’s far more dignity in tweeting one’s demented thoughts to the world than in privately venting to Bryan Alvarez
Per Bryan Alvarez, the overall thought within AEW is that they want Tony Khan to put his phone away and step away from social media.
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Triple Paul is just a little guy and he’s so busy with work. 🥺 it’s unconscionable to bother him when he’s literally so tired from being busy with work 😔 imagine if you were tired, as well as busy with work, and people were bothering you with questions about the newspaper 😢
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Tony Khan: “all our world title changes in the first 2 years of our company were planned out in a pristine, dramatic order with substantial lengths. all our world title changes in our 3rd year were intended to crash the Wikipedia entry for the belt by requiring so many footnotes”
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Harper and Rowan: “the Saudi government just grounded our plane! we’re stuck here at the mercy of an authoritarian, fundamentalist regime.”
Vince: “quick, get on my private jet. we’re about to take off.”
Harper and Rowan: “thank you!”
Vince: “I was talking to the mallets.”
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House of Black is a good act because it’s four people who all worship the same demonic entity, but they are
- The Dutch King of The Bone Riddles
- a big ol’ bear, grrr
- pissy shredded guy who is like “yeah I am a ghost too or whatever we’re doing”
- 21-year-old actual witch
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unfortunately, as per stipulation, Cody Rhodes can never again challenge for the World Heavyweight Championship. the main event is Reigns vs Rock
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“um OKAY, epic sauce much? ending Smackdown with the return of Top Dolla as the new Smackdown GM? yeah, Triple H just DID THAT. 🤯🔥”
- Ryan Satin on Friday
Danielson back. Punk back. Omega likely back any minute now. Can it compete with the returns of Dexter Lumis and Killer Kross? No. But fans will make do.
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this isn’t fucking fair
Your judges for this
#AEW
World Championship rematch are:
@TheMarkHenry
,
@PaulWight
and
@itsjerrylynn
.
Tune into
#AEWDynamite
LIVE on
@TBSNetwork
!
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AEW freaks: “our multiyear favorite wrestler MJF was being annoying this month so we’ve decided to commence cyberbullying him”
WWE freaks: “your claim that NXT hire and volleyball major Elsie McConville is subpar merely because she asphyxiated in the ring apron is hate speech”
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Just a friendly reminder that top executives dropping out of their company was not a common occurrence before the introduction of Covid-19 mRNA vaccine mandates.
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the gravity of this historical moment really calls for a Meltzer tweet that just says something like "story is true"
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in fairness, Jericho was understandably distracted in November 2000 because he was being hunted by the twisted and terrifying demon Kane after accidentally spilling coffee on him.
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AEW has a Strong champion that is international and an International champion that is Strong
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it's kookoo bananas that 25% of Becky Lynch's historic year as champion was spent feuding with an NXT call-up who was like "oh behave sugah, I'm from the Antebellum South, I baked a pie on a windowsill and I do declare I do a big punch."
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“CM Punk you jealous prick, there’s not a damn thing you can do about this”
[I hit myself in the testicles and balls with a golf club]
“yeah that’s right. deal with it”
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I feel bad for Randy Orton cuz he seems so sincerely proud of doing the best interviews of his career in his 2020 programs with Edge and McIntyre, and then directly after that he’s spent 6 months doing a paranormal activities feud with a fat ghost and his child bride
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AEW does not need 6-man tag team titles or women’s tag titles, it needs a father-and-son tag team championship so that every nice boy and their loving dad (Sting, Taz, Jake, Tully, Arn) can competitively bond together. WWE already has this.
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UNDERTAKER: "darkness comes for those who blacken midnight's cemetery coffin grave. but the superstars of NXT will never rest. in. peace." *chokeslams Drew Gulak*
RINGER GUY: holy shit im literally crying rn
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WWE pulling the rug out from under their own top angle is a Canon Event and I think it’s good that the now-14-year-olds who’ve been chanting Ucey and YEAH! for 2 years have finally experienced this rite of passage. sorry “my dawgs.” both then and now, he “did it for the Rock.”
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there are clips from like 3 years ago where Xavier Woods says his dream is not to become WWE Champion, it’s to help Kofi Kingston become WWE Champion. and it was like “well, that’s a nice thing to say.” but ... now he is actually going to get to do it! that’s so precious 😭
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wow they not only flew in Shibata but the jar with his brain in it got through TSA
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my fav form of wrestling theater criticism is “this is NOT how you appeal to the modern mainstream audience. take it from me, an utter freak completely calcified in years of esoteric nonsense.”
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Danhausen has evolved into his more dangerous and deadly form: Danhausen.
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I didn't know Roman Reigns did hard drugs but I know he had a serious problem with boos
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the Slammys parody of this 8 months from now is going to be very funny, natural, and cool
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AEW all nighterrrrrrrr. Tony says we don’t have to go to school tomorrow and we can sleep in the living room. and he says actually we can have candy for breakfast
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knock-knock
who’s there?
the police
the police who?
the police who have to do this because I did a good vote at a fire station
RESULT: Pittsburgh has overwhelmingly voted to ban no-knock warrants for police in a local ballot initiative.
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THE FIEND IS HERE.
you fucked up too much this time Mr. President and now you’re gonna have to let him in
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signing Jeff Jarrett just so he too can't attend Road Dogg Appreciation Night. and people say there's no war
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jesus what did Jericho go to the hospital in the UK for, stem cells? a Dorian Gray portrait?
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very bold of WWE to advertise the Money in the Bank PPV, not just because of the outbreak but because by May, all of the banks might collapse and U.S. currency may no longer exist.
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it is both beautiful and harrowing to know that the Hot Nitro Crowds were just wandering the earth in search of a home for 20 years, like a displaced herd of woolly mammoths
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among other hilarities, this also clears a path for Kevin Steen to game the copyright system, Cody “and Brandi Rhodes”-style, by competing in AEW as “Kevin, Owen’s fan.”
#AEW
and The Owen Hart Foundation (
@owen_foundation
) Enter Into A Relationship to Honor World Renowned Wrestler Owen Hart’s Legacy
To read the full release visit -
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the instinct to wishcast fan fic about principled Stephanie, noble HHH, or virtuous Shane is fairy tale brain, the notion that heroes in stories about evil rich famous people aren’t the victims who expose institutional rot but better rich famous people to preserve the institution
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Ms. Hart is wearing all white and getting scissored by two boys, just like Sherri in 92
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… this is one of the most remarkable jokes in the history of this business
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CM Punk for Wrestling Observer HOF. what makes for a more deserving WON Hall of Famer than being the main character of the newsletter for two years
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The Rock NOT composing a tweet that says
“Damn my brotha we truly had some wars up and down that road. 💪👊
Even though I did lay the smackdown on your monkey crap ass 😂
Shot of tequila 🥃 for your
#legendary
run 👏”
is far more cold and savage than anything Ryback wrote
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Cody is saved from Rock by Stone Cold: five stars, epic, cinema, oh hell yeah, what this business is all about
Cody is saved from Rock by "The Phenom" The Undertaker: bullshit, GTFO, botchamania, most disgusting promotional tactic, basically WCW
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“the predatory tactics, quite frankly, of ‘Billionaire’ Shad, utilizing talent that we created…”
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@wiretaup
“Tell Malenko that I’m sorry, but the fact of the matter is that if Chris Benoit were in AEW, he wouldn’t be able to remember all his spots. But unlike Adam Cole, at least we know that he owned a weight machine.”
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HHH’s only answer to criticism or failure has ever been a long passive-aggressive promo to a captive audience that goes “people said a thing is bad, yet here I am smirking about it?” For the rest of his days, his only recourse will be announcing the return of the European Title.
And do what? Trade stocks? He bet his entire life on WWE. Not even wrestling, but WWE.
He has a high school diploma, a god complex, and all of his successes have depended on his boss having his back. Which he no longer does.
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not since the Dudley Boys stole their Ass Cream have Chris Jericho and Christian been this thoroughly bested
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“Maki Itoh and the Baker with a travesty of justice not seen since Judge Lance Ito acquited the butcher OJ Simpson, as Thunder Rosa gets waxed like the candlestick maker, shades of Thunder Road-a author Bruce Springsteen when he was unjustly charged with a DUI” - Mauro Ranallo
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did anyone do this one
An independent study has confirmed that much of the staunch anti-AEW online community aren’t real individuals, it’s a staff running thousands of accounts + an army of bots to signal boost them. Look closely, these aren’t real people. Who’d pay for such a *wildly* expensive thing?
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on HHH’s infinity gauntlet, Nia Jax is the Hole Stone. from remember
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the Tick Tock Man’s clock wife practiced a meticulous lip synch and choreography for a year and a half, all in preparation for him to stand there blandly by himself like Nathan Jones without the novelty of the male lactation
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I would never follow Ryan Satin but I have to assume he is writing something like, “is it weird that I’m actually laughing and laughing so hard right now, but also at the same time I’m in awe of the creativity and craftsmanship? 🤷♂️”
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as this was one of the most frightening pictures I’ve ever seen, I have to defeat it by turning it into a joke
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I run this industry.
HHH’s only answer to criticism or failure has ever been a long passive-aggressive promo to a captive audience that goes “people said a thing is bad, yet here I am smirking about it?” For the rest of his days, his only recourse will be announcing the return of the European Title.
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a chilling, completely unsettling moment for me in my life
“um OKAY, epic sauce much? ending Smackdown with the return of Top Dolla as the new Smackdown GM? yeah, Triple H just DID THAT. 🤯🔥”
- Ryan Satin on Friday
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say it’s “thunder in paradise, brother” or fucking die you old rotten bastard
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I like how Aleister and Andrade are friends because they both think Zelina is cool
Aleister: “the blackest demon of the midnight church … is upon the earth. atone.”
Andrade: “ha ha ha, yes amigo. we are the most richest men!”
both things can be true. friendship is compromise.
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oh sure you politely pretended that Rock didn’t eliminate himself in 2000 and that Bret and Luger tied, but for ol Kofi you have to call it as a shoot
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Stone Cold’s Broken Skull Sessions: “look at that. you got the damn doppelgänger, walkin’ up, BAM! so what was the creative there, you’re under a damn curse, you’re pukin’ up the bile, what’re you THINKIN’?”
Randy: “uhhhh. yeah”
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SOCIAL PROGRESS: the accidental-head-in-crotch spot used to be for gay panic heat and now it is done for a loving, sex-positive relationship. the arc of the moral universe bends towards justice
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Jericho had the April 2000 Taka Michinoku/HHH match and the April 2000 “Jericho fake wins the title from HHH” match in the same match
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Cena SummerSlam Ass Beating Tour
2011-12: Punk
2013: Bryan
2014:Lesnar
2015: Rollins
2016: Styles
2017: Nakamura
2018: Bayley
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UNLIKE SALMON BEING RICH IN OMEGA-3s, THIS RICH WILL BE SLAMMIN’ OMEGA FOR A 3-COUNT, ATTEMPTING TO BECOME A “CHAMPIONSHIP GOLD”FISH AND KICK THEIR FATTY ACIDS
Mauro Ranallo, one of the top broadcasters in combat sports, is returning to pro wrestling. Ranallo, the play-by-play man for Showtime Boxing and Bellator MMA, will be on the call for the Impact Wrestling title match between champion Rich Swann and...
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“Vince has CTE and his brain is full of all the dementia proteins that turn you evil. Shane has Fragile X. tragic but we must move forward, reflect on nothing, and treasure our memories” — free talking point for those twitter accounts named shit like FedoftheTable and DaNooYawka
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